Dinner date- who pays?
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supposed to empty my bank account at someone else's expense due to gender roles is a sustained view in her eyes then it's a deal breaker. I'd rather be single.
That's too bad you feel that way about paying for dinner... you are so awesome in so many other ways
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But I should hope paying for dinner isn't equivalent to emptying your bank account. And let's not forget the expense women go through for a date, especially those of us with kids who have to hire sitters. I often spend more on sitting than the guy does on dinner.
It's not about getting all of his money. It's about being treated special in public. For some of us, there is something un-romantic about a woman paying for a dinner out.
And it’s not just paying for company, either. Some guys truly get pleasure out of doing things like that for women, much like some women (myself included) truly get pleasure out of cooking or shopping for a man. Most of my platonic guy friends are men who like “doing†for women and they’re pleased that I’ll accept in this age when so many women refuse to let a man do anything for her.
Thanks and ditto
I hold doors, I open car doors, I pull the seat out at dinner, I offer my jacket if she's cold, I'll send a nice note (on paper, lost art), flowers etc. It's respectful and romance isn't all about dollars.
But if she expects me to pay all the time then I view it as disrespectful. She is a person, just like me. I don't expect these things out of her, why should you expect them out of me? I appreciate a nice gesture, dinner etc but every time I come over to her place I don't expect dinner. I want her to do things for me because she wants to, not because she has to and vice versa.0 -
I am not sure if there has been a thread about it but given 100 % so far of the ladies here are very clear what they consider the mans responsibilities and is expected of him what does a lady bring to the beginning of a possible relationship?
I don't know, I personally don't think it's all about money. I don't think you can break it down to "he's bringing the money so what does she bring?" Dating isn't just about spending money on the other.
You're bringing your company and he is bringing his, and you are seeing if you are a compatible match for each other for the long term. I don't get why the money thing is a huge deal, unless one of the people in the relationship is ordering $100 dollar bottles of wine for example and never offering to pay.
Because a nice date costs 70-100 dollars if drinks are involved. Three or four dates in a month adds up. And the sad thing is men are often judged by women on where they go for a date. If it's truly about getting to know each other I wonder how many women wouldn't scoff at going to In-and-Out for date #3?0 -
I am not sure if there has been a thread about it but given 100 % so far of the ladies here are very clear what they consider the mans responsibilities and is expected of him what does a lady bring to the beginning of a possible relationship?
I don't know, I personally don't think it's all about money. I don't think you can break it down to "he's bringing the money so what does she bring?" Dating isn't just about spending money on the other.
You're bringing your company and he is bringing his, and you are seeing if you are a compatible match for each other for the long term. I don't get why the money thing is a huge deal, unless one of the people in the relationship is ordering $100 dollar bottles of wine for example and never offering to pay.
This immediate topic is about paying but I meant in the overall.
He asks,he plans,he pays and he likely gets criticized if things don`t measure up.
My question was more rhetorical in that if this is the expectation ladies have for him then what expectations should he have and once again I am not talking about getting laid.
I am thinking along the lines of treatment,respect and so on.0 -
Because a nice date costs 70-100 dollars if drinks are involved. Three or four dates in a month adds up. And the sad thing is men are often judged by women on where they go for a date. If it's truly about getting to know each other I wonder how many women wouldn't scoff at going to In-and-Out for date #3?
1) I don't drink, so I'm a rather cheap date ;-)
2) One of my most magical dates ever was $4 Philly cheese steaks followed by a long walk in the snow. Seriously. It's it didn't work out with him... but he became my bgf, so I still won out.
3) In-n-Out?? A man after my own heart!!! Oh she'd be in love with you, for sure!!!0 -
I am not sure if there has been a thread about it but given 100 % so far of the ladies here are very clear what they consider the mans responsibilities and is expected of him what does a lady bring to the beginning of a possible relationship?
They grant you the privilege of their precious attention, and perhaps the opportunity(!!!) to have another date with them (if you behave). You should be flattered (miserable human)! :laugh:
I think that pretty much summarizes the order of things.
I'll tell you what though, I want a woman that loves me for me and can see past my layer of fat, past my "I'm not paying on the first date thing", and past my terrible conversation. Otherwise they don't deserve me.
I feel like a true MAN... Never treated a woman the wrong way either.
