Dinner date- who pays?
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Why oh why, would a woman think that a man is paying only because he wants sex? I honestly have never felt that on a date, and certainly never felt pressure to have sex either because he paid or for any other reason! Yet I hear it from people on here
Because of stuff like this:I would hope that she had a great time and if the moment arised, would show some appreciation in a kiss!
And this:I seriously had a guy tell me, "I didn't buy you that dinner for NOTHING" when I refused his advances. My retort? Honey, I'm worth way more than a $20 meal from Macaroni Grill.0 -
Or I would add to appear that he is being held hostage to a checklist of material actions.
There was a thread in the chit chat forum a while ago asking if a guy took you to a fancy restaurant and then paid with either a coupon or gift card what would you think.
I said and still say it is tacky,if he is going to take one there then pay for it.
Almost every lady said it was not an issue, most saying it showed he was thrifty etc.
I asked then if that was the case would a trip to a McDonalds be good and Oh my God you would think I had said everyones mom was a hooker.
No one actually addressed the point just saying indignantly that it wasn`t the same.
I agree that the coupon is tacky for a date unless you make arrangements with the server out of view of your date. If a guy whipped out a coupon in front of me, I would feel guilty about him bringing me to a restaurant that he apparently couldn't really afford, or I'd be thinking I should've ordered something cheaper or suggested a different place, etc.
I recently went on a first date with a guy who insisted on taking me to Ruth's Chris, which is, in my opinion, a little too upscale for a first date. Part of me really wanted to suggest something less extravagant, but I didn't want to cut his legs out from under him, either. I'm not his mother or his accountant. What he spends his money on is his business.
And I agree with a previous post that it's not so much about the food as the place. I don't want to eat AT McDonald's because there's nothing romantic about it, but if a man wanted to take me to some place with a scenic view, sit under a shade tree, and talk over a burger and fries, I'm completely down with that.0 -
Why oh why, would a woman think that a man is paying only because he wants sex? I honestly have never felt that on a date, and certainly never felt pressure to have sex either because he paid or for any other reason! Yet I hear it from people on here
Because of stuff like this:I would hope that she had a great time and if the moment arised, would show some appreciation in a kiss!
And this:I seriously had a guy tell me, "I didn't buy you that dinner for NOTHING" when I refused his advances. My retort? Honey, I'm worth way more than a $20 meal from Macaroni Grill.
Don't use me as one of your examples about your own insecurities. You are taking my comment out of context. I believe the original went a little something like this.
"When I take a girl out for dinner for the first couple of dates, I dont EXPECT anything. I would hope that she had a great time and if the moment arised, would show some appreciation in a kiss!"
Notice how I said I don't expect anything, and also "IF THE MOMENT" arises. Not when, not I said she has to, not I deserve.
I resent being put in the same basket as e douche bag the said that other comment to you.0 -
When I take a girl out for dinner for the first couple of dates, I dont EXPECT anything. I would hope that she had a great time and if the moment arised, would show some appreciation in a kiss!"
I guess that just makes me wonder why the thank you/appreciation has to be physical. If I have a great time with a guy, I will say thank you. I think that is more of the point JanieJack was getting at. Why isn't a thank you enough?0 -
[/quote]I seriously had a guy tell me, "I didn't buy you that dinner for NOTHING" when I refused his advances. My retort? Honey, I'm worth way more than a $20 meal from Macaroni Grill.
I feel sorry that any woman would have to experience this, however, I would say that this is nowhere near the 'norm'!! More like an exception to the rule. Like I said, I've been on countless dates and never felt this money angle. I guess there are some infantile and nasty men out there, but please dont judge all men like this. I dont think that's fair on men in general :flowerforyou:0 -
Why oh why, would a woman think that a man is paying only because he wants sex? I honestly have never felt that on a date, and certainly never felt pressure to have sex either because he paid or for any other reason! Yet I hear it from people on here
Because of stuff like this:I would hope that she had a great time and if the moment arised, would show some appreciation in a kiss!
And this:I seriously had a guy tell me, "I didn't buy you that dinner for NOTHING" when I refused his advances. My retort? Honey, I'm worth way more than a $20 meal from Macaroni Grill.
Don't use me as one of your examples about your own insecurities. You are taking my comment out of context. I believe the original went a little something like this.
"When I take a girl out for dinner for the first couple of dates, I dont EXPECT anything. I would hope that she had a great time and if the moment arised, would show some appreciation in a kiss!"
Notice how I said I don't expect anything, and also "IF THE MOMENT" arises. Not when, not I said she has to, not I deserve.
I resent being put in the same basket as e douche bag the said that other comment to you.
:flowerforyou: Put it down to someone elses bad experience hun. I dont think it was a personal affront, just Janie trying to make a point to me :flowerforyou:0 -
When I take a girl out for dinner for the first couple of dates, I dont EXPECT anything. I would hope that she had a great time and if the moment arised, would show some appreciation in a kiss!"
I guess that just makes me wonder why the thank you/appreciation has to be physical. If I have a great time with a guy, I will say thank you. I think that is more of the point JanieJack was getting at. Why isn't a thank you enough?
It is enough. I think you are missing the pint where I clearly stated I don't expect anything. Like I said after the first couple of dates if the moment raised I would hoped she kisses me. Is that not a fair feeling? For someone that you like that you've been out with a couple of times that you might actually like to be kissed by them?0 -
When I take a girl out for dinner for the first couple of dates, I dont EXPECT anything. I would hope that she had a great time and if the moment arised, would show some appreciation in a kiss!"
I guess that just makes me wonder why the thank you/appreciation has to be physical. If I have a great time with a guy, I will say thank you. I think that is more of the point JanieJack was getting at. Why isn't a thank you enough?
It is enough. I think you are missing the pint where I clearly stated I don't expect anything. Like I said after the first couple of dates if the moment raised I would hoped she kisses me. Is that not a fair feeling? For someone that you like that you've been out with a couple of times that you might actually like to be kissed by them?
Yes it is a fair feeling, but it shouldn't be because you paid. It should be because she likes you.0 -
When I take a girl out for dinner for the first couple of dates, I dont EXPECT anything. I would hope that she had a great time and if the moment arised, would show some appreciation in a kiss!"
I guess that just makes me wonder why the thank you/appreciation has to be physical. If I have a great time with a guy, I will say thank you. I think that is more of the point JanieJack was getting at. Why isn't a thank you enough?
It is enough. I think you are missing the pint where I clearly stated I don't expect anything. Like I said after the first couple of dates if the moment raised I would hoped she kisses me. Is that not a fair feeling? For someone that you like that you've been out with a couple of times that you might actually like to be kissed by them?
Yes it is a fair feeling, but it shouldn't be because you paid. It should be because she likes you.
Then also why should so many ladies say if he doesn`t pay he won`t get a second date?0 -
Don't use me as one of your examples about your own insecurities. You are taking my comment out of context. I believe the original went a little something like this.
"When I take a girl out for dinner for the first couple of dates, I dont EXPECT anything. I would hope that she had a great time and if the moment arised, would show some appreciation in a kiss!"
The example isn't about my insecurities... it's about how even when we say one thing ("I don't EXPECT anything") we still exhibit behaviors/opinions that reinforce the old myths ("if the moment arised, would show some appreciation in a kiss.")
The post I asnwered was "Why oh why, would a woman think that a man is paying only because he wants sex?" Your comment, in a thread discussing who pays, would certainly reinforce that notion (whether you intended it to or not).0 -
When I take a girl out for dinner for the first couple of dates, I dont EXPECT anything. I would hope that she had a great time and if the moment arised, would show some appreciation in a kiss!"
I guess that just makes me wonder why the thank you/appreciation has to be physical. If I have a great time with a guy, I will say thank you. I think that is more of the point JanieJack was getting at. Why isn't a thank you enough?
It is enough. I think you are missing the pint where I clearly stated I don't expect anything. Like I said after the first couple of dates if the moment raised I would hoped she kisses me. Is that not a fair feeling? For someone that you like that you've been out with a couple of times that you might actually like to be kissed by them?
Yes it is a fair feeling, but it shouldn't be because you paid. It should be because she likes you.
Clearly. This is what I'm saying....
If she had a good time like I said, if the moment arises. Not once did I say cause I paid nor did infer that. Just frustrates me when people take things I say and twist my words to suit them.0 -
If she had a good time like I said, if the moment arises. Not once did I say cause I paid nor did infer that. Just frustrates me when people take things I say and twist my words to suit them.
You said "appreciation" so I took that to be appreciation for paying. Sorry if I twisted your words or whatever. That is just what I took from your comment.0 -
When I take a girl out for dinner for the first couple of dates, I dont EXPECT anything. I would hope that she had a great time and if the moment arised, would show some appreciation in a kiss!"
I guess that just makes me wonder why the thank you/appreciation has to be physical. If I have a great time with a guy, I will say thank you. I think that is more of the point JanieJack was getting at. Why isn't a thank you enough?
It is enough. I think you are missing the pint where I clearly stated I don't expect anything. Like I said after the first couple of dates if the moment raised I would hoped she kisses me. Is that not a fair feeling? For someone that you like that you've been out with a couple of times that you might actually like to be kissed by them?
Yes it is a fair feeling, but it shouldn't be because you paid. It should be because she likes you.
Then also why should so many ladies say if he doesn`t pay he won`t get a second date?
Yeah your telling me :huh:0 -
please dont judge all men like this.
Oh goodness, no. That's one guy out of, what, a hundred? I don't know. It's been a couple years.
Most of the guys I go out with are nice guys. I guess that's one advantage of being military... most of the losers don't actually make it to an actual date (intimidation??). I try not to talk about the nice guys much, though (out of respect), unless it's to point out something nice they did.0 -
Notice how I said I don't expect anything, and also "IF THE MOMENT" arises. Not when, not I said she has to, not I deserve.
I agree that there is a difference between hoping for something and expecting it. If you're attracted to a woman enough to ask her out, then you'd hardly be a man if you didn't want to kiss her and hope that things go well enough on the date that she feels comfortable kissing you.
But there are guys in the world who think taking a woman out means that he SHOULD get laid, especially if he spends a lot of money. I have only had the misfortune of dating one such guy, so I am not jaded enough to believe that all men are like that. But I know they exist.
I just think the sex issue is another area of misunderstanding between men and women. A man wanting (not expecting or planning to try) to have sex with an attractive woman on the first date doesn't mean he's only interested in sex; it means he's a man, and he has a pulse. A woman not wanting to have sex with an attractive man on the first date doesn't mean she's a prude or selfish or not interested; it means sex is a big deal to her and not something she gives up to any man who buys her dinner.0 -
Notice how I said I don't expect anything, and also "IF THE MOMENT" arises. Not when, not I said she has to, not I deserve.
I agree that there is a difference between hoping for something and expecting it. If you're attracted to a woman enough to ask her out, then you'd hardly be a man if you didn't want to kiss her and hope that things go well enough on the date that she feels comfortable kissing you.
But there are guys in the world who think taking a woman out means that he SHOULD get laid, especially if he spends a lot of money. I have only had the misfortune of dating one such guy, so I am not jaded enough to believe that all men are like that. But I know they exist.
I just think the sex issue is another area of misunderstanding between men and women. A man wanting (not expecting or planning to try) to have sex with an attractive woman on the first date doesn't mean he's only interested in sex; it means he's a man, and he has a pulse. A woman not wanting to have sex with an attractive man on the first date doesn't mean she's a prude or selfish or not interested; it means sex is a big deal to her and not something she gives up to any man who buys her dinner.
Very true, well said. That's kind of the point I was trying get across. For sure I want to kiss the girl I've been out on a few dates with, other wise if there want that attraction, there's not much point in chasing each other. By no means is it anyone's right to receive physical appreciation from anyone, just cause they paid.
It's a shame that there are douche bags like that and I can't stand being put in the same basket, considering myself to be a genuine all round good guy.0 -
Haha, I can't believe how many replies this has gotten! I personally think the person who asks for the date should pay. If a guy asks to take me somewhere, I expect him to pay. On the other hand, if I would ask a guy to go to dinner, I feel it would be incredibly rude of me to expect him to pay when I asked him out. I just wouldn't feel comfortable essentially saying, "Hey, would you like to pay for my dinner this weekend?" I will admit I've never asked a guy for a first date, but I have a lot of friends who have and then still expect them to pay for it.
I am really just not that in to "fancy food" and would feel uncomfortable in a really "upscale" restaurant. I would appreciate the gesture, but someone who truly likes that scene is probably not a good match for me. I would be a lot more impressed with a well-planned date based on something the guy knows I like/am interested in than simply spending a lot of money.0 -
I haven't been on a great number of dates, but the last guy I dated had a problem with me paying.
We had gone out several times and he had always gotten the dinner, movie tickets, coffee, etc., though I always offered to pay my half. Then I invited him to my choir concert, and I bought the ticket for him. It was MY concert, I wanted him to be there, and I thought it was a nice thing to do. He was not pleased when I wouldn't tell him how much the ticket was. I found that really, really annoying. I want to be able to pay sometimes, especially if it is something that I initiate! I would feel like I was taking advantage of him if he insisted on paying for everything.
He never did get in touch again after the night of the concert. I was disappointed then, but looking back... I think that saved me a lot of trouble and frustration, hahahaha.0 -
I don't think it's always one person's responsibility to pay (regardless of gender), but for me, there is an issue of money. I'm a single mom, and while I am fiercely independent and will do whatever I have to to provide for myself and my son, I don't have the money to buy other people dinner very often. I appreciate when someone buys me dinner, and I try to reciprocate by making him dinner or something like that, that isn't going to make it difficult to pay my mortgage that month. However, if I'm dating someone who isn't making a lot of money, I certainly don't expect him to be pay for everything and will offer to pay for my half. And if I can't afford at least that, I decline the date, unless he has already said that it's his treat.
Also, there is nothing sexier than a man opening the door for me and putting his hand on the small of my back as I walk through. *swoon*0 -
Hmmm for me this is a little different. With my Ex-husband and my ex-boyfriend I always paid. Now since most of my going out involves bars I try to split (you get a round and I'll get a round) or atleast pay for myself. Depending on the guy and the day it might not work. Alot of the guys I hang out with seem to be offended at the thought of me paying for myself and even my strickly platonic guys friends dont normally let me buy anything lol0
