Dinner date- who pays?
Replies
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I think a fun and different first date would be the Katy trail but one wonders how many women would even consider it.
I just looked up Katy trail... I think many women on this board would consider it. A friend took me on a "running date" 6 miles around the National Mall followed by drinks afterward. This was someone who knew me before (when I was married), so not exactly the same as you meeting someone from this site for the first time, but I still think any of us who can handle 3.5 miles would love it.0 -
I like to pay for myself so I never feel pressured. "Well he payed for all this stuff, I'll feel guilty if I don't want to see him again or sleep with him..."
I feel like I've been so wrong! Doh.
Not necessarily... many women feel this way. I don't know WHY our society has felt for so long that a guy takes you out and is owed sexual favors. That's called prostitution. I seriously had a guy tell me, "I didn't buy you that dinner for NOTHING" when I refused his advances. My retort? Honey, I'm worth way more than a $20 meal from Macaroni Grill.
So I can totally see why some women would rather pay their own way.0 -
Maybe this is the reason I've had such unsuccessful relationships when they start as dates...
I always felt like if I'm getting to know someone on the first few dates I pay my own way. THEN once we're an item I let the guy pay my way more often because he is getting more of me in return. (Not like that you gutter minded MFPers... well that too, but I meant along the lines of more time and home cooked meals... and whatnot.) Now I see that this is obviously not how it's done. Hmm.
I like to pay for myself so I never feel pressured. "Well he payed for all this stuff, I'll feel guilty if I don't want to see him again or sleep with him..."
I feel like I've been so wrong! Doh.
^this. I would like to see more women with this attitude. I really appreciate when a woman offers to pay some amount. But the best idea is still to take cost out of the equation as much as possible.
When is the generally accepted point that date costs can be shared? I've never seen an answer to that question anywhere. I was thinking around the 5th date or so.0 -
Maybe this is the reason I've had such unsuccessful relationships when they start as dates...
I always felt like if I'm getting to know someone on the first few dates I pay my own way. THEN once we're an item I let the guy pay my way more often because he is getting more of me in return. (Not like that you gutter minded MFPers... well that too, but I meant along the lines of more time and home cooked meals... and whatnot.) Now I see that this is obviously not how it's done. Hmm.
I like to pay for myself so I never feel pressured. "Well he payed for all this stuff, I'll feel guilty if I don't want to see him again or sleep with him..."
I feel like I've been so wrong! Doh.
^this. I would like to see more women with this attitude. I really appreciate when a woman offers to pay some amount. But the best idea is still to take cost out of the equation as much as possible.
When is the generally accepted point that date costs can be shared? I've never seen an answer to that question anywhere. I was thinking around the 5th date or so.
If you look at the McD/Arby thread it is clear that the majority of women have assigned a monetary value to what is expected.
No matter what anyone wants to pretend a date and a guy are rated by how much he is willing to spend.0 -
Maybe this is the reason I've had such unsuccessful relationships when they start as dates...
I always felt like if I'm getting to know someone on the first few dates I pay my own way. THEN once we're an item I let the guy pay my way more often because he is getting more of me in return. (Not like that you gutter minded MFPers... well that too, but I meant along the lines of more time and home cooked meals... and whatnot.) Now I see that this is obviously not how it's done. Hmm.
I like to pay for myself so I never feel pressured. "Well he payed for all this stuff, I'll feel guilty if I don't want to see him again or sleep with him..."
I feel like I've been so wrong! Doh.
^this. I would like to see more women with this attitude. I really appreciate when a woman offers to pay some amount. But the best idea is still to take cost out of the equation as much as possible.
When is the generally accepted point that date costs can be shared? I've never seen an answer to that question anywhere. I was thinking around the 5th date or so.
If you look at the McD/Arby thread it is clear that the majority of women have assigned a monetary value to what is expected.
No matter what anyone wants to pretend a date and a guy are rated by how much he is willing to spend.
I think it's the idea of fast food. I don't want to sit down and eat a fast food hamburger with you while kids run past to go to the playplace. It's not romantic at all. Take me to the bar, we can sit in a corner booth and buy me a burger there and I'd love it! It's literally that is it fast food.
The majority of girls aren't dating men with the intention to get free stuff. We want to find love just like you!
