Woman should make the first move?
Replies
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What Janie said is absurd because good looking girls don't have to approach men, they get approached.
Mike, I think we know that. It's been put into our heads time and time and time again here at SP.0 -
I've had the same problem. I'm on a dating website and I'll chat with someone for a few days or even a week or more, and nothing. I *ALWAYS* have to be the one to initiate a first or second date. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Am I just too old fashioned? I figure if a guy is really into me, he'll ask me out. I've considered that maybe he isn't into me...but then why does he text me first or ask me what I'm up to, etc? You run out of things to talk about when you never hang out and you've covered all the "what's your favorite _______" bases already. I've just stopped trying and stopped talking to guys because of this...but I never know if it could have evolved into a great relationship had they asked me out.
I don't get it...0 -
I knowwww! It's so funny when you hear the truth.
If men are being approached by mostly undesirable women... well...um... now you know exactly where those men fall on the desirability scale.
You get what you put out there.
*sigh*
So, next time a group of guys you consider undesirable approaches you, is that your male equivalent? I hear girls complain about guys they aren't attracted to e-mailing them online, is that their male equivalent also?
What Janie said is absurd because good looking girls don't have to approach men, they get approached.
You're not getting it. I want to start off by saying that I have absolutely NO issue with you. Frankly, I think that you just like getting a rise out of people. From what I recall, you had been in this group for a while and out of nowhere you started making these borderline-ridiculous statements. So very rarely do I take what you say seriously.
I've seen you or DM post time and time again about how there are many mis-matched couples in which the woman is obviously higher ranker than her significant other. This isn't always the case, but what does this say? In my opinion, it's saying that it isn't black and white, and I honestly don't think most people think in the way that you think. (or claim to think)
The difference is that what was said about the women doing the approaching was just flat out rude. Only crack *kitten*, obese women, or half-retarded women are approaching you?
Why do you think that is?
Because a.) The energy you put out suggests that you're on that level, b.) your perception is completely skewed and diluted to the point that you think that the average woman falls into one of these categories, when she is completely normal . or c.) All of the women approaching you are clearly delusional for thinking that they might have a chance with someone as godlike as yourself.0 -
I've had the same problem. I'm on a dating website and I'll chat with someone for a few days or even a week or more, and nothing. I *ALWAYS* have to be the one to initiate a first or second date. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Am I just too old fashioned? I figure if a guy is really into me, he'll ask me out. I've considered that maybe he isn't into me...but then why does he text me first or ask me what I'm up to, etc? You run out of things to talk about when you never hang out and you've covered all the "what's your favorite _______" bases already. I've just stopped trying and stopped talking to guys because of this...but I never know if it could have evolved into a great relationship had they asked me out.
I don't get it...
Are you saying that no one contacts you or asks you out on the dating websites? Or no one you're interested in contacts you?0 -
You're not getting it. I want to start off by saying that I have absolutely NO issue with you. Frankly, I think that you just like getting a rise out of people. From what I recall, you had been in this group for a while and out of nowhere you started making these borderline-ridiculous statements. So very rarely do I take what you say seriously.
I've seen you or DM post time and time again about how there are many mis-matched couples in which the woman is obviously higher ranker than her significant other. This isn't always the case, but what does this say? In my opinion, it's saying that it isn't black and white, and I honestly don't think most people think in the way that you think. (or claim to think)
The difference is that what was said about the women doing the approaching was just flat out rude. Only crack *kitten*, obese women, or half-retarded women are approaching you?
First of all, dbrightwell said it and other guys (DM and I) happened to agree with it.
Do you know how pathetic it would be if a guy took offense every time a women said she was approached by a bunch of losers when she went to the bar? That's how you sound right now.
I stand by my statement. I've always been able to land a much better women when I did the approaching. When I waited around and let women come to me, I've rarely been interested in the women that would initiate contact. That's it.0 -
I have read that men need to feel like the aggressor...I think there is some truth to it so Id rather wait for a man to approach
This. This is the type of man I prefer anyway, which is another reason I hate having to ask the guy out. HAVE SOME GUTS (for lack of a better word). If you're THAT shy, it probably won't work out anyway.0 -
I stand by my statement. I've always been able to land a much better women when I did the approaching. When I waited around and let women come to me, I've rarely been interested in the women that would initiate contact. That's it.
Sure, but you don't have to agree that every woman that dare approached you in your life was a crack *kitten* or obese or whatever. That's just rude. I highly doubt every woman that has approached you is a crack *kitten* or morbidly obese. Does that make sense?
