Women who are intimidating?
JanieJack
Posts: 3,831 Member
At dinner with some guys on my team... one says I'm intimidating, and another agrees. Two more nod their heads as I protest, "But I'm the most girly-girl non intimidating person you guys know off duty." I'm told, "guys don't like women to know more than they do."
What do you all think?
What do you all think?
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This is just your education issue re-wrapped in a bigger box. There are guys out there who are comfortable in their own skin and don't need a lady beneath them to boost their ego. Some of us like having strong women around us.0
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I need someone who likes having strong women around them because I hear that (you're intimidating more than I ever wanted too)!! Ugh0
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Those guys are idiots,end of discussion as far as I am concerned.
I want a lady to be intelligent,willing to have a conversation and discussion.
Any guy that wants a twit deserves all the heartache he gets.0 -
I am a strong woman and I refuse to apprear weak in order to stroke someone ego. Maybe why I am single
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Do you come off as "hard shelled"?0
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Those guys are idiots,end of discussion as far as I am concerned.
I want a lady to be intelligent,willing to have a conversation and discussion.
Any guy that wants a twit deserves all the heartache he gets.
We
you Carl !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but at first I thought you said *kitten* ! 0 -
Not an issue for me at all. I am expecting that a woman will be a financial contributor in a long term relationship. Not looking for a stay at home mom type. I want someone with a stable job, smarts and work-life balance. I have no desire to be with someone who works long hours as that will take away from our time together and our time to pursue the hobbies that interest us individually.
Smart women with careers are less likely to be big time game players in relationships, which is something I desire.0 -
This post makes me sad. I think it is a terrible thought to know there are men who think that way....0
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At dinner with some guys on my team... one says I'm intimidating, and another agrees. Two more nod their heads as I protest, "But I'm the most girly-girl non intimidating person you guys know off duty." I'm told, "guys don't like women to know more than they do."
What do you all think?
maybe insecure guys feel that way0 -
I'm not afraid to admit some women intimidate me.
If a woman is strong, knows what she wants, and projects that, I'm not going to approach her. In my mind, she's more likely to reject me immediately. I also assume she'd be more likely to approach the men she's interested in, so the fact that I haven't gotten approached just means she's not interested in me.
That being said I have nothing against these women and actually like those qualities. I'm just too intimidated to strike up a conversation.
The short of it is, if you're a strong woman, be confident and approach men you're interested in. Don't wait for us to approach you, because some of us are cowards.0 -
At dinner with some guys on my team... one says I'm intimidating, and another agrees. Two more nod their heads as I protest, "But I'm the most girly-girl non intimidating person you guys know off duty." I'm told, "guys don't like women to know more than they do."
What do you all think?
I think most guys like intelligent women. But, I also think some of those same guys take our needs and opinions as demanding and nagging sometimes. It's all about communication style.0 -
First, I've yet to meet a woman that knows more than I do... Just kidding! :laugh:At dinner with some guys on my team... one says I'm intimidating, and another agrees. Two more nod their heads as I protest, "But I'm the most girly-girl non intimidating person you guys know off duty." I'm told, "guys don't like women to know more than they do."
Okay, let me reformulate this: while you would certainly know more than I do in many areas (gossip about movie stars), I would on the other hand know more than you do in many others (everything that is not gossip about movie stars).
So first, this argument does not compute with me!
Now, like most people here (it seems), I'd rather have a woman that can hold a decent conversation. In fact, a requirement of mine is to find a girl who likes to debate society, politics, science, history, or whatever floats her boat really, is curious and knows "stuff" in general... That's tough though. So many people don't care about anything but f'in TV shows, movie stars and their job. :yawn:
I feel really sad for you because you seem to think the problem is with you, but there are many men out there who you could have a nice 2 hours conversation on stuff like that, and who would be impressed by your achievements/degrees/knowledge (and curious about them) rather than feeling "overwhelmed" (again, try people with degree since this is a trait they normally acquired during their studies: being curious about things).
Last, I will sometimes feel intimidated by women (as solman66 said). If the woman seems to be too strong (especially the "knows what she wants in life" bit) and she projects this, I'm worried my life (without such a clear focus) will not be what she is looking for so I'd rather avoid her altogether.0 -
I have had this a lot, including from my female friends when trying to analyse why I'm eternally single. Apparently appearing moderately confident, not particularly enjoying small talk (I'd rather talk politics/literature/science/music/philosophy/ANYTHING! rather than the weather/TV), and having a career I love and have worked hard for over a decade to establish, is a problem for the vast majority of men (which strikes me as odd, as these are traits I look for in potential friends/romantic interests/future husbands/the works). It seems I appear to be a lot more confident than I actually am, as particularly in this area, I have very little confidence at all - one of the side effects of nearing thirty with zero romantic experience. It's difficult to develop confidence off the back of years of being ignored or overlooked, romantically - logic gets in the way of 'positive thinking' after a while.
