Women who are intimidating?
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I am as guilty as anyone about using general labels but guess I would need a general consensus as to what qualifies one as a "strong woman" or "not so strong".Strong women have got higher standards, so why even try! We can roughly evaluate our self worth, and the (perhaps unrealistic?) expectation that a person has of us.
So, guys, what expectations do you feel a "strong women" has for you that a "not so strong" woman might not have?0 -
Strong women have got higher standards, so why even try! We can roughly evaluate our self worth, and the (perhaps unrealistic?) expectation that a person has of us.
So, guys, what expectations do you feel a "strong women" has for you that a "not so strong" woman might not have?
I find strong women to be incredibly sexy, but they just seem much more unapproachable. They just seem like they don't take crap from anyone, and being a guy, I like to tease a flirt but with some women it doesn't go over well. Plus I feel like they expect a certain amount of confidence.0 -
I feel like they expect a certain amount of confidence.
Isn't that the first rule on the PUA books/websites, lol, develop an air of confidence? Kills the ladies every time!
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I find strong women to be incredibly sexy, but they just seem much more unapproachable.
Thanks for the answer! So where's the line between letting the guy know she's interested (to overcome the unapproachable thing) and being too overbearing?0 -
I am as guilty as anyone about using general labels but guess I would need a general consensus as to what qualifies one as a "strong woman" or "not so strong".Strong women have got higher standards, so why even try! We can roughly evaluate our self worth, and the (perhaps unrealistic?) expectation that a person has of us.
So, guys, what expectations do you feel a "strong women" has for you that a "not so strong" woman might not have?
Feel free to jump in, folks, but my general impression is that women are thought of as 'strong' if they: appear to be confident in themselves, are independent in terms of taking care of themselves/being competent to handle situations, and are openly intelligent (particularly if they offer opinions and ideas in conversation, rather than relying on small talk). Financial security, being a 'caretaker' in some way, and a career path they are committed to often come into the mix as well, to a greater or lesser degree. Often 'strong' women appear (NB I didn't say 'are', just 'appear') to be less emotional than a 'less-strong' woman, and can be perceived as being less feminine as a result. That said, some of the strongest older women I know are among the frilliest as well, so appearances can be deceiving! Is that a reasonable, generalised description?0 -
Feel free to jump in, folks, but my general impression is that women are thought of as 'strong' if they: appear to be confident in themselves, are independent in terms of taking care of themselves/being competent to handle situations, and are openly intelligent (particularly if they offer opinions and ideas in conversation, rather than relying on small talk). Financial security, being a 'caretaker' in some way, and a career path they are committed to often come into the mix as well, to a greater or lesser degree. Often 'strong' women appear (NB I didn't say 'are', just 'appear') to be less emotional than a 'less-strong' woman, and can be perceived as being less feminine as a result. That said, some of the strongest older women I know are among the frilliest as well, so appearances can be deceiving! Is that a reasonable, generalised description?
To me that is what I would consider a normal lady and what I would want so would not be intimidated in the least.
I would think her expectations of me would be about the same and that is not an issue either.
After that it would be a matter of seeing if overall personalities meshed.0 -
I would think that if a woman is actually strong and confident than she would just approach me if she is interested. But that never happens. It doesn't take much to let a guy know you're interested. Eye contact, smile, say hi, whatever. I have no problem approaching someone if they show even the slightest bit of interest, but I won't approach anyone that doesn't.I find strong women to be incredibly sexy, but they just seem much more unapproachable.
Thanks for the answer! So where's the line between letting the guy know she's interested (to overcome the unapproachable thing) and being too overbearing?
See, men want to be the man in the relationship, and if a woman is overly confident and comes on too strong it takes away the challenge. I like a little bit of a challenge, but I hate wasting my time on someone who is probably out of my league.0 -
Random:
Even though I've seen this topic for days, for some reason I just glanced at the title and read it as "Women who are undulating"
LOL.0 -
I like a little bit of a challenge, but I hate wasting my time on someone who is probably out of my league.
It never occurred to me that someone might be "out of my league" so I'm struggling with this concept. How would a strong woman that is open to dating a "regular guy" show herself open? So "regular guys" then know she's not "out of their league?"
