Women who are intimidating?
Replies
-
I have a date with a CPA with a Master's degree tomorrow and I'm not at all intimidated by her intellectual prowess. I'm looking forward to it!
Let us know how it goes - good luck!0 -
I have a date with a CPA with a Master's degree tomorrow and I'm not at all intimidated by her intellectual prowess. I'm looking forward to it!
Let us know how it goes - good luck!
yeah... we want details
0 -
I have a date with a CPA with a Master's degree tomorrow and I'm not at all intimidated by her intellectual prowess. I'm looking forward to it!
How'd it go? Has she finished your taxes yet? ;-)0 -
Yeah, how did it go???????????????????????????? :bigsmile:0
-
I doubt we see each other again. The chemistry was not obvious, and if there is not obvious chemistry on a first date, there's not a second one.
She did impressive research via Google on me, finding some industry blog posts I've written. She had to figure out my last name to do that. She randomly brought up something from a post I wrote 2 years ago. If the roles were reversed and I did that with a woman, most women would have called me creepy.
I think Googling potential online dates is fine, but bringing up something that tips your hand about the research you put in is not fine. At least she was in the moment, which is good, as I've been on dates where the woman was utterly preoccupied with other things.0 -
Creepy indeed. And definitely something I wouldn't have liked either - especially on a first date.She did impressive research via Google on me, finding some industry blog posts I've written. She had to figure out my last name to do that. She randomly brought up something from a post I wrote 2 years ago. If the roles were reversed and I did that with a woman, most women would have called me creepy.
I think Googling potential online dates is fine, but bringing up something that tips your hand about the research you put in is not fine.
I guess after a few dates, once you know the person more, it's a nice way to show interest to say "Hey, I found this post of you which I found interesting blahblah".
I'll tell you what though, I think they might be introducing face recognition on pictures at some point, so you "google" a picture instead of a text and it finds possible matches for your face on the internet. That would be really scary.0 -
I doubt we see each other again. The chemistry was not obvious, and if there is not obvious chemistry on a first date, there's not a second one.
Fair enough. If you dont feel anything its hard to date again. That's the harshest thing about internet dating I think. Cos, IRL you can meet someone, and get to know them, and THEN the chemistry happens.........
She did impressive research via Google on me, finding some industry blog posts I've written. She had to figure out my last name to do that. She randomly brought up something from a post I wrote 2 years ago. If the roles were reversed and I did that with a woman, most women would have called me creepy.
Ok, as a woman, I would NEVER do that!! I think its intrusive and a violation of privacy!! And yeah, CREEPY!!! :laugh: I dont even like joining on FB cos I think of the person as a stranger and wouldnt want them seeing too much of me and my life at such an early state. So I dont want to know theirs. I guess I'm just private like that.
However, I do understand the need to feel safe in meeting someone (if that was her motive), so finding out the persons name, town, phone number (by asking them!) is mandatory, but anything else? nah! That goes with the fun of seeing someone and having a conversation......
I dont know about you, but when I go on a date and there is nothing there, I still feel quite deflated and disappointed. So onwards and upwards DM, you never know who's round the corner.....:flowerforyou:0 -
I think Googling potential online dates is fine, but bringing up something that tips your hand about the research you put in is not fine.
Help me understand this... so it's ok to Google potential dates but not mention it? I'm not trying to be snarky here... it's just that I have a pretty extensive online presence and I find it strange that most guys seem not to know it... I would think as a matter of safety you'd at least Google someone and check out anything they openly have online. I, myself, am a bit flattered when someone mentions one of my old blog posts or one of my charity websites. And even better if we've gone out a few times and they actually subscribe (most don't).0 -
I've googled guys before..
With FL, I brought it up to him during our 1st date. He thought it was funny and it started up a conversation about the picture I found.
I do it for safety. It's a way to make sure he is who he says he is.0 -
I think Googling potential online dates is fine, but bringing up something that tips your hand about the research you put in is not fine.
