March/April BED Conversation Thread

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  • metco89
    metco89 Posts: 578 Member
    Good day to everyone! Today is March 28, 2012 and I made a big decision. I have set my ticker back to 0. My binging at night has been off the chain. Last night i woke up at 4 am and ate burritios and not just one, it was a nightmare and the whole time i knew it was going to make me feel horrible this morning and it did. So after i got off the pity pot, i logged in to mfp, set my ticker to 0 and made the decision to consider this day 1 of my new regimen. I bought some fruit and some healthier foods so i am prepared to begin anew. Thank You all for your support and helping me to get back and I am here to support all of you also!!!!!
  • Behavior_Modification
    Behavior_Modification Posts: 24,482 Member
    Hello! :smile: Great job on the fresh start! *cheers* :drinker:
  • fairfieldbeach
    fairfieldbeach Posts: 261 Member
    I'm glad all of you are here! You inspire me and I hope I help you! It's nice to have people who understand! :smile:
  • WalkingGirl1985
    WalkingGirl1985 Posts: 2,047 Member
    I...feel a lot of self doubt going through my head. "Your not good enough, your going to stay fat forever, you will never reach your goals, you are worthless!" I feel like I do not have any faith in myself, and the fact of believing right now just feels impossible. I am having a hard time taking charge like I'm supposted to and breaking down those barriers thats needed to push through this journey. I also have a lot of stress...financial problems, feeling like I need to please everyone by doing everything..of favor after the next..appointments to keep up with, constantly worrying about my calories..just feels like its a lot to hold. :cry:
  • richardsrm
    richardsrm Posts: 1,144 Member
    Lots of thing make me want to binge....I do it from time to time...but not as bad as before soo you know that's progress. When I was little I only liked a few foods...........Mom didn't fix any meals I liked so if there was something in the house I ate it. Macaroni with butter on it. bread and butter.....I think that is when some of my problems started ....depresion plays a big part in it for me to. Did ok today but ate three of the peanunt butter eggs.......
  • mabug01
    mabug01 Posts: 1,273 Member
    Walking Girl - I believe in you. I'm sorry you're having a bad day.
  • Behavior_Modification
    Behavior_Modification Posts: 24,482 Member
    Walking Girl, I hope you are feeling better today. It is very difficult to stay focused when there are so many other things going on in your life. I understand.

    Many people w/ eating disorders are perfectionists and/or have a strong need to overachieve. I'm totally guilty of this. I want to be the best at everything I do and when that doesn't come easily I get really frustrated and often will just give up, quit or stop doing whatever that is. I want to be able to conquer BED every day all day, stay focused all the time, and do really well at it. Unfortunately that is so much easier said than done. Continuing to do something that I'm not excelling at is mentally difficult. I never want to admit that I'm not doing good at something that I'm involved in. I have to be great! Hahah, listen to me. "have to". Why? I used to use that type of behavior to get my parent's attention. I figured if I was awesome, my Mom would love me more and then she'd leave my stepdad. I also tried to impress my Dad, I so longed for his approval and wanted him to be proud. He rarely said anything positive about me & my sister. Nothing was ever good enough. So who am I trying to impress now that I'm all grown up? I know my Mom loves me. I know she felt stuck in that relationship, and I know her reasoning for staying in it so long. I don't even talk to my Dad anymore, and haven't for many years. So why do I still have this nagging sense to be 'perfect'? Why can't I be satisfied with mediocre ever? It is too easy to say 'screw it' when you relapse. So next time we relapse and get back on track we should think about how strong we really are.
  • fairfieldbeach
    fairfieldbeach Posts: 261 Member
    Plus, we are all compulsive pleasers! Walking Girl, try to do more for yourself and less for others. Hang in there.:flowerforyou:
  • mabug01
    mabug01 Posts: 1,273 Member
    Behavior_Modification, thanks for your insight. I recognized myself somewhere in there. I finally finished a big proposal today and am feeling a lot less pressure now that I'm finished trying to make it perfect. I know I eat under work stress, but I didn't realize it was about perfection, I just thought eating made me more focused on my work. I think eating may just be my way of hiding the pain of not creating a perfect product. Good stuff to think about.
  • bluenote
    bluenote Posts: 2,930
    I'm a perfectionist, too. Only black and white - no grey. Which is why my binges are huge, I suppose. I understand how you all feel because I am feeling the same way. I wish there was some magic cure for over eating, but since there's not, we all have to keep trying and focus on the positive. :flowerforyou:
  • richardsrm
    richardsrm Posts: 1,144 Member
    Nancy, still here trying my best. Our school did Chicago last night....Wow to be so young and flexible. Really such a wonderful performance and they worked so hard. Stayed good.....Bought a bag of Cheetos.....they changed the formula.....I DON"T LIKE THEM............yes my friends good things do happen:laugh:
  • fairfieldbeach
    fairfieldbeach Posts: 261 Member
    That's great, Richie! Can they make Cheezits that way so I won't eat them? (They could probably taste like cardboard and I'd still eat them, though!:tongue:
  • MSWDiet
    MSWDiet Posts: 399 Member
    HI ALL,

