Your preferred date night...?
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So no woman deserves the benefit of the doubt just because your general experience has been that if a woman says "maybe next week," she ends up never returning your calls?
Maybe the woman in DM's story really was busy. I've made a date with a guy a month in advance because we were both incredibly busy with work and personal commitments (real personal commitments, like weddings, family events, trips with friends, etc., not just "well, I'm going out drinking with my friends for the 10th time this month"). We both liked each other enough to wait instead of just writing each other off because our immediate schedules didn't work out. And it actually made me more excited to see him.
I guess it is asking a lot these days to expect a guy to treat me like I'm not some random chick he met in a bar who may or may not be worth any special effort. In the world of online dating, I'm sure there are a lot more duds for most people, and I can see how one might become jaded. Then again, maybe I'm just an optimist and prefer to hope for the best than to operate on assumptions of the worst.
But let it not be said that I don't make an effort for a man who makes an effort for me. The one I mentioned in an earlier post ... I've asked him out twice. I've done the planning and the arranging and the paying. I've made it clear how much I appreciate what he has done and continues to do for me. That's probably a major part of the reason he doesn't mind going out of his way for me.
I asked if any explanation was given for the delay and DM said no,that is as much as I can go by so saying "what if she were really busy" doesn`t apply,she could have told him that.
But, she did tell him that. She told him she was busy, and that it could happen in a week. She just met him, she doesn't owe him a play by play of her upcoming week for his insecurities.0 -
BS... She could still find the time if she really wanted to. If a girl came up to me and I was really interested I would give her a reason or offer even the 1 hour I might have in my schedule... Dude would be a fool to put his life on hold for someone that gives him nothing more than maybe in a few weeks and no reason... sounds like a b*tch at most.
That was how I saw it.0 -
Lol way to go animal kingdom. I still stand by what I said, but like anything, you can twist it around for your benefit easily. It usually happens on this forum a lot.How do you know it was an excuse? I mean, seriously, you're making assumptions. And you know what they say when you assume...?
If you prefer reason instead of excuse knock yourself out. It doesn't change anything.The guy was interested enough to get up the nerve top ask her out. She came up with an excuse. She expects him to keep pursuing. Maybe he will maybe he won't. I think most women have used a similar excuse to blow off a guy and I think most guys have experienced a brush off with a similar excuse. It's disingenuous to say that if the guy was interested enough he would have tried harder. If the girl was interested she could have called the guy to set up a date next week. He already showed he was interested. Instead most women would prefer to take a passive role and keep the onus on the guy while the woman just has to evaluate whether he put forth enough effort to satisfy her.
Think of it like this...
In the animal kingdom, males fight for the females. They show why they're deserving of her as a mate. There are no rules about singing your love song on Friday vs Tuesday, there is no "well maybe i'll play hard to get" you play hard to get and the other male gets the female. You do what you can do to show the female your attention in her.
We're really not that far off from the way animals pick a mate. It just so happens we're more likely to make it confusing and ridiculous.
If you want to justify behavior based on lower being animals then consider that in many species males come around for mating only and leave once mating season is over. Also, often times which male mates is determined by brute force. The strongest male mates with numerous females and the weaker males get none of the females as the strongest male ran them off or killed them. Even in species with higher levels of intelligence like dolphins, there are traits that would be despicable by human-standards. It is not uncommon for male dolphins to kill the young because the young interfere with the time females have available for sex.
Simplify your life, including dating. There is no need it needs to be as complicated as some of you make it seem.0 -
BS... She could still find the time if she really wanted to. If a girl came up to me and I was really interested I would give her a reason or offer even the 1 hour I might have in my schedule... Dude would be a fool to put his life on hold for someone that gives him nothing more than maybe in a few weeks and no reason... sounds like a b*tch at most.
That was how I saw it.
I'd have to say Mac is right too, if you just met her she doesn't really owe you a thing... My best advice: She wasn't too interested and you should move on.0 -
Let me refer back to past posts in here... If someone is interested they will make the effort to see you. She obviously isn't interested... she can't find an hour or two in her schedule in a two week span??? I bet she spends 10 hours in that same span looking at facebook and pinterest... Give me a break, I'd move on and not even think twice.
Get real, it is not just an hour or two for a date. You aren't considering prep or driving time. Realistically a date is a 3-4 hour investment - on the LOW side. Some weeks really DO get so busy that it's really no feasible to try and force in a rushed date, instead of waiting a week or two for when things can actually be, I don't know, ENJOYED?
BS... She could still find the time if she really wanted to. If a girl came up to me and I was really interested I would give her a reason or offer even the 1 hour I might have in my schedule... Dude would be a fool to put his life on hold for someone that gives him nothing more than maybe in a few weeks and no reason... sounds like a b*tch at most.
She gave a reason, she said she was busy for the next week or two. I've already gone over how that could be handled in a reasonable manner, but here it is again. Say "Okay, just let me know when you are free" and go about your life. You don't have to wait by the phone, you don't even have to expect it. There are times when I've been asked out and yeah, I could have squeezed something in but I've had such a ****ty day or I feel awful or I know I'm not at my best or I just really need a moment to myself that I beg off instead and later will come back with a different day. It doesn't mean I don't like the guy, it means when we do meet, I'd like to put my best foot forward.0 -
Well to me it didn't sound like DM was even given the option of hanging out on a weekend, but maybe I missed that part.But I also think if you're playing the "no first dates on Fridays or Saturdays" game, you have to expect scheduling conflicts. Just because someone doesn't have a job that forces them to work later into the evenings doesn't mean they don't have legitimate weeknight commitments. I don't usually have to work late, but this is the time of year when I am traveling a bit for work, so I'm out of town sometimes. I also have work-related social events that I have to attend at night on occasion. And every now and then, I might want to go see a movie or have dinner with a friend. I don't really owe someone I barely know any kind of explanation about my schedule. We're either willing to see each other at a mutually convenient time, or we aren't. I just find tons of irony in the idea that a guy who admits to pretending to be unavailable on weekends is so put off by a woman who may very well be giving him a taste of his own medicine.
And you say you don't owe someone you barely know an explanation about your schedule, yet you also say you don't want to be treated like some random girl someone met at a bar. Wasn't that exactly what she was though? This is sort of a double standard. If you don't give someone any explanation it's like saying you don't want to hang out, but you can't think of a good excuse right now. To me treating someone decently would entail communicating with them why you can't hang out for two weeks and explain that you really do want to. If they didn't do that I wouldn't be too confused as to why they're not returning my phone calls.
You can say you're busy that week w/ out having to give an explanation as to why. If the guy is interested, he'll take that at face value - ok, so how about xxx day instead? or, you suggested next Wednesday, that'll work. Then you keep in touch up until the date, letting her know you're still interested.
Until she gives you a reason to assume she's blowing you off, or lying to you about her "busy schedule" you shouldn't assume. If you let the past experience dictate your life, you're going to be right where you're at now... single and pissed.0 -
The vibe I am getting from DM's situation is that both of them were slightly interested in each other but did not have full blown interests. It was more of a convenience thing of both of them being there at the time and single. He even said she was older and he usually dates younger so he was boarder line on being interested in her.
If she was truely interested she would have given another time that they could have meet and if he was more interested he would have pushed harder to find a time they were both free.
Dating is a two way street and both parties have to give and take and it appears that was missing from this situation.0 -
Oh come on, you have to admit he has a point though. That phrase gets thrown around a lot around here, especially by women. Now all of the sudden dates take 3-4 hours and can't be rushed? I've been on coffee dates where we only hung out for 30-45 minutes. Generally people spend more time than that cooking dinner, why not just meet for a quick bite? And in my experience if both people like each other the date is ENJOYED even if it is rushed. So there's no point in hanging out if you can't spend 3-4 hours together?Let me refer back to past posts in here... If someone is interested they will make the effort to see you. She obviously isn't interested... she can't find an hour or two in her schedule in a two week span??? I bet she spends 10 hours in that same span looking at facebook and pinterest... Give me a break, I'd move on and not even think twice.
Get real, it is not just an hour or two for a date. You aren't considering prep or driving time. Realistically a date is a 3-4 hour investment - on the LOW side. Some weeks really DO get so busy that it's really no feasible to try and force in a rushed date, instead of waiting a week or two for when things can actually be, I don't know, ENJOYED?0 -
Oh come on, you have to admit he has a point though. That phrase gets thrown around a lot around here, especially by women. Now all of the sudden dates take 3-4 hours and can't be rushed? I've been on coffee dates where we only hung out for 30-45 minutes. Generally people spend more time than that cooking dinner, why not just meet for a quick bite? And in my experience if both people like each other the date is ENJOYED even if it is rushed. So there's no point in hanging out if you can't spend 3-4 hours together?Let me refer back to past posts in here... If someone is interested they will make the effort to see you. She obviously isn't interested... she can't find an hour or two in her schedule in a two week span??? I bet she spends 10 hours in that same span looking at facebook and pinterest... Give me a break, I'd move on and not even think twice.
Get real, it is not just an hour or two for a date. You aren't considering prep or driving time. Realistically a date is a 3-4 hour investment - on the LOW side. Some weeks really DO get so busy that it's really no feasible to try and force in a rushed date, instead of waiting a week or two for when things can actually be, I don't know, ENJOYED?