Help me understand this... so it's ok to Google potential dates but not mention it? I'm not trying to be snarky here... it's just that I have a pretty extensive online presence and I find it strange that most guys seem not to know it... I would think as a matter of safety you'd at least Google someone and check out anything they openly have online. I, myself, am a bit flattered when someone mentions one of my old blog posts or one of my charity websites. And even better if we've gone out a few times and they actually subscribe (most don't).
If she did the research to make her feel better, that's fine. But I never gave her my last name, so she had to figure out a way to get my last name. Once she had my last name, she could find some of my work. And the way the topic was broached was a bit odd. She said something not within the flow of the conversation "So, you like X YouTube video?". I immediately knew that the only way someone would know that about me is if they read a certain article I wrote (I have hundreds of blog posts to my name). So I was a bit surprised that she did that. She didn't necessarily complement the article, just really made reference to something I wrote about in one paragraph.
I like the idea of her being into me enough to do the research, but the execution of weaving it into the conversation was the issue. I've been on dates where a woman was quite lackadaisical in her approach to the evening, so I prefer someone being interested. I didn't research her last name, or where she worked.0 -
I doubt we see each other again. The chemistry was not obvious, and if there is not obvious chemistry on a first date, there's not a second one.
She did impressive research via Google on me, finding some industry blog posts I've written. She had to figure out my last name to do that. She randomly brought up something from a post I wrote 2 years ago. If the roles were reversed and I did that with a woman, most women would have called me creepy.
I think Googling potential online dates is fine, but bringing up something that tips your hand about the research you put in is not fine. At least she was in the moment, which is good, as I've been on dates where the woman was utterly preoccupied with other things.
If roles were reversed and a guy did that to me I would be super creeped out!!! Especially since she didn't know your full name already. I've done some pre-date googling in the past but usually only find a few photos or a company website - very boring really - maybe I'm into the wrong people?0 -
Especially since she didn't know your full name already.
I've been hit on by enough married men that I wouldn't go out with someone anymore if I didn't know their full name, and I always google search them. Nothing ruins a date like finding out the guy you're with is actually married.0 -
Especially since she didn't know your full name already.
I've been hit on by enough married men that I wouldn't go out with someone anymore if I didn't know their full name, and I always google search them. Nothing ruins a date like finding out the guy you're with is actually married.
Yes, I like my dates to be in the right mindset, single and looking. Isn't there another way to find out that info you want? Googling someone's name won't necessarily let you know that they are married.
I am pretty sure that I have not had any dates with married women, but I have had dates where the women were not in the proper frame of mind to be dating.0 -
Especially since she didn't know your full name already.
I've been hit on by enough married men that I wouldn't go out with someone anymore if I didn't know their full name, and I always google search them. Nothing ruins a date like finding out the guy you're with is actually married.
I guess as you have an 'online presence' and dont mind being googled, you dont really see the harm in it. But the thought of some random stranger googling me just creeps me out! So I wouldnt do it myself. I think maybe I've met too many guys off dating sites that were just creepy/weird/OCD/loony.......etc!!
but hey, as Florian just suggested with picture recognition, soon nobody will have any privacy on here, so perhaps something to get used to :indifferent:
@Janie - How do you know that information is up to date anyhow? I mean, what if the guy WAS married and is now separated or divorced but things aren't updated? Couldnt you find out the WRONG info??0 -
Isn't there another way to find out that info you want? Googling someone's name won't necessarily let you know that they are married.
Would love some suggestions..
Googling/facebook has told me that someone was married, that someone was actually 10 years older than he told me (with kids my age), that someone had a string of failed businesses but blamed it on "the man" instead of his wacky ideas, and that someone had a kid they hadn't told me about.
Yep. I'm a stalker. :bigsmile:0 -
Isn't there another way to find out that info you want? Googling someone's name won't necessarily let you know that they are married.
Would love some suggestions..
Googling/facebook has told me that someone was married, that someone was actually 10 years older than he told me (with kids my age), that someone had a string of failed businesses but blamed it on "the man" instead of his wacky ideas, and that someone had a kid they hadn't told me about.
