Woman should make the first move?
lamby284
Posts: 167 Member
Men will look at me and clearly be interested in me, yet not one has asked me out on a date whatsoever. I asked my guy friends and they said that if it were them, they would wait for the woman to make the first move. They said that girls can be really...I guess mean in turning them down. I don't understand this. Isn't the man supposed to ask the woman out? Are women actually jerks when turning down an offer? I have never been on a date or had a boyfriend so this is an enigma to me. I don't want to have to pursue a man, I want HIM to pursue ME. Input needed!
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I have been approached and I have done the approaching. I don't see it as "having" to do anything. But if I see what I want, I go get it. If more people - male or female- had that mentality, life would be so much more simple.0
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There are many different ways to answer this. Whoever invented the rule that men are "supposed" to ask the woman out has probably been dead for a very long time.
Women want men to pursue them, well I want women to pursue me too so I can either wait around forever or take some initiative. You can't just sit there and wait for someone to ask you out.
I don't really pursue women anymore. In my experience if they don't show interest initially they probably never will. It's not that I'm scared of being rejected, I'm just tired of wasting my time. If a girl is too nice about it, she'll agree to go out with you even though she doesn't really want to and then she'll find a reason to cancel instead of just saying no.
So you expect men to ask you out just because they look at you like they're interested? I'll check out any chick with boobs and a pulse, that doesn't mean I want to ask them out. I need a little bit more to go by. There either has to be some sort of connection or she would have to make it pretty obvious that she is interested.0 -
I have been approached and I have done the approaching. I don't see it as "having" to do anything. But if I see what I want, I go get it. If more people - male or female- had that mentality, life would be so much more simple.
^^ totally this!0 -
Men will look at me and clearly be interested in me, yet not one has asked me out on a date whatsoever. I asked my guy friends and they said that if it were them, they would wait for the woman to make the first move. They said that girls can be really...I guess mean in turning them down. I don't understand this. Isn't the man supposed to ask the woman out? Are women actually jerks when turning down an offer? I have never been on a date or had a boyfriend so this is an enigma to me. I don't want to have to pursue a man, I want HIM to pursue ME. Input needed!
What makes you think they are clearly interested? If they were clearly interested, they would approach you and start a conversation. Trust me on this one.
I like to window shop on occasion, but that doesn't mean I'm interested in getting to know someone.
And no, women are not jerks for turning down an offer.0 -
I'm not exactly sure about the reasoning behind other people's actions but s when there's a woman I'm interested in I will weigh up the chances she'd be interested in me and more often than not I come to the conclusion I shouldn't bother.0
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I'll never understand the reasoning of a woman.
"HE looked at me like he was interested, HE should have talked to me."
Well either you were interested in him too and didn't talk to him either (yet somehow it's on him), or you weren't interested in him and hence the reason that he didn't talk to you.0 -
I'm not exactly sure about the reasoning behind other people's actions but s when there's a woman I'm interested in I will weigh up the chances she'd be interested in me and more often than not I come to the conclusion I shouldn't bother.
You should take off your shirt. Improve your chances greatly
Actually, that goes for women too.0 -
Men will look at me and clearly be interested in me, yet not one has asked me out on a date whatsoever. I asked my guy friends and they said that if it were them, they would wait for the woman to make the first move. They said that girls can be really...I guess mean in turning them down. I don't understand this. Isn't the man supposed to ask the woman out? Are women actually jerks when turning down an offer? I have never been on a date or had a boyfriend so this is an enigma to me. I don't want to have to pursue a man, I want HIM to pursue ME. Input needed!
What makes you think they are clearly interested? If they were clearly interested, they would approach you and start a conversation. Trust me on this one.
I like to window shop on occasion, but that doesn't mean I'm interested in getting to know someone.
And no, women are not jerks for turning down an offer.
Not every man is as bold as you Mike. There are several that are scared sh!tless at the thought of rejection. Didn't you just say in the other thread that it's easier for a man to flirt online than in person? Anyway....I know some men, one of my brothers being one of them...that need more work in their flirting/pick up skills. Just as there are shy women, there are shy men. Just because he doesn't ask her out, doesn't mean he's not interested.