I didn't say the DATE itself took 3-4 hours, I'm totally okay with the date lasting 1-2 hours itself, what you're discounting it how long it takes to get ready for the date. Sure for work I can shower and be ready in 30 minutes, but if I'm meeting up with a guy I really like I'm not exactly going to put on my work face, am I? I'm going to take the time to make myself awesome. So it's not a matter of finding one free hour in any given day. Especially not for a first date.0 -
Why do you think I'm pissed? Quite the opposite actually. If someone says she can't hang out for two weeks I'm not going to tell her to go f--k herself, I'll just won't put a whole lot of effort. If I ask someone out, they clearly know how I feel, as far as I'm concerned the ball is in their court.You can say you're busy that week w/ out having to give an explanation as to why. If the guy is interested, he'll take that at face value - ok, so how about xxx day instead? or, you suggested next Wednesday, that'll work. Then you keep in touch up until the date, letting her know you're still interested.
Until she gives you a reason to assume she's blowing you off, or lying to you about her "busy schedule" you shouldn't assume. If you let the past experience dictate your life, you're going to be right where you're at now... single and pissed.0 -
Fair enough, agree to disagree on that. Sort of a male/female difference that I just won't understand. I will go out with someone in my work clothes for all I care. But if you looking your best is more important than hanging out with someone you like then so be it.
Oh come on, you have to admit he has a point though. That phrase gets thrown around a lot around here, especially by women. Now all of the sudden dates take 3-4 hours and can't be rushed? I've been on coffee dates where we only hung out for 30-45 minutes. Generally people spend more time than that cooking dinner, why not just meet for a quick bite? And in my experience if both people like each other the date is ENJOYED even if it is rushed. So there's no point in hanging out if you can't spend 3-4 hours together?Let me refer back to past posts in here... If someone is interested they will make the effort to see you. She obviously isn't interested... she can't find an hour or two in her schedule in a two week span??? I bet she spends 10 hours in that same span looking at facebook and pinterest... Give me a break, I'd move on and not even think twice.
Get real, it is not just an hour or two for a date. You aren't considering prep or driving time. Realistically a date is a 3-4 hour investment - on the LOW side. Some weeks really DO get so busy that it's really no feasible to try and force in a rushed date, instead of waiting a week or two for when things can actually be, I don't know, ENJOYED?
I didn't say the DATE itself took 3-4 hours, I'm totally okay with the date lasting 1-2 hours itself, what you're discounting it how long it takes to get ready for the date. Sure for work I can shower and be ready in 30 minutes, but if I'm meeting up with a guy I really like I'm not exactly going to put on my work face, am I? I'm going to take the time to make myself awesome. So it's not a matter of finding one free hour in any given day. Especially not for a first date.0 -
Fair enough, agree to disagree on that. Sort of a male/female difference that I just won't understand. I will go out with someone in my work clothes for all I care. But if you looking your best is more important than hanging out with someone you like then so be it.
Oh come on, you have to admit he has a point though. That phrase gets thrown around a lot around here, especially by women. Now all of the sudden dates take 3-4 hours and can't be rushed? I've been on coffee dates where we only hung out for 30-45 minutes. Generally people spend more time than that cooking dinner, why not just meet for a quick bite? And in my experience if both people like each other the date is ENJOYED even if it is rushed. So there's no point in hanging out if you can't spend 3-4 hours together?Let me refer back to past posts in here... If someone is interested they will make the effort to see you. She obviously isn't interested... she can't find an hour or two in her schedule in a two week span??? I bet she spends 10 hours in that same span looking at facebook and pinterest... Give me a break, I'd move on and not even think twice.
Get real, it is not just an hour or two for a date. You aren't considering prep or driving time. Realistically a date is a 3-4 hour investment - on the LOW side. Some weeks really DO get so busy that it's really no feasible to try and force in a rushed date, instead of waiting a week or two for when things can actually be, I don't know, ENJOYED?
I didn't say the DATE itself took 3-4 hours, I'm totally okay with the date lasting 1-2 hours itself, what you're discounting it how long it takes to get ready for the date. Sure for work I can shower and be ready in 30 minutes, but if I'm meeting up with a guy I really like I'm not exactly going to put on my work face, am I? I'm going to take the time to make myself awesome. So it's not a matter of finding one free hour in any given day. Especially not for a first date.
Yes, that's a difference. Though to be fair, not many men would appreciate a girl showing up slightly bedraggled after 9 hours of work.0 -
I think that if a person who cant go out on the night that has been suggested then they should totally suggest another night..... Army had wanted to meet on thursday originally before he left town for 2 weeks... I explained that I didn't have a sitter for thursday but I could get one for tuesday if he wanted to meet then ..... So suprise were meeting up tonight... It's simple you make time if you want to see someone... Or you suggest another day or show your interest in any way possible if your unable to go out0
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Honestly I probably couldn't tell the difference.
Fair enough, agree to disagree on that. Sort of a male/female difference that I just won't understand. I will go out with someone in my work clothes for all I care. But if you looking your best is more important than hanging out with someone you like then so be it.