Yep. I'm a stalker. :bigsmile:
Did you have their full names when you did this Google/Facebook stuff? There is a difference. The woman I saw last night, she didn't have my full name. So she had to get that before getting to the info that she mentioned.0 -
Did you have their full names when you did this Google/Facebook stuff? There is a difference. The woman I saw last night, she didn't have my full name. So she had to get that before getting to the info that she mentioned.
If I didn't have a guy's first name, I would either ask, or if it's one of those "I think he told me but I'm embarrassed to tell him I forgot" most certainly look him up and try to find it out.
But YMMV... lol... we all know I'm different ;-)0 -
I'm a little on the fence here. As a woman, I'd be inclined to google/facebook search anyone I was potentially going out with on a date (and I wouldn't agree to one of those without knowing a first and surname!), especially if it was someone I'd met online, as a matter of security. If I was going on a date with someone I'd been introduced to by friends, I'd be asking them for basic information/assurances that this was a good person anyway, so in the internet age, I'd be inclined to use the tools available to me.
That said, I'd be looking for basic info (confirming the general 'story', if you like), and perhaps an indication of fields of interest to provide subjects of conversation. Digging deeper and reading blog posts/professional content does seem a bit stalker-ish to me too! I also agree that it's not a good idea to let slip the extent of your research - quoting a particular line from one particular post out of many makes someone seem a tad obsessive.0 -
Really for "security"? When I read that, I feel like everyone is on the internet to kill women...I'm a little on the fence here. As a woman, I'd be inclined to google/facebook search anyone I was potentially going out with on a date (and I wouldn't agree to one of those without knowing a first and surname!), especially if it was someone I'd met online, as a matter of security. If I was going on a date with someone I'd been introduced to by friends, I'd be asking them for basic information/assurances that this was a good person anyway, so in the internet age, I'd be inclined to use the tools available to me.
I think it is a bit excessive to assume that, especially with the number of people using it nowadays without troubles.
Also, if I was a bad person, I would make my best to hide it - especially on the internet. That is of course if I'm not bad AND stupid as well.
I probably wouldn't give my surname before seeing the person face to face first. I personally find that more of a security risk than seeing someone in person in a public place/pub or else (I want to see the person is stable first, not going to stalk me for bloody ages, not some Nigerian/Chinese hacker trying to steal my identity or whatever I can think of).
If you meet someone on a night out, randomly, you don't know their surname, background or anything else actually.0 -
I'm a little on the fence here. As a woman, I'd be inclined to google/facebook search anyone I was potentially going out with on a date (and I wouldn't agree to one of those without knowing a first and surname!), especially if it was someone I'd met online, as a matter of security. If I was going on a date with someone I'd been introduced to by friends, I'd be asking them for basic information/assurances that this was a good person anyway, so in the internet age, I'd be inclined to use the tools available to me.
That said, I'd be looking for basic info (confirming the general 'story', if you like), and perhaps an indication of fields of interest to provide subjects of conversation. Digging deeper and reading blog posts/professional content does seem a bit stalker-ish to me too! I also agree that it's not a good idea to let slip the extent of your research - quoting a particular line from one particular post out of many makes someone seem a tad obsessive.
^^ Agreed.
When I did online dating I googled using whatever info I had - it was motivated by safety concerns. I would never mention anything I found - for me that seems like bad manners. Usually I stuck to basics, any more just felt a bit weird and stalkerish, though there would be nothing wrong with it per se as it is public information. However the last guy I met I began to have serious concerns about after meeting him twice, so I went back and read everything I could. This confirmed I was right to be worried and I wouldn't have met him at all had I done more research. I'm not sure I'll ever do online dating again, but if I did I would always find out as much info as possible now.0 -
Really for "security"? When I read that, I feel like everyone is on the internet to kill women...I'm a little on the fence here. As a woman, I'd be inclined to google/facebook search anyone I was potentially going out with on a date (and I wouldn't agree to one of those without knowing a first and surname!), especially if it was someone I'd met online, as a matter of security. If I was going on a date with someone I'd been introduced to by friends, I'd be asking them for basic information/assurances that this was a good person anyway, so in the internet age, I'd be inclined to use the tools available to me.