I don't think I have any tips to share with you, as I haven't the first clue how to appear 'unintimidating', when I don't honestly understand how people can think I'm intimidating in the first place. I can't see any point in pretending to be someone I'm not, and acting like an airhead, as one friend suggested, or drinking more and "loosening up" is only ever going to be a temporary fix. All I can really offer is my sympathy and the reassurance that you are not alone in this.0 -
I just have guys that tell me I come across as a ***** until they get to know me.0
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Orpheus' post sort of echoes something I've been thinking. A lot of times people project the exact opposite of how they feel as a defense mechanism. People that feel insecure often project arrogance to protect themselves from their insecurities, etc. It's possible that our self-conscious enough about being too girly for your line of work so you overcompensate by being too hard. (keep in mind I don't know you and this is more or less a psycho-babble generalization). I had a female assistant manager work for me once who seemed just downright nasty, intolerant of anything that interfered with operations, and aggressive with almost everyone at the store. I knew the guy she was dating and asked him how he put up with it. He told me that once you get to know her she is such a doormat that he was debating breaking up with her because she wouldn't stand up for herself and let the people closest to her run her over.0
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I used to get told all the time that I looked unapproachable when I was out with friends. It doesnt seem to happen anymore though. I've never had a guy tell me that I was to smart or intimidating though. Personally I feel that if you dont like me for who I am please keep moving down the line. I will not downplay who or what I am for anyone male or female.I'm proud of who I am and what I've done and I really dont care if people like it or not lol:bigsmile:0
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Orpheus' post sort of echoes something I've been thinking. A lot of times people project the exact opposite of how they feel as a defense mechanism. People that feel insecure often project arrogance to protect themselves from their insecurities, etc. It's possible that our self-conscious enough about being too girly for your line of work so you overcompensate by being too hard. (keep in mind I don't know you and this is more or less a psycho-babble generalization). I had a female assistant manager work for me once who seemed just downright nasty, intolerant of anything that interfered with operations, and aggressive with almost everyone at the store. I knew the guy she was dating and asked him how he put up with it. He told me that once you get to know her she is such a doormat that he was debating breaking up with her because she wouldn't stand up for herself and let the people closest to her run her over.
It's an interesting thought, and I'm sure you're right to some degree. From a slightly different angle, I work in the performing arts, where things are pretty cutthroat, and insecurity and arrogance often go hand-in-hand. One of my senior tutors once told me I was the only person he knew who had an exactly 50/50 split of courage and paranoia, and that most singers, in his experience, were more like 30/70 in one direction or another.
Maybe that's the problem - I'm not easily categorised as either insecure/paranoid or arrogant/courageous, which makes me 'intimidating'. Many people, especially men, seem to prefer things (people?) they can easily define and put in a neat mental package. Perhaps the OP, with her military occupation, but (judging from the profile!) femininity and curves is not easily defined either. Maybe 'intimidating' is really code for 'confusing'...0 -
lol you're intimidating because you know more than them? HAHAHA. I have met some intimidating women in life but they were intimidating mainly because they kinda had a confrontational personality (Like some really short and petite gf of my friend would always think that I'm anti-woman if I'd try to open a door for her or offer to help her lift a heavy TV or something). That was annoying more than intimidating but w/e
While it would definitely get annoying to have a know-it-all as a partner, I'd much rather be with an intelligent woman. I mean...why would you NOT want a partner who you can have a decent intellectual debate with?0 -
No way, I love intelligence in a woman. Their excuse sounds like some sort of cop-out to me. Women who are unintelligent, trashy, or lack any kind of drive are big turn offs to me. I tend to avoid them.0
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Instead of being intimidated because you know more, they should set out to learn more. You shouldn't have to dumb yourself down so men won't be intimidated.0
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Instead of being intimidated because you know more, they should set out to learn more. You shouldn't have to dumb yourself down so men won't be intimidated.