They're just women...who decided there was something you worth approaching...tried and weren't your type. Can't you just agree they're not your type and move on?0 -
There are exceptions but I think it's fairly accurate. Most women (probably 70%) who have ever asked me out has been 1) morbidly obese, and/or 2) borderline retarded, and/or 3) looked like a crack
.
wow.
What's so "wow" about it?
It's just his dbrightwell's observation which has been nearly identical to my experience. Even DM agrees with this.
If men are being approached by mostly undesirable women... well...um... now you know exactly where those men fall on the desirability scale.
Oh, and to be on topic: I approach men all the time by saying hi, making chit-chat, and such (just to stay in practice) but I’ve NEVER had that translate into a date or a relationship. My dates have always come from men who approached ME.
I think what was meant by the original comment and is being missed by the harsher words of the statement is: women that approach men the most, do it because they are not being approached. Or the ones that send messages online. In my online experience, this is 80% true. In person it's a bit diff. because as Jannie pointed out there is subtle flirting as she does. I don't think that means if you approach a guy he's going to put you in one of those categories... just that, that is how it generally is.
I wish all women would approach someone they are interested in... I mean saying hi or sending a smile a dudes way isn't going to make your head explode with embarrassment. Any little thing you can do to show a guy his chances of rejection are lower will help him approach you!0 -
I stand by my statement. I've always been able to land a much better women when I did the approaching. When I waited around and let women come to me, I've rarely been interested in the women that would initiate contact. That's it.
Sure, but you don't have to agree that every woman that dare approached you in your life was a crack *kitten* or obese or whatever. That's just rude. I highly doubt every woman that has approached you is a crack *kitten* or morbidly obese. Does that make sense?
They're just women...who decided there was something you worth approaching...tried and weren't your type. Can't you just agree they're not your type and move on?
I see what you're saying. I should have just said I'm not interested in the type of women that approach me. I'm just not use to being extremely PC and handling people with "kids gloves" all the time.
But now that I know everyone is very fragile, I'll look to correct my ways.0 -
I stand by my statement. I've always been able to land a much better women when I did the approaching. When I waited around and let women come to me, I've rarely been interested in the women that would initiate contact. That's it.
Sure, but you don't have to agree that every woman that dare approached you in your life was a crack *kitten* or obese or whatever. That's just rude. I highly doubt every woman that has approached you is a crack *kitten* or morbidly obese. Does that make sense?
They're just women...who decided there was something you worth approaching...tried and weren't your type. Can't you just agree they're not your type and move on?
I see what you're saying. I should have just said I'm not interested in the type of women that approach me. I'm just not use to being extremely PC and handling people with "kids gloves" all the time.
But now that I know everyone is very fragile, I'll look to correct my ways.
/endsarcasm
You don't have to be PC all the time, but you should keep in mind you are in a public forum, and you should also keep in mind that you don't have to be rude in categorizing the women...does that make sense to you?0 -
You're not getting it. I want to start off by saying that I have absolutely NO issue with you. Frankly, I think that you just like getting a rise out of people. From what I recall, you had been in this group for a while and out of nowhere you started making these borderline-ridiculous statements. So very rarely do I take what you say seriously.
I've seen you or DM post time and time again about how there are many mis-matched couples in which the woman is obviously higher ranker than her significant other. This isn't always the case, but what does this say? In my opinion, it's saying that it isn't black and white, and I honestly don't think most people think in the way that you think. (or claim to think)
The difference is that what was said about the women doing the approaching was just flat out rude. Only crack *kitten*, obese women, or half-retarded women are approaching you?
First of all, dbrightwell said it and other guys (DM and I) happened to agree with it.
Do you know how pathetic it would be if a guy took offense every time a women said she was approached by a bunch of losers when she went to the bar? That's how you sound right now.
I stand by my statement. I've always been able to land a much better women when I did the approaching. When I waited around and let women come to me, I've rarely been interested in the women that would initiate contact. That's it.
You are so good at picking at choosing what you want to respond to.0 -
I stand by my statement. I've always been able to land a much better women when I did the approaching. When I waited around and let women come to me, I've rarely been interested in the women that would initiate contact. That's it.
Sure, but you don't have to agree that every woman that dare approached you in your life was a crack *kitten* or obese or whatever. That's just rude. I highly doubt every woman that has approached you is a crack *kitten* or morbidly obese. Does that make sense?
