Dinner date- who pays?
Replies
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When I take a girl out for dinner for the first couple of dates, I dont EXPECT anything. I would hope that she had a great time and if the moment arised, would show some appreciation in a kiss!"
I guess that just makes me wonder why the thank you/appreciation has to be physical. If I have a great time with a guy, I will say thank you. I think that is more of the point JanieJack was getting at. Why isn't a thank you enough?
It is enough. I think you are missing the pint where I clearly stated I don't expect anything. Like I said after the first couple of dates if the moment raised I would hoped she kisses me. Is that not a fair feeling? For someone that you like that you've been out with a couple of times that you might actually like to be kissed by them?
Yes it is a fair feeling, but it shouldn't be because you paid. It should be because she likes you.
Clearly. This is what I'm saying....
If she had a good time like I said, if the moment arises. Not once did I say cause I paid nor did infer that. Just frustrates me when people take things I say and twist my words to suit them.0 -
If she had a good time like I said, if the moment arises. Not once did I say cause I paid nor did infer that. Just frustrates me when people take things I say and twist my words to suit them.
You said "appreciation" so I took that to be appreciation for paying. Sorry if I twisted your words or whatever. That is just what I took from your comment.0 -
When I take a girl out for dinner for the first couple of dates, I dont EXPECT anything. I would hope that she had a great time and if the moment arised, would show some appreciation in a kiss!"
I guess that just makes me wonder why the thank you/appreciation has to be physical. If I have a great time with a guy, I will say thank you. I think that is more of the point JanieJack was getting at. Why isn't a thank you enough?
It is enough. I think you are missing the pint where I clearly stated I don't expect anything. Like I said after the first couple of dates if the moment raised I would hoped she kisses me. Is that not a fair feeling? For someone that you like that you've been out with a couple of times that you might actually like to be kissed by them?
Yes it is a fair feeling, but it shouldn't be because you paid. It should be because she likes you.
Then also why should so many ladies say if he doesn`t pay he won`t get a second date?
Yeah your telling me :huh:0 -
please dont judge all men like this.
Oh goodness, no. That's one guy out of, what, a hundred? I don't know. It's been a couple years.
Most of the guys I go out with are nice guys. I guess that's one advantage of being military... most of the losers don't actually make it to an actual date (intimidation??). I try not to talk about the nice guys much, though (out of respect), unless it's to point out something nice they did.0 -
Notice how I said I don't expect anything, and also "IF THE MOMENT" arises. Not when, not I said she has to, not I deserve.
I agree that there is a difference between hoping for something and expecting it. If you're attracted to a woman enough to ask her out, then you'd hardly be a man if you didn't want to kiss her and hope that things go well enough on the date that she feels comfortable kissing you.
But there are guys in the world who think taking a woman out means that he SHOULD get laid, especially if he spends a lot of money. I have only had the misfortune of dating one such guy, so I am not jaded enough to believe that all men are like that. But I know they exist.
I just think the sex issue is another area of misunderstanding between men and women. A man wanting (not expecting or planning to try) to have sex with an attractive woman on the first date doesn't mean he's only interested in sex; it means he's a man, and he has a pulse. A woman not wanting to have sex with an attractive man on the first date doesn't mean she's a prude or selfish or not interested; it means sex is a big deal to her and not something she gives up to any man who buys her dinner.0 -
Notice how I said I don't expect anything, and also "IF THE MOMENT" arises. Not when, not I said she has to, not I deserve.
I agree that there is a difference between hoping for something and expecting it. If you're attracted to a woman enough to ask her out, then you'd hardly be a man if you didn't want to kiss her and hope that things go well enough on the date that she feels comfortable kissing you.
But there are guys in the world who think taking a woman out means that he SHOULD get laid, especially if he spends a lot of money. I have only had the misfortune of dating one such guy, so I am not jaded enough to believe that all men are like that. But I know they exist.
I just think the sex issue is another area of misunderstanding between men and women. A man wanting (not expecting or planning to try) to have sex with an attractive woman on the first date doesn't mean he's only interested in sex; it means he's a man, and he has a pulse. A woman not wanting to have sex with an attractive man on the first date doesn't mean she's a prude or selfish or not interested; it means sex is a big deal to her and not something she gives up to any man who buys her dinner.
Very true, well said. That's kind of the point I was trying get across. For sure I want to kiss the girl I've been out on a few dates with, other wise if there want that attraction, there's not much point in chasing each other. By no means is it anyone's right to receive physical appreciation from anyone, just cause they paid.
It's a shame that there are douche bags like that and I can't stand being put in the same basket, considering myself to be a genuine all round good guy.0 -
Haha, I can't believe how many replies this has gotten! I personally think the person who asks for the date should pay. If a guy asks to take me somewhere, I expect him to pay. On the other hand, if I would ask a guy to go to dinner, I feel it would be incredibly rude of me to expect him to pay when I asked him out. I just wouldn't feel comfortable essentially saying, "Hey, would you like to pay for my dinner this weekend?" I will admit I've never asked a guy for a first date, but I have a lot of friends who have and then still expect them to pay for it.
