March/April BED Conversation Thread

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  • Behavior_Modification
    Behavior_Modification Posts: 24,482 Member
    No more Whoppers Mollie? That's awesome! I love how you thought through and rationalized your decision with your wise mind :-) And Yay for a busy weekend. That makes a big difference. Yes, that is the book I cannot put down, and yes it is the first time I've read it. I know you will enjoy it too! I'm gonna have to buy this one so I can have a copy for myself.

    I am also going to try to stay very busy. Unfortunately spending a lot of time at the hospital makes me very vulnerable to the "special" items I find in their vending machines, and the treats I like at their cafeteria. I am going to focus on eating good foods and working on my jewelry while I'm there so I can reduce that vulnerability.
  • IsMollyReallyHungry
    IsMollyReallyHungry Posts: 15,350 Member
    When i was at hospital with my Mom I brought me my own little satisfying goodies with me. I know you like a lot of homemade stuff :) but get you some goodies you really like and take with. I used to even take some for my Mom too because was always healthy. Like this weekend I will have my goody bag in tow both days in the ministry.
  • richardsrm
    richardsrm Posts: 1,144 Member
    :drinker: Hi guys, did a pretty good job this week on not bingeing. The grandkids are here this weekend which can be tough because they want the milk and cookies. Alone time is the toughest. Hope to stick with my goals and do my best to stick with the program. I took the kids to McDonalds for the Happy meal. Tried the French Fries, they were cold so I tossed them..........there was a time that I would eat them anyway. Have a good one. Richie
  • Behavior_Modification
    Behavior_Modification Posts: 24,482 Member
    Great idea Mollie. Thanks.

    Not such a well behaved late evening yesterday, much too much of an ice-cream fit. Today will be better :)
  • Behavior_Modification
    Behavior_Modification Posts: 24,482 Member
    Ay, so much negativity - why does it have to be so necessary to heal? I am so anxious to be content and to be able to live in the moment that I do not want to do the work that is necessary to heal. I finished the book and have been inspired. I know she is right. I know that I need to force myself to feel all those negative feelings again so I can get rid of them. It is so hard though. And scary.

    And right now more than ever I feel like I should be repressing all the negative feelings I had in the past towards my mother. Her stroke was 3 weeks ago and she still lies in a hospital bed unable to move her left side, for those who have no idea what I'm talking about. :) I love her. I don't want to think about her at a time when I hated her and thought she was weak. And she needs my strength and attention and POSITIVITY! So how can I go from being super positive when I see her to allowing myself to feel the negativity during the times when I am not with her? Needless to say I am struggling with this.

    I'm so tired of hating myself and missing out on the wonderful things my life has to offer right now. I go through the motions day by day with a big smile on my face acting like everything is just great because that is all I know how to do. I am angry with myself for missing out on the beautiful weather yesterday late afternoon and evening because I went to sleep after my pedicure and haircut and didn't wake up until this morning. Sometimes I just can't stand being awake though.

    I believe my dreams are therapeutic. I cannot control dreams. Dreams will force me to feel what they want me to feel. My dreams are very vivid. I had many nightmares during my slumber last night but they were the type that forced me to go back to that period of time in my life, and do some re-living. Yesterday's particular dreams forced me to feel a lot of anger, rage, resentment, fear, hostility, loneliness, lonesomeness, and lack of control. I feel drained today but ready to be awake and alive.
  • WalkingGirl1985
    WalkingGirl1985 Posts: 2,047 Member
    Hello everyone. I'm really struggling. The homework my therapist has asked me to do in between our sessions is if I feel like binging, what is going through my head thats causing the urge? The thing is..I don't know..really. It's like something is there and my brain doesn't want to tell me what it is, and my therapist/supporter wants to help me with that. During the binges..well, I think..well ill just eat more..ive already done enough damage. Before---sometimes the thoughts is pure boredom. I think of what to do to occupy my time but it doesn't seem you know..appitizing is what you can say. Another factor prior to the binges..is stress. I stress/comfort eat a ton when having a bad time..all the neg. is just flowing through me. When I started on the weight loss journey, I was so sick of being fat and unmotivated, and a part of me wanted to be in better health..and I still do. The other major part wants to have a flat tummy, look and feel good in anything, abs of steel, toned and pretty look..that desire seems to be more then the desire to be healthy. I am trying to work on that believe me. I don't know what to do..or how I can get that energy and motivation back I had 2 years ago when I started this journey. I never seemed to have this problem at first..even at my heavier days..all i'd do is just stress eat here and there but never did this much damage. My binges easily become 1500-3500 calorie range. I hope i can overcome this. I want to lose these last 30-35lbs.
  • Behavior_Modification
    Behavior_Modification Posts: 24,482 Member
    Hi Walking Girl, thanks for sharing! I believe it is something we can overcome. The unfortunate part to that is it will be a lot of work. But worth it! Sounds like you are determined, and that you ARE doing the work, so good job! :flowerforyou:
  • richardsrm
    richardsrm Posts: 1,144 Member
    ,not such a good weekend. tried to keep busy then rewarded myself with too much food. I really hate to admit I have no control. All I can do is keep trying. ..........

