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Woman should make the first move?
Replies
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I just read this thread and realize how incredibly sorry I feel for anyone who is so willing to limit and box themselves in and subscribe to rules, data, and negative definitions of who people are and what they deserve to expect in a relationship and out of life.
I am concerned that instead of being a positive space for singles it is now actively a place that encourages judgment and shame - which is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.
Personally I think I need to take a break. My own personal life is difficult and I struggle with some of this. I prefer support...not another bloody pivot table as to why I am past prime dating age and should settle for 17 cats now.0 -
I just read this thread and realize how incredibly sorry I feel for anyone who is so willing to limit and box themselves in and subscribe to rules, data, and negative definitions of who people are and what they deserve to expect in a relationship and out of life.
I am concerned that instead of being a positive space for singles it is now actively a place that encourages judgment and shame - which is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.
Personally I think I need to take a break. My own personal life is difficult and I struggle with some of this. I prefer support...not another bloody pivot table as to why I am past prime dating age and should settle for 17 cats now.
I am running out of steam as well.
Might as well be upfront and honest about it and while not pretending that I have never had a heated discussion at times here I also see some from both genders who come here simply for that purpose.
That has individually and privately been addressed.
Others actually seem to be looking to find some possible thing to be infuriated/offended by regardless of context or flow of discussion.
A few months ago Sherry was ready to pull the plug on singles peeps(if one has not read her locked and stickied thread above please do so) and suspect she still would think the same.
It was never her intent for this to become a battleground or a woe is me group.
I like discussions and counterpoints,there is a lot that can be learned if one is willing to read and be open minded.
As I said before,if what everyone wants is a fight club,I am going to win at all cost and show those women/men then so be it.
It will be without me here and I will leave it to Sherry if she chooses to let it continue.0 -
Danielle and Carl,
Ive been in single peeps for a year ish now, and Ive read thousands of threads and yes some are flat out arguments for no better sake then an argument.
This thread, however shouldnt make you lose faith in humanity Danielle or that people are boxing themselves in with rules etc. It is just peoples opinions based on their life experiences. Sad fact is a lot of what everyone is saying is true, as you yourself pointed out in this thread Carl.
I agree with you Carl in the sense this definitely isnt the group it was a year ago, and 6 months from now it will be a different group as well.0 -
I am concerned that instead of being a positive space for singles it is now actively a place that encourages judgment and shame - which is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.
It has been this way for several months now, which I agree is disappointing. Unfortunately a few bad apples spoil the bunch.0 -
I am concerned that instead of being a positive space for singles it is now actively a place that encourages judgment and shame - which is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.
It has been this way for several months now, which I agree is disappointing. Unfortunately a few bad apples spoil the bunch.
Oh the irony!
This is coming from the biggest pot stirrer of the bunch. You've been intentionally trying to start trouble this whole week, just look at your posts! You even posted an old thread that I started months ago.0 -
I am concerned that instead of being a positive space for singles it is now actively a place that encourages judgment and shame - which is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.
It has been this way for several months now, which I agree is disappointing. Unfortunately a few bad apples spoil the bunch.
Oh the irony!
This is coming from the biggest pot stirrer of the bunch. You've been intentionally trying to start trouble this whole week, just look at your posts! You even posted an old thread that I started months ago.
Yes, I showed an old thread that proved part of Lorro's argument. So i should feel bad that I had a good memory to connect the two?
And I've been part of this group for well over a year and have never had issues with anyone until certain people started the name calling (feminazi??) and women bashing. Maybe I am defensive at times, but that is not the same as being a bully!0 -
Case in point.
Shaking head0 -
I am concerned that instead of being a positive space for singles it is now actively a place that encourages judgment and shame - which is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.
It has been this way for several months now, which I agree is disappointing. Unfortunately a few bad apples spoil the bunch.
Oh the irony!
This is coming from the biggest pot stirrer of the bunch. You've been intentionally trying to start trouble this whole week, just look at your posts! You even posted an old thread that I started months ago.
I have no beef with anyone in here, but I honestly read the original comment and kind of laughed! People keep saying this stuff but then you find them right in the heart of the argument! IMO these are the posts that keep this group well attended. If it were all twirly and talking about TOM... I'd have left months ago. The fact is, there are people in this group that have had a tough time being single or been treated poorly by the opposite sex in the past. Instead of running from that I find it healthy and productive to hash it out... It's on you if you get offended or some guy online ruins your day!! Take it with a grain of salt and add some good info or points of view.0 -
IMO these are the posts that keep this group well attended. If it were all twirly and talking about TOM... I'd have left months ago. The fact is, there are people in this group that have had a tough time being single or been treated poorly by the opposite sex in the past. Instead of running from that I find it healthy and productive to hash it out... It's on you if you get offended or some guy online ruins your day!! Take it with a grain of salt and add some good info or points of view.
