Woman should make the first move?
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Everyone in this thread except me is super mad.0
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I have read that men need to feel like the aggressor...I think there is some truth to it so Id rather wait for a man to approach
This. This is the type of man I prefer anyway, which is another reason I hate having to ask the guy out. HAVE SOME GUTS (for lack of a better word). If you're THAT shy, it probably won't work out anyway.
Can anyone else see the irony in this?
Anyone?
I just wanted to say that I, too, saw the irony in that.
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This thread has been very entertaining. But I want to ask everyone what their definition of "the first move" is.
For instance, if you're at a bar and start a conversation with someone you find attractive, do you consider that the first move? Or is it more when someone actually asks the other person for their number?
If you're online is it the person that sends the first email? Or is it the person that asks for the first date?
In my experience I'm usually the one to send the first email and the one to set up the first date. Like others have said, most of the women that emailed me first just weren't my "type". But to avoid any generalizations, there were also a few that were very attractive that emailed me first. Whoever said guys like to be the aggressor is a bit mistaken, maybe some do but that's a huge, false generalization. I prefer a girl who shows some initiative somewhere early on in the relationship. If they don't, I assume they're not really into me and I lose interest.
But at a bar or in real life is a little different. You can strike up a conversation with someone without it being the first "move". That's why I always makes me a little sad when someone says "guys never approach me." It makes me think that they are sitting there waiting for someone to talk to them. You're at a bar, talk to people. I very rarely spot someone from across the bar and then just go start hitting on them. I usually shoot the **** with someone while I'm waiting to get a beer or something. I don't automatically think everyone that talks to me wants my hog, but if I like them enough I'll ask them out. That's what I consider to be the first move.0 -
I have been approached and I have done the approaching. I don't see it as "having" to do anything. But if I see what I want, I go get it. If more people - male or female- had that mentality, life would be so much more simple.
Exactly! I have done both as well. If you want something or someone, go after it.0 -
i approached at guy first on saturday night. i was at a church dance, about to leave to head to the gym for some late night cardio. i walked past him and another guy, they smiled said something and out the door i went. this particular guy i have noticed at several dances and he's on a FB group page always posting hikes he's going on. we've written back and forth on that page but never met face to face.
so, half way to my car i turned around, went back inside, walked up to the two of them politely interrupted their convo and ended up talking to him for over an hour.
it wasn't a move, but i am more than willing to approach someone like that. i am willing to let it be known the interest is there on MY behalf......0 -
For anyone else who is curious, though, Shreveport is pretty lame when it comes to available men in my income tier, but I met guys from TX (Dallas is close), AR, MS, GA, and guys further south in LA. I didn’t say these men were ALL CFOs but there were two CFOs and several in the categories I listed.
First Kits, I did notice the irony in that statement.
Janie, welcome back and to you and all the other folks on here (man and woman) is it important to date someone of the same or like income bracket? And how do you know what their income bracket is? I mean if I approach a woman in the grocery store and we hit if off, I dont know what her income bracket is until we have spent some time together. Obviously I can make an assumption with a lot of different jobs that she is not in the same income bracket.
For me, and Janie I think this is something youve posted about before and maybe needs its own thread, but arent we just limiting the playing field by adding income bracket?
So is income bracket a deal breaker or just a nice to have? I know how much I make, and I live in a mid size town (250K) and I dont know there are that many folks who are in that same bracket.
Thoughts?0 -
I dont think about income bracket because when you meet someone, you have no idea of other variables that will affect their income. If a guy is in a high income bracket, however, is supporting his ex wife and four kids....his high income is out the window. On the other side, if guy is in a middle income and has no mortgage, no debt, no car payment and he has custody of kids and gets child support...his income is going to go alot further (yes, was in the latter situation). So, all variables would have to be considered, and you don't always know that until you get to know the person much better ............0
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Income really isnt something that matters to me.... As long as they have a job and can support themselves I'm ok with that0
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@ Will - I've never given it thought and I dont really care as long as he's good at other things, like loving me and thumb wrestling....lol
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Income doesn't matter to me, as long as he's able to pay his own bills and doesn't depend on someone else to do so.0
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This thread has been very entertaining. But I want to ask everyone what their definition of "the first move" is.
For instance, if you're at a bar and start a conversation with someone you find attractive, do you consider that the first move? Or is it more when someone actually asks the other person for their number?
If you're online is it the person that sends the first email? Or is it the person that asks for the first date?
In my experience I'm usually the one to send the first email and the one to set up the first date. Like others have said, most of the women that emailed me first just weren't my "type". But to avoid any generalizations, there were also a few that were very attractive that emailed me first. Whoever said guys like to be the aggressor is a bit mistaken, maