TMI Tuesday-single peeps version
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The key is to keep having sex!
I'll drink to that!
/Thread
That just about sums it up nicely.
--P0 -
The key is to keep having sex!
I'll drink to that!
/Thread
That just about sums it up nicely.
--P
I will agree to that as well! I dare say I have learned something from you all today.0 -
Okay... my TMI..I cheated on my ex at the end..with a few individuals.
Does it help in any way that I had emotionally checked out of the relationship ages ago?
Or that I hadn't had sex in nearly 5 years?
Because the scary thing is I don't regret it at all. No, I still feel totally justified.
It is pretty normal for women to check out of a relationship long before it officially ends. I would also say it is common for women to feel justified about it all.
There are also times where both a man and a woman have checked out of the relationship and it hasn't ended.
DM- Only women check out?
SB - You have clearly come to terms with what you've done, which is all that really matters. But since you're asking for people to absolve you, I personally cannot do that. I find it to be a cowardly way to end something you knew wasn't working and could have easily pulled the plug on before moving on.0 -
MEN- with all this talk I'm getting more curious. Women who have a high sex drive; is that not a turn on to you guys? :huh:
For me, it has nothing to do with your sex drive. It has everything to do with the level of commitment involved.
Also in my experience, the sex has always been MUCH better with ditzy women! I stand firm on that.
I thought your sex drive went out the window with a commitment!? Or what do you mean?
I think he means he likes sex with women who are more complacent, less argumentative, wont question him, more likely to let him lead...so a Barbie doll. Haha Mike just had to call it like I see it...I mean no offense but that's what I take from it.
He has openly admitted as such. Specifically, he stated he wants a woman who needs and is dependent on him and is incomplete without him.
Can I ask that ladies (who outnumber guys here by 3 or 4 to 1) take a moment to reflect on what I am about to post without a knee jerk pissed off response?
How many (90+% by my observation) ladies have said that they desire/expect a guy to make them feel protected,for whatever that means in 2012,and passively feminine?
When I have in the past raised this issue and asked what the? it has been argued.
What is wanted...a certain thing but just don`t point it out?
There's a difference between feeling protected/safe/comfortable/feminine... and NEEDING someone. One is a "oh, this is nice" and the other is a matter of personal development, and the ability to cope/function in everyday life.
I've said before, I'm perfectly capable of fixing my own drawers, or doing my own car maintenance. But if I had a guy that wanted to do it for me then that's sexy and I'll bring the sammiches. The important part of that - is that I CAN take care of it myself, or pay for it to get done by myself. I don't have a powerful desire to have someone else do it for me.
You kits are a distinct different then the norm for ladies here (sorry :flowerforyou: )
Most very often do seem to expect to want life to be in many conflicting ways.
Carl, I find this fascinating because I think Kits (our Japanese fox-y lady
) hit the nail on the head with this response. I feel the exact same way she does. Why do you think what she said is not accurate?
Yeah, I'm curious too as I agreed with it.0 -
Okay... my TMI..I cheated on my ex at the end..with a few individuals.
Does it help in any way that I had emotionally checked out of the relationship ages ago?
Or that I hadn't had sex in nearly 5 years?
Because the scary thing is I don't regret it at all. No, I still feel totally justified.
It is pretty normal for women to check out of a relationship long before it officially ends. I would also say it is common for women to feel justified about it all.
There are also times where both a man and a woman have checked out of the relationship and it hasn't ended.
DM- Only women check out?
No, I don't think only women check out & I thought my original post on checking out made that clear. I've read about the phenomenon of women checking out of relationships long before they officially end. I've never once read about men doing that. Could my own viewpoint be skewed? Perhaps. I haven't really experienced that much in my own life as I am quite the fan of the preemptive breakup. If I can see the writing on the wall that it is over, I like to exit first.0 -
P, why are you so obsessed with rationalising cheating?? I'm honestly interested :flowerforyou:
I am not rationalizing cheating. You are cherry picking from my posts. I'm quite disappointed about your flippant comments. I am basing my posts on research with men. What would the reaction be here if we men began to disregard research into female behavior brought about by hormonal changes?