Edit: wow, I just re-read that... it sounds awfully vain. sorry. I'm not quite sure how to express it any other way.0 -
This topic caught my eye as I too could be considered a 'strong woman' simply because I am capable, independant, hardworking and willing to try pretty much anything. No such thing as a 'blue' or 'pink' task. I drive a 1 ton, take my kids into the bush for camping and fishing, drive a boat, ride a motorcycle. Do home repairs and renos all without blinking an eye.
On the other hand I am very feminine and a nurturer by nature (Nurse), and rather a big suck.
Point being is be who you are, enjoy your life, be open to romantic opportunities. SMILE!!! darn it!!!!:happy: Be approachable and be willing to approach. Yes, I too am single but in the mean time I really think worrying about it only puts up obstacles in your quest for that 'sweet spot'. Relax :smooched:0 -
i think its true, guys don't like women to be smarter than men. and in their defense i dont like to be smarter than guys i'm dating lol. I am confident but I want a guy who can hold a good conversation not just talk about how wasted he got with his friends last weekend or how awesome he is at his video games. ugh
don't get me wrong, i do need a guy who can handle a strong, independent, successful, outspoken woman but not to the point that he is controlling. just let me be me and appreciate it
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I am a strong woman and I refuse to apprear weak in order to stroke someone ego. Maybe why I am single
Good for you! My ex didn't like that I was like this.... too freaking bad for him. 0 -
I'm not sure I follow you anymore. I didn't mean that strong women were out of my league, I just meant that I don't waste time pursuing women that have shown no interest in me. And I have no idea what you mean by "regular guy".It never occurred to me that someone might be "out of my league" so I'm struggling with this concept. How would a strong woman that is open to dating a "regular guy" show herself open? So "regular guys" then know she's not "out of their league?"
Edit: wow, I just re-read that... it sounds awfully vain. sorry. I'm not quite sure how to express it any other way.
The thing is, I never ever ever get approached by women. If I pass somebody in the grocery store and they think I'm cute, I will have no clue, because rarely do they even smile, make eye contact, say hi, or anything. I'm sure as a female you've been approached by men in the past. Just think about what they've said to you to make you know that they were interested.0 -
The thing is, I never ever ever get approached by women. If I pass somebody in the grocery store and they think I'm cute, I will have no clue, because rarely do they even smile, make eye contact, say hi, or anything. I'm sure as a female you've been approached by men in the past. Just think about what they've said to you to make you know that they were interested.
What?? I can’t believe that! You have a lot of things going for you. I approach men a lot. Smile, say hi, come up with something to initiate conversation. I do that even for guys I'm not interested in though, just for practice, but especially with cute guys with no wedding ring.
Sometimes it works well. Sometimes it doesn't ...like the time I was waiting on my son and watched this guy stand around for half an hour. He was cute and I thought maybe his date stood him up. So I went up to chat... and 30 seconds later his date arrived. Talk about evil eye.I like a little bit of a challenge, but I hate wasting my time on someone who is probably out of my league.
What I mean is, we're on a thread about strong women. A couple guys said they won’t waste their time and if she wants him she needs to initiate. I'm taking this statement to mean that average guys feel strong woman are probably out of their league (even if you don’t). I’m hoping guys will give some advice to the ladies on how to be more approachable. It’s beginning to sound like a “strong” woman who wants to be pursued is just plain out of luck…like she pretty much has to do all the heavy lifting.0 -
First of all, define "strong" so I know what exactly we're talking about. Most women I know would probably consider themselves to be strong (not in the physical sense obviously).What I mean is, we're on a thread about strong women. A couple guys said they won’t waste their time and if she wants him she needs to initiate. I'm taking this statement to mean that average guys feel strong woman are probably out of their league (even if you don’t). I’m hoping guys will give some advice to the ladies on how to be more approachable. It’s beginning to sound like a “strong” woman who wants to be pursued is just plain out of luck…like she pretty much has to do all the heavy lifting.