I think it is a bit excessive to assume that, especially with the number of people using it nowadays without troubles.
Also, if I was a bad person, I would make my best to hide it - especially on the internet. That is of course if I'm not bad AND stupid as well.
I probably wouldn't give my surname before seeing the person face to face first. I personally find that more of a security risk than seeing someone in person in a public place/pub or else (I want to see the person is stable first, not going to stalk me for bloody ages, not some Nigerian/Chinese hacker trying to steal my identity or whatever I can think of).
If you meet someone on a night out, randomly, you don't know their surname, background or anything else actually.
Not everyone who poses a security/harrassment risk is a bad person. They may have little insight into the fact that their conduct is not socially acceptable. If you meet someone randomly on a night out you have information from meeting them that you can use to assess safety. If you've never met them you are going in blind - I would not meet a guy without his name at least.0 -
Really for "security"? When I read that, I feel like everyone is on the internet to kill women...I'm a little on the fence here. As a woman, I'd be inclined to google/facebook search anyone I was potentially going out with on a date (and I wouldn't agree to one of those without knowing a first and surname!), especially if it was someone I'd met online, as a matter of security. If I was going on a date with someone I'd been introduced to by friends, I'd be asking them for basic information/assurances that this was a good person anyway, so in the internet age, I'd be inclined to use the tools available to me.
I think it is a bit excessive to assume that, especially with the number of people using it nowadays without troubles.
Also, if I was a bad person, I would make my best to hide it - especially on the internet. That is of course if I'm not bad AND stupid as well.
I probably wouldn't give my surname before seeing the person face to face first. I personally find that more of a security risk than seeing someone in person in a public place/pub or else (I want to see the person is stable first, not going to stalk me for bloody ages, not some Nigerian/Chinese hacker trying to steal my identity or whatever I can think of).
If you meet someone on a night out, randomly, you don't know their surname, background or anything else actually.
Depends on the circumstances - if I were to meet someone on a night out, it would usually be because they are the friend of a friend, and certain assumptions can be made. Even if not, I have a context for that person, which gives me a starting-point at any rate. There's also the advantage of meeting face-to-face, with all that implies. Online, I'm not going to know, unless they're very blatant about it (in which case I wouldn't be agreeing to a date!), if they give me a creepy vibe, or make me feel just that little bit uneasy, which is usually my cue to cut things off. Of course I'm not going to demand a full name on-line, but I wouldn't be agreeing to an in-person date until we'd spoken on the phone anyway, at which point I think it's entirely appropriate to be asking for a little more detailed information about surnames etc - I'd be willing to give mine.
I don't assume that everyone's "on the internet to kill women", not at all, but when I'm talking to someone online, I'm not at any risk of being in danger - I'm in control of my own environment. When I meet someone face-to-face who I've never met before, the possibility always exists. With most people, it can be written off virtually instantly, but there's a small percentage who do pose a threat, and it's because of those few that women are taught always to be just that bit extra-cautious. It's very difficult now for people to completely hide themselves and their real lives online - not impossible, I grant you, but certainly difficult. Meeting someone new with no context behind them, which is essentially what you do if you meet someone face-to-face after meeting them online, is rather like wandering down a dark alley on your own. Chances are, you'll be fine, but it's better to be armed with a little knowledge of what's along the way, and where you might end up before taking the risk.0 -
Not everyone who poses a security/harrassment risk is a bad person. They may have little insight into the fact that their conduct is not socially acceptable. If you meet someone randomly on a night out you have information from meeting them that you can use to assess safety. If you've never met them you are going in blind - I would not meet a guy without his name at least.I don't assume that everyone's "on the internet to kill women", not at all, but when I'm talking to someone online, I'm not at any risk of being in danger - I'm in control of my own environment. When I meet someone face-to-face who I've never met before, the possibility always exists. With most people, it can be written off virtually instantly, but there's a small percentage who do pose a threat, and it's because of those few that women are taught always to be just that bit extra-cautious.