Probably the stronger idea is looking for the type of man who isn't intimidated by a smart woman. In marketing, that would be called psychographic segmentation. Oh look, I sounded smart. :laugh: :noway:0 -
At dinner with some guys on my team... one says I'm intimidating, and another agrees. Two more nod their heads as I protest, "But I'm the most girly-girl non intimidating person you guys know off duty." I'm told, "guys don't like women to know more than they do."
What do you all think?
I think it shouldn't matter who knows more that sounds like a weak man to me. That is a compliment in my book and I would not want to be around people who think like that.0 -
Instead of being intimidated because you know more, they should set out to learn more. You shouldn't have to dumb yourself down so men won't be intimidated.
Probably the stronger idea is looking for the type of man who isn't intimidated by a smart woman. In marketing, that would be called psychographic segmentation. Oh look, I sounded smart. :laugh: :noway:
daydream land... lol
I love it when my friend lover uses big words and then he asks "do know what that is?"
Most of the time I do but when I don't and he'll glady explain and teach me. Ahhhhh.
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I love it when my friend lover uses big words and then he asks "do know what that is?"
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Interesting, because I would not like that at all (especially if it's a habit) because I'd feel as though he assumed I wasn't smart enough to be with him.0 -
At dinner with some guys on my team... one says I'm intimidating, and another agrees. Two more nod their heads as I protest, "But I'm the most girly-girl non intimidating person you guys know off duty." I'm told, "guys don't like women to know more than they do."
What do you all think?
I think most men in business are intimidated by strong and succesful women. You say the guys on 'your team' does that mean you're their boss??
Either way, peer or boss, its not an insult, and I wouldnt take it as one. In fact, in business, its probably required so that you're respected and treated as an equal, rather than some bimbo that doesnt know what she's talking about! :bigsmile:0 -
Constant issue in my life. I was told just last night that I'm intimidating.
Of course, it was a teenage guy telling me this. Well, I have more than 10 years and two degrees on you, that SHOULD be a little intimidating.0 -
At dinner with some guys on my team... one says I'm intimidating, and another agrees. Two more nod their heads as I protest, "But I'm the most girly-girl non intimidating person you guys know off duty." I'm told, "guys don't like women to know more than they do."
What do you all think?
I think most men in business are intimidated by strong and succesful women. You say the guys on 'your team' does that mean you're their boss??
Either way, peer or boss, its not an insult, and I wouldnt take it as one. In fact, in business, its probably required so that you're respected and treated as an equal, rather than some bimbo that doesnt know what she's talking about! :bigsmile:
Not true of me. In fact, when I worked for EDS, there was a woman everybody called the silver fox. She was ultra type A, high energy, aggressive, and at times could be ruthless. Everyone was afraid of her and wouldn't challenge her (fortunately she was very good at her job and ran a top notch department). I would have asked her out had she not been married.0 -
At dinner with some guys on my team... one says I'm intimidating, and another agrees. Two more nod their heads as I protest, "But I'm the most girly-girl non intimidating person you guys know off duty." I'm told, "guys don't like women to know more than they do."
What do you all think?
I think most men in business are intimidated by strong and succesful women. You say the guys on 'your team' does that mean you're their boss??
Either way, peer or boss, its not an insult, and I wouldnt take it as one. In fact, in business, its probably required so that you're respected and treated as an equal, rather than some bimbo that doesnt know what she's talking about! :bigsmile:
Not true of me. In fact, when I worked for EDS, there was a woman everybody called the silver fox. She was ultra type A, high energy, aggressive, and at times could be ruthless. Everyone was afraid of her and wouldn't challenge her (fortunately she was very good at her job and ran a top notch department). I would have asked her out had she not been married.
Do yo like being whipped as well Amisnercpa?? :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
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Sometimes (only inside my head lol) I get a little hurt when guys especially say I'm intimidating or appear as intimidating. I'm the most bubbly person and I smile alot!!! I'm super friendly also. I don't also like for guys to feel dumb or anything because that's probably one of the biggest things ever that I can't stand (when guys try to make me feel dumb)... So it's one of those situations where it might not be a bad thing or a good thing. I guess it depends on the context.0
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I have been told I am very intimidating. I work around a lot of men (not so nice men either) and I have to be mentally and emotionally strong, which can be intimidating. I also work hard, have my own career, bought my own home, so basically I do not NEED a man for anything (which I am also told is intimidating), but I WANT one in my life to share the benefits of what earn.
It can be incredibly hard being a woman who can do for herself ... but there are men who can appreciate us.0
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