Totally this! This is a gentlemen! Boys take note!!!Guy pays, hands down first time for sure... Its a gentlemenly thing to do. You are taking her out for dinner therefore you pay. Even a girl asked me out, I would still probably pay. If she insisted totally I would still try to pay at least half and try and slip it in her handbag or something haha.
Women... this is what we should expect ... a true MAN!
IF II were to ask a guy out, I would be the one going for the check. But if he offered... it would score seriously major bonus points. And I would let him pay.
but I would also offer to get the next one...or repay in some other way....
The women I've been with didn't feel cheated at all even though I didn't pay for their stuff on the first date. I must be that good in bed that they forgive me everything... :smokin:
But apparently it's better to be a rich *kitten* than a poor nice guy (which I knew about already since women are materialistic! :laugh: ).
Funny things is it's mostly women that are excited about getting their first dates paid (not so much men about paying)... It tells a lot. The simple fact that there is a discussion about this and that this topic keeps coming back proves that things are not "quite right" in both minds.
Ok, now I'll be honest with you, I'm not interested in the type of women who think I should pay for their first date (and particularly those for who this is a deal breaker). If she can't see past this, then this is a win-win for me since I didn't waste any of my precious time with her on a second date.
And I didn't get to pay for her entertainment initially. I'll pay later down the road (amazingly), but I won't give free stuff to someone I don't know. Sorry, not my thing. Do you realise I don't know you when we go on a first/2nd date right?0 -
Perhaps I wasn`t clear but I differentiate dating ( regular meetings to possibly progress with a romantic relationship) and an occasional outing with friends.
Both have different terms.
Yes, they do. Which is why when I am out with a guy friend (or a guy I like romantically but I get the "friend zone" vibe from), I pay or offer to pay (though most won't let me) and when I'm out with someone who is trying to be in my life romantically I expect that he's going to pay.0 -
I am not sure if there has been a thread about it but given 100 % so far of the ladies here are very clear what they consider the mans responsibilities and is expected of him what does a lady bring to the beginning of a possible relationship?
I don't know, I personally don't think it's all about money. I don't think you can break it down to "he's bringing the money so what does she bring?" Dating isn't just about spending money on the other.
You're bringing your company and he is bringing his, and you are seeing if you are a compatible match for each other for the long term. I don't get why the money thing is a huge deal, unless one of the people in the relationship is ordering $100 dollar bottles of wine for example and never offering to pay.
This.
I completely understand Carl's point about wanting to avoid a woman who clearly has no interest in a man beyond having someone to pay for her night of entertainment. That is perfectly reasonable and not so much about money as not wanting to be used.
But the idea that dating is money-centric and a woman has nothing to offer if she isn't paying for dinner ... that's offensive. I've been paying my own bills since I was 18, including my college education, so the last thing I need or want is a sugar daddy. I work hard, too.
My belief that a man should pay in the early stages of dating is not about not wanting to part with my own money. It's about thinking that if the pleasure of my company, my gratitude, and my respect for you as a man aren't good enough for you, then go find someone else to date. I have pleny to offer a man who doesn't view dating as a financial transaction.0 -
Because a nice date costs 70-100 dollars if drinks are involved. Three or four dates in a month adds up. And the sad thing is men are often judged by women on where they go for a date. If it's truly about getting to know each other I wonder how many women wouldn't scoff at going to In-and-Out for date #3?
1) I don't drink, so I'm a rather cheap date ;-)
2) One of my most magical dates ever was $4 Philly cheese steaks followed by a long walk in the snow. Seriously. It's it didn't work out with him... but he became my bgf, so I still won out.
3) In-n-Out?? A man after my own heart!!! Oh she'd be in love with you, for sure!!!
haha, I figured you would say something like that. 0 -
what does a lady bring to the beginning of a possible relationship?
You mean other than great company, the thrill of pursuit, and the ego from hanging out with a beautiful and vivacious woman your friends only wish they could be seen with...?0 -
what does a lady bring to the beginning of a possible relationship?
You mean other than great company, the thrill of pursuit, and the ego from hanging out with a beautiful and vivacious woman your friends only wish they could be seen with...?
hey! I bring all that stuff too. but i have to bring my wallet.0 -
Because a nice date costs 70-100 dollars if drinks are involved. Three or four dates in a month adds up. And the sad thing is men are often judged by women on where they go for a date. If it's truly about getting to know each other I wonder how many women wouldn't scoff at going to In-and-Out for date #3?