Ha, that time of the month, don't give us that BS ladies, you just want to be *****y!
Ha, menopause, total crock of ****!
Ha, post natal depression? Stop being lazy and help out around the house!
Having difficulty losing weight! Ha, don't give me that crap about hormonal links to weight gain! Etc., etc.
You are concerned about men who cheat, but I'm telling you the hormonal changes brought about by cheating actually help men significantly! Lower cancer, lower heart disease, higher energy levels, etc., etc. Don't you see that this is one reason why men's bodies are, in a way, pushing them to cheat? It causes physiological changes that benefit them. It's not a rational process. We don't say, "I want to lower my risk of cancer, so I think I'm going to go bang my secretary." No, but we do start to feel different when we notice someone who sexually arouses us. A new neighbor, perhaps. Someone we've never seen before. Our bodies start to think about sex with her. We start to feel a bit more energetic, a bit more alive. The testosterone begins to flow more freely, and it feels kinda good...
And the key isn't to have affairs per se, unless you are in an open relationship, and most of us are not, nor want to be. The key is to keep having sex! And if that can be with the same woman in a committed relationship, then WIN-WIN! And I'm trying to suggest potential ways to do that. To keep the sex interesting over time. Which is clearly difficult for many people, especially men.
It's not just age, Anna, and I'm surprised you're being so hard headed about this. Perhaps you should come clean on why this is so hard for you to understand? I'm honestly interested. :flowerforyou:
--P
TBH Patrick, In my mind and in my life it is inexcusable!!
And to be 'disappointed in someone you dont know is kinda crazy! But hey ho. I'm not disappointed in you or Mike. I dont get involved on here personally. I just 'cherry pick' my conversations when they are of interest to me. As we all do!
I'm well aware that lower testosterone isnt a good thing! And totally agree the sex lives can get boring and need spicing up. Just got a bit fascinated how you related it to cheating again, That's all :flowerforyou:
ETA: I was going to add WHY I think its inexcusable, but I've changed my mind. That's a private matter.0 -
Okay... my TMI..I cheated on my ex at the end..with a few individuals.
Does it help in any way that I had emotionally checked out of the relationship ages ago?
Or that I hadn't had sex in nearly 5 years?
Because the scary thing is I don't regret it at all. No, I still feel totally justified.
It is pretty normal for women to check out of a relationship long before it officially ends. I would also say it is common for women to feel justified about it all.
There are also times where both a man and a woman have checked out of the relationship and it hasn't ended.
DM- Only women check out?
No, I don't think only women check out & I thought my original post on checking out made that clear. I've read about the phenomenon of women checking out of relationships long before they officially end. I've never once read about men doing that. Could my own viewpoint be skewed? Perhaps. I haven't really experienced that much in my own life as I am quite the fan of the preemptive breakup. If I can see the writing on the wall that it is over, I like to exit first.
TBH I do this is emotionally check out before I break up. Its because I will analyze the situation to death before making a desicion so when I finally do break up I am already mostly emotionally over it.0 -
MEN- with all this talk I'm getting more curious. Women who have a high sex drive; is that not a turn on to you guys? :huh:
For me, it has nothing to do with your sex drive. It has everything to do with the level of commitment involved.
Also in my experience, the sex has always been MUCH better with ditzy women! I stand firm on that.
I thought your sex drive went out the window with a commitment!? Or what do you mean?
I think he means he likes sex with women who are more complacent, less argumentative, wont question him, more likely to let him lead...so a Barbie doll. Haha Mike just had to call it like I see it...I mean no offense but that's what I take from it.
He has openly admitted as such. Specifically, he stated he wants a woman who needs and is dependent on him and is incomplete without him.