Now, back to reality... I will agree with what Kits & PJ said - Sometimes you just have to go after what you want. Yes, it's nice to be pursued. Most times this will work. But, if you really want him, go for it!!
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The more I read these things as time goes on the more I believe that anyone having expectations about what someone else should do the more likely they will be very unhappy about how it works out in the long run.0
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The more I read these things as time goes on the more I believe that anyone having expectations about what someone else should do the more likely they will be very unhappy about how it works out in the long run.
Amen to that Carl!0 -
Not every man is as bold as you Mike. There are several that are scared sh!tless at the thought of rejection. Didn't you just say in the other thread that it's easier for a man to flirt online than in person? Anyway....I know some men, one of my brothers being one of them...that need more work in their flirting/pick up skills. Just as there are shy women, there are shy men. Just because he doesn't ask her out, doesn't mean he's not interested.
If a women is sending signals that she's interested, then a "clearly interested man" (as described by the OP) will approach 9/10 times. Either the OP isn't sending the right signals, like smiling, body language, etc or the man isn't interested.
I'm sure there are situations where the woman IS sending the right signals and an interested guy is still to shy to approach.. but that isn't all that common in my experience.0 -
There's a major disconnect that plays out here.
Most men would really like it if women made the first move. The problem is that the women who typically make first moves are not the object of men's desires. Men want women they find attractive to make the first move. Sadly for most men, this fantasy rarely plays out.
The women that are often perceived as the most desirable usually have no need to make the first move because they have plenty of options.0 -
Not every man is as bold as you Mike. There are several that are scared sh!tless at the thought of rejection. Didn't you just say in the other thread that it's easier for a man to flirt online than in person? Anyway....I know some men, one of my brothers being one of them...that need more work in their flirting/pick up skills. Just as there are shy women, there are shy men. Just because he doesn't ask her out, doesn't mean he's not interested.
If a women is sending signals that she's interested, then a "clearly interested man" (as described by the OP) will approach 9/10 times. Either the OP isn't sending the right signals, like smiling, body language, etc or the man isn't interested.
I'm sure there are situations where the woman IS sending the right signals and an interested guy is still to shy to approach.. but that isn't all that common in my experience.
Or beyond clueless. I could write a book about it.0 -
Not every man is as bold as you Mike. There are several that are scared sh!tless at the thought of rejection. Didn't you just say in the other thread that it's easier for a man to flirt online than in person? Anyway....I know some men, one of my brothers being one of them...that need more work in their flirting/pick up skills. Just as there are shy women, there are shy men. Just because he doesn't ask her out, doesn't mean he's not interested.
If a women is sending signals that she's interested, then a "clearly interested man" (as described by the OP) will approach 9/10 times. Either the OP isn't sending the right signals, like smiling, body language, etc or the man isn't interested.
I'm sure there are situations where the woman IS sending the right signals and an interested guy is still to shy to approach.. but that isn't all that common in my experience.
All I need to approach is good eye contact and a smile.0 -
^ This times a billionThere's a major disconnect that plays out here.
Most men would really like it if women made the first move. The problem is that the women who typically make first moves are not the object of men's desires. Men want women they find attractive to make the first move. Sadly for most men, this fantasy rarely plays out.
The women that are often perceived as the most desirable usually have no need to make the first move because they have plenty of options.0 -
Most men would really like it if women made the first move. The problem is that the women who typically make first moves are not the object of men's desires. Men want women they find attractive to make the first move. Sadly for most men, this fantasy rarely plays out.
So any woman who makes the first move is automatically an Ogre simple because she made the move to begin with?0 -
I'm not exactly sure about the reasoning behind other people's actions but s when there's a woman I'm interested in I will weigh up the chances she'd be interested in me and more often than not I come to the conclusion I shouldn't bother.
You should take off your shirt. Improve your chances greatly
Actually, that goes for women too.