They're just women...who decided there was something you worth approaching...tried and weren't your type. Can't you just agree they're not your type and move on?
I see what you're saying. I should have just said I'm not interested in the type of women that approach me. I'm just not use to being extremely PC and handling people with "kids gloves" all the time.
But now that I know everyone is very fragile, I'll look to correct my ways.
/endsarcasm
You don't have to be PC all the time, but you should keep in mind you are in a public forum, and you should also keep in mind that you don't have to be rude in categorizing the women...does that make sense to you?
Men do categorize women though... that is just a fact of life. Women do it to men aswell, "Nice guy," "A-hole." Hell humans categorize everything!!
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I stand by my statement. I've always been able to land a much better women when I did the approaching. When I waited around and let women come to me, I've rarely been interested in the women that would initiate contact. That's it.
Sure, but you don't have to agree that every woman that dare approached you in your life was a crack *kitten* or obese or whatever. That's just rude. I highly doubt every woman that has approached you is a crack *kitten* or morbidly obese. Does that make sense?
They're just women...who decided there was something you worth approaching...tried and weren't your type. Can't you just agree they're not your type and move on?
I see what you're saying. I should have just said I'm not interested in the type of women that approach me. I'm just not use to being extremely PC and handling people with "kids gloves" all the time.
But now that I know everyone is very fragile, I'll look to correct my ways.
/endsarcasm
You don't have to be PC all the time, but you should keep in mind you are in a public forum, and you should also keep in mind that you don't have to be rude in categorizing the women...does that make sense to you?
Men do categorize women though... that is just a fact of life. Women do it to men aswell, "Nice guy," "A-hole." Hell humans categorize everything!!
I understand that. But why can't we just say "she's not my type." Simple. He doesn't have to call them crack *kitten*. I've had men talk to me that I don't find interesting/right for me, but I don't go "wow he's an a-hole" or whatever, so I expect that others will do the same. I understand we're all humans with feelings so I will usually just say to my friends, "well, he wasn't the guy for me." And I have had a guy laugh in my face when I talked to him (and by no means was he out of my league), and even then I didn't go and insult him.0 -
Some people really are nobody's type though. A crack *kitten* for example. I think morbidly obese women or men aren't the majority's type either.I understand that. But why can't we just say "she's not my type." Simple. He doesn't have to call them crack *kitten*. I've had men talk to me that I don't find interesting/right for me, but I don't go "wow he's an a-hole" or whatever, so I expect that others will do the same. I understand we're all humans with feelings so I will usually just say to my friends, "well, he wasn't the guy for me." And I have had a guy laugh in my face when I talked to him (and by no means was he out of my league), and even then I didn't go and insult him.
I think these people should work on their own issues before finding the confidence to approach people... because realistically their confidence is probably going to be shattered by strings of rejection if they keep approaching people in these conditions.
The dating market is very much like the job market. If you don't have the qualifications, it's time for you to work on your "offer".
Then you doll up for the big day, and try to convince the "recruiter" (target) that you're the one.0 -
Heeheee this thread is actually making me laugh... and feel great about myself...BECAUSE… unlike certain guys who haven’t had a proper date in ages (unless you count that older lady who was inviting Mike over to help her move in, lol) when I was active on Match for about 3-4 months I went on over 20+ first dates.
There WAS one total dud but most of the guys were extremely desirable (CFOs, owned their own successful construction/oil/ranch companies, top military ranks, gorgeous bodybuilder, etc)…not to mention BB (but I just had to mention him, lol).
And I never approached a single one of them first.0 -
Heeheee this thread is actually making me laugh... and feel great about myself...BECAUSE… unlike certain guys who haven’t had a proper date in ages (unless you count that older lady who was inviting Mike over to help her move in, lol) when I was active on Match for about 3-4 months I went on over 20+ first dates.
There WAS one total dud but most of the guys were extremely desirable (CFOs, owned their own successful construction/oil/ranch companies, top military ranks, gorgeous bodybuilder, etc)…not to mention BB (but I just had to mention him, lol).
And I never approached a single one of them first.
And here I am, 22, supposed to be in my prime dating years, and I've gotten maybe 4 emails from guys in the course of a year, haven't been on a date in about a year.
It goes to show you that some of this "older women don't get approached, younger women in are in their prime, only X kind of people get approached" crap we here is bullsh!t.0 -
Heeheee this thread is actually making me laugh... and feel great about myself...BECAUSE… unlike certain guys who haven’t had a proper date in ages (unless you count that older lady who was inviting Mike over to help her move in, lol) when I was active on Match for about 3-4 months I went on over 20+ first dates.