I am really just not that in to "fancy food" and would feel uncomfortable in a really "upscale" restaurant. I would appreciate the gesture, but someone who truly likes that scene is probably not a good match for me. I would be a lot more impressed with a well-planned date based on something the guy knows I like/am interested in than simply spending a lot of money.0 -
I haven't been on a great number of dates, but the last guy I dated had a problem with me paying.
We had gone out several times and he had always gotten the dinner, movie tickets, coffee, etc., though I always offered to pay my half. Then I invited him to my choir concert, and I bought the ticket for him. It was MY concert, I wanted him to be there, and I thought it was a nice thing to do. He was not pleased when I wouldn't tell him how much the ticket was. I found that really, really annoying. I want to be able to pay sometimes, especially if it is something that I initiate! I would feel like I was taking advantage of him if he insisted on paying for everything.
He never did get in touch again after the night of the concert. I was disappointed then, but looking back... I think that saved me a lot of trouble and frustration, hahahaha.0 -
I don't think it's always one person's responsibility to pay (regardless of gender), but for me, there is an issue of money. I'm a single mom, and while I am fiercely independent and will do whatever I have to to provide for myself and my son, I don't have the money to buy other people dinner very often. I appreciate when someone buys me dinner, and I try to reciprocate by making him dinner or something like that, that isn't going to make it difficult to pay my mortgage that month. However, if I'm dating someone who isn't making a lot of money, I certainly don't expect him to be pay for everything and will offer to pay for my half. And if I can't afford at least that, I decline the date, unless he has already said that it's his treat.
Also, there is nothing sexier than a man opening the door for me and putting his hand on the small of my back as I walk through. *swoon*0 -
Hmmm for me this is a little different. With my Ex-husband and my ex-boyfriend I always paid. Now since most of my going out involves bars I try to split (you get a round and I'll get a round) or atleast pay for myself. Depending on the guy and the day it might not work. Alot of the guys I hang out with seem to be offended at the thought of me paying for myself and even my strickly platonic guys friends dont normally let me buy anything lol0
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I don't ask guys out ever so he'll pay at first... but if we're out having drinks I will offer to get a round or so. Later on if we start to date more often, I'd definately help out paying for dinner or events every now and then.
Every now and then? lol
Do you think the guy should pay what, like, 50-70% of the time?
I think once in a relationship, things should go 50/50 on most occasions, cept of course when there are special occasions or you're feeling nice
I'd go 50/50. I'd just make sure my 50 was a redbox and some takeout...
Just kidding!
I love spoiling and can get out of hand.
perfect night lol0 -
No one... you use coupons to get the bill down to zero and thusly don't need to tip.0
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When I take a girl out for dinner for the first couple of dates, I dont EXPECT anything. I would hope that she had a great time and if the moment arised, would show some appreciation in a kiss!"
I guess that just makes me wonder why the thank you/appreciation has to be physical. If I have a great time with a guy, I will say thank you. I think that is more of the point JanieJack was getting at. Why isn't a thank you enough?
It is enough. I think you are missing the pint where I clearly stated I don't expect anything. Like I said after the first couple of dates if the moment raised I would hoped she kisses me. Is that not a fair feeling? For someone that you like that you've been out with a couple of times that you might actually like to be kissed by them?
I would no longer spend my time or money on someone that didn't want to kiss me on a second date *shrug*0 -
I typically expect to pay if I ask, if she asks, then I still try to pay. Just the way I am. Once it's a relationship after 2-3 dates splitting is fine, but I'm one to enjoy things along the lines of a gift or something instead. I'm comfortable w/ paying, but don't mind splitting. It's nice and most women enjoy being able to do the same.
Current setup is now that I paid on our first date a few weeks ago and when we go out Friday I'll pay and we split rounds at the bar. When I'm where she lives, dinners on her.
But it's also about the small things too, especially w/ the new girl.0 -
When I take a girl out for dinner for the first couple of dates, I dont EXPECT anything. I would hope that she had a great time and if the moment arised, would show some appreciation in a kiss!"
I guess that just makes me wonder why the thank you/appreciation has to be physical. If I have a great time with a guy, I will say thank you. I think that is more of the point JanieJack was getting at. Why isn't a thank you enough?
It is enough. I think you are missing the pint where I clearly stated I don't expect anything. Like I said after the first couple of dates if the moment raised I would hoped she kisses me. Is that not a fair feeling? For someone that you like that you've been out with a couple of times that you might actually like to be kissed by them?