Can I ask that ladies (who outnumber guys here by 3 or 4 to 1) take a moment to reflect on what I am about to post without a knee jerk pissed off response?
How many (90+% by my observation) ladies have said that they desire/expect a guy to make them feel protected,for whatever that means in 2012,and passively feminine?
When I have in the past raised this issue and asked what the? it has been argued.
What is wanted...a certain thing but just don`t point it out?
There's a difference between feeling protected/safe/comfortable/feminine... and NEEDING someone. One is a "oh, this is nice" and the other is a matter of personal development, and the ability to cope/function in everyday life.
I've said before, I'm perfectly capable of fixing my own drawers, or doing my own car maintenance. But if I had a guy that wanted to do it for me then that's sexy and I'll bring the sammiches. The important part of that - is that I CAN take care of it myself, or pay for it to get done by myself. I don't have a powerful desire to have someone else do it for me.
You kits are a distinct different then the norm for ladies here (sorry :flowerforyou: )
Most very often do seem to expect to want life to be in many conflicting ways.
Carl, I find this fascinating because I think Kits (our Japanese fox-y lady ) hit the nail on the head with this response. I feel the exact same way she does. Why do you think what she said is not accurate?
Because (yes a preposition that is not supposed to start a sentence) most women here have stated at one point unequivocally that they can not and/or will not have sex unless there is some sort of emotional bond or commitment.
End of discussion,period.
Then in other threads they talk of FWBs or sex as a casual thing.
Kits has not done that and maybe some others too but for the most part it is an accurate statement.
Not intended as an argument but an observation and not sure why anyone would think I was disagreeing.0 -
DM- Only women check out?
SB - You have clearly come to terms with what you've done, which is all that really matters. But since you're asking for people to absolve you, I personally cannot do that. I find it to be a cowardly way to end something you knew wasn't working and could have easily pulled the plug on before moving on.
The thread is entitled TMI, in which the I is meant to stand for "information" and not "insults".
If sharing of my experience came across as looking for absolution from you personally.. this was indeed my error.
You and I very rarely seem to agree on much anyway, so I don't really understand why you felt the need to chastise me.
Whether or not you find it a cowardly way or not to end something, and whether or not you believe I could have easily pulled the plug on things only reveals again how different our experiences must have been and how very little you know me and/or the situation.0 -
DM- Only women check out?
SB - You have clearly come to terms with what you've done, which is all that really matters. But since you're asking for people to absolve you, I personally cannot do that. I find it to be a cowardly way to end something you knew wasn't working and could have easily pulled the plug on before moving on.
The thread is entitled TMI, in which the I is meant to stand for "information" and not "insults".
If sharing of my experience came across as looking for absolution from you personally.. this was indeed my error.
You and I very rarely seem to agree on much anyway, so I don't really understand why you felt the need to chastise me.
Whether or not you find it a cowardly way or not to end something, and whether or not you believe I could have easily pulled the plug on things only reveals again how different our experiences must have been and how very little you know me and/or the situation.
This is why we are the perfect MFP couple (hope your new boyfriend doesn't hear that :laugh: )
Every situation is different. It's easy to say "break it off before you cheat", but life is RARELY that cut and dry.
What if SB and the guy bought a house together or had other financial obligations together? It would be awkward to break-up and still live under the same roof. There can be A LOT of variables that we don't know about here.0 -
DM- Only women check out?
SB - You have clearly come to terms with what you've done, which is all that really matters. But since you're asking for people to absolve you, I personally cannot do that. I find it to be a cowardly way to end something you knew wasn't working and could have easily pulled the plug on before moving on.
The thread is entitled TMI, in which the I is meant to stand for "information" and not "insults".
If sharing of my experience came across as looking for absolution from you personally.. this was indeed my error.
You and I very rarely seem to agree on much anyway, so I don't really understand why you felt the need to chastise me.
Whether or not you find it a cowardly way or not to end something, and whether or not you believe I could have easily pulled the plug on things only reveals again how different our experiences must have been and how very little you know me and/or the situation.