Oh come on, you have to admit he has a point though. That phrase gets thrown around a lot around here, especially by women. Now all of the sudden dates take 3-4 hours and can't be rushed? I've been on coffee dates where we only hung out for 30-45 minutes. Generally people spend more time than that cooking dinner, why not just meet for a quick bite? And in my experience if both people like each other the date is ENJOYED even if it is rushed. So there's no point in hanging out if you can't spend 3-4 hours together?Let me refer back to past posts in here... If someone is interested they will make the effort to see you. She obviously isn't interested... she can't find an hour or two in her schedule in a two week span??? I bet she spends 10 hours in that same span looking at facebook and pinterest... Give me a break, I'd move on and not even think twice.
Get real, it is not just an hour or two for a date. You aren't considering prep or driving time. Realistically a date is a 3-4 hour investment - on the LOW side. Some weeks really DO get so busy that it's really no feasible to try and force in a rushed date, instead of waiting a week or two for when things can actually be, I don't know, ENJOYED?
I didn't say the DATE itself took 3-4 hours, I'm totally okay with the date lasting 1-2 hours itself, what you're discounting it how long it takes to get ready for the date. Sure for work I can shower and be ready in 30 minutes, but if I'm meeting up with a guy I really like I'm not exactly going to put on my work face, am I? I'm going to take the time to make myself awesome. So it's not a matter of finding one free hour in any given day. Especially not for a first date.
Yes, that's a difference. Though to be fair, not many men would appreciate a girl showing up slightly bedraggled after 9 hours of work.0 -
You might not be able to tell the difference in her appearance, but you'd notice a difference in attitude.
I always want to look my best, whether I'm on a date or doing the grocery shopping. I feel more confident and more relaxed when I feel good about the way I look, and that will make a date go a lot better than if my thoughts are dominated with questions about whether I look hot enough for you to be attracted to me and proud to be seen with me. I know that's another thing women tend to overanalyze (we wouldn't be on a date if there wasn't some attraction), but it is what it is. And I think you'd rather be on a date with a woman who likes the way she looks.0 -
Why do you think I'm pissed? Quite the opposite actually. If someone says she can't hang out for two weeks I'm not going to tell her to go f--k herself, I'll just won't put a whole lot of effort. If I ask someone out, they clearly know how I feel, as far as I'm concerned the ball is in their court.You can say you're busy that week w/ out having to give an explanation as to why. If the guy is interested, he'll take that at face value - ok, so how about xxx day instead? or, you suggested next Wednesday, that'll work. Then you keep in touch up until the date, letting her know you're still interested.
Until she gives you a reason to assume she's blowing you off, or lying to you about her "busy schedule" you shouldn't assume. If you let the past experience dictate your life, you're going to be right where you're at now... single and pissed.
^^^ exactly... no need to be mad, but also no need to put in any effort.0 -
For me, the day doesn't matter. Week days could be nice, especially if you want to keep it quick and simple. Perhaps a coffee shop or quiet lounge. Something affordable.
Weekends can also work depending on work schedules.. You can get do something earliy on during the day and yet keep it brief. There's no wrong or right answer.
A good date can last anywhere from 2 - 4 hours. A date that's not going anywhere can be less than an hour.
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You might not be able to tell the difference in her appearance, but you'd notice a difference in attitude.
I always want to look my best, whether I'm on a date or doing the grocery shopping. I feel more confident and more relaxed when I feel good about the way I look, and that will make a date go a lot better than if my thoughts are dominated with questions about whether I look hot enough for you to be attracted to me and proud to be seen with me. I know that's another thing women tend to overanalyze (we wouldn't be on a date if there wasn't some attraction), but it is what it is. And I think you'd rather be on a date with a woman who likes the way she looks.
Pssst....If I have asked you out that has already been established,don`t even give it a thought after that,it is self defeating.
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You might not be able to tell the difference in her appearance, but you'd notice a difference in attitude.
I always want to look my best, whether I'm on a date or doing the grocery shopping. I feel more confident and more relaxed when I feel good about the way I look, and that will make a date go a lot better than if my thoughts are dominated with questions about whether I look hot enough for you to be attracted to me and proud to be seen with me. I know that's another thing women tend to overanalyze (we wouldn't be on a date if there wasn't some attraction), but it is what it is. And I think you'd rather be on a date with a woman who likes the way she looks.
Pssst....If I have asked you out that has already been established,don`t even give it a thought after that,it is self defeating.
^^ Yup, I always find it funny when gals say "I spent so much time getting ready for you" or "I just want to look good for you" Gotta call BS!!! You girls do that for you not for us.... I don't care if show up in sweat pants, if I expressed interest I already find you attractive.0 -
Well, that's like telling a woman not to worry about what a man thinks when he sees her naked for the first time. It's going to happen. You can't talk her out of it.0
