TMI Tuesday-single peeps version
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Testosterone falls in men as they age. From about the age of 18 (their sexual high) it dwindles. That's why a man's sex drive lowers.
Men - older men - who have affairs or sleep around or who just have multiple partners have shown much higher levels of testosterone than men their same age who do not have frequent sex, or who are in a committed relationship.
Testosterone is not just about age!
And in fact, research shows that actually having sex increases testosterone production in older and younger men at the same rate. So again, more sex = more testosterone = healthier men.
--P
So everybody should just get their freak on then lol
With different people!0 -
Aaaaannd we're back to the monogamy / polygamy / polyamory debate again...0
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Exactly right. Not just the lady's responsibility, we men need to realize this, too (if we're serious about staying faithful, and I believe most men are), and also try to keep it interesting.
Wigs, role playing, absolutely. I think spontaneous trips (last minute surprise weekend getaways) help, since you are in a different environment, in a different bed, etc. Vacations are great for that, I know my sex drive increases dramatically when the weather is warm and I'm in an unknown hotel (with no kids!) near the ocean. But you can't be on vacation year round, so you gotta get creative. Sexy lingerie, not wearing the same thing every time. Etc., etc.
Main point is that a lower sex drive over time is a real phenomenon which can oftentimes be linked to lower testosterone production. It's hormonal. The man can't always help it. So better to understand it and try ways to get those good hormones flowing again.
Not saying this is always the case. Some men have other, more serious issues. Not having sex with your wife for 4 1/2 years means something else is happening there, obviously. But for the man who seems to want sex only once a month, well.... Time for a discussion, and then a trip to Victoria's Secret... :-)
--P
While I don't disagree at all with the above...it does kind of piss me off that the emphasis here is on what WOMEN should be doing to spice things up. Hell... I'm always good to go.. my testosterone levels are clearly not the question. So.. shouldn't men be making a bigger effort to solve this issue too? Why are we required to get the wigs and lingerie? And provide all of the excitement, stimulus and initiative?
As to the 4.5 years.. we were never married... he has diabetes and a number of other health issues which could affect things, but is also incredibly embarassed, defensive and avoided the issue. I brought it up, he would get angry and try and deflect it somewhere else. I would suggest things, he would ignore it. He never let it be "our" issue.. or to allow me (or doctors/counselors) to help in any way. Besides that, he was never overly romantic or sexual, not really. I thought he was a very good person that loved me unconditionally, and that perhaps it was a phase. Turned out it was not a phase and that having someone who felt like a roommate just wasn't enough. I've always been one of those people who likes to please, and is willing to sacrifice parts of themselves to make things work. Turns out I sacrificed far too much.. and not feeling wanted or needed kind of infected every other aspect of the relationship too.
I think I was quite clear that it's also the man's responsibility to recognize this (most don't, just put it down to age, or working too hard, etc. which is not always the case) and take steps to help. And those steps should not include an affair with the new secretary, although that is a great way to increase testosterone. The proper way, in a committed relationship, is to spice it up, mix it up, keep it fresh. It's probably hard work, but it's important.
--P0 -
MEN- with all this talk I'm getting more curious. Women who have a high sex drive; is that not a turn on to you guys? :huh:
For me, it has nothing to do with your sex drive. It has everything to do with the level of commitment involved.
Also in my experience, the sex has always been MUCH better with ditzy women! I stand firm on that.
I thought your sex drive went out the window with a commitment!? Or what do you mean?
I think he means he likes sex with women who are more complacent, less argumentative, wont question him, more likely to let him lead...so a Barbie doll. Haha Mike just had to call it like I see it...I mean no offense but that's what I take from it.
He has openly admitted as such. Specifically, he stated he wants a woman who needs and is dependent on him and is incomplete without him.
Can I ask that ladies (who outnumber guys here by 3 or 4 to 1) take a moment to reflect on what I am about to post without a knee jerk pissed off response?
How many (90+% by my observation) ladies have said that they desire/expect a guy to make them feel protected,for whatever that means in 2012,and passively feminine?
When I have in the past raised this issue and asked what the? it has been argued.
What is wanted...a certain thing but just don`t point it out?
There's a difference between feeling protected/safe/comfortable/feminine... and NEEDING someone. One is a "oh, this is nice" and the other is a matter of personal development, and the ability to cope/function in everyday life.
I've said before, I'm perfectly capable of fixing my own drawers, or doing my own car maintenance. But if I had a guy that wanted to do it for me then that's sexy and I'll bring the sammiches. The important part of that - is that I CAN take care of it myself, or pay for it to get done by myself. I don't have a powerful desire to have someone else do it for me.
You kits are a distinct different then the norm for ladies here (sorry :flowerforyou: )
Most very often do seem to expect to want life to be in many conflicting ways.
Carl, I find this fascinating because I think Kits (our Japanese fox-y lady
) hit the nail on the head with this response. I feel the exact same way she does. Why do you think what she said is not accurate? 0 -
I thought this was a TMI thread???