Ironically though, it's the small minority of girls that do that kind of thing that men always seem to be gaga over! At least from what I've experienced.0 -
I would feel intimidated if a guy took me somewhere too fancy for a first date. If I can't afford it it makes me nervous. Also, (I know some of yall are financially stable) I'm 23, so the guys I've been with have no business spending $200 on a first date, I would think they were irresponsible with their money. :noway:
You men can't win. That is the answer to every thread.0 -
Maybe this is the reason I've had such unsuccessful relationships when they start as dates...
I always felt like if I'm getting to know someone on the first few dates I pay my own way. THEN once we're an item I let the guy pay my way more often because he is getting more of me in return. (Not like that you gutter minded MFPers... well that too, but I meant along the lines of more time and home cooked meals... and whatnot.) Now I see that this is obviously not how it's done. Hmm.
I like to pay for myself so I never feel pressured. "Well he payed for all this stuff, I'll feel guilty if I don't want to see him again or sleep with him..."
I feel like I've been so wrong! Doh.
Haha.. It's not all bad but I feel it sounds a little backwards. Real relationships are all give/take... 50/50. Specially money wise I feel. I think that you expect for the guy to pay your way once in a relationship is a terrible idea. Depending on the guy, it could instigate control issues, not to mention the fact that "what makes you worth more than him?". From a female point of view, I would lean more towards getting free stuff while you can... if it doesnt work out.. least you got a nice dinner lol.
When I take a girl out for dinner for the first couple of dates, I dont EXPECT anything. I would hope that she had a great time and if the moment arised, would show some appreciation in a kiss! If she's not feeling it, then hope she would have ovaries to tell me ;P0 -
You men can't win. That is the answer to every thread.
We know this:explode: . Yet we still try
... Gotta give us credit :drinker: 0 -
^Props. :P0
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No matter what anyone wants to pretend a date and a guy are rated by how much he is willing to spend.
I don't remember the McD/Arby thread (will have to go search) but I think I've told this group about the guy I stopped seeing because he was *too* extravagant! Matching financial strategies are very important in any relationship.0 -
No matter what anyone wants to pretend a date and a guy are rated by how much he is willing to spend.
I don't remember the McD/Arby thread (will have to go search) but I think I've told this group about the guy I stopped seeing because he was *too* extravagant! Matching financial strategies are very important in any relationship.
Oh I created that little gem. I think if you look at my pic my choice is clear. The next thing is what lucky lady gets to join me? I heard the McRib is back, just to add something extra special in the mix.
Carl's post sparked my curiosity. I wanted to see what the general consensus would be.0 -
No matter what anyone wants to pretend a date and a guy are rated by how much he is willing to spend.
I don't remember the McD/Arby thread (will have to go search) but I think I've told this group about the guy I stopped seeing because he was *too* extravagant! Matching financial strategies are very important in any relationship.
Yeah instead of "you make it, Ill spend it" attitude some people have :grumble:0 -
agreed. as long as you let her know ahead of time (so she wont come dressed in a dress and heels). i think most women would be up for it. DEFINITELY would be up for it if you know a cool spot along the trail with a great view that you could throw down a blanket and sit and talk for a bit.I think a fun and different first date would be the Katy trail but one wonders how many women would even consider it.
I just looked up Katy trail... I think many women on this board would consider it. A friend took me on a "running date" 6 miles around the National Mall followed by drinks afterward. This was someone who knew me before (when I was married), so not exactly the same as you meeting someone from this site for the first time, but I still think any of us who can handle 3.5 miles would love it.
but really this is why it;s important to talk to your date BEFORE the date and actually listen to her :laugh:
as for whether or not guys are going to be rated by how much they spend, i think that depends on the woman. here's the thing, some guys are into the high maintenance dime piece type women who are more than likely after men with woman. just because those guys are going after those type women doesnt mean all women are like that. that's the same as the women who go after bad boy player types and who want to complain about ALL men being cheaters and players. you got exactly what you wanted to get.0 -
You men can't win. That is the answer to every thread.
I know I probably irritate folks here by doing this but a thought.
If that statement had said women instead of men I would be saying to myself that I don`t want that so what do I need to do different so it isn`t true.
I would hate to think that my behaviors in a relationship led to a situation where a lady was often frustrated and left feeling disrespected and outside of the partnership.
Are most women really comfortable with this as far as a relationship goes?0 -
No matter what anyone wants to pretend a date and a guy are rated by how much he is willing to spend.