That was probably me that said that. I mean you seem strong but friendly and approachable, so I wouldn't think it would be a issue. I'll pursue any woman I'm attracted to that shows some interest, it doesn't really matter how strong she is.0 -
I've been told several times that I intimidate men. I really examined this and realized it's not about my intelligence but rather my "hard edges." I never realized I came off a bit cold and unapproachable. So I've been working on this. Smile. I'm telling you, it does the trick.
Men that are worth having are not intimidated by women who are educated and independent. I just think many of us put off aggressive vibes.0 -
First of all, define "strong" so I know what exactly we're talking about. Most women I know would probably consider themselves to be strong (not in the physical sense obviously).
Reposting my answer to this question higher up the thread.
Feel free to jump in, folks, but my general impression is that women are thought of as 'strong' if they: appear to be confident in themselves, are independent in terms of taking care of themselves/being competent to handle situations, and are openly intelligent (particularly if they offer opinions and ideas in conversation, rather than relying on small talk). Financial security, being a 'caretaker' in some way, and a career path they are committed to often come into the mix as well, to a greater or lesser degree. Often 'strong' women appear (NB I didn't say 'are', just 'appear') to be less emotional than a 'less-strong' woman, and can be perceived as being less feminine as a result. That said, some of the strongest older women I know are among the frilliest as well, so appearances can be deceiving! Is that a reasonable, generalised description?
And I'd love some answers to this one as well...What I mean is, we're on a thread about strong women. A couple guys said they won’t waste their time and if she wants him she needs to initiate. I'm taking this statement to mean that average guys feel strong woman are probably out of their league (even if you don’t). I’m hoping guys will give some advice to the ladies on how to be more approachable.0 -
I've been told several times that I intimidate men. I really examined this and realized it's not about my intelligence but rather my "hard edges." I never realized I came off a bit cold and unapproachable. So I've been working on this. Smile. I'm telling you, it does the trick.
Men that are worth having are not intimidated by women who are educated and independent. I just think many of us put off aggressive vibes.
yes a smile goes a long way! I recall a few weeks back I was jogging out on a trail in my area. I was huffing and puffing along and was about to take a quick 2 min walk break when this pretty blonde jogger girl came around the turn and flashed a smille in my direction as she past me.
needless to say I got this surge of energy and I kept going for another good 10 mins before getting in my walk break. 0 -
Basically what happens is: you appear to valuable. It could be: too rich, too beautiful, too intelligent... Or a combination.I’m hoping guys will give some advice to the ladies on how to be more approachable. It’s beginning to sound like a “strong” woman who wants to be pursued is just plain out of luck…like she pretty much has to do all the heavy lifting.
So just use self-deprecation and be humble. People will think you are more approachable if you are humble about your life, your money, show your silly/stupid side...
"But I am huuuumble!!!". Sure, everyone is. But what matters is what the other one perceive.
Simple: when you attempt to seduce/interest women/men, you are trying to show your worth/value. Right?
You don't come saying: "I'm a hobo, I beat women and I fart in bed." (value: 0/10)
Someone should for example demonstrate: I'm well off, in a good job, a decent father, and funny (value: 10/10)
If you don't believe me, think about how likely you would be to attempt to seduce, say, George Clooney or I dunno Hugh Jackman.
Chances are you would think: he's way out of my league, not even worth trying. What makes those men so valuable? So unapproachable? Yet, like you, they probably go and take a dump every morning.
But that's not how you perceive them.
If however these high value people were approaching you and were showing admiration to all your achievements, and were putting themselves down all the time ("You know, I don't think I'm nowhere near as intelligent as you are... This is fascinating and I must say I'm really impressed!") then suddenly your value would increase and theirs be reduced.
As a general rule, whenever I say something serious about me, I will follow by some silly comment about the thing e.g.:
"Yeah, I'm starting a business..." (other: Wow! Flam gained +1 value) "Well you know, all this means is I'm basically broke constantly because I don't make nearly enough money!" and then I laugh (other: Ok! He's normal then - Flam lost 1 value).
It would be counter productive to always raise my value.
You don't want to be a person with a value of 0/10 (because nobody would want to approach you anyway) but you don't want to be a movie star (11/10).