    I took care of my Mom for a long time. It is hard but a journey we all must make. Taking care of yourself becomes even more important. . Hang in there , prayers. Richie
  • Behavior_Modification
    Behavior_Modification Posts: 24,482 Member
    Thanks Richie.

    As much as I loathed getting up this morning, I do look forward to the calmness and control of Monday's routine nature.
  • IsMollyReallyHungry
    IsMollyReallyHungry Posts: 15,350 Member
    Walking Girl,
    I so understand your pain and binging sometimes from being bored and/or lonely. I am not sure some thearpist really get it that sometimes we just don't know why and that sometimes it is just something to do and it is what we are used to. Food because a comforting friend. I try to call a friend keep busy and most times this works and now I am going to bed earlier too which has a twofold benefit for me. I don't eat and I can get enough rest to rise early and workout too.

    I want to know why when we are trying to lose weight it always has to be because of health. What is WRONG with wanting to look good too? nothing at all dear. It is OK to want to feel and look good about yourself within reason. Just make sure your goals are not unrealistic. Like me I know I will never have a rock hard ab but I do want to look better and I am so not ashamed of it and you should not be either. I want to look better and I am not ashamed of that!

    Diane,
    I understand putting on the happy face for everyone and sometimes this is good but not good. Just remember what is real. There is nothing wrong with feeling. Feel free to feel whatever feelings you are having. sure you have to be positive for your Mom but in order to get rid of the negative feelings you need to allow yourself to feel them. Our feeling are what they are. Yes we want to be positive but we are human and are not going to be positive all the times that is for sure. Just keep hanging in there and taking care of self in the process.

    Good for you on getting your pedicure. You are in an adjustment mode and what your Mom did or should have did is not the point right now since you can't go back. She can't go back and her actions did affect your life. There are many things in our lives that are not in our control. So all we can do is control what we can control and ususally we can only control our lives and actions. We can't control our love ones even though their selfish or thoughtless actions affect us. We can not control others BUT we can control how WE react. Hurting ourselves is not a good reaction for us. So on this journey with your Mom just remember to try to react in a way as much as you can that shows compassion for Diane also. Diane is very important too. :flowerforyou:
  • IsMollyReallyHungry
    IsMollyReallyHungry Posts: 15,350 Member
    I had a binge day Saturday evening. Sunday was so so. Not a binge but over eating for sure. I got back on track yesterday. It was a long weekend and I am glad it is over. I need a rest day for sure!

    Have a good week everyone! One day at a time
  • Behavior_Modification
    Behavior_Modification Posts: 24,482 Member
    Thanks Mollie! :smooched: Nice job getting right back on track. You must have had a super busy weekend!

    I had a good day yesterday. I ate for hunger and not emotion (although it was easier cuz I didn't go to the hospital yesterday). I exercised. I crossed off many things on my to do list. I felt in control and it felt great! One day at a time is absolutely right!
  • richardsrm
    richardsrm Posts: 1,144 Member
    :flowerforyou: good day for me , busy and no emotional stuff that sent me to the frig. :drinker: Happy Wednesday guys.
  • fairfieldbeach
    fairfieldbeach Posts: 261 Member
    Not such a good day today. Binged and then purged (which I hadn't done in a while, and was very proud of myself for not having purged). Scary thing is the purging felt good and familiar. Don't know if it's that this time of month has hit me really hard this week or what, but self-control was just not there. Plus, I'm feeling bloated and fat. Don't want to weigh myself or exercise. And I had been so good. Time to get back on track again but I could use some encouragement from all of you! Thanks!!!:smile:
  • IsMollyReallyHungry
    IsMollyReallyHungry Posts: 15,350 Member
    It is just one day. Tomorrow is another day. Put today binge and purge behind you. No one is perfect.
  • angelintx
    angelintx Posts: 327 Member
    Been doing well the last week with no binges, although I did allow myself ice cream as a treat on days when I had substantial exercise -- but I worked into my plan as opposed to just eating it no matter what. :)

    I've told people at work that I'm officially "on the wagon" and they've been primarily supportive as to not bring up trigger foods like they were. YAY!
  • Behavior_Modification
    Behavior_Modification Posts: 24,482 Member
    I hope you had a better day yesterday bathsalts. I know you can get back on track :):flowerforyou:

    WTG Angel, and great job w/ the ice cream. :happy:

    I'm hanging in there this week. Yesterday was busy, somewhat emotional, and contained too much mindless eating. I want to learn how to not be dissapointed in myself. I spend too much time and energy on that. I need a handbook. A check off list. I don't know.
  • bluenote
    bluenote Posts: 2,930
    Here I am. Round 2. *sigh* Thanks for the invite and for remembering me, Mollie! I have missed this. A lot.

    Not much on words tonight, or for reporting my huge failings. I am just trying to get back in the groove and stay positive. :)
  • Behavior_Modification
    Behavior_Modification Posts: 24,482 Member
    Hi Blue Note! Nice to see you :flowerforyou:
  • angelintx
    angelintx Posts: 327 Member
    The definition of failure is lack of trying. None of here can ever consider ourselves failures based on that definition. :wink:
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