March/April BED Conversation Thread
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Nancy, still here trying my best. Our school did Chicago last night....Wow to be so young and flexible. Really such a wonderful performance and they worked so hard. Stayed good.....Bought a bag of Cheetos.....they changed the formula.....I DON"T LIKE THEM............yes my friends good things do happen:laugh:0
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That's great, Richie! Can they make Cheezits that way so I won't eat them? (They could probably taste like cardboard and I'd still eat them, though!
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HI ALL,
IT HAS BEEN AWHILE AND I SEE SOME NEW FOLKS (OR MAYBE JUST NEW AVI'S?) AS WELL AS THOSE I'VE KNOWN FROM THE OLD TOPIC. I WISH I COULD SAY I'D BEN BEHAVING MYSELF; BUT, AS MANY KNOW, OUT OF SITE OFTEN MEANS OUT OF CONTROL.
IT HAS BEEN HIT OR MISS BUT I'M MANAGING OK THESE DAYS. I'VE INCORPORATED SOME FOODS INTO MY DAY'S PLAN IN A QUANTITY SUFFICIENT ENOUGH TO AVOID A BINGE. I ONLY BUY A PORTION AT A TIME SO NO EXTRAS IN THE HOUSE.
I REALLY NEED TO GET BACK HERE SEVERAL TIMES A WEEK AND POST AN UPDATE LIKE I DID ON THE OLD TOPIC. STAYING FOCUSED IS HARD THESE DAYS. ITS MY ALL OR NOTHING THING. EITHER ALL CONSUMING OR OUT OF MIND. STILL, I'M WORKING ON IT.
I'V GOT TO READ BACK THROUGH THESE THREADS AND DO MUCH CATCHING UP!0 -
Well I don't have much to say tonight except I am very tire tonight and I am going to turn in so I will not binge. I find going to bed early helps me so much with binging and it helps me stay focused the next day because I am more refreshed and rested. It also helps me get up early and hit the gym or do a exercise dvd before work. So going to bed early is a win win for me.
Thank to everyone who is sharing these last few weeks and thanks to behavior_modification for inviting new ones to join the group.. I think it helps because this is the 1st month since inception of the BED group we have had this much participation. I wish I had more time to participate. I have been reading all the posts even if I don't post myself. Your posts have been greatly helpful to me and I will will try my best to share when I can.
Have a good week everyone! to add to the perfection theme going remember consistency not perfection is one of the keys to success. No one expects us to be perfect except ourselves. And unfortunately we are the hardest on ourselves. Most of us do not expect perfeciton from our spouses, friends, children, etc but we hold ourselves to that perfectionist attitude. No more
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no binge this weekend. busy most of it and just tired. Had a funky feeling I needed rest. layed in bed almost an entire day. I think sometimes my job is so stressful that my brain just wants to shut down. Anyway got up sunday and felt tons better. Son came down for a visit. They were worried.....totally blessed to be cared for. Just fixed him coffee. back to work it is a short one we get Friday off. Richie.0
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I'm not feeling quite as desperately out of control like I was when I first posted. But I'm still overeating and am gaining weight. Oh, the misery of gaining 9 pounds in a few weeks. I'm supposed to eat "clean" but it's a perfection I cannot do right now, so I think I've given up rather than fail. I think I may plan some menus that have some fun foods "non-clean", but that fall within a reasonable calorie range. Anyway, it's an idea. I'm not sure what else to do except keep trying different things.0
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Welcome back MSW - nice to see you. :flowerforyou:
Mabug - good luck w/ trying different things. I wish I had more time to spend in the kitchen right now. And congrats about feeling much more in control.
I am still struggling. Every day is a new attempt at a good day though. I'm far from giving up. I'm trying new strategies, and reading new books. I'm working on focusing on my emotions and trying to name them instead of ignoring them. It turns out I'm a really emotional person, but that is no surprise. What was surprising is how many I could name that I was feeling yesterday. I got out a sparkle gel pen and a journal I'd received as a gift last b-day and wrote. This is a recovery strategy I have been resisting for too long now. Because I hate writing. I'd rather type I think. Nah, I'm just full of excuses. I know I need to keep doing this. I need to name what I'm feeling and why. It will help me "get rid of it". When I don't figure out what the feeling is I just keep dwelling on the same emotion and never let it go. But if I name it then the next time I'm feeling it, I can be like "Oh, right, such and such is bothering me..." instead of just a blank empty feeling that seems like it will never go away.
In addition to writing down emotions/feelings and stuff like that, I'm also trying to really focus on positive things to write as well. Seems like all of yesterday's emotions were on the negative side. Seems like most days are like that. Instead of being happy that my back is slightly feeling better yesterday and happy I was able to visit w/ my Mom and happy that I got a compliment on a new haircut, I'm just full of hate and anger and frustration and annoyance and guilt. Day after day I habitually focus on the negative aspects of my life and how I should be improving myself. I want to be good enough right now and with pinpointing daily positives I hope I can convince myself of that.0 -
Sending everyone one positive vibes! Not able to respond to everyone this week but I am reading the posts for sure and they are useful, helpful and good to see I am not alone in my struggles. Hugs!
