Women who are intimidating?
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There is a lot of truth to this. We like to fill the superhero role, and we like to rescue the damsel in distress (to an extent). When a girl makes a lot of money, or if she knows how to use a nail gun, change a tire, or solve her own problems then we feel like you don't really need us for anything.Just throwing something out as food for thought.
Maybe "strong" women are not intimidating but weaker or needy ones spark the protector/fixer part of us guys so that is why they attract attention.0 -
There is a lot of truth to this. We like to fill the superhero role, and we like to rescue the damsel in distress (to an extent). When a girl makes a lot of money, or if she knows how to use a nail gun, change a tire, or solve her own problems then we feel like you don't really need us for anything.Just throwing something out as food for thought.
Maybe "strong" women are not intimidating but weaker or needy ones spark the protector/fixer part of us guys so that is why they attract attention.
Not so much we feel she doesn`t need it but she doesn`t exhibit it so it falls under the radar screen.
She may very well have moments when she "needs" a protector/fixer but they are few.
The needy lady is always in that state so any happenstance contact with her is going to provide the opportunity.
Trust me though...she will drain all energy from a person so beware.
Tough to do as being decent is being caring and sympathetic so easy to get drawn in.0 -
Nope, you shouldn't make yourself average by becoming ugly if you're beautiful, you shouldn't make yourself stupid if you are intelligent, etc. Otherwise you'd be putting your value to 0 and nobody would want you.If however these high value people were approaching you and were showing admiration to all your achievements, and were putting themselves down all the time ("You know, I don't think I'm nowhere near as intelligent as you are... This is fascinating and I must say I'm really impressed!") then suddenly your value would increase and theirs be reduced.
So, basically, if you're too pretty, tone it down, if you dress too well, don't, and if you're intelligent, pretend to be less so. In fact, forget about being yourself at all, don't expect to be an equal in the relationship, and adopt a sycophantic, fifties-female attitude while you're at it. Really?! I'm all for being modest about one's achievements - no one likes arrogance - and a little flattery will get you a long way, but what you're saying seems to go beyond that into something no-one here seems to appreciate; pretending to be someone you're not. If this is really what men want? If this is really how one needs to behave to attract a partner as an independent, intelligent woman? Then frankly, I give up.
In fact, it's good to have some things that you can use to your advantage, but the point is: downplay them so that people are never intimidated.
Sure by stretching things you could say: but then you are not yourself. It can be true, but then again, we're only talking about the initial approach/first few dates.
Everyone has got 1000s of facets, so just chose wisely how you present yourself on the first few dates/times.
Okay, read the following 10 times: "Perception is nearer the truth than reality."
It just is true in pretty much every aspect of our life, and certainly in dating. It doesn't matter in the end what is true, what is important is what is seen to be true by other people.
Strong women are perceived as strong, even though they are not (they are only humans after all). You feel you should be approached, but nobody gives a *kitten* because that's not how they see you.
So the whole point is to change the person's perception of you to the point that he doesn't perceive you as "unattainable" any more.
I do that all the time - so I'm the living proof that this works (and I'm not the only person). E.g. I *never ever* talk about my education to people or they would freak out immediately (it's the best "first few dates" repellent for me).
I know my opinions are not very popular and people would like to believe things are always flowing and feelings/emotions are all that matter, but there is a lot of things happening behind the scene (subconsciously) and it is good to be aware of them.
If you think about your previous interactions with men, and the value/worth you perceived in them (why you were attracted to them) and how excited you were that someone so valuable was approaching you, everything will fall into place.
And then the truth is they weren't probably that valuable since you are here with your fellow singles.0 -
you cant downplay your advantages so that people are never intimidated. Someone's always gonan be intimidated. Just like you cant make everyone happy or offend no one. You just gotta find someone who is just as badass as you are so they wont be.
If a man is so intimidated by you that he cant handle being with you then... BOOM- you officially know that ... he just aint the one for you. Dont tone down your awesomeness, ever. Us girls have enough problems/self-confidence issues/hang-ups trying to be everything for everyone including ourselves, to have the ability to stop where we are and try to do the math to be just slightly less than badass so we dont bother anyone.
Geez man, i love your comments but that one made my head hurt. Tone down the awesome? Do you want a girl whos amazing and badass and just incredible... to try not to be so great?
but... dont be awesome?
like... we shouldnt be awesome? Arent we supposed to be awesome??
aNEURYSM0 -
OK, I understand more clearly what you were saying now, flamfloz. Apologies for flying off the handle a bit - I'm a tad sensitive about being told to 'pretend' to be someone I'm not, having been told that repeatedly by various well-meaning 'friends' :grumble: . Honestly, I've never seen the point. Deceiving someone about who you are has never seemed to me to be a great way to start a potential relationship! Presenting the side you want the other person to see first... now that's a whole different ball-game. :bigsmile:0
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ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh
my bad, i didnt get it til orpheus jumped in.
un-aneuryzed0 -
Agreed it is likely that someone so easily intimidated by you would not be the right person for you anyway.
There's also the issue of the nature of these perceptions. Yes initial impressions count but after that it's a matter of whether you choose to have meaningful interactions with others or not. Today's dating scene encourages tick list crieria which have nothing to do with real compatibility. If you value integrity, genuineness and acceptance in relationships then if someone dismisses you out of hand based on a superficial judgement, surely that is to your advantage? Be yourself, always
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