Interestingly, you can calibrate this depending on who you are talking to. I think I make mine oscillate, and the more "worthy" the woman, the more I will have to show value (e.g. I would end up showing a value of 8-9), but in all honesty, most of the time, the women are trying to show their value to me (I must look unapproachable as well), so I just have to put myself down until we reach a similar value.
Also remember it's all down to perception, so you might not be worth a penny, but appear so. This is also why it's counter productive to show your value/brag all the time as a man (wealth, car, house, intelligence), as not only it is irritating but also you might end up losing the girl on the way. But some men think they need to impress the girl so will do it anyway.
So you need to appear valuable, desirable, but not too much.
Hope you get the idea.
ADDENDUM: once a woman sees you as approachable, once you have been together a few times/a few dates, then start raising your value again and she'll be hooked! :laugh: I don't do this though (not that I would tell if I were) 0 -
Well, I'm the girliest girl ever (basically the brunette Elle Woods as my friends say). Guys call me "cute". I'm always very smiley. Yet when I wonder why I can't get a date, people just tell me I intimidate guys. What's so intimidating about a short "cutesy" woman who's wearing all pink? Someone explain THIS to me... haha0
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Hot girls scare people away AND from the distance because it is the most visible trait of worth. So it adds value to you without even talking to people.Well, I'm the girliest girl ever (basically the brunette Elle Woods as my friends say). Guys call me "cute". I'm always very smiley. Yet when I wonder why I can't get a date, people just tell me I intimidate guys. What's so intimidating about a short "cutesy" woman who's wearing all pink? Someone explain THIS to me... haha0 -
If however these high value people were approaching you and were showing admiration to all your achievements, and were putting themselves down all the time ("You know, I don't think I'm nowhere near as intelligent as you are... This is fascinating and I must say I'm really impressed!") then suddenly your value would increase and theirs be reduced.
So, basically, if you're too pretty, tone it down, if you dress too well, don't, and if you're intelligent, pretend to be less so. In fact, forget about being yourself at all, don't expect to be an equal in the relationship, and adopt a sycophantic, fifties-female attitude while you're at it. Really?! I'm all for being modest about one's achievements - no one likes arrogance - and a little flattery will get you a long way, but what you're saying seems to go beyond that into something no-one here seems to appreciate; pretending to be someone you're not. If this is really what men want? If this is really how one needs to behave to attract a partner as an independent, intelligent woman? Then frankly, I give up.0 -
Well, I'm the girliest girl ever (basically the brunette Elle Woods as my friends say). Guys call me "cute". I'm always very smiley. Yet when I wonder why I can't get a date, people just tell me I intimidate guys. What's so intimidating about a short "cutesy" woman who's wearing all pink? Someone explain THIS to me... haha
Nothing should be intimidating about that. A lot of times if a woman is really pretty, a guy will assume she already has a boyfriend and/or a ton of competition and not bother, because in many cases, that is true. If someone catches my attention, I make it known.0 -
Just throwing something out as food for thought.
Maybe "strong" women are not intimidating but weaker or needy ones spark the protector/fixer part of us guys so that is why they attract attention.0 -
Well, I'm the girliest girl ever (basically the brunette Elle Woods as my friends say). Guys call me "cute". I'm always very smiley. Yet when I wonder why I can't get a date, people just tell me I intimidate guys. What's so intimidating about a short "cutesy" woman who's wearing all pink? Someone explain THIS to me... haha
Nothing should be intimidating about that. A lot of times if a woman is really pretty, a guy will assume she already has a boyfriend and/or a ton of competition and not bother, because in many cases, that is true. If someone catches my attention, I make it known.
There is truth in that and think it is a human thing more then a male/female one.0 -
Just throwing something out as food for thought.
Maybe "strong" women are not intimidating but weaker or needy ones spark the protector/fixer part of us guys so that is why they attract attention.
You're probably right. And yet...almost all the men on this thread say that they don't want needy or weak. Seems like, in this regard, we girls can't win!0 -
Just throwing something out as food for thought.
Maybe "strong" women are not intimidating but weaker or needy ones spark the protector/fixer part of us guys so that is why they attract attention.
