March/April BED Conversation Thread

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  • richardsrm
    richardsrm Posts: 1,144 Member
    :flowerforyou: Mollie I seem to do better as well, sometimes it makes me uncomfortable with my reality as you know I do tend to sabatoge my success. but lately I have been really trying to face the discomfort and struggle through it. I don't know why but it is like my addiction telling me I don't deserve to lose. Have to face my fears . I also struggle with posting the loss because I am afraid I can't maintain it. I know I can if I battle on / Just saying that although it keeps me accountable it also makes me emotional. Hugs Richie
  • IsMollyReallyHungry
    IsMollyReallyHungry Posts: 15,350 Member
    :flowerforyou: Mollie I seem to do better as well, sometimes it makes me uncomfortable with my reality as you know I do tend to sabatoge my success. but lately I have been really trying to face the discomfort and struggle through it. I don't know why but it is like my addiction telling me I don't deserve to lose. Have to face my fears . I also struggle with posting the loss because I am afraid I can't maintain it. I know I can if I battle on / Just saying that although it keeps me accountable it also makes me emotional. Hugs Richie

    Thanks Richie!
  • mabug01
    mabug01 Posts: 1,273 Member
    Behavior Modification - That's an interesting idea about labeling the emotion so you can identify it later. I think I will try that. I don't know why I don't just do this automatically, so awareness is a good idea. Love the sparkle pen :)

    Mollie - thanks for the positive thoughts and hugs. I do like to weigh myself everyday for the accountability and for a reality check, and reminder that I want to focus on weight loss.

    I am still experiencing some pretty stressful days at work - our department is in upheaval and personnel is investigating some misbehaviors - I was interviewed today as a witness, by an attorney, which was nerve-wracking. I really need this stuff at work to end - everyone is stressed out and anxious. There has been on-going investigations of one person after another for over 3 months now. How do they expect any work to get done? Anyway, one day at a time.

    Best to everyone.
  • fairfieldbeach
    fairfieldbeach Posts: 261 Member
    I was doing really well until last night--I had been 14 days "binge-purge" free but last night I decided to "reward" myself with food and went to town with the bingeing. It was a conscious decision--why do I think of bingeing as a relaxing reward? Hmmm . . . .
  • Behavior_Modification
    Behavior_Modification Posts: 24,482 Member
    Allowing yourself to feel emotions sure is exhausting. I'm not sure how many times I've honestly answered the question, "How are you doing?" in the past 6 weeks but it is a pretty low number. Answering honestly exposes me. It is painful to admit to people that I'm not doing well. What do they want to hear? I mean I know my close friends want the truth and they get it, but what about the next circle farther out? Those people get a "I'm fine or I'm okay" and a quick "How are you?" to put the focus back on them. I avoid answering if I can help it. I don't have anything good to say about how I'm doing right now. And when I admit that I get embarrassed also. I'm supposed to be strong. I'm supposed to excel. I'm supposed to be able to handle any obstacle that comes my way. Unfortunately my way of handling things has involved food for so long. So even though it is painful, I know I need to start being more honest about my feelings. I want to know in my heart too that it is okay to have these feelings instead of embarrassment. I had an encounter with this last night while visiting my Mom and her best friend stopped by. I didn't lie when she asked. I couldn't get through it w/o crying, but I told the truth.

    And I survived w/o bingeing. :smile:
  • fairfieldbeach
    fairfieldbeach Posts: 261 Member
    Hugs, Diane! We're here to listen and we know what it's like to feel like you have to keep up a front.:flowerforyou:
  • Behavior_Modification
    Behavior_Modification Posts: 24,482 Member
    Thanks so much :heart:
  • richardsrm
    richardsrm Posts: 1,144 Member
    :explode: what do people give me for my birthday ........chocolate in all 4 pounds...................ate 3/4 of a pound then put it away. Will send it home with my grandkids tomorrow.......really:noway: why would anyone do that? been keeping busy to stay away from it. Going out tonight with a friend. You know the funny thing is that the person who told everyone how much I love the chocolate also struggles with weight..........she had a cake for me and everything.......hard to figure folks out sometimes......I am grateful that they would remember me but................well only you guys know how it feels ...thanks for being there. Richie
  • fairfieldbeach
    fairfieldbeach Posts: 261 Member
    Richie: I think sometimes others who struggle with weight want to see you fail or at least be tempted so they don't feel so bad about themselves. I'm guilty of trying to "overfeed" my husband sometimes although he's super-in-shape. I know I shouldn't do it but sometimes I feel competitive with him, as much as I hate to admit it.
  • mabug01
    mabug01 Posts: 1,273 Member
    I'm still having trouble saying 'no' to the candy machine at work. It's all stress related - every unpleasant thing that happens at work requires another candy bar. Does anyone have any ideas about how to relieve stress without eating? I really have no clue how to do it any other way.
  • IsMollyReallyHungry
    IsMollyReallyHungry Posts: 15,350 Member
    Richie: I think sometimes others who struggle with weight want to see you fail or at least be tempted so they don't feel so bad about themselves. I'm guilty of trying to "overfeed" my husband sometimes although he's super-in-shape. I know I shouldn't do it but sometimes I feel competitive with him, as much as I hate to admit it.