There WAS one total dud but most of the guys were extremely desirable (CFOs, owned their own successful construction/oil/ranch companies, top military ranks, gorgeous bodybuilder, etc)…not to mention BB (but I just had to mention him, lol).
And I never approached a single one of them first.
But we've been over the fact that online dating favors women over men. And you wisely have broken the barrier many women have set for themselves of being picky about petty things in messeges! In the last year and a half I was 6 for about 30+ messeges sent online. 1 for 1 offline. And I sent messages to a wide range of individuals based on many factors.
**When I say favors, I refer to actually having interaction with someone you have any interest in.0 -
I've had the same problem. I'm on a dating website and I'll chat with someone for a few days or even a week or more, and nothing. I *ALWAYS* have to be the one to initiate a first or second date. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Am I just too old fashioned? I figure if a guy is really into me, he'll ask me out. I've considered that maybe he isn't into me...but then why does he text me first or ask me what I'm up to, etc? You run out of things to talk about when you never hang out and you've covered all the "what's your favorite _______" bases already. I've just stopped trying and stopped talking to guys because of this...but I never know if it could have evolved into a great relationship had they asked me out.
I don't get it...
Are you saying that no one contacts you or asks you out on the dating websites? Or no one you're interested in contacts you?
Guys contact me. Some I'm interested in and some I'm not (usually the latter). So both. I'm saying that when there is what seems to be a mutual interest, they never ask me out. Yet they'll keep contact going by asking how I'm doing or "what's up"...as a result the conversation goes nowhere and that's usually the end of it.0 -
Everyone thinks you're taken, that's why...And here I am, 22, supposed to be in my prime dating years, and I've gotten maybe 4 emails from guys in the course of a year, haven't been on a date in about a year.
It goes to show you that some of this "older women don't get approached, younger women in are in their prime, only X kind of people get approached" crap we here is bullsh!t.
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I have read that men need to feel like the aggressor...I think there is some truth to it so Id rather wait for a man to approach
This. This is the type of man I prefer anyway, which is another reason I hate having to ask the guy out. HAVE SOME GUTS (for lack of a better word). If you're THAT shy, it probably won't work out anyway.
Can anyone else see the irony in this?
Anyone?0 -
And here I am, 22, supposed to be in my prime dating years, and I've gotten maybe 4 emails from guys in the course of a year, haven't been on a date in about a year.
It goes to show you that some of this "older women don't get approached, younger women in are in their prime, only X kind of people get approached" crap we here is bullsh!t.
It is likely that you are not giving off the vibe that men look for, both online and in real life. You can make adjustments. The best pro sports teams make adjustments to their game plans all the time.0 -
I make the first move, and have gotten good results. Sometimes we end up just friends, and sometimes I'm the one to say "ah, nevermind..." and sometimes I got the relationship. I am not morbidly obese, ugly or a crack *kitten*. If you are none of those things, then I guess you shouldn't have to worry about someone thinking of you that way.0
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Heeheee this thread is actually making me laugh... and feel great about myself...BECAUSE… unlike certain guys who haven’t had a proper date in ages (unless you count that older lady who was inviting Mike over to help her move in, lol) when I was active on Match for about 3-4 months I went on over 20+ first dates.
There WAS one total dud but most of the guys were extremely desirable (CFOs, owned their own successful construction/oil/ranch companies, top military ranks, gorgeous bodybuilder, etc)…not to mention BB (but I just had to mention him, lol).
And I never approached a single one of them first.
I see you are channeling the spirit of James Frey. Very nice! 0 -
Heeheee this thread is actually making me laugh... and feel great about myself...BECAUSE… unlike certain guys who haven’t had a proper date in ages (unless you count that older lady who was inviting Mike over to help her move in, lol) when I was active on Match for about 3-4 months I went on over 20+ first dates.
There WAS one total dud but most of the guys were extremely desirable (CFOs, owned their own successful construction/oil/ranch companies, top military ranks, gorgeous bodybuilder, etc)…not to mention BB (but I just had to mention him, lol).
And I never approached a single one of them first.
Nice personal low blow Janie.
I'm sure where you live (middle of nowhere, Louisiana) is completely jammed packed with CFO's who online date, right? Like a lot of your past posts, I'm going to have to call BS on this one.0 -
There are many different ways to answer this. Whoever invented the rule that men are "supposed" to ask the woman out has probably been dead for a very long time.
