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I'm very angry and hurt at the same time.
I went to the doctor, and said, "I have a lot of hypothyroid symptoms." She said, "Okay, well, let's take some blood."
Today her office called and said, "Good news, your thyroid is normal!"
I said, "No, this is not good news. If my thyroid is normal, why do I feel awful, and have the awfulness relieved when I take 75 mcg of Synthroid? This is not what I want to hear."
"Oh." "Um, I'll tell the doctor what you said, and she may change her mind."
Yeah, I don't think she will. Because the tests are normal therefore everything is fine.
So tomorrow I'm going to call the office and ask for a referral to an endocrinologist. I bet that they have seen people who test normal and still feel like hell before.
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I hope you find the answers you are looking for….hang in there…1
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I do hope you find answers Alexandra!
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so guess who is poking her head in the door?
lol
Obviously my life has been taking a whirlwind tour this year, and I'm still not quite off the boat yet. We just got back from a conference in St. Louis, have a camping trip with my family planned in August, finally get to take our honeymoon in September, have friends coming up in October, and a possible vacation with my best friend. And that's after the wedding and trips north to move the new hubby down here, camping, ren faire, reception, and family reunion in May/June/ and July!
Unfortunately, my diet has stalled out completely and I've lost a lot of ground. to the tune of 40 lbs regain.
My energy levels are dead. This time last year, I was doing cardio at least twice a week and walking 5 miles almost every day. This year? Just the thought of going to the middle school track to walk for 30 minutes sounds exhausting. and forget the cardio. *sigh* I'm having enough trouble getting housework done; I put it off terribly. Same with mowing the grass. We have to mow tonight and I"m dreading it something awful. The hubby can get the riding mowing done, but I badly need to weedwhack and he can't do that part. He can't do the close mowing with the push mower, either.
My thyroid levels are fine; just had them checked. I had thought that was the problem the last time I hid a plateau and regain period, but apparently not. I can't get the brain control switch flipped again and I know that I am eating too darn much. It's trickier too because the hubby eats low carb but very high fat, and we've had too much of that sort of stuff in the house. Might have low carbs, but the calorie counts are cringeworthy!
I also began a new position within my company the first of July. Because of vacation schedules, I haven't gotten much training in yet, but I am truly hoping that this new position will relieve the stress I was under with the old one. So far its looking up.
I've been trying to get back to calorie counting, and today is my latest attempt. I came back here, put in my latest weight reading, and have set up a menu for the next 3 weeks. I"m trying very hard to not eat breakfast and eat lunch as late as I can push myself. I'm doing well on that front as I can usually wait until 11:00 before the urge to eat wins, but the snacking in the afternoon and evening is a problem. I've found that if I do eat breakfast, then I still struggle to rein in the eating in the evening, but have fewer calories to buffer it, so this is why I'm trying the no breakfast thing.
The new hubby wants to support me and knows he needs to do more as well for his own diet. For health reasons, he needs to eat low carb but has been pretty bad about it since the wedding, so this week we are both trying to get back into the swing. He also tries to eat OMAD. He has never tracked the exact amount he was eating, though, as he has said that tracking was something he absolutely detested. He was on a diet drug monitored by his previous PCP, but was taken off because of blood pressure. The good news is that he didn't regain the 15 lbs he had lost, but he hasn't lost anything since, either.
I went in and signed him up for MFP and told him I'd track it for him and that we'd focus on using the tool to get to his carb goals for the day. He's set at 10% carbs and is trying to eat under 60 a day. I think tracking will help him see that he was eating more than he thought he was and to start associating the calorie load with the carb. He was the sort who never looked at the serving size on a package and wasn't realizing that he was eating 3 or 4 servings at a time. Or 7, in the case of one of his favorite snacks - pistachios.
So while lots of new things in my life have been great - we are still in the twitterpated stage, even after 3 months of 24/7 proximity thanks to my working from home and his still looking for a new job
But I've got to figure out how to get the diet reigned back in, get the 40 lbs off I regained, and get the next 30 lb I wanted from there. On the good news front, I haven't gone up a clothing size, but I'm getting close.
The county is building a swimming pool complex that is supposed to open in the fall. it has 2 indoor pools in it. The membership is pricey but both the hubby and I think membership may well be worth the hassle of driving the 30-40 minutes 5 days a week to swim as that's an activity he loves to do and its easier on the body.
Anyway, I'm not completely gone and haven't given up!7 -
Has anyone else tried Joyn yet? Its a website with free workout videos for people that are overweight/have mobility issues/etc. I like that the trainers are closer to my size and the videos are more targeted for my fitness abilities. I'm really out of shape and I can never keep up with traditional fitness trainers.