Diane,
I too have been resisting the journaling that is always always HIGHLY recommended for real recovery. So keep up the good job on journaling your feelings.Hugs! 0 -
I'm not feeling quite as desperately out of control like I was when I first posted. But I'm still overeating and am gaining weight. Oh, the misery of gaining 9 pounds in a few weeks. I'm supposed to eat "clean" but it's a perfection I cannot do right now, so I think I've given up rather than fail. I think I may plan some menus that have some fun foods "non-clean", but that fall within a reasonable calorie range. Anyway, it's an idea. I'm not sure what else to do except keep trying different things.
I can indentify with you on loss of control too and the pain of regain. But it is done and over with now so let it go and move forward with positive thoughts. No beating yourself up because perfection is something none of us will ever own but we can love and treat oursleves good when relapse. It is what it is and we will be OK.
Trying different things is a plus too! Keep doing it until you find what works best for you! Hugs! 0 -
How many of you weigh yourself daily?
Do any of you find it helps you with BED. Since last week I went back to it. It seems I do best weighing everyday no matter what. I don't know why I stop but I have to be very firm with SELF and step on that scale every single day.
Your thoughts if any are appreciated.
Thanks!:flowerforyou:0 -
:flowerforyou: Mollie I seem to do better as well, sometimes it makes me uncomfortable with my reality as you know I do tend to sabatoge my success. but lately I have been really trying to face the discomfort and struggle through it. I don't know why but it is like my addiction telling me I don't deserve to lose. Have to face my fears . I also struggle with posting the loss because I am afraid I can't maintain it. I know I can if I battle on / Just saying that although it keeps me accountable it also makes me emotional. Hugs Richie0
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:flowerforyou: Mollie I seem to do better as well, sometimes it makes me uncomfortable with my reality as you know I do tend to sabatoge my success. but lately I have been really trying to face the discomfort and struggle through it. I don't know why but it is like my addiction telling me I don't deserve to lose. Have to face my fears . I also struggle with posting the loss because I am afraid I can't maintain it. I know I can if I battle on / Just saying that although it keeps me accountable it also makes me emotional. Hugs Richie
Thanks Richie!0 -
Behavior Modification - That's an interesting idea about labeling the emotion so you can identify it later. I think I will try that. I don't know why I don't just do this automatically, so awareness is a good idea. Love the sparkle pen
Mollie - thanks for the positive thoughts and hugs. I do like to weigh myself everyday for the accountability and for a reality check, and reminder that I want to focus on weight loss.
I am still experiencing some pretty stressful days at work - our department is in upheaval and personnel is investigating some misbehaviors - I was interviewed today as a witness, by an attorney, which was nerve-wracking. I really need this stuff at work to end - everyone is stressed out and anxious. There has been on-going investigations of one person after another for over 3 months now. How do they expect any work to get done? Anyway, one day at a time.
Best to everyone.0 -
I was doing really well until last night--I had been 14 days "binge-purge" free but last night I decided to "reward" myself with food and went to town with the bingeing. It was a conscious decision--why do I think of bingeing as a relaxing reward? Hmmm . . . .0
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Allowing yourself to feel emotions sure is exhausting. I'm not sure how many times I've honestly answered the question, "How are you doing?" in the past 6 weeks but it is a pretty low number. Answering honestly exposes me. It is painful to admit to people that I'm not doing well. What do they want to hear? I mean I know my close friends want the truth and they get it, but what about the next circle farther out? Those people get a "I'm fine or I'm okay" and a quick "How are you?" to put the focus back on them. I avoid answering if I can help it. I don't have anything good to say about how I'm doing right now. And when I admit that I get embarrassed also. I'm supposed to be strong. I'm supposed to excel. I'm supposed to be able to handle any obstacle that comes my way. Unfortunately my way of handling things has involved food for so long. So even though it is painful, I know I need to start being more honest about my feelings. I want to know in my heart too that it is okay to have these feelings instead of embarrassment. I had an encounter with this last night while visiting my Mom and her best friend stopped by. I didn't lie when she asked. I couldn't get through it w/o crying, but I told the truth.