My TMI is I'm bored of talking about why people cheat!!! AGAIN!!! :yawn:
And its such a negative thing to be constantly thinking about :indifferent:0 -
Testosterone falls in men as they age. From about the age of 18 (their sexual high) it dwindles. That's why a man's sex drive lowers.
Men - older men - who have affairs or sleep around or who just have multiple partners have shown much higher levels of testosterone than men their same age who do not have frequent sex, or who are in a committed relationship.
Testosterone is not just about age!
And in fact, research shows that actually having sex increases testosterone production in older and younger men at the same rate. So again, more sex = more testosterone = healthier men.
--P
So everybody should just get their freak on then lol
With different people!
What I have taken from this is .. have sex with the same guy for a few months and then move on to another. Who needs marriage! We will all just have a bunch of kids running around with no families, no sense of family, no sense of what it means to be part of a family, no sense of morality.0 -
Testosterone falls in men as they age. From about the age of 18 (their sexual high) it dwindles. That's why a man's sex drive lowers.
Men - older men - who have affairs or sleep around or who just have multiple partners have shown much higher levels of testosterone than men their same age who do not have frequent sex, or who are in a committed relationship.
Testosterone is not just about age!
And in fact, research shows that actually having sex increases testosterone production in older and younger men at the same rate. So again, more sex = more testosterone = healthier men.
--P
I never said it was JUST about age. I said it decreases as men get older and increases as women get older.
P, why are you so obsessed with rationalising cheating?? I'm honestly interested :flowerforyou:0 -
My TMI is good lord what did I start lol....0
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Testosterone falls in men as they age. From about the age of 18 (their sexual high) it dwindles. That's why a man's sex drive lowers.
Men - older men - who have affairs or sleep around or who just have multiple partners have shown much higher levels of testosterone than men their same age who do not have frequent sex, or who are in a committed relationship.
Testosterone is not just about age!
And in fact, research shows that actually having sex increases testosterone production in older and younger men at the same rate. So again, more sex = more testosterone = healthier men.
--P
So everybody should just get their freak on then lol
With different people!
I don't think having sex with different people is the way to go if you're in a committed relationship. Unless you both agree, and my guess is that you both won't. Although, yes, for the man at least, that would solve one problem (low testosterone), but create another (loss of trust, potentially loss of his marriage, children, etc.).
I think the best alternative is to (a) recognize that for many men, it's hormonal, not voluntary; and (b) take steps to spice it up with your significant other.
--P0 -
Okay... my TMI..I cheated on my ex at the end..with a few individuals.
Does it help in any way that I had emotionally checked out of the relationship ages ago?
Or that I hadn't had sex in nearly 5 years?
Because the scary thing is I don't regret it at all. No, I still feel totally justified.0 -
Testosterone falls in men as they age. From about the age of 18 (their sexual high) it dwindles. That's why a man's sex drive lowers.
Men - older men - who have affairs or sleep around or who just have multiple partners have shown much higher levels of testosterone than men their same age who do not have frequent sex, or who are in a committed relationship.
Testosterone is not just about age!
And in fact, research shows that actually having sex increases testosterone production in older and younger men at the same rate. So again, more sex = more testosterone = healthier men.
--P
So everybody should just get their freak on then lol
With different people!
I don't think having sex with different people is the way to go if you're in a committed relationship. Unless you both agree, and my guess is that you both won't. Although, yes, for the man at least, that would solve one problem (low testosterone), but create another (loss of trust, potentially loss of his marriage, children, etc.).
I think the best alternative is to (a) recognize that for many men, it's hormonal, not voluntary; and (b) take steps to spice it up with your significant other.
--P
See if I was in a commetted relationship I would have no problem spicing it up besides porn shops rock0 -
Okay... my TMI..I cheated on my ex at the end..with a few individuals.
Does it help in any way that I had emotionally checked out of the relationship ages ago?
Or that I hadn't had sex in nearly 5 years?
Because the scary thing is I don't regret it at all. No, I still feel totally justified.
Hun the fact that you managed to hold on for 5 yrs of no sex and not kill someone while having the pressures of a relationship is suprising. I am normally of the cheating is wrong catagory but you get a pass in my book.0 -
Testosterone falls in men as they age. From about the age of 18 (their sexual high) it dwindles. That's why a man's sex drive lowers.
Men - older men - who have affairs or sleep around or who just have multiple partners have shown much higher levels of testosterone than men their same age who do not have frequent sex, or who are in a committed relationship.
Testosterone is not just about age!
And in fact, research shows that actually having sex increases testosterone production in older and younger men at the same rate. So again, more sex = more testosterone = healthier men.
--P
I never said it was JUST about age. I said it decreases as men get older and increases as women get older.
P, why are you so obsessed with rationalising cheating?? I'm honestly interested :flowerforyou:
Well Anna, as you stated earlier, from a biological standpoint.. both --P and I are wrong.
You haven't given any reason or evidence besides the standard "you're wrong" response. I would love to see any evidence refuting what --P and I have said.0 -
Okay... my TMI..I cheated on my ex at the end..with a few individuals.
Does it help in any way that I had emotionally checked out of the relationship ages ago?