I would no longer spend my time or money on someone that didn't want to kiss me on a second date *shrug*
funny. i dont give anyone a 3rd date who hasnt went in for a kiss. it hasnt happened often but it has happened. i kind of take that as a sign that the guy isnt physically attracted to me.0 -
When I take a girl out for dinner for the first couple of dates, I dont EXPECT anything. I would hope that she had a great time and if the moment arised, would show some appreciation in a kiss!"
I guess that just makes me wonder why the thank you/appreciation has to be physical. If I have a great time with a guy, I will say thank you. I think that is more of the point JanieJack was getting at. Why isn't a thank you enough?
It is enough. I think you are missing the pint where I clearly stated I don't expect anything. Like I said after the first couple of dates if the moment raised I would hoped she kisses me. Is that not a fair feeling? For someone that you like that you've been out with a couple of times that you might actually like to be kissed by them?
I would no longer spend my time or money on someone that didn't want to kiss me on a second date *shrug*
funny. i dont give anyone a 3rd date who hasnt went in for a kiss. it hasnt happened often but it has happened. i kind of take that as a sign that the guy isnt physically attracted to me.
You should kiss on the first date.
Doesn't have to be full blown make out clothes ripping off sessions, but at least something.
if each is interested that is.0 -
I would no longer spend my time or money on someone that didn't want to kiss me on a second date *shrug*funny. i dont give anyone a 3rd date who hasnt went in for a kiss. it hasnt happened often but it has happened. i kind of take that as a sign that the guy isnt physically attracted to me.
This is so weird to me! Maybe in the minority lol. But I've been on two individual dates with this one guy, and we've hung out in a group setting on two other occasions recently, and we're going on a group outing tonight to dinner. We definitely won't be kissing for a little bit I think, even though I do like him and he likes me.
So don't always assume that someone doesn't like you because they don't want to/are not comfortable with physical affection so soon!0 -
I would no longer spend my time or money on someone that didn't want to kiss me on a second date *shrug*funny. i dont give anyone a 3rd date who hasnt went in for a kiss. it hasnt happened often but it has happened. i kind of take that as a sign that the guy isnt physically attracted to me.
This is so weird to me! Maybe in the minority lol. But I've been on two individual dates with this one guy, and we've hung out in a group setting on two other occasions recently, and we're going on a group outing tonight to dinner. We definitely won't be kissing for a little bit I think, even though I do like him and he likes me.
So don't always assume that someone doesn't like you because they don't want to/are not comfortable with physical affection so soon!
no you might be fine. age is also a factor. i'm like 15 years older than you. trust me when i was your age i definitely appreciated the slower speed dating and liked building friendships with guys before moving to courting
i think the difference is that now i'm less interested in meeting a "friend" :laugh: i have plenty of friends to hang out with, most of them are women. at this age i want to know we have physical chemistry.
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It's a shame that there are douche bags like that and I can't stand being put in the same basket, considering myself to be a genuine all round good guy.
One person's all-round-good guy is another person's bad date story.
As an example, I have a friend who is the ultimate gentleman, to the point where he always stands when a woman approaches or leaves the table. I find it extremely annoying since our dinner groups boast 6-7 women each time and most of us know half the town so we're always getting up to say hi to someone. He spends half the meal standing. My friends find it gentlemanly and endearing. I find it annoying.
And, no, I'm not just saying this because you're asking in another thread if a woman you meet in the near future would be upset that you're already planning a trip with a hot girl 3-4 months from now. I wouldn't fault a guy for that (but I wouln't be exclusive with him either), but many girls I know would consider that douchy behavior.
I don't think there are any right or wrong answers here, just what works for your life.0 -
You should kiss on the first date.
Doesn't have to be full blown make out clothes ripping off sessions, but at least something.
if each is interested that is.
To each his own... I wouldn't initiate a kiss on the first date, unless it's an old friend (possibly someone I knew while married). If I like the guy, and he initiataes I'm not saying I'd turn him down but I'd really want to get to know someone before we start swapping spit.0 -
Curious about something.
A guy does all the right things that ladys expect,asks out,plans everything,pays the whole shot through 2 dates.
There is nothing really to find fault about but you just don`t feel anything special happening.
He asks you to go out again...what happens now?0 -
At this stage, you have texted her like a madman and she has not replied to your texts (because she's not so sure), and then she says to all of her friends that you're a freak and that this explains why she didn't feel any chemistry. And that you should have gotten the hint by now.Curious about something.
A guy does all the right things that ladys expect,asks out,plans everything,pays the whole shot through 2 dates.
There is nothing really to find fault about but you just don`t feel anything special happening.
He asks you to go out again...what happens now?
You either blow her mind and own her, or you're doomed.0 -
Curious about something.
A guy does all the right things that ladys expect,asks out,plans everything,pays the whole shot through 2 dates.
There is nothing really to find fault about but you just don`t feel anything special happening.
He asks you to go out again...what happens now?