What "threat" though? What can happen, and how can it happen: how can the "risk" materialise?
How is it more dangerous meeting someone from an online environment than walking down the street? (assuming you don't meet everyone who contacts you)
I guess the point I am trying to make is:
- Meeting someone from the internet is exactly like meeting someone random: you don't know much about them. Most paedophiles/serial killer appear as normal people, so the risk is always there, even if the person "behaves".
- If you have communicated with the person before (via email/phone) and asked for a few extra pics of him then you're not going completely blind. In fact, IMO you know more than when you meet someone random at this stage.
- Unless you repeatedly tell them via phone or SMS that you love them and you're going to be horny on the first date, there is no reason for the behaviour of the person not socially acceptable.
- If the behaviour of the person is socially unacceptable, and unless the girl stupidly accepted a meeting at his place (which nobody should do really), then in a public place you can shout, pretend you receive a phone call, pretend you have an appointment. This should be risk free really, and what prevents you to leave within 5 mins if the guy really is an @ss?
- If the person jumps on you in the middle of your dessert with a knife and stabs you to death, I would call it bad luck - but really, you are as likely to get stabbed randomly in the street or being struck by a meteorite going out of your home.
If person is a creepo and decides to stalk you, then at least they don't have your surname...
I mean, for me, the principle of the first date after online is to create that context that you are missing from meeting someone on a night out (evaluate the attraction you have for the individual). With the added bonus that you know you have similar interest and that you are (theoretically) single.
OK here is one for you:
"coconuts are deadlier than sharks" (more people die by having coconuts falling on their heads than killed by sharks)
and I would bet that:
"peanuts are deadlier than online dating" (I bet more people die by choking on a peanut than by doing online dating and meeting)
But eh, one more reason for me to not bother with online dating. Women snobbing the men and considering themselves high value as soon as they register on these websites, women fearing for their life, too much male competition, only male initiate contact, etc (and I know it sucks for women too don't worry :laugh: for other reasons, but it's still crap) 0 -
In response but to avoid a long quote...
Is one more likely to get drunk in a bar or in church?
Kind of silly but think it makes the point that the circumstances dictate the risk and if you have put a profile on a dating site you are for all practical purposes advertising you.
The audience is not in your control so just as driving certain cars increases the risk of theft so does having a dating profile increase the risk of a predator using the ready made audition.
Now having said that is the risk truly that great...I don`t know but gut feeling is probably not all that much more then not using one.
That gets to the point of a belief and people will choose to do that no matter what argument one uses to the contrary.0 -
Not everyone who poses a security/harrassment risk is a bad person. They may have little insight into the fact that their conduct is not socially acceptable. If you meet someone randomly on a night out you have information from meeting them that you can use to assess safety. If you've never met them you are going in blind - I would not meet a guy without his name at least.I don't assume that everyone's "on the internet to kill women", not at all, but when I'm talking to someone online, I'm not at any risk of being in danger - I'm in control of my own environment. When I meet someone face-to-face who I've never met before, the possibility always exists. With most people, it can be written off virtually instantly, but there's a small percentage who do pose a threat, and it's because of those few that women are taught always to be just that bit extra-cautious.
What "threat" though? What can happen, and how can it happen: how can the "risk" materialise?
How is it more dangerous meeting someone from an online environment than walking down the street? (assuming you don't meet everyone who contacts you)
I guess the point I am trying to make is:
- Meeting someone from the internet is exactly like meeting someone random: you don't know much about them. Most paedophiles/serial killer appear as normal people, so the risk is always there, even if the person "behaves".
- If you have communicated with the person before (via email/phone) and asked for a few extra pics of him then you're not going completely blind. In fact, IMO you know more than when you meet someone random at this stage.
