Thoughts, Epiphanies, Insights, & Quotables
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You have profound visual talent Bella. And amagical way with words.
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I was browsing through a cookbook and I was forcibly struck by this photo:
This is how my husband's plates/dishes/bowls always look when he's finished eating, even if the food is his absolute favourite.
My plate invariably looks like this....
Doesn't even have to be gooey chocolate cake that gets the practically-licked-clean treatment. If it's edible, it's eaten. Every last scrap.
Could this be a clue as to why I've had a lifetime of obesity?
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Right there with you! Not a scrap left behind. Even after losing over 100 lbs., I struggle with leaving behind non-worthwhile food. Also eating way too fast. I’m usually done before anyone else at the table.2
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Also eating way too fast. I’m usually done before anyone else at the table.
Yep, me too.
I went for lunch last week with a friend and she didn’t even pick up her knife and fork until the food had been on the table for ten minutes. When she finally started eating, she’d take a bite, put her cutlery down to continue what she was saying, then not take another forkful for five minutes. I was seething with frustration at having to try to slow down to match her pace. She finished eating (leaving over half her food untouched) a full hour after I did. I told my husband I’m never eating with her again!
She also declined dessert and suggested we hit the authentic Italian gelateria. Great idea. Except by the time we finally got there it was closed. And, get this, she didn’t seem even the slightest bit bothered.
Honestly, sometimes I think I belong to an entirely different species. Homo Insatiabliens.
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Your friend is fired for inhumane treatment of sentient beings and desserts (including gelato). Such
disregard is inconceivable!!!!🤷🏻♂️2 -
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TL/DR
Portion control and expectation management are linked issues I need to work on if I'm to have a hope of maintaining a healthy weight in the long term.
If I go to a party and there's a buffet table, I know intuitively that I'm expected to share the contents of that table with the other guests, rather than hog it all to myself. I may struggle with understanding how much it would be culturally acceptable for me to pile on my plate, but I would at least know that I had to share...
But in other situations, there's a different expectation. For instance, if I go to a restaurant and order a plate of food, I have the ingrained expectation that what gets placed in front of me is all mine, and it's reasonable and appropriate for me to clear my plate.
But, really, that expectation is unreasonable. Because I suspect that restaurant portions cater for the appetites (and calorie budgets) of strapping, hungry males, not 56-year-old five foot females like me.
Which means I ought to be appalled at being presented with a groaning plate of food designed to satisfy and satiate a hungry male. But I'm not appalled; I tuck in with gusto. I may not manage to clear the plate, but I'll have a damn good attempt. Then start looking at the dessert menu.
If I were to spend good money on a restaurant meal, I'd feel cheated and hard-done-by at having to eat the burger without the bun, the fries and the coleslaw. If the guys are having fries, I want fries too, dammit! And beer/wine. And dessert. Not grilled fish and veg, sparkling water and no dessert. It's dispiriting and tedious to live like that forever.
Doggy bags are an option, but not a particularly appealing one. Food is rarely as good when nuked the next day. And it wouldn't stop me feeling hard-done-by while everyone else is tucking in with abandon.
Running a higher deficit on the days preceding and following is another option - but not always feasible if I have several days of restaurant-eating in a row (e.g. on holiday).
Throwing caution to the wind is another option, but can't be done too regularly if I seriously want to maintain my weight loss.
Nicking a few chips off someone else's plate and a spoonful of their tiramisu is another option - but I'd have to have a dinner partner who's willing to share...and it doesn't entirely eradicate feelings of deprivation.
So the only real, long-term solution is to deeply internalise a 'true north' awareness of what an appropriate portion looks like for a person of my gender and stature, and to embed an expectation and inclination to always leave around half of what's placed in front of me - without resentment or discontent - so that clearing my plate becomes unthinkable. That's the only solution that hinges on proclivity and preference, and bypasses the need for iron resolve and tons of motivation.
Boy, that's going to take a lot of hard work, changing a lifetime's habits and mindset. If it's even possible....3 -
When I go out to eat, I try to remember it won’t be the last time in my life that I ever get to go out….I do not have to order everything on the menu!…1
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The portion issue with restaurant meals especially when eating out frequently... is incredibly real.
There are only three solutions I've ever found:
--reduce the amount of restaurant meals (I've definitely gone that route and COVID has "helped")
--order what you know you should order and screw the menu -- yes, I want my chicken breast without the sauce sorry not sorry
--accept that you will be gaining weight if you're eating out every day, right CCCGG??????
CCCGG does employ her own techniques at home: share with the other people at the table (everything ordered in common and don't be the first to attack and secure a bigger than proportionate portion). And the famous "eat once a day" or as per garfield compensate a bit before and after.
The compensate a bit does run its own risks.
There exists no perfect answer especially when the portions are definitely out of whack for the daily needs of most of us.2 -
One technique I’ll add in Pav, is to bring a to-go container along to the restaurant, and plan on leftovers for another meal. So if I was staying at a hotel for a work trip, I’d buy an ala carte dinner and save part of the protein for breakfast, rather than the carb-laden continental breakfast.
I used to travel for work and ate meals away from home frequently. I also picked up a small foldable travel food scale that can fit in a purse/ bag, and they have some that can fit in a pocket but that always seemed a balancing act to me. It was pretty easy to place the dinner plate on the scale and lift each portion, better than an all-out guess.
I also add in “overage” calories when eating out a lot or if I can’t tell what’s in the sauce, etc. I’ll add-in 25-33% of my best guess of the meal, it seems to be pretty accurate. 25% for things I can count (eggs) or estimate well or if I’m weighing the food, 33% if it’s an all-out guesstimate. That system served me well when traveling and losing/ maintaining for a few years.2 -
glass or cup is a "lifter" if often use to balance a plate on and still be able to see a small scale. Weight limit of scale could affect that.