BTW SB I'm glad you don't regret it. I honestly feel we shouldn't regret much in life. No one knows the whole story so no one but you can know what went on . I have a friends who was married to a man in a coma. After 4 yrs she got a FWB. When he died they married. She never wanted to divorce him because she was wrried that it would affect her legal medical rights and she wanted to honor his wishes. I cant blame her for finding comfort.0 -
Mike, just because something is difficult doesn't mean it's not the right thing to do, and it certainly doesn't mean you don't do it.
SB, I hope you know I wasn't judging you personally. I think you are a wonderful person and respect you quite a lot (even though we also don't always agree). The thoughts I posted were on cheating in general, though I did try and specify that I don't think cheaters are horrible people, just that it's not a recommended course of action in my personal opinion.
Geez I feel like I'm digging myself into a hole here.
0 -
DM- Only women check out?
SB - You have clearly come to terms with what you've done, which is all that really matters. But since you're asking for people to absolve you, I personally cannot do that. I find it to be a cowardly way to end something you knew wasn't working and could have easily pulled the plug on before moving on.
The thread is entitled TMI, in which the I is meant to stand for "information" and not "insults".
If sharing of my experience came across as looking for absolution from you personally.. this was indeed my error.
You and I very rarely seem to agree on much anyway, so I don't really understand why you felt the need to chastise me.
Whether or not you find it a cowardly way or not to end something, and whether or not you believe I could have easily pulled the plug on things only reveals again how different our experiences must have been and how very little you know me and/or the situation.
Wow, my response was not intended to be a personal insult. You asked two very specific questions
and I gave a generalized answer... I don't condone cheating. I think Kits and a few other people gave the same basic answer, so I'm actually not certain why you are the one picking me apart for disagreeing on (various?) topics now?Does it help in any way that I had emotionally checked out of the relationship ages ago?
Or that I hadn't had sex in nearly 5 years?0 -
DM- Only women check out?
SB - You have clearly come to terms with what you've done, which is all that really matters. But since you're asking for people to absolve you, I personally cannot do that. I find it to be a cowardly way to end something you knew wasn't working and could have easily pulled the plug on before moving on.
The thread is entitled TMI, in which the I is meant to stand for "information" and not "insults".
If sharing of my experience came across as looking for absolution from you personally.. this was indeed my error.
You and I very rarely seem to agree on much anyway, so I don't really understand why you felt the need to chastise me.
Whether or not you find it a cowardly way or not to end something, and whether or not you believe I could have easily pulled the plug on things only reveals again how different our experiences must have been and how very little you know me and/or the situation.
BTW SB I'm glad you don't regret it. I honestly feel we shouldn't regret much in life. No one knows the whole story so no one but you can know what went on . I have a friends who was married to a man in a coma. After 4 yrs she got a FWB. When he died they married. She never wanted to divorce him because she was wrried that it would affect her legal medical rights and she wanted to honor his wishes. I cant blame her for finding comfort.
I agree with the no regrets thing, definitely.
Though the guy in a coma thing is... well I don't think I would consider that cheating.0 -
DANGIT I can't use that emoticon *flail*0
-
MEN- with all this talk I'm getting more curious. Women who have a high sex drive; is that not a turn on to you guys? :huh:
For me, it has nothing to do with your sex drive. It has everything to do with the level of commitment involved.
Also in my experience, the sex has always been MUCH better with ditzy women! I stand firm on that.
I thought your sex drive went out the window with a commitment!? Or what do you mean?
I think he means he likes sex with women who are more complacent, less argumentative, wont question him, more likely to let him lead...so a Barbie doll. Haha Mike just had to call it like I see it...I mean no offense but that's what I take from it.
He has openly admitted as such. Specifically, he stated he wants a woman who needs and is dependent on him and is incomplete without him.
Can I ask that ladies (who outnumber guys here by 3 or 4 to 1) take a moment to reflect on what I am about to post without a knee jerk pissed off response?