    I agree and that is why I am very careful about sabatogers. Some don't do it to be mean and others do. I think when you don't engage in unhealthy behavoirs others feel uncomfortable with it. So it makes them feel better when you engage also. I know it makes me mad too and I have been so mad at times I will throw it out or flush it down the toliet with no guilt and tell them thank you and it was delicious. Sometimes I do this after eating a reasonable amount and sometimes I do not touch it. I think about giving it to family but they don't need it either so I did not push it on them either.
  • IsMollyReallyHungry
    IsMollyReallyHungry Posts: 15,350 Member
    I'm still having trouble saying 'no' to the candy machine at work. It's all stress related - every unpleasant thing that happens at work requires another candy bar. Does anyone have any ideas about how to relieve stress without eating? I really have no clue how to do it any other way.

    You have to make a list of things to do instead of eat. For me at home I clean, exercise, keep hands busy. I chew gum, make sure I have healthier snacks on hand.
  • richardsrm
    richardsrm Posts: 1,144 Member
    :drinker: doing good you guys , chocolate kisses are still here and I have not touched them. My body aches from all that exercise yesterday. Feet hurt and knees. Way too much walking but so glad to have folks that wanted to hang out with me I overdid it. Also mulched the from gardens. Feeling my age today. Going to try to be mindful in my food intake tomorrow. Love all the Easter food. Hugs Richie
  • Behavior_Modification
    Behavior_Modification Posts: 24,482 Member
    Just finishing another recommendable book. "Unbearable Lightness" written by Portia de Rossi (Ellen DeGeneres' wife). I really enjoyed it.
  • mabug01
    mabug01 Posts: 1,273 Member
    I'm still having trouble saying 'no' to the candy machine at work. It's all stress related - every unpleasant thing that happens at work requires another candy bar. Does anyone have any ideas about how to relieve stress without eating? I really have no clue how to do it any other way.

    You have to make a list of things to do instead of eat. For me at home I clean, exercise, keep hands busy. I chew gum, make sure I have healthier snacks on hand.

    Thank you. Scratching out a list now.
  • richardsrm
    richardsrm Posts: 1,144 Member
    :grumble: not so hot Easter sunday. binged on hummus , chicken and ice cream cake. :noway: too old to have a hormonal excuse but I did take ownership for the emotion I was trying to squelch down. A number of years ago I fell hard for an alcoholic. ...guess what he didn't change.....he called....I didn't answer the phone and let the binge begin. Anger, disappointment , an urge to tell him what I really think...........accept the things I cannot change:heart: So today I will clean, walk and when I feel the urge to squelch down the feeling I will let them come.
  • Behavior_Modification
    Behavior_Modification Posts: 24,482 Member
    Thanks for sharing Richie. You've got a good plan for today :smile:

    I haven't counted days but it has been several that I've felt more in control. My choices of food haven't been very healthy overall (far too many treats and such), but as long as I'm not bingeing I'm okay w/ that for right now. Progress is progress. Eating sugar because I made the choice to is such a different feeling than eating it in haste to avoid emotions.
  • fairfieldbeach
    fairfieldbeach Posts: 261 Member
    "Eating sugar because I made the choice to is such a different feeling than eating it in haste to avoid emotions." So true, Mollie! And good for you, Richie, in knowing what emotions were driving you. Sometimes, for me, I take the easy way out and just binge without defining what I'm feeling. It's easier but not a good way to go about things . . .
  • Behavior_Modification
    Behavior_Modification Posts: 24,482 Member
    You can mistake me for Mollie any day - she is so wonderful! :heart:

    But I'm Diane :wink:
  • Behavior_Modification
    Behavior_Modification Posts: 24,482 Member
    I am very happy to report that I was able to log a one pound loss today. I believe this is the first pound I have been able to shed since my relapse began last Autumn. I had been down 79lbs at that time. Beginning in October last year, my life got very busy because of the holiday shopping season and my devotion to my jewelry side business. My normal routines were lost, and for a schedule oriented person, disastrous. I have tried many times since then to get back on the horse, and have, but have also continued to fall off (even when my schedule was back on track) due to the instability of my mental health. As you know I have been working very hard on my mental health the past few months (behavior therapy sessions, journaling, reading books about ED's, focusing on identifying my feelings, having awkward conversations instead of bottling emotions, and being truthful about my behavior). One pound may only take 3500 calories burned to achieve, but for this one pound I know it took a lot more energy than that.
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