1) I don't drink, so I'm a rather cheap date ;-)
2) One of my most magical dates ever was $4 Philly cheese steaks followed by a long walk in the snow. Seriously. It's it didn't work out with him... but he became my bgf, so I still won out.
3) In-n-Out?? A man after my own heart!!! Oh she'd be in love with you, for sure!!!
haha, I figured you would say something like that.
She doesn't drink. Is down to earth, and yes, loves in-n-out (rubs it in when she goes west for work trips and she's eating at one).0 -
It's about thinking that if the pleasure of my company, my gratitude, and my respect for you as a man aren't good enough for you, then go find someone else to date.I am not sure if there has been a thread about it but given 100 % so far of the ladies here are very clear what they consider the mans responsibilities and is expected of him what does a lady bring to the beginning of a possible relationship?
I don't know, I personally don't think it's all about money. I don't think you can break it down to "he's bringing the money so what does she bring?" Dating isn't just about spending money on the other.
You're bringing your company and he is bringing his, and you are seeing if you are a compatible match for each other for the long term. I don't get why the money thing is a huge deal, unless one of the people in the relationship is ordering $100 dollar bottles of wine for example and never offering to pay.
What does this have to do with who pays? If it wasn't a big deal then it wouldn't matter.0 -
what does a lady bring to the beginning of a possible relationship?
You mean other than great company, the thrill of pursuit, and the ego from hanging out with a beautiful and vivacious woman your friends only wish they could be seen with...?
Great company is always nice and hopefully doesn`t demand a price,key word "demand".
I am not sure what the thrill is in having to put ones neck on a chopping block to be potentially humiliated and rejected unilaterally.
My ego is past the point of needing a trophy,I want someone that is interested in possibly being emotionally invested in being a partner.0 -
what does a lady bring to the beginning of a possible relationship?
You mean other than great company, the thrill of pursuit, and the ego from hanging out with a beautiful and vivacious woman your friends only wish they could be seen with...?
hey! I bring all that stuff too. but i have to bring my wallet.
yep but them's the breaks. :laugh: honestly speaking, it's probably way more easier for your average woman to get dates than it is for your average guy. of course i'm not separating those out into quality dates, just potential dates in general. this is why so many women end up being so picky. and this isnt me thinking i'm all that either. just a comment on what i've noticed for me and my female friends vs what i have seen my single male friends and family deal with.
and dude, you don't need to spend 70-100$ on dates if you dont have it like that. picnics and bocce ball on a park lawn are practically free and fun as hell. a trip to the museum to see an exhbit and a cheapo meal related to the country of said exhibit are also fun and cheap as hell. goldstar frequently has tickets to all kinds of cool free things like comedy shows and plays. seriously sometimes guys just need to think outside the box. just because it's a recession doesn't mean you get permission to slack on wooing us.
this is actually another reason why i hate the traditional dinner as a first date : because it requires very little thought or effort. money maybe yes, but thought? not really. i'm more impressed by someone who has listened to something i mentioned as an interest and planned a date around that.
for instance one of my favorite early dates with my last bf was based on him knowing that i was new to the city. he rented a bike for me for a few hours and we rode around several sections of san francisco. the entire date probably cost him $30 including the ice cream we shared at ghiradelli square and yes, the in and out burgers we had (i wanted to try one since i came from the east coast and heard so much about those).
so yeah, it's not about the $$ it's about the thought and effort :bigsmile:0 -
what does a lady bring to the beginning of a possible relationship?
You mean other than great company, the thrill of pursuit, and the ego from hanging out with a beautiful and vivacious woman your friends only wish they could be seen with...?
hey! I bring all that stuff too. but i have to bring my wallet.
for instance one of my favorite early dates with my last bf was based on him knowing that i was new to the city. he rented a bike for me for a few hours and we rode around several sections of san francisco. the entire date probably cost him $30 including the ice cream we shared at ghiradelli square and yes, the in and out burgers we had (i wanted to try one since i came from the east coast and heard so much about those).
so yeah, it's not about the $$ it's about the thought and effort :bigsmile:
That sounds awesome. Dallas sucks when it comes to that kind of stuff. There is nothing magical about this place except the BBQ. All we do in TX is shop and eat. If I met someone on here I think a fun and different first date would be the Katy trail but one wonders how many women would even consider it. I'm big into conversation.. for me the dinner is just the setting. Most of the time the menus aren't even picked up until 20-30 minutes into the date. Perhaps a change in scenery would make sense.. I just don't have a clue what do to do here in TX.0 -
what does a lady bring to the beginning of a possible relationship?