How many (90+% by my observation) ladies have said that they desire/expect a guy to make them feel protected,for whatever that means in 2012,and passively feminine?
When I have in the past raised this issue and asked what the? it has been argued.
What is wanted...a certain thing but just don`t point it out?
There's a difference between feeling protected/safe/comfortable/feminine... and NEEDING someone. One is a "oh, this is nice" and the other is a matter of personal development, and the ability to cope/function in everyday life.
I've said before, I'm perfectly capable of fixing my own drawers, or doing my own car maintenance. But if I had a guy that wanted to do it for me then that's sexy and I'll bring the sammiches. The important part of that - is that I CAN take care of it myself, or pay for it to get done by myself. I don't have a powerful desire to have someone else do it for me.
You kits are a distinct different then the norm for ladies here (sorry :flowerforyou: )
Most very often do seem to expect to want life to be in many conflicting ways.
Carl, I find this fascinating because I think Kits (our Japanese fox-y lady ) hit the nail on the head with this response. I feel the exact same way she does. Why do you think what she said is not accurate?
Because (yes a preposition that is not supposed to start a sentence) most women here have stated at one point unequivocally that they can not and/or will not have sex unless there is some sort of emotional bond or commitment.
End of discussion,period.
Then in other threads they talk of FWBs or sex as a casual thing.
Kits has not done that and maybe some others too but for the most part it is an accurate statement.
Not intended as an argument but an observation and not sure why anyone would think I was disagreeing.
I didn't think this was an argument, I was just curious. Actually I think most women say that WANT the connection, but also understand that we have needs at the same time. It's fantasy vs. reality.0 -
DM- Only women check out?
I think this is true, at least in my experience. It seems in my past that if I'm done I just get it over with by poofing, breaking up or whatever. Now the girls that were done with me all seemed to check out find someone new or just move on and then inform me. This may not be true for all but this is what I've experienced.0 -
I didn't think this was an argument, I was just curious. Actually I think most women say that WANT the connection, but also understand that we have needs at the same time. It's fantasy vs. reality.
Fair enough,I just do think guys are more open and honest about sexual desires is all and when discussions happen that issue can create a problem of sorts.0 -
Since we talked about it last week here is the Tuesday thread.
My TMI is I havent had sex in almost 3 weeks :sad:
I'm gonna climb a wall
3 weeks? No wonder you broke up with Mr. NG0 -
Wow, miss a day on SP forum and the you know what hits the fan.MEN- with all this talk I'm getting more curious. Women who have a high sex drive; is that not a turn on to you guys? :huh:
In regards to this question and several of the others related to females having higher sex drives...
I am a male who was a 'late bloomer' lets say, so I missed some prime years of getting out there and having fun. In the past couple of years, I have found that I have what I would consider a high sex drive. Now that might not be high for others, but it is what I consider it. Meaning I may not be able to go for hours at a time, but nothing wrong with multiple sessions back to back. Or literally morning, noon and night.
I have been with women that had lower sex drives than mine...once a day was too much. This just didn't work out well as I wanted it at least once a day, and had to take care of business myself when I didn't get it.
I have been in one relationship where the woman said she had a high sex drive...so once a day was common and she teased a lot about doing it at random times...however never followed through on it. Always teased about waking me up, tho never did. And complained when I did, or hopped in the shower with her.
I have also been with a woman where twice a day was the norm. Even the occasional long lunch for a quickie. I loved this. I was on cloud nine. However, got the rugged pulled out from under me when she decided she wanted to mend things with her abusive ex-husband :noway: (still trying to figure that one out).
Either way, I have found after the last woman who wanted sex multiple times in a row or in a day, I want that. I enjoyed it thoroughly and felt very satisfied and happy. Of course, since that break up it has been like 3 months and I am climbing the walls trying to find someone new that wants sex that often. There, spilled it all for TMI about Sex Tuesday0