Bingo! I think this is it exactly.0 -
Most of the girls I date fall into the above definition. I see all of that as pretty much the norm, but maybe I am just picky.Reposting my answer to this question higher up the thread.
Feel free to jump in, folks, but my general impression is that women are thought of as 'strong' if they: appear to be confident in themselves, are independent in terms of taking care of themselves/being competent to handle situations, and are openly intelligent (particularly if they offer opinions and ideas in conversation, rather than relying on small talk). Financial security, being a 'caretaker' in some way, and a career path they are committed to often come into the mix as well, to a greater or lesser degree. Often 'strong' women appear (NB I didn't say 'are', just 'appear') to be less emotional than a 'less-strong' woman, and can be perceived as being less feminine as a result. That said, some of the strongest older women I know are among the frilliest as well, so appearances can be deceiving! Is that a reasonable, generalised description?
And I'd love some answers to this one as well...What I mean is, we're on a thread about strong women. A couple guys said they won’t waste their time and if she wants him she needs to initiate. I'm taking this statement to mean that average guys feel strong woman are probably out of their league (even if you don’t). I’m hoping guys will give some advice to the ladies on how to be more approachable.
I've also dated my share of needy girls, there isn't a bigger turn off.
With that said, I don't think there is a big correlation between strong women and approachability. I don't really know how strong someone is until I get to know them. To me, the more approachable women are usually good looking, happy, and friendly.
Flam does have a point though, you have to know your own self worth. I generally won't approach a woman that is much hotter than me, I just don't have the confidence or sense of humor to raise myself up to what I believe to be her level (even though she could still be a total dud).
Now if you all are worried about being approached more, I don't think it really has anything to do with how strong you are. Like somebody else said, smile more. Or at least appear to be happy. Don't expect to be approached by every guy you think is cute, chances are he is more shy than you. Or you're just not his type, don't take it personally.
Now if you want to be approached more because you actually want to meet more guys, then approach them (since you claim to be so confident and strong). Good guys like myself are all over the place, we just don't always approach very many women. I think it's a breath of fresh air when a girl makes the first move, I can't say I'll always be interested, but it's still nice.0 -
Im an alpha female. I call the shots at both my jobs and I have tons of responsibility on my shoulders and make way too many decisions every day. I can take care of myself and have for 15 years, in many metropolitan cities around the United States. I have no familial support system, its just me.
I have absolutely no problem admitting that sometimes, I would love to come home to someone and hand over the reins, the decision making and the shot-calling and curl up in his arms and let time stand still for a minute. And an equal number of times I am feeling extra strong and he could come home looking for the same thing and Id be more than happy to give it to him.
I want the option to be held and to hold. No one should have to stand on their own and fend for themselves forever just because they are strong and independent. Then again, I am kind of old fashioned in lots of ways.
This is exactly how I feel about it. I get a thrill out of being good at my job and knowing that I can stand toe-to-toe with the men I work with, but when work is done, I don't want to wear the pants anymore, so to speak. It's not only nice but also necessary to be able to turn the femininity back on, to have a man who makes me feel safe and cherished and, yes, sexy and desirable.
At the same time, I am a nurturer. I want a man to know that when he has one of those days where he gets kicked in the proverbial balls repeatedly, he can come home, ditch the superhero costume, and know that he doesn't have to prove anything to me and that I will take care of him for a change.
I don't think any of that is incompatible with women expecting to be treated as equals in the workplace or having the same basic rights (voting, property ownership, etc.) as men. We can still acknowledge and even celebrate the fact that we are biologically hardwired with complementary "skills," e.g. men are providers and protectors, women are nurturers and caregivers, etc.
Yessssssssssssss this is exactly what I was talking about!!!!! Right on!!0 -
Just throwing something out as food for thought.
Maybe "strong" women are not intimidating but weaker or needy ones spark the protector/fixer part of us guys so that is why they attract attention.
You're probably right. And yet...almost all the men on this thread say that they don't want needy or weak. Seems like, in this regard, we girls can't win!
The trick is recognizing that is what she is and not a for the moment damsel in distress.
Once that is figured out it may be too late to easily extricate oneself.0
This discussion has been closed.