I would just say something like "it's been fun getting to know you, you're a really nice guy" as I leave the date and end it there, instead of saying ,"i'll call you or talk to you later." Hopefully he would take the hint. I don't think I could say "i just don't like you" to someone. But I would make it known through my actions.
That's probably not the answer you wanted haha0 -
Curious about something.
A guy does all the right things that ladys expect,asks out,plans everything,pays the whole shot through 2 dates.
There is nothing really to find fault about but you just don`t feel anything special happening.
He asks you to go out again...what happens now?
I would just say something like "it's been fun getting to know you, you're a really nice guy" as I leave the date and end it there, instead of saying ,"i'll call you or talk to you later." Hopefully he would take the hint. I don't think I could say "i just don't like you" to someone. But I would make it known through my actions.
That's probably not the answer you wanted haha
There is no answer I want actually,just for people to stop and look inside and be honest to themselves.
It sounds like you are saying you would try politely to not let it get to the point of asking or have laid the groundwork for a refusal.
That seems more then fair and courteous. :flowerforyou:0 -
Late to the scene that I am.. (ha! typical) I let the guy pay for the first date.. maybe the first couple... but then.. I like to pay if they will let me every other or so.. it's just not fair for him to pay all the time..
As to kissing on the first date.. that all depends on the physical attraction... I try to know a guy fairly well before the first date.. so I know if I like him or not.. the physical reaction/attraction dictates a kiss or not..
Lots of men are gentlemen. They want the chance to show it.. 0 -
There is nothing really to find fault about but you just don`t feel anything special happening.
He asks you to go out again...what happens now?
In the past, I've scheduled other plans and usually they move on without asking why. Two guys I've had to tell specifically I'm just not feeling it and don't want to waste his time when he could be out searching for "the one." One got very upset with me, not because I told him I was no longer interested, but because his next question was "ok, then, would you set me up with so-and-so" and I absolutely refused.0 -
Curious about something.
A guy does all the right things that ladys expect,asks out,plans everything,pays the whole shot through 2 dates.
There is nothing really to find fault about but you just don`t feel anything special happening.
He asks you to go out again...what happens now?
i'll admit. you guys dont have it easy when it comes to wooing chicks, since we tend to want a mix of the expected and the unexpected.
but really just DOING the right things isnt enough, especially it it's to the point where the guy who too busy concentrating on doing and saying the right things instead of relaxing and letting more of his personality come through. do the right things, let your personality come through and make sure you're exploiting any common interests, experiences and goals. all of that helps create chemistry.
if i dont have chemistry with a guy by the second date then i definitely dont allow any kisses and i'll say something like "it was great getting to know you and good luck with xyz". hopefully the guy takes the hint that i'm not interested in any more dates, but if he doesn't and asks for a date 3 anyway, i'll just say something like "thank you i'm flattered you're a good guy but i dont think i'm the girl for you".
and i wouldnt have an issue setting him up with someone i know who's single and who he might be suited for.0 -
You men can't win. That is the answer to every thread.
I know I probably irritate folks here by doing this but a thought.
If that statement had said women instead of men I would be saying to myself that I don`t want that so what do I need to do different so it isn`t true.
I would hate to think that my behaviors in a relationship led to a situation where a lady was often frustrated and left feeling disrespected and outside of the partnership.
Are most women really comfortable with this as far as a relationship goes?
I just meant that every woman wants something different and/or has different expectations. 0 -
You should kiss on the first date.
Doesn't have to be full blown make out clothes ripping off sessions, but at least something.
if each is interested that is.
To each his own... I wouldn't initiate a kiss on the first date, unless it's an old friend (possibly someone I knew while married). If I like the guy, and he initiataes I'm not saying I'd turn him down but I'd really want to get to know someone before we start swapping spit.
I'm not saying you should be the one to initiate it.
I'm just saying, a kiss isn't taboo. It's apart of chemistry. If it's there, it's there. If it's not, it's not.0 -
It's a shame that there are douche bags like that and I can't stand being put in the same basket, considering myself to be a genuine all round good guy.
One person's all-round-good guy is another person's bad date story.
As an example, I have a friend who is the ultimate gentleman, to the point where he always stands when a woman approaches or leaves the table. I find it extremely annoying since our dinner groups boast 6-7 women each time and most of us know half the town so we're always getting up to say hi to someone. He spends half the meal standing. My friends find it gentlemanly and endearing. I find it annoying.
And, no, I'm not just saying this because you're asking in another thread if a woman you meet in the near future would be upset that you're already planning a trip with a hot girl 3-4 months from now. I wouldn't fault a guy for that (but I wouln't be exclusive with him either), but many girls I know would consider that douchy behavior.
I don't think there are any right or wrong answers here, just what works for your life.
Hmmm, respect is annoying to you.
You're a tough one to figure out.0