I can't seem to recall a thread that was solely about the TOM. There are threads on other boards within MFP about TOM.
Overall, I like the idea of this quote.
Pa_Jorg-You have a good memory in general.0 -
IMO these are the posts that keep this group well attended. If it were all twirly and talking about TOM... I'd have left months ago. The fact is, there are people in this group that have had a tough time being single or been treated poorly by the opposite sex in the past. Instead of running from that I find it healthy and productive to hash it out... It's on you if you get offended or some guy online ruins your day!! Take it with a grain of salt and add some good info or points of view.
I can't seem to recall a thread that was solely about the TOM. There are threads on other boards within MFP about TOM.
Overall, I like the idea of this quote.
Pa_Jorg-You have a good memory in general.
That's why I'm not in the main forums.0 -
There are exceptions but I think it's fairly accurate. Most women (probably 70%) who have ever asked me out has been 1) morbidly obese, and/or 2) borderline retarded, and/or 3) looked like a crack *kitten*.
wow.0 -
Well... from what I read everyday here, it's not like any of the women here is doing asking (not many, at least).
wow.There are exceptions but I think it's fairly accurate. Most women (probably 70%) who have ever asked me out has been 1) morbidly obese, and/or 2) borderline retarded, and/or 3) looked like a crack *kitten*.
Furthermore, given the fact that most women who read this comment are now infuriated, I believe 4% of the women would still ask dbright out now.
And last, for those who are doing the asking AND who would also ask dbright out, they can imagine they are part of the 30%.
We're probably talking 1 person in this entire forum, if at all. See how easy it is to not get hurt by comments like this?0 -
There are exceptions but I think it's fairly accurate. Most women (probably 70%) who have ever asked me out has been 1) morbidly obese, and/or 2) borderline retarded, and/or 3) looked like a crack *kitten*.
wow.
What's so "wow" about it?
It's just his dbrightwell's observation which has been nearly identical to my experience. Even DM agrees with this.0 -
I used to approach men, but it's been so long since I've been social I'm now struggling just to make eye contact and not bolt like a scared rabbit. But when I want it bad enough I'll make the approach if I really must.
Sigh. I don't want to, though. I don't like the possibility of rejection any more than a man does.0 -
There are exceptions but I think it's fairly accurate. Most women (probably 70%) who have ever asked me out has been 1) morbidly obese, and/or 2) borderline retarded, and/or 3) looked like a crack
.
wow.
What's so "wow" about it?
It's just his dbrightwell's observation which has been nearly identical to my experience. Even DM agrees with this.
If men are being approached by mostly undesirable women... well...um... now you know exactly where those men fall on the desirability scale.
Oh, and to be on topic: I approach men all the time by saying hi, making chit-chat, and such (just to stay in practice) but I’ve NEVER had that translate into a date or a relationship. My dates have always come from men who approached ME.0 -
Well... from what I read everyday here, it's not like any of the women here is doing asking (not many, at least).
wow.There are exceptions but I think it's fairly accurate. Most women (probably 70%) who have ever asked me out has been 1) morbidly obese, and/or 2) borderline retarded, and/or 3) looked like a crack *kitten*.
Furthermore, given the fact that most women who read this comment are now infuriated, I believe 4% of the women would still ask dbright out now.
I wouldn't.
He's not in my (ahem) "tier".....
:smokin:0 -
If men are being approached by mostly undesirable women... well...um... now you know exactly where those men fall on the desirability scale.
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I knowwww! It's so funny when you hear the truth.
If men are being approached by mostly undesirable women... well...um... now you know exactly where those men fall on the desirability scale.
You get what you put out there.0 -
Who SHOULD do it? Nobody. Nobody is obligated by gender to do it. That being said, women are typically better at reading nonverbal cues such as body language and facial expressions, which puts them in a better position to do it because they are simply better able to read the signs that the other person may or may not be interested. Men more commonly are just awful at reading "signs."0
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I knowwww! It's so funny when you hear the truth.
If men are being approached by mostly undesirable women... well...um... now you know exactly where those men fall on the desirability scale.
You get what you put out there.
*sigh*
So, next time a group of guys you consider undesirable approaches you, is that your male equivalent? I hear girls complain about guys they aren't attracted to e-mailing them online, is that their male equivalent also?
What Janie said is absurd because good looking girls don't have to approach men, they get approached.0