I don't remember the McD/Arby thread (will have to go search) but I think I've told this group about the guy I stopped seeing because he was *too* extravagant! Matching financial strategies are very important in any relationship.
Yeah instead of "you make it, Ill spend it" attitude some people have :grumble:
I look at this a little differently. I have two places where my money goes (investing and enjoying). Right now, that is about a 50/50 split. I'm not going to take a woman to fast food on a date (I might stop by a fast food place as we're driving to the beach, but that's about as close as it gets). As for dinner dates, I go to places I like and have a good meal (yep, $70 - $200).
I'm going to enjoy the time, regardless. It's a good meal, great wine, and hopefully, wonderful conversation. We may click, or not. Doesn't matter. I'd have likely been sitting in the same restaurant, eating by myself. And that math often works out to 2/3 the cost and 1/3 the enjoyment. Not good.
A woman that would be willing to offer to cook a meal, buy a gift, and/or agree to another date (if she really likes me), would be a complete bonus.
I'm not saying blow all your money on dating. But part of dating is to enjoy yourself. Otherwise, why are you going out?0 -
Well... I'll be blunt since no one on this site is gonna ask me out anytime soon, lol (or they already would have): I'm not paying the way for some guy to waste three-five hours of my time pretending he wants a relationship when all he really wants is to get into my pants.
I really dislike this/any association between money = sex! That's what prostitutes are for. In fact, a prostitute said to my male friend that he would be better spending his money with her because at least he is guaranteed sex!! So obviously there is an underlying thought about this among people?
Perhaps I may be naive and romantic and a little cuckoo........but
Why oh why, would a woman think that a man is paying only because he wants sex? I honestly have never felt that on a date, and certainly never felt pressure to have sex either because he paid or for any other reason! Yet I hear it from people on here.............so
Once and for all, do men EVER pay for the night thinking "If I pay, I will get sex"?0 -
Well... I'll be blunt since no one on this site is gonna ask me out anytime soon, lol (or they already would have): I'm not paying the way for some guy to waste three-five hours of my time pretending he wants a relationship when all he really wants is to get into my pants.
I really dislike this/any association between money = sex! That's what prostitutes are for. In fact, a prostitute said to my male friend that he would be better spending his money with her because at least he is guaranteed sex!! So apart from the fact that I may be naive and romantic and a cuckoo........but
Why oh why, would a woman think that a man is paying only because he wants sex? I honestly have never felt that on a date, and certainly never felt pressure to have sex either because he paid or for any other reason! Yet I hear it from people on here.............so
Once and for all, do men EVER pay for the night thinking "If I pay, I will get sex"?
No and to go along with that there was a veiled insinuation in a post earlier that a guy will get that so he should be happy to pay.
To me sex can be completely casual that both parties do for fun or it can be part of the intimacy that a real relationship is tied together with.
If sex is ever used as either a carrot or reward then the relationship (regardless what it is,casual or serious) is doomed imo.0 -
I'm going to enjoy the time, regardless. It's a good meal, great wine, and hopefully, wonderful conversation. We may click, or not. Doesn't matter. I'd have likely been sitting in the same restaurant, eating by myself. And that math often works out to 2/3 the cost and 1/3 the enjoyment. Not good.
^^^^this!!! Absolutely 100% agree!!!! :bigsmile: :bigsmile: I approach every date like this. And every night out with a friend - male or female. Life is about enjoying each other. Company is so important! Not seeing who pays what and what anyone can get for their money!! Jeez!0 -
Well... I'll be blunt since no one on this site is gonna ask me out anytime soon, lol (or they already would have): I'm not paying the way for some guy to waste three-five hours of my time pretending he wants a relationship when all he really wants is to get into my pants.
Once and for all, do men EVER pay for the night thinking "If I pay, I will get sex"?
No and to go along with that there was a veiled insinuation in a post earlier that a guy will get that so he should be happy to pay.
To me sex can be completely casual that both parties do for fun or it can be part of the intimacy that a real relationship is tied together with.
If sex is ever used as either a carrot or reward then the relationship (regardless what it is,casual or serious) is doomed imo.