I had not heard of this but just looked them up. It looks really cool! I have been looking for workouts designed for people more my size and ability. Going to try some of these for sure. The mindfulness boxing stands out as something I may like.
Gonna update on this.
I actually really am liking this site. They have a very wide variety of workouts. I have done boxing, dance, and some basic stretching so far (dealing with some back issues so been keeping it easy). I feel good after the workouts... and I don't feel like a failure like I do with some other videos where I can't keep up or can't do a move as shown.
I also like that they have a good selection of seated workouts. When my back, hip, or knee flare up, it's nice that I can still get some movement in without too much stress on them.4 -
So I am thinking of doing something odd.
I want to log what I eat this week but without thought of my deficit. Just try and listen to my body, eat what I want, but log it. I think seeing what I eat "normally" might help me in the long run because I will be able to pinpoint problem areas. Then, when I go back into a deficit next week, I will know where I can cut things out and where I ran into issues. Like eating after dinner or mindless snacking. Can I use this week to really focus on those habits and start to heal them? Obviously it will take more then a week to heal those problems, but I think that may be the step I need to take before I can be successful in losing weight.
Any thoughts?4 -
If this works for you, I think it is a great idea…if I did this, it would be very difficult for me ….I know my problem area is sweets….eating mindfully, I would eat sweets until I was full!…2
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I should also mention that I am starting to feel anxiety about food again and beginning to have the intrusive negative thoughts when it comes to "good and bad" or punishing myself for eating something. So I need to break that NOW before it becomes really bad and unhealthy.4
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So I am thinking of doing something odd.
I want to log what I eat this week but without thought of my deficit. Just try and listen to my body, eat what I want, but log it. I think seeing what I eat "normally" might help me in the long run because I will be able to pinpoint problem areas. Then, when I go back into a deficit next week, I will know where I can cut things out and where I ran into issues. Like eating after dinner or mindless snacking. Can I use this week to really focus on those habits and start to heal them? Obviously it will take more then a week to heal those problems, but I think that may be the step I need to take before I can be successful in losing weight.
Any thoughts?
I think that is a great idea. Eat what you need, what feels good, what you want, and then tweak where needed. As you of course know, there is no need to force yourself to eat "good" food, or punish yourself for eating "bad" food. And if this helps you break out of mentally categorizing food like that, then I think you should go for it! Make sure you take care of yourself - that can be a slippery slope, so it is great you recognized and are addressing it early on!3 -
@Athijade - you are being very responsible. I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry when I read your second explanatory post. Been right there the past few days and I wish I had switched things up a bit before I hit that point.
Maybe it doesn't matter when we address red flags - just so long as we do.
Keep us posted. Please. Share how this is feeling for you so we can garner a bit of wisdom along the way.
I'm thinking this sounds like "mindful" eating with some support. Logging can act like a brace on a questionable joint...hopefully just helping it not go completely out of place.3 -
lauriekallis wrote: »
I'm thinking this sounds like "mindful" eating with some support. Logging can act like a brace on a questionable joint...hopefully just helping it not go completely out of place.
That is sort of what I am hoping for.
When I started with my current therapist, one of the things we discussed was the negative thoughts I had around food like the ones I mentioned in my second post. At the time I was way undereating because I was being so picky about what I could have because of evil calories. I was having full blown meltdowns and panic attacks at home and in stores because I JUST wanted a pizza or a candy bar. Just one... but I couldn't because those were "bad".
Her suggestion was intuitive eating or mindful eating, but I was too scared to do it. Not count calories?!? Oh dear oh no!!
I am thinking this may be a nice balance to hopefully help the mental aspect without letting myself get totally out of control. By tracking I will be mindful about what I eat and what impact those foods and those amounts have on me mentally and physically. It will give me data that I don't have.
Honestly, this may be a more then 1 week thing. It may be a couple weeks or at least until I see my therapist again. But my hope is that once I can see the things I am looking for, that I can then slowly reduce the calories without ended up in a bad place again. It's an experiment. I can't end up in a worse place then I am now.
I will be sure to keep everyone posted. I am not going anywhere. The community here has helped me through a few dark patches and I am forever grateful.
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Please keep us updated because we do care about you!1
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Are these thoughts coming in after large or long periods of deficits, or are they un-related? Plan sounds like a good experiment for the circumstances!1
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Are these thoughts coming in after large or long periods of deficits, or are they un-related? Plan sounds like a good experiment for the circumstances!
They come after I have been in a deficit for a period of time. I will do great for a few weeks or a month, then I start getting the food anxiety once that honeymoon period is over. I know it is tied to having to restrict my calories and it is taking that into hyper focus and to an extreme.