Kits I agree with your topless comments!! Well usually, there are definitely some people that should not go running around nekkid! But for the most part topless will work!0 -
It's been my experience that if a man is interested, he will approach and ask you out or get your number. I prefer to let men approach me, and I won't ask a man out or ask for his number. I prefer to let the man be the pursuer in the relationship. I like my relationships better when they evolve in that manner. When I was in my early 20s I did some pursuing from time to time and it never ended well for me. My relationships where the man pursued me have been much better relationships for me, so that is exclusively how I date now.
There are other women on this board will will happily ask men out and ask for their number.
It's all in what you are comfortable with.0 -
There's a major disconnect that plays out here.
Most men would really like it if women made the first move. The problem is that the women who typically make first moves are not the object of men's desires. Men want women they find attractive to make the first move. Sadly for most men, this fantasy rarely plays out.
The women that are often perceived as the most desirable usually have no need to make the first move because they have plenty of options.
THIS.
An average to above average woman will get hit on MANY times in the course of a week. They don't need to approach because guys come up to them. Why put in the effort when I can just look nice and have guys come up to me?
The only time a mid-tier woman needs to approach is to get the attention of a top-tier man. This rarely works because the top-tier guy would rather approach a top-tier woman. However, a mid-tier man can approach a top-tier woman and have some success. This accounts for those mismatched couples we see.0 -
Not every man is as bold as you Mike. There are several that are scared sh!tless at the thought of rejection. Didn't you just say in the other thread that it's easier for a man to flirt online than in person? Anyway....I know some men, one of my brothers being one of them...that need more work in their flirting/pick up skills. Just as there are shy women, there are shy men. Just because he doesn't ask her out, doesn't mean he's not interested.
If a women is sending signals that she's interested, then a "clearly interested man" (as described by the OP) will approach 9/10 times. Either the OP isn't sending the right signals, like smiling, body language, etc or the man isn't interested.
I'm sure there are situations where the woman IS sending the right signals and an interested guy is still to shy to approach.. but that isn't all that common in my experience.
Or beyond clueless. I could write a book about it.
^^^ THANK YOU! Even a confident man doesn't always know when a woman is throwing out signs. And, even then...is she single? Or just being nice? Yeah.....there are all kinds of things that could be going on in a guy's head.0 -
I would but it's been so cold recently: I would need some warming up...I'm not exactly sure about the reasoning behind other people's actions but s when there's a woman I'm interested in I will weigh up the chances she'd be interested in me and more often than not I come to the conclusion I shouldn't bother.
You should take off your shirt. Improve your chances greatly
Actually, that goes for women too.0 -
^ This times a billionThere's a major disconnect that plays out here.
Most men would really like it if women made the first move. The problem is that the women who typically make first moves are not the object of men's desires. Men want women they find attractive to make the first move. Sadly for most men, this fantasy rarely plays out.
The women that are often perceived as the most desirable usually have no need to make the first move because they have plenty of options.
I guess the same could be true for men approaching women. If he's such hot *kitten*, he wouldn't have to approach.
My standards are high, and my personal value lays more in non-visible gifts. I certainly don't think I'm unattractive, so I guess that says something about my ego.
So if I see a guy that I find attractive, I will approach him because he might not approach me for whatever reason. Does that mean I'm ugly? No. It just means I'm displaying my plumage... even more metaphorically.0 -
It's been my experience that if a man is interested, he will approach and ask you out or get your number. I prefer to let men approach me, and I won't ask a man out or ask for his number. I prefer to let the man be the pursuer in the relationship. I like my relationships better when they evolve in that manner. When I was in my early 20s I did some pursuing from time to time and it never ended well for me. My relationships where the man pursued me have been much better relationships for me, so that is exclusively how I date now.
There are other women on this board will will happily ask men out and ask for their number.
It's all in what you are comfortable with.
I agree.
I have read that men need to feel like the aggressor...I think there is some truth to it so Id rather wait for a man to approach but it is all up to you individually. I think I would need to know the man liked me enough to ask me, but that is my own personal hangup. I know many women have been successful with approaching men but in real life all the couples I know have started with him asking her.0 -
The only time a mid-tier woman needs to approach is to get the attention of a top-tier man. This rarely works because the top-tier guy would rather approach a top-tier woman. However, a mid-tier man can approach a top-tier woman and have some success. This accounts for those mismatched couples we see.