    IT HAS BEEN AWHILE AND I SEE SOME NEW FOLKS (OR MAYBE JUST NEW AVI'S?) AS WELL AS THOSE I'VE KNOWN FROM THE OLD TOPIC. I WISH I COULD SAY I'D BEN BEHAVING MYSELF; BUT, AS MANY KNOW, OUT OF SITE OFTEN MEANS OUT OF CONTROL.

    IT HAS BEEN HIT OR MISS BUT I'M MANAGING OK THESE DAYS. I'VE INCORPORATED SOME FOODS INTO MY DAY'S PLAN IN A QUANTITY SUFFICIENT ENOUGH TO AVOID A BINGE. I ONLY BUY A PORTION AT A TIME SO NO EXTRAS IN THE HOUSE.

    I REALLY NEED TO GET BACK HERE SEVERAL TIMES A WEEK AND POST AN UPDATE LIKE I DID ON THE OLD TOPIC. STAYING FOCUSED IS HARD THESE DAYS. ITS MY ALL OR NOTHING THING. EITHER ALL CONSUMING OR OUT OF MIND. STILL, I'M WORKING ON IT.

    I'V GOT TO READ BACK THROUGH THESE THREADS AND DO MUCH CATCHING UP!
  • IsMollyReallyHungry
    IsMollyReallyHungry Posts: 15,350 Member
    Well I don't have much to say tonight except I am very tire tonight and I am going to turn in so I will not binge. I find going to bed early helps me so much with binging and it helps me stay focused the next day because I am more refreshed and rested. It also helps me get up early and hit the gym or do a exercise dvd before work. So going to bed early is a win win for me.

    Thank to everyone who is sharing these last few weeks and thanks to behavior_modification for inviting new ones to join the group.. I think it helps because this is the 1st month since inception of the BED group we have had this much participation. I wish I had more time to participate. I have been reading all the posts even if I don't post myself. Your posts have been greatly helpful to me and I will will try my best to share when I can.

    Have a good week everyone! to add to the perfection theme going remember consistency not perfection is one of the keys to success. No one expects us to be perfect except ourselves. And unfortunately we are the hardest on ourselves. Most of us do not expect perfeciton from our spouses, friends, children, etc but we hold ourselves to that perfectionist attitude. No more :)
  • richardsrm
    richardsrm Posts: 1,144 Member
    no binge this weekend. busy most of it and just tired. Had a funky feeling I needed rest. layed in bed almost an entire day. I think sometimes my job is so stressful that my brain just wants to shut down. Anyway got up sunday and felt tons better. Son came down for a visit. They were worried.....totally blessed to be cared for. Just fixed him coffee. back to work it is a short one we get Friday off. Richie.
  • mabug01
    mabug01 Posts: 1,273 Member
    I'm not feeling quite as desperately out of control like I was when I first posted. But I'm still overeating and am gaining weight. Oh, the misery of gaining 9 pounds in a few weeks. I'm supposed to eat "clean" but it's a perfection I cannot do right now, so I think I've given up rather than fail. I think I may plan some menus that have some fun foods "non-clean", but that fall within a reasonable calorie range. Anyway, it's an idea. I'm not sure what else to do except keep trying different things.
  • Behavior_Modification
    Behavior_Modification Posts: 24,482 Member
    Welcome back MSW - nice to see you. :flowerforyou:

    Mabug - good luck w/ trying different things. I wish I had more time to spend in the kitchen right now. And congrats about feeling much more in control.

    I am still struggling. Every day is a new attempt at a good day though. I'm far from giving up. I'm trying new strategies, and reading new books. I'm working on focusing on my emotions and trying to name them instead of ignoring them. It turns out I'm a really emotional person, but that is no surprise. What was surprising is how many I could name that I was feeling yesterday. I got out a sparkle gel pen and a journal I'd received as a gift last b-day and wrote. This is a recovery strategy I have been resisting for too long now. Because I hate writing. I'd rather type I think. Nah, I'm just full of excuses. I know I need to keep doing this. I need to name what I'm feeling and why. It will help me "get rid of it". When I don't figure out what the feeling is I just keep dwelling on the same emotion and never let it go. But if I name it then the next time I'm feeling it, I can be like "Oh, right, such and such is bothering me..." instead of just a blank empty feeling that seems like it will never go away.

    In addition to writing down emotions/feelings and stuff like that, I'm also trying to really focus on positive things to write as well. Seems like all of yesterday's emotions were on the negative side. Seems like most days are like that. Instead of being happy that my back is slightly feeling better yesterday and happy I was able to visit w/ my Mom and happy that I got a compliment on a new haircut, I'm just full of hate and anger and frustration and annoyance and guilt. Day after day I habitually focus on the negative aspects of my life and how I should be improving myself. I want to be good enough right now and with pinpointing daily positives I hope I can convince myself of that.
  • IsMollyReallyHungry
    IsMollyReallyHungry Posts: 15,350 Member
    Sending everyone one positive vibes! Not able to respond to everyone this week but I am reading the posts for sure and they are useful, helpful and good to see I am not alone in my struggles. Hugs!:heart:

    Diane,
    I too have been resisting the journaling that is always always HIGHLY recommended for real recovery. So keep up the good job on journaling your feelings.Hugs!:heart:
  • IsMollyReallyHungry
    IsMollyReallyHungry Posts: 15,350 Member
    I'm not feeling quite as desperately out of control like I was when I first posted. But I'm still overeating and am gaining weight. Oh, the misery of gaining 9 pounds in a few weeks. I'm supposed to eat "clean" but it's a perfection I cannot do right now, so I think I've given up rather than fail. I think I may plan some menus that have some fun foods "non-clean", but that fall within a reasonable calorie range. Anyway, it's an idea. I'm not sure what else to do except keep trying different things.

    I can indentify with you on loss of control too and the pain of regain. But it is done and over with now so let it go and move forward with positive thoughts. No beating yourself up because perfection is something none of us will ever own but we can love and treat oursleves good when relapse. It is what it is and we will be OK.

    Trying different things is a plus too! Keep doing it until you find what works best for you! Hugs!:heart:
  • IsMollyReallyHungry
    IsMollyReallyHungry Posts: 15,350 Member
    How many of you weigh yourself daily?

    Do any of you find it helps you with BED. Since last week I went back to it. It seems I do best weighing everyday no matter what. I don't know why I stop but I have to be very firm with SELF and step on that scale every single day.

    Your thoughts if any are appreciated.

    Thanks!:flowerforyou:
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