I acknowledge that well trained hamsters may be able to grab go-to containers and separate out food ahead of time!!! or after the fact.
A couple of times my hamsters have even managed the "left-overs" bit... boy was I ever proud of myself for actually bringing some lamb with the lamb bones for the dog from the Greek restaurant... it ain't as if it has happened often! But it is more along the lines of hearing about it being practiced by other people
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I eat out rarely, at this point I'm feeling quite happy about that! Any of my travels were very low budget so food was usually a grocery store trip and a meal of whatever we picked up there - english cucumbers, cherry tomatoes, pita bread & hummus + whatever fruit looked especially good. With the occasional proper meal. If camping was involved, the little camp stove usually cooked up a lentil, potato, carrot stew in the evening and ... for one 6 week trip a few years ago (cycling though so allowances could be made) a daily cinnamon bun and chocolate milk.
Usually carried a knife for those cucumbers...lol...you would think I would grow tired of the pita and hummus, but not yet!
It has been a few years....I guess that is more than a few because it was a few years before the pandemic which doesn't come into my memory calendar it seems.
Next summer I'm dreaming of an adventure filled with cucumbers, tomatoes, pita and hummus!!2 -
I'm trying to discover any research that shows that leptin and ghrelin levels stabilise after X many years of maintenance. It would be nice to think they did, even if it took a few years to manifest. @PAV8888, are you aware of any studies?
I'm mindful of my best friend's dad, who was a recovering alcoholic. On her wedding day, eleven years ago, he had been sober for 8,124 days (i.e. 22 years and 3 months). At the wedding reception, someone pressed him to have a glass of champagne to toast the happy couple. He declined. They pressed some more. He succumbed because, after all, what harm could one small flute of champagne do?
He says that the rest of the day is a total blur. He couldn't focus on the speeches, the food, the dancing. All he could think about was how quickly he could get out of there to get his hands on some proper booze. On the way home he stopped at an alnight grocery store and bought a litre of whisky. Fourteen months later he'd lost his house, his business, his marriage. It took him another eight years to regain his sobriety.
He says there's no such thing as an ex-alcoholic, just an alcoholic in remission.
Is it the same for obesity? Can we ever be formerly-fat people? Or are we doomed to be always fat people in remission, needing to be ever-vigilant to prevent weight regain?
It would be nice to think that the first 5 years of mainenance are the hardest and that after that it gets easier...
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Personally I tend to believe it’s a lifetime thing always having to be a bit cautious. Not that it doesn’t get easier but the specter of regaining is always out there perhaps? The statistics on people regaining are pretty daunting. I know I have taken this journey many times over.
I treat calorie counting as a constant effort. As a reformed smoker (many years ago) I can still see where I could easily slip back into smoking again. Same with crazy overeating and weight gain. An extra cookie, larger portions, bad choices, mindless eating and the slide back begins.2 -
I agree Yoolypr - and I've hunted for research and I don't believe there is anything solid out there, Bella. There are still very few researchers willing to consider the addictive aspect of certain foods! I kinda think that we have decades to go before there will be reliable studies to learn from.
I personally was over 300 pounds a few decades ago, lost 130 lbs, kinda maintained that for 15 years but once things went a bit awry, I lost control of eating in a blink. and was almost up to 300 again in a nanosecond.
It seems there are so many components to the issue. I have my suspicions that in some ways it might even be easier to just give up eating completely - like when you quit smoking/drinking/narcotics.
For me - in a way, I can. I can completely give up the foods that are my triggers. They aren't necessary for survival. But I keep on thinking - what harm would just a little do.
These past two weeks of over eating - especially grain-based foods - have me literally limping around the house. The inflammation is running crazy! I know I don't tolerate it well - and know that they have me craving constantly - but for whatever reason I'm inclined to forget every now and again. Especially when I feel the need for some numbness. They beat alcohol hands down for that.
I have a few days to get it under control so I don't go into surgery in a full out inflammation storm - and come out still under control of the wicked wheat goodies!
There are "independent" researchers covering stuff like this - but most of them also have something to gain - like the books they are marketing, so their research always feel somewhat compromised.2 -
Both the above. Will see about posting from desktop in a bit1
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My own experience is that weight loss is a manageable - and sometimes even enjoyable - process, aided and abetted by the weekly morale boost of a loss on the scale. It has its own impetus, its own rewards, its own compensations.
Once you move into the maintenance phase, it's much, much harder. Take away the weekly morale boost of the loss on the scale (and the pats on the back, the gasps of astonishment from folks who haven't seen you for a while etc.) and all you're left with is your own internal motivation and willpower. When your own body is bombarding you with 'eat! eat! eat!' signals, it can feel like you're under siege.
Personally I've never had difficulty with the weight loss phase, but I've been a 100% failure at maintenance. I have to believe that it IS possible for me to maintain a lower weight, but I've completely lost my former complacency. I know it's going to be hard. I'm trying to prepare myself for it mentally, without making it harder for myself by doom-mongering. After all, SOMEONE has to be in the 5% of people who lose a lot of weight and keep it off...and with the mutual support we get from this group, we all have at least a fighting chance of beating the odds.3 -
That will be us, Bella. We will be that 5% - because we have each other and are slowly learning from past mistakes!
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PS, I agree with Laurie that sometimes complete removal of trigger foods is the best course of action. I have an all-or-nothing type-A personality. Denial is possible for me, but moderation is harder.
I read one poster on the message boards who was seriously contemplating an NG tube if they could persuade a physician to go along with the plan. Now that struck me as over-kill. Banishment of trigger foods is possible - maybe even desirable - but I wouldn't want to give up eating and drinking completely!2