What about a top tier man with a lisp approaching a mid tier woman with a low tier car? Or a low tier man who just won the lottery, still going through a messy divorce, with another low tier woman but considering plastic surgery? Top tier man with mid tier identical twins?
I think there are quite a few more combinations and permutations that need to be explored here.
--P0 -
I would but it's been so cold recently: I would need some warming up...I'm not exactly sure about the reasoning behind other people's actions but s when there's a woman I'm interested in I will weigh up the chances she'd be interested in me and more often than not I come to the conclusion I shouldn't bother.
You should take off your shirt. Improve your chances greatly
Actually, that goes for women too.
Rub your chest... your arms will take care of themselves.
/nerd0 -
There are no absolutes.
Men or women can approach, it doesn't matter especially if the "relationship", either purely physical or more in depth, takes off.0 -
The only time a mid-tier woman needs to approach is to get the attention of a top-tier man. This rarely works because the top-tier guy would rather approach a top-tier woman. However, a mid-tier man can approach a top-tier woman and have some success. This accounts for those mismatched couples we see.
What about a top tier man with a lisp approaching a mid tier woman with a low tier car? Or a low tier man who just won the lottery, still going through a messy divorce, with another low tier woman but considering plastic surgery? Top tier man with mid tier identical twins?
I think there are quite a few more combinations and permutations that need to be explored here.
--P
You win ten internets, sir.0 -
There's a major disconnect that plays out here.
Most men would really like it if women made the first move. The problem is that the women who typically make first moves are not the object of men's desires. Men want women they find attractive to make the first move. Sadly for most men, this fantasy rarely plays out.
The women that are often perceived as the most desirable usually have no need to make the first move because they have plenty of options.
THIS.
An average to above average woman will get hit on MANY times in the course of a week. They don't need to approach because guys come up to them. Why put in the effort when I can just look nice and have guys come up to me?
The only time a mid-tier woman needs to approach is to get the attention of a top-tier man. This rarely works because the top-tier guy would rather approach a top-tier woman. However, a mid-tier man can approach a top-tier woman and have some success. This accounts for those mismatched couples we see.
You sir...have an above tier mind.0 -
The only time a mid-tier woman needs to approach is to get the attention of a top-tier man. This rarely works because the top-tier guy would rather approach a top-tier woman. However, a mid-tier man can approach a top-tier woman and have some success. This accounts for those mismatched couples we see.
What about a top tier man with a lisp approaching a mid tier woman with a low tier car? Or a low tier man who just won the lottery, still going through a messy divorce, with another low tier woman but considering plastic surgery? Top tier man with mid tier identical twins?
I think there are quite a few more combinations and permutations that need to be explored here.
--P
Oh, this would NEVER happen. We're living in SP Land where only the beautiful in Top Tier are allowed to procreate....0 -
There's a major disconnect that plays out here.
Most men would really like it if women made the first move. The problem is that the women who typically make first moves are not the object of men's desires. Men want women they find attractive to make the first move. Sadly for most men, this fantasy rarely plays out.
The women that are often perceived as the most desirable usually have no need to make the first move because they have plenty of options.
THIS.
An average to above average woman will get hit on MANY times in the course of a week. They don't need to approach because guys come up to them. Why put in the effort when I can just look nice and have guys come up to me?
The only time a mid-tier woman needs to approach is to get the attention of a top-tier man. This rarely works because the top-tier guy would rather approach a top-tier woman. However, a mid-tier man can approach a top-tier woman and have some success. This accounts for those mismatched couples we see.
Wow really..I mean I don't think I'm Far above average but I don't think I've cracked any mirror's lately and I know I have not been hit on in person for months.
I find if I approach men it rarely ends up working out..but that doesn't mean that if I were really interested in someone I wouldn't say it..I could see this happening more in a situation where there already was some relationship or common ground ie we work together or we have friends in common, in run club together..already on a first name basis...If I was interested and knew a man like that in my life was single I would ask him out.
Other wise..I'm not that likely to approach just cold turkey off the street, in the grocery store ect. I will smile and say hi..but I would leave it for him to continue.0