- Unless you repeatedly tell them via phone or SMS that you love them and you're going to be horny on the first date, there is no reason for the behaviour of the person not socially acceptable.
- If the behaviour of the person is socially unacceptable, and unless the girl stupidly accepted a meeting at his place (which nobody should do really), then in a public place you can shout, pretend you receive a phone call, pretend you have an appointment. This should be risk free really, and what prevents you to leave within 5 mins if the guy really is an @ss?
- If the person jumps on you in the middle of your dessert with a knife and stabs you to death, I would call it bad luck - but really, you are as likely to get stabbed randomly in the street or being struck by a meteorite going out of your home.
If person is a creepo and decides to stalk you, then at least they don't have your surname...
I mean, for me, the principle of the first date after online is to create that context that you are missing from meeting someone on a night out (evaluate the attraction you have for the individual). With the added bonus that you know you have similar interest and that you are (theoretically) single.
OK here is one for you:
"coconuts are deadlier than sharks" (more people die by having coconuts falling on their heads than killed by sharks)
and I would bet that:
"peanuts are deadlier than online dating" (I bet more people die by choking on a peanut than by doing online dating and meeting)
But eh, one more reason for me to not bother with online dating. Women snobbing the men and considering themselves high value as soon as they register on these websites, women fearing for their life, too much male competition, only male initiate contact, etc (and I know it sucks for women too don't worry :laugh: for other reasons, but it's still crap)
You know I'm stalking you Florian and I am your clone, but I totally agree with you on this!!! :laugh:
Perhaps we just have too much trust in humans??
Perhaps we have too much trust in our own judgement??
At the end of the day a bad person isnt going to broadcast it on the internet!! You may find out he's married (but you would find that out anyway) and you may find out he gets drunk and smokes a spliff (but who doesnt?) but really what else are you going to judge this person by, a blog post???
I have met countless amounts of people offline over the years, and I'm still here! The number one rules are to meet in a public place, let a friend know where you are and have the sense to leave if you feel threatened/danger.
I feel sorry the guys now. Although I've met some complete weirdo's I have never feared for my life. I've had for more grief from being with a guy, that I knew very well, for 12 years!!! :laugh:0 -
The tone of this conversation does not encourage me to think that anyone is actually interested in why others may hold differing views, so unless I am mistaken I won't respond further. However I do have to say on behalf of any women reading this thread that comparing risk for new stranger acquaintance to eating peanut is misguided, to say the least. A woman's risk of sexual assualt in her lifetime is 1 in 3. Acquaintance rape is relatively frequent, particular amonst young single women.0
-
The tone of this conversation does not encourage me to think that anyone is actually interested in why others may hold differing views, so unless I am mistaken I won't respond further. However I do have to say on behalf of any women reading this thread that comparing risk for new stranger acquaintance to eating peanut is misguided, to say the least. A woman's risk of sexual assualt in her lifetime is 1 in 3. Acquaintance rape is relatively frequent, particular amonst young single women.
yeah, but Lorro, the point is, are you going to find that out by googling a man on the internet?? Is there a site that says X is a potential rapist?? If there is, then I'd love to have the url hun.
Oh, and apologies for anyone taking offence by 'tone'. I'm always lighthearted when speaking on here, it doesnt mean I dont think the subject matter is serious. I have read and listened to everyone's POV, just offering up my own too :flowerforyou:0 -
The tone of this conversation does not encourage me to think that anyone is actually interested in why others may hold differing views, so unless I am mistaken I won't respond further. However I do have to say on behalf of any women reading this thread that comparing risk for new stranger acquaintance to eating peanut is misguided, to say the least. A woman's risk of sexual assualt in her lifetime is 1 in 3. Acquaintance rape is relatively frequent, particular amonst young single women.
yeah, but Lorro, the point is, are you going to find that out by googling a man on the internet?? Is there a site that says X is a potential rapist?? If there is, then I'd love to have the url hun.
Lol Anna. Of course not. I have struck up some life long friendships with people online who have become friends IRL and in so doing probably gone well beyond what most women would consider safe. I trust my instincts absolutely, I'm never scared when out and about in town. However there is a different dynamic when you meet a stranger for a date and I do think it makes women more vulnerable. I may come back to this later, I have to dash. But for now, speaking of tone, apologies for mine earlier. I hadn't seen your post but some of the earlier comments did not sit well with me, no doubt informed by my experience. I treat a lot of rape victims.
Have a great day everyone
0 -
Don't worry Lorro, nobody is picking on you or anything.
I personally find it interesting to have a variety of opinion (whether I agree or disagree is a different issue) rather than a bunch of people nodding and agreeing. Gives me more material to process and reflect upon later.
Yeah, and interestingly I find that many debates (politics, genetics, etc.), if you narrow them down enough, just get to the point of a belief.That gets to the point of a belief and people will choose to do that no matter what argument one uses to the contrary.
I wouldn't say "too much" personally, I would say "Perhaps we just trust humans?" :laugh: because I still think (hope?) that, as a whole, humans are good - but taken individually, yeah, we are pathetic with our petty quarrels, ambitions, hate, betrayal..."Perhaps we just have too much trust in humans?"
Overall society is progressing (?). Although it's kinda hard to think that sometimes... :grumble:0 -
Not everyone who poses a security/harrassment risk is a bad person. They may have little insight into the fact that their conduct is not socially acceptable. If you meet someone randomly on a night out you have information from meeting them that you can use to assess safety. If you've never met them you are going in blind - I would not meet a guy without his name at least.I don't assume that everyone's "on the internet to kill women", not at all, but when I'm talking to someone online, I'm not at any risk of being in danger - I'm in control of my own environment. When I meet someone face-to-face who I've never met before, the possibility always exists. With most people, it can be written off virtually instantly, but there's a small percentage who do pose a threat, and it's because of those few that women are taught always to be just that bit extra-cautious.
What "threat" though? What can happen, and how can it happen: how can the "risk" materialise?
How is it more dangerous meeting someone from an online environment than walking down the street? (assuming you don't meet everyone who contacts you)
What "threat"? Seriously? Sexual and physical assault statistics are horrifying, and particularly so in 'acquaintance' situations. This is not just a problem for women, but for men also.
As I said earlier, I'm not comfortable with in-depth 'research', but I will absolutely never apologise for taking the steps I feel are necessary for my own safety - meeting in a busy public area, asking for someone's surname before I meet them, and verifying as far as possible that what I have been told about the basics is essentially accurate. No, it won't protect me from everything, but it will a) reduce the probability of becoming a statistic and b)make me more at ease, and a better 'date'. Honestly, if you've told me the truth, what's the worry if I google you to confirm that you are who you say you are?If person is a creepo and decides to stalk you, then at least they don't have your surname...
I mean, for me, the principle of the first date after online is to create that context that you are missing from meeting someone on a night out (evaluate the attraction you have for the individual). With the added bonus that you know you have similar interest and that you are (theoretically) single.
OK here is one for you:
"coconuts are deadlier than sharks" (more people die by having coconuts falling on their heads than killed by sharks)
and I would bet that:
"peanuts are deadlier than online dating" (I bet more people die by choking on a peanut than by doing online dating and meeting)
But eh, one more reason for me to not bother with online dating. Women snobbing the men and considering themselves high value as soon as they register on these websites, women fearing for their life, too much male competition, only male initiate contact, etc (and I know it sucks for women too don't worry :laugh: for other reasons, but it's still crap)
I've never experienced stalking behaviour, and I'm sure it's awful, but I'd rather endure that, and get a restraining order if I have to, than potentially endure a rape kit and the horrors of a trial, if I could possibly prevent that by doing a little googling. It won't apply to the majority, but better safe than sorry. That doesn't make me a snob, that makes me smart and sensible.0
This discussion has been closed.