^^^thank you Carl. :flowerforyou:
I agree that relationships are doomed if sex is used on that basis. But I know it happens. There are some stupid manipulative women out there!! But that aside, the money issue just robs me of all my faith in mankind. I just dont think that the average male is that basic! Course they want sex, but to pay for the night out and expect it in return?? Nah!! I'm happy so say I never met one of those :bigsmile:0 -
I can speak for myself: never.Once and for all, do men EVER pay for the night thinking "If I pay, I will get sex"?
I'm sure some men think this, but they are idiots, so I would blame my own screening process/choices of men if I kept meeting these kinds of men.
I'll personally keep advocating for: cheap initial dates (no fancy dinner dates), not paying too much for the girl initially as I don't trust her and don't care about her yet (if she flakes, then that's too bad...).
Then as things progress, I'll normally start giving away free gifts/drinks all the time (and expect some in returns, even though I'm not keeping tabs on how much exactly everyone spends).
Now some food for thought:
I've noticed that if you don't pay for initial dates (as a man), that almost certainly means you'll get sex (or if you pay very little, get offered a lot, etc).
Why? Because the woman is massively into you and is trying to please you. This is funny when it happens. :laugh:
The thing is this is a consequence of the fact that she is into you (she is into you => she pays for stuff).
Makes you think: hmmm... someone is trying to get in my pants... :laugh:0 -
Why oh why, would a woman think that a man is paying only because he wants sex? I honestly have never felt that on a date, and certainly never felt pressure to have sex either because he paid or for any other reason! Yet I hear it from people on here
Because of stuff like this:I would hope that she had a great time and if the moment arised, would show some appreciation in a kiss!
And this:I seriously had a guy tell me, "I didn't buy you that dinner for NOTHING" when I refused his advances. My retort? Honey, I'm worth way more than a $20 meal from Macaroni Grill.0 -
Or I would add to appear that he is being held hostage to a checklist of material actions.
There was a thread in the chit chat forum a while ago asking if a guy took you to a fancy restaurant and then paid with either a coupon or gift card what would you think.
I said and still say it is tacky,if he is going to take one there then pay for it.
Almost every lady said it was not an issue, most saying it showed he was thrifty etc.
I asked then if that was the case would a trip to a McDonalds be good and Oh my God you would think I had said everyones mom was a hooker.
No one actually addressed the point just saying indignantly that it wasn`t the same.
I agree that the coupon is tacky for a date unless you make arrangements with the server out of view of your date. If a guy whipped out a coupon in front of me, I would feel guilty about him bringing me to a restaurant that he apparently couldn't really afford, or I'd be thinking I should've ordered something cheaper or suggested a different place, etc.
I recently went on a first date with a guy who insisted on taking me to Ruth's Chris, which is, in my opinion, a little too upscale for a first date. Part of me really wanted to suggest something less extravagant, but I didn't want to cut his legs out from under him, either. I'm not his mother or his accountant. What he spends his money on is his business.
And I agree with a previous post that it's not so much about the food as the place. I don't want to eat AT McDonald's because there's nothing romantic about it, but if a man wanted to take me to some place with a scenic view, sit under a shade tree, and talk over a burger and fries, I'm completely down with that.0 -
Why oh why, would a woman think that a man is paying only because he wants sex? I honestly have never felt that on a date, and certainly never felt pressure to have sex either because he paid or for any other reason! Yet I hear it from people on here
Because of stuff like this:I would hope that she had a great time and if the moment arised, would show some appreciation in a kiss!
And this:I seriously had a guy tell me, "I didn't buy you that dinner for NOTHING" when I refused his advances. My retort? Honey, I'm worth way more than a $20 meal from Macaroni Grill.
Don't use me as one of your examples about your own insecurities. You are taking my comment out of context. I believe the original went a little something like this.
"When I take a girl out for dinner for the first couple of dates, I dont EXPECT anything. I would hope that she had a great time and if the moment arised, would show some appreciation in a kiss!"
Notice how I said I don't expect anything, and also "IF THE MOMENT" arises. Not when, not I said she has to, not I deserve.
I resent being put in the same basket as e douche bag the said that other comment to you.0 -
When I take a girl out for dinner for the first couple of dates, I dont EXPECT anything. I would hope that she had a great time and if the moment arised, would show some appreciation in a kiss!"
I guess that just makes me wonder why the thank you/appreciation has to be physical. If I have a great time with a guy, I will say thank you. I think that is more of the point JanieJack was getting at. Why isn't a thank you enough?0 -
[/quote]I seriously had a guy tell me, "I didn't buy you that dinner for NOTHING" when I refused his advances. My retort? Honey, I'm worth way more than a $20 meal from Macaroni Grill.