I see my therapist on Monday and will talk to her about this. See what she wants me to do.3 -
Without being AT ALL ANYTHING of a "specialist", it does seem not unknown for large/extended deficits to exacerbate food ideation (and possibly to trigger or re-resurface dormant ED). I realize that it doesn't necessarily appear to help with weight loss... but a maintenance break may reset some of this depending on how hard it's hitting.
Take care.4 -
Just read this article about hydration. I'm sure there are better ones out there - but this came across my screen and I learned some things!
Thought I would share the link:
https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20210802-is-water-always-the-best-choice-on-a-hot-day3 -
So and update on me as some of you asked.
I saw my therapist yesterday. I have been dealing with an increase in my anxiety in general (along with my depression which then also impacts my OCD/PTSD... aka I am a mess) due to a lot of stuff happening in my life. Finances, family issues (including limited contact with some family for my mental well being), Covid fears, and more are all playing into that. We believe that my food anxiety comes out with my need to control something. I can't control my family. I can't control prices going up and eating into my finances. I can't control Covid. So I am trying to control my food to the point of obsession. Which isn't healthy either, but it was the only thing I had that I could control when everything else felt out of my hands.
So... no logging of calories even to maintenance levels. I can make changes to how I eat so making better choices, trying to get in touch with my hunger, watching my portions, and things like that... but I can't log calories. I see my therapist again in a month and we will work from there.
I am sticking around here though. I love the community and I care about you all. I want to still support the members of this group and get ideas for meals and other things. So I hope you all will still have me even if my goals right now don't really match up.6 -
Sorry you are going thru this…on some level we all have issues with food…always here for you and please keep us updated on your progress!1
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Another sideroad in the food journey. Hope this approach brings you some calm, @Athijade. Glad you are sticking around - keep us updated about how this approach feels.3
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Made an intro post yesterday in the applicable place but now y'all get a real intro into the world that is Debbie. Cause its not quite 4 am, im in pain and ticked at my insurance company and need to *kitten* and theres no one to *kitten* to at this hour so yall get to hear it.
lucky you.
background - woke up monday morning with a horrible mystery pain on my left side (internally) kind of in between my hips and ribs, is the best place to describe it. not constipated, not gassy, no vomiting, no fever, literally no other symptoms other than a constant pain level of a 5 that intermittently spikes to a 9-10, mostly with movement but not always, sometimes when im perfectly still. so basically im ALWAYS hurting, just sometimes REALLY bad. no known reason for this to have begun. break down that afternoon and call my doc. They are able to squeeze me in tuesday afternoon, hubby will take off work early to take me (my doc is almost 2 hours away and hubby doesnt want me driving that far in this condition). fine.
my anxiety had me terrified they were going to throw me in the hospital. so i had a bag packed and in the car cause i figured that was the only thing i could control, right? right. anyway...
doc doesnt know whats wrong.
join the club, dude.
doesnt throw me in hospital though, but almost wish he he had. we'll get to that in a minute. schedule a CT for wednesday 9am. ok. i can deal with that. hubby tells me if bestie can not take me to do the CT, he will. okay. send her a text. bestie is available. And promises not to go to comic book store and wreck my car (which is what her husband did to HER when she recently had a procedure done and he was supposed to be dutifully waiting). I offer to buy breakfast in gratitude. deal.
Drive the almost 2 hours back home and stop by drugstore to get the painkillers prescribed that may or may not work (i have a stupid high tolerance but ill try). note: i may as well have eaten tic tacs.
Just as hubby gets back in car with my drugs, docs office calls, the insurance company DENIED THE CLAIM FOR THE CT SCAN. why? Because im allergic to iodine and the CT scan has to be done without contrast. Because if you put that much iodine directly into my body, I WILL DIE. okay, maybe not since id be in a medical facility and *presumably* they could keep me alive but still. bad bad *kitten* would happen and id really rather not.
They have no record of that allergy test. It was 20 years ago. My diagnosis could have changed. I could be making it up for all they know (who the *kitten* would make up a random *kitten* allergy like IODINE?). They want a new allergy test done. Which would be fine. Except now its after 5pm, and what CLOSES at 5pm? yup. all the scheduling offices. So NOW... CT is postponed until either (1) the doc can sweet talk their heads out of their *kitten* or (2) I can get an allergy test and lay ON MY STOMACH WHICH IS EXTREMELY PAINFUL and get another allergy test done.
just for them.
Like i said, would have been easier if he had just thrown my *kitten* in the hospital for the night
i truly just feel like having a nervous breakdown and crying but it wouldnt solve anything and one of our great pyrenees is already on edge (i think he can tell im not feeling well) and hes being a jerk to the other dogs and me getting upset would just make that worse, which would make ME worse, and im in no shape to break up a dog fight right now.
so, hi, im debbie. nice to meet you.6