Or that I hadn't had sex in nearly 5 years?
Because the scary thing is I don't regret it at all. No, I still feel totally justified.
Hun the fact that you managed to hold on for 5 yrs of no sex and not kill someone while having the pressures of a relationship is suprising. I am normally of the cheating is wrong catagory but you get a pass in my book.
Totally agree!!!!!0 -
Testosterone falls in men as they age. From about the age of 18 (their sexual high) it dwindles. That's why a man's sex drive lowers.
Men - older men - who have affairs or sleep around or who just have multiple partners have shown much higher levels of testosterone than men their same age who do not have frequent sex, or who are in a committed relationship.
Testosterone is not just about age!
And in fact, research shows that actually having sex increases testosterone production in older and younger men at the same rate. So again, more sex = more testosterone = healthier men.
--P
I never said it was JUST about age. I said it decreases as men get older and increases as women get older.
P, why are you so obsessed with rationalising cheating?? I'm honestly interested :flowerforyou:
Well Anna, as you stated earlier, from a biological standpoint.. both --P and I are wrong.
You haven't given any reason or evidence besides the standard "you're wrong" response. I would love to see any evidence refuting what --P and I have said.
Mike, my question was to Patrick. As far as I'm concerned my conversation with you was over as soon as you started on the personal insults. You wont hear from me again. Good day!0 -
Okay... my TMI..I cheated on my ex at the end..with a few individuals.
Does it help in any way that I had emotionally checked out of the relationship ages ago?
Or that I hadn't had sex in nearly 5 years?
Because the scary thing is I don't regret it at all. No, I still feel totally justified.
It is pretty normal for women to check out of a relationship long before it officially ends. I would also say it is common for women to feel justified about it all.
There are also times where both a man and a woman have checked out of the relationship and it hasn't ended.0 -
Okay... my TMI..I cheated on my ex at the end..with a few individuals.
Does it help in any way that I had emotionally checked out of the relationship ages ago?
Or that I hadn't had sex in nearly 5 years?
Because the scary thing is I don't regret it at all. No, I still feel totally justified.
It is pretty normal for women to check out of a relationship long before it officially ends. I would also say it is common for women to feel justified about it all.
There are also times where both a man and a woman have checked out of the relationship and it hasn't ended.
I'm in the camp of cheating is wrong period. I don't think anyone is an all around horrible person for doing so, but it is dishonest and a bad judgment call.
I would say, next time just break up with him first. If it's going down that road anyway why drag it out?0 -
P, why are you so obsessed with rationalising cheating?? I'm honestly interested :flowerforyou:
I am not rationalizing cheating. You are cherry picking from my posts. I'm quite disappointed about your flippant comments. I am basing my posts on research with men. What would the reaction be here if we men began to disregard research into female behavior brought about by hormonal changes?
Ha, that time of the month, don't give us that BS ladies, you just want to be *****y!
Ha, menopause, total crock of ****!
Ha, post natal depression? Stop being lazy and help out around the house!
Having difficulty losing weight! Ha, don't give me that crap about hormonal links to weight gain! Etc., etc.
You are concerned about men who cheat, but I'm telling you the hormonal changes brought about by cheating actually help men significantly! Lower cancer, lower heart disease, higher energy levels, etc., etc. Don't you see that this is one reason why men's bodies are, in a way, pushing them to cheat? It causes physiological changes that benefit them. It's not a rational process. We don't say, "I want to lower my risk of cancer, so I think I'm going to go bang my secretary." No, but we do start to feel different when we notice someone who sexually arouses us. A new neighbor, perhaps. Someone we've never seen before. Our bodies start to think about sex with her. We start to feel a bit more energetic, a bit more alive. The testosterone begins to flow more freely, and it feels kinda good...
And the key isn't to have affairs per se, unless you are in an open relationship, and most of us are not, nor want to be. The key is to keep having sex! And if that can be with the same woman in a committed relationship, then WIN-WIN! And I'm trying to suggest potential ways to do that. To keep the sex interesting over time. Which is clearly difficult for many people, especially men.
It's not just age, Anna, and I'm surprised you're being so hard headed about this. Perhaps you should come clean on why this is so hard for you to understand? I'm honestly interested. :flowerforyou:
--P0 -
Okay... my TMI..I cheated on my ex at the end..with a few individuals.
Does it help in any way that I had emotionally checked out of the relationship ages ago?
Or that I hadn't had sex in nearly 5 years?
Because the scary thing is I don't regret it at all. No, I still feel totally justified.
It is pretty normal for women to check out of a relationship long before it officially ends. I would also say it is common for women to feel justified about it all.
There are also times where both a man and a woman have checked out of the relationship and it hasn't ended.
I'm in the camp of cheating is wrong period. I don't think anyone is an all around horrible person for doing so, but it is dishonest and a bad judgment call.
I would say, next time just break up with him first. If it's going down that road anyway why drag it out?
Oh don't get me wrong.. I'm not really looking for justification and/or agreement. Simply TMI. 0 -
The key is to keep having sex!
I'll drink to that!0