Women want men to pursue them, well I want women to pursue me too so I can either wait around forever or take some initiative. You can't just sit there and wait for someone to ask you out.
I don't really pursue women anymore. In my experience if they don't show interest initially they probably never will. It's not that I'm scared of being rejected, I'm just tired of wasting my time. If a girl is too nice about it, she'll agree to go out with you even though she doesn't really want to and then she'll find a reason to cancel instead of just saying no.
So you expect men to ask you out just because they look at you like they're interested? I'll check out any chick with boobs and a pulse, that doesn't mean I want to ask them out. I need a little bit more to go by. There either has to be some sort of connection or she would have to make it pretty obvious that she is interested.
Great answer @roadie2000, couldn't have said it better myself.0 -
Nice personal low blow Janie.
I'm sure where you live (middle of nowhere, Louisiana) is completely jammed packed with CFO's who online date, right?
To Mike and DM: I really don’t care what you guys think, but I’m responding for the sake of others in the group: a better response would have been to show me (with links) where you guys have posted about being in a relationship, or even a proper date, with someone (ANYONE, let alone someone “top tier”) since I apparently missed it (which is easily possible since I’ve been gone a lot). Instead, you dismiss what I wrote because…hmmm…IDK…maybe…because the truth hurts..?
For anyone else who is curious, though, Shreveport is pretty lame when it comes to available men in my income tier, but I met guys from TX (Dallas is close), AR, MS, GA, and guys further south in LA. I didn’t say these men were ALL CFOs but there were two CFOs and several in the categories I listed. I’m sure many of the ladies remember the pics of the bodybuilder once we got past the third date. ALL of them (except that one guy who was 50+ lbs heavier than his picture and got on me about my shoulders) were nice guys who made decent money. If you had the time (and interest) you could go back through this forum and see that I asked questions about most of these dates. You guys typically said “stop being mad at them for wanting sex” and I finally concluded that these were great guys, just not great for me.
Anyone remember when I wrote about how I managed juggling so many different guys by keeping word files with all our interactions? I got a little flaming for being creeper, but someone (I honestly forget who and don’t have the time to google it) joked that I should write a book about it. I think I actually might when I get home from this trip!!! I just need to figure out how to do that w/o getting sued, lol! After all, that one girl did a blog and video about 50 dates in 50 states, and her approach invalidated the data "Hey, I've got a goal to get 50 dates in 50 states, would you be my date tonight?" Mine was for real, no publicity stunt intended, and I think a lot of women would get a chuckle out of my experience.0 -
Ok that's it. I'm tired of the who should approach who first and why issue. It happens I like long haired men. Next good looking one I see, I'm walking up, grabbing him by the hair, and dragging him off to my lair.
The only thing I can't decide is do I need an old-fashioned tree branch club as an accessory or will a huge purse full of bricks suffice?0 -
Ok that's it. I'm tired of the who should approach who first and why issue. It happens I like long haired men. Next good looking one I see, I'm walking up, grabbing him by the hair, and dragging him off to my lair.
The only thing I can't decide is do I need an old-fashioned tree branch club as an accessory or will a huge purse full of bricks suffice?
Purse full of bricks, geez. Tree branch club is soooo paleolithic.0 -
Ok that's it. I'm tired of the who should approach who first and why issue. It happens I like long haired men. Next good looking one I see, I'm walking up, grabbing him by the hair, and dragging him off to my lair.
The only thing I can't decide is do I need an old-fashioned tree branch club as an accessory or will a huge purse full of bricks suffice?
Purse full of bricks, geez. Tree branch club is soooo paleolithic.
Oh good. It's less likely to draw attention from law enforcement, too. I hate when the cops hassle me about my flirtation style!0 -
Ok that's it. I'm tired of the who should approach who first and why issue. It happens I like long haired men. Next good looking one I see, I'm walking up, grabbing him by the hair, and dragging him off to my lair.
The only thing I can't decide is do I need an old-fashioned tree branch club as an accessory or will a huge purse full of bricks suffice?
Purse full of bricks, geez. Tree branch club is soooo paleolithic.
Oh good. It's less likely to draw attention from law enforcement, too. I hate when the cops hassle me about my flirtation style!
And they're the barbarians that are still using clubs! I mean, honestly. It doesn't take much to be fashionably aware.0