I feel sorry that any woman would have to experience this, however, I would say that this is nowhere near the 'norm'!! More like an exception to the rule. Like I said, I've been on countless dates and never felt this money angle. I guess there are some infantile and nasty men out there, but please dont judge all men like this. I dont think that's fair on men in general :flowerforyou:0 -
Why oh why, would a woman think that a man is paying only because he wants sex? I honestly have never felt that on a date, and certainly never felt pressure to have sex either because he paid or for any other reason! Yet I hear it from people on here
Because of stuff like this:I would hope that she had a great time and if the moment arised, would show some appreciation in a kiss!
And this:I seriously had a guy tell me, "I didn't buy you that dinner for NOTHING" when I refused his advances. My retort? Honey, I'm worth way more than a $20 meal from Macaroni Grill.
Don't use me as one of your examples about your own insecurities. You are taking my comment out of context. I believe the original went a little something like this.
"When I take a girl out for dinner for the first couple of dates, I dont EXPECT anything. I would hope that she had a great time and if the moment arised, would show some appreciation in a kiss!"
Notice how I said I don't expect anything, and also "IF THE MOMENT" arises. Not when, not I said she has to, not I deserve.
I resent being put in the same basket as e douche bag the said that other comment to you.
:flowerforyou: Put it down to someone elses bad experience hun. I dont think it was a personal affront, just Janie trying to make a point to me :flowerforyou:0 -
When I take a girl out for dinner for the first couple of dates, I dont EXPECT anything. I would hope that she had a great time and if the moment arised, would show some appreciation in a kiss!"
I guess that just makes me wonder why the thank you/appreciation has to be physical. If I have a great time with a guy, I will say thank you. I think that is more of the point JanieJack was getting at. Why isn't a thank you enough?
It is enough. I think you are missing the pint where I clearly stated I don't expect anything. Like I said after the first couple of dates if the moment raised I would hoped she kisses me. Is that not a fair feeling? For someone that you like that you've been out with a couple of times that you might actually like to be kissed by them?0 -
When I take a girl out for dinner for the first couple of dates, I dont EXPECT anything. I would hope that she had a great time and if the moment arised, would show some appreciation in a kiss!"
I guess that just makes me wonder why the thank you/appreciation has to be physical. If I have a great time with a guy, I will say thank you. I think that is more of the point JanieJack was getting at. Why isn't a thank you enough?
It is enough. I think you are missing the pint where I clearly stated I don't expect anything. Like I said after the first couple of dates if the moment raised I would hoped she kisses me. Is that not a fair feeling? For someone that you like that you've been out with a couple of times that you might actually like to be kissed by them?
Yes it is a fair feeling, but it shouldn't be because you paid. It should be because she likes you.0 -
When I take a girl out for dinner for the first couple of dates, I dont EXPECT anything. I would hope that she had a great time and if the moment arised, would show some appreciation in a kiss!"
I guess that just makes me wonder why the thank you/appreciation has to be physical. If I have a great time with a guy, I will say thank you. I think that is more of the point JanieJack was getting at. Why isn't a thank you enough?
It is enough. I think you are missing the pint where I clearly stated I don't expect anything. Like I said after the first couple of dates if the moment raised I would hoped she kisses me. Is that not a fair feeling? For someone that you like that you've been out with a couple of times that you might actually like to be kissed by them?
Yes it is a fair feeling, but it shouldn't be because you paid. It should be because she likes you.
Then also why should so many ladies say if he doesn`t pay he won`t get a second date?0 -
Don't use me as one of your examples about your own insecurities. You are taking my comment out of context. I believe the original went a little something like this.
"When I take a girl out for dinner for the first couple of dates, I dont EXPECT anything. I would hope that she had a great time and if the moment arised, would show some appreciation in a kiss!"
The example isn't about my insecurities... it's about how even when we say one thing ("I don't EXPECT anything") we still exhibit behaviors/opinions that reinforce the old myths ("if the moment arised, would show some appreciation in a kiss.")
The post I asnwered was "Why oh why, would a woman think that a man is paying only because he wants sex?" Your comment, in a thread discussing who pays, would certainly reinforce that notion (whether you intended it to or not).0