And I survived w/o bingeing. 0 -
Hugs, Diane! We're here to listen and we know what it's like to feel like you have to keep up a front.:flowerforyou:0
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Thanks so much 0
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:explode: what do people give me for my birthday ........chocolate in all 4 pounds...................ate 3/4 of a pound then put it away. Will send it home with my grandkids tomorrow.......really:noway: why would anyone do that? been keeping busy to stay away from it. Going out tonight with a friend. You know the funny thing is that the person who told everyone how much I love the chocolate also struggles with weight..........she had a cake for me and everything.......hard to figure folks out sometimes......I am grateful that they would remember me but................well only you guys know how it feels ...thanks for being there. Richie0
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Richie: I think sometimes others who struggle with weight want to see you fail or at least be tempted so they don't feel so bad about themselves. I'm guilty of trying to "overfeed" my husband sometimes although he's super-in-shape. I know I shouldn't do it but sometimes I feel competitive with him, as much as I hate to admit it.0
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I'm still having trouble saying 'no' to the candy machine at work. It's all stress related - every unpleasant thing that happens at work requires another candy bar. Does anyone have any ideas about how to relieve stress without eating? I really have no clue how to do it any other way.0
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Richie: I think sometimes others who struggle with weight want to see you fail or at least be tempted so they don't feel so bad about themselves. I'm guilty of trying to "overfeed" my husband sometimes although he's super-in-shape. I know I shouldn't do it but sometimes I feel competitive with him, as much as I hate to admit it.
I agree and that is why I am very careful about sabatogers. Some don't do it to be mean and others do. I think when you don't engage in unhealthy behavoirs others feel uncomfortable with it. So it makes them feel better when you engage also. I know it makes me mad too and I have been so mad at times I will throw it out or flush it down the toliet with no guilt and tell them thank you and it was delicious. Sometimes I do this after eating a reasonable amount and sometimes I do not touch it. I think about giving it to family but they don't need it either so I did not push it on them either.0 -
I'm still having trouble saying 'no' to the candy machine at work. It's all stress related - every unpleasant thing that happens at work requires another candy bar. Does anyone have any ideas about how to relieve stress without eating? I really have no clue how to do it any other way.
You have to make a list of things to do instead of eat. For me at home I clean, exercise, keep hands busy. I chew gum, make sure I have healthier snacks on hand.0 -
:drinker: doing good you guys , chocolate kisses are still here and I have not touched them. My body aches from all that exercise yesterday. Feet hurt and knees. Way too much walking but so glad to have folks that wanted to hang out with me I overdid it. Also mulched the from gardens. Feeling my age today. Going to try to be mindful in my food intake tomorrow. Love all the Easter food. Hugs Richie0
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Just finishing another recommendable book. "Unbearable Lightness" written by Portia de Rossi (Ellen DeGeneres' wife). I really enjoyed it.0
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I'm still having trouble saying 'no' to the candy machine at work. It's all stress related - every unpleasant thing that happens at work requires another candy bar. Does anyone have any ideas about how to relieve stress without eating? I really have no clue how to do it any other way.
You have to make a list of things to do instead of eat. For me at home I clean, exercise, keep hands busy. I chew gum, make sure I have healthier snacks on hand.
Thank you. Scratching out a list now.0 -
:grumble: not so hot Easter sunday. binged on hummus , chicken and ice cream cake. :noway: too old to have a hormonal excuse but I did take ownership for the emotion I was trying to squelch down. A number of years ago I fell hard for an alcoholic. ...guess what he didn't change.....he called....I didn't answer the phone and let the binge begin. Anger, disappointment , an urge to tell him what I really think...........accept the things I cannot change So today I will clean, walk and when I feel the urge to squelch down the feeling I will let them come. 0
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Thanks for sharing Richie. You've got a good plan for today
I haven't counted days but it has been several that I've felt more in control. My choices of food haven't been very healthy overall (far too many treats and such), but as long as I'm not bingeing I'm okay w/ that for right now. Progress is progress. Eating sugar because I made the choice to is such a different feeling than eating it in haste to avoid emotions.0 -
"Eating sugar because I made the choice to is such a different feeling than eating it in haste to avoid emotions." So true, Mollie! And good for you, Richie, in knowing what emotions were driving you. Sometimes, for me, I take the easy way out and just binge without defining what I'm feeling. It's easier but not a good way to go about things . . .0
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You can mistake me for Mollie any day - she is so wonderful!
But I'm Diane
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I am very happy to report that I was able to log a one pound loss today. I believe this is the first pound I have been able to shed since my relapse began last Autumn. I had been down 79lbs at that time. Beginning in October last year, my life got very busy because of the holiday shopping season and my devotion to my jewelry side business. My normal routines were lost, and for a schedule oriented person, disastrous. I have tried many times since then to get back on the horse, and have, but have also continued to fall off (even when my schedule was back on track) due to the instability of my mental health. As you know I have been working very hard on my mental health the past few months (behavior therapy sessions, journaling, reading books about ED's, focusing on identifying my feelings, having awkward conversations instead of bottling emotions, and being truthful about my behavior). One pound may only take 3500 calories burned to achieve, but for this one pound I know it took a lot more energy than that.0
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