You mean other than great company, the thrill of pursuit, and the ego from hanging out with a beautiful and vivacious woman your friends only wish they could be seen with...?
hey! I bring all that stuff too. but i have to bring my wallet.
for instance one of my favorite early dates with my last bf was based on him knowing that i was new to the city. he rented a bike for me for a few hours and we rode around several sections of san francisco. the entire date probably cost him $30 including the ice cream we shared at ghiradelli square and yes, the in and out burgers we had (i wanted to try one since i came from the east coast and heard so much about those).
so yeah, it's not about the $$ it's about the thought and effort :bigsmile:
That sounds awesome. Dallas sucks when it comes to that kind of stuff. There is nothing magical about this place except the BBQ. All we do in TX is shop and eat. If I met someone on here I think a fun and different first date would be the Katy trail but one wonders how many women would even consider it. I'm big into conversation.. for me the dinner is just the setting. Most of the time the menus aren't even picked up until 20-30 minutes into the date. Perhaps a change in scenery would make sense.. I just don't have a clue what do to do here in TX.
seriously check out https://www.goldstar.com/ i dont work for them or anything, but i've gotten a few cheap tickets or free to some plays, musicals and comedy shows . i'm very excited about the comedy shows :laugh:
flavorpill.com is also a good site to check for off the beaten path things to do. here's the link to the dallas site http://flavorpill.com/dallas0 -
I am not sure what the thrill is in having to put ones neck on a chopping block to be potentially humiliated and rejected unilaterally.
Well... I'll be blunt since no one on this site is gonna ask me out anytime soon, lol (or they already would have): I'm not paying the way for some guy to waste three-five hours of my time pretending he wants a relationship when all he really wants is to get into my pants.
I do see the man's point of view on this, however: Guys don't want to pay the way for some woman to waste his time pretending she likes him just to get a free night out.0 -
I am not sure what the thrill is in having to put ones neck on a chopping block to be potentially humiliated and rejected unilaterally.
Well... I'll be blunt since no one on this site is gonna ask me out anytime soon, lol (or they already would have): I'm not paying the way for some guy to waste three-five hours of my time pretending he wants a relationship when all he really wants is to get into my pants.
I do see the man's point of view on this, however: Guys don't want to pay the way for some woman to waste his time pretending she likes him just to get a free night out.
Or I would add to appear that he is being held hostage to a checklist of material actions.
There was a thread in the chit chat forum a while ago asking if a guy took you to a fancy restaurant and then paid with either a coupon or gift card what would you think.
I said and still say it is tacky,if he is going to take one there then pay for it.
Almost every lady said it was not an issue, most saying it showed he was thrifty etc.
I asked then if that was the case would a trip to a McDonalds be good and Oh my God you would think I had said everyones mom was a hooker.
No one actually addressed the point just saying indignantly that it wasn`t the same.0 -
There was a thread in the chit chat forum a while ago asking if a guy took you to a fancy restaurant and then paid with either a coupon or gift card what would you think.
I wouldn't bat an eye at a coupon or gift card... but then I'm a single mom who likes to enjoy life but still has to maintain a budget. One thing I don't want is another man who is financially irresponsible.
McDs would irritate me... but not because of cost but because I don't wanna put that junk into my body. Makes me sick every time I yield to my road trip buddies and eat there instead of making them drive elsewhere for my sake.0 -
Maybe this is the reason I've had such unsuccessful relationships when they start as dates...
I always felt like if I'm getting to know someone on the first few dates I pay my own way. THEN once we're an item I let the guy pay my way more often because he is getting more of me in return. (Not like that you gutter minded MFPers... well that too, but I meant along the lines of more time and home cooked meals... and whatnot.) Now I see that this is obviously not how it's done. Hmm.
I like to pay for myself so I never feel pressured. "Well he payed for all this stuff, I'll feel guilty if I don't want to see him again or sleep with him..."
I feel like I've been so wrong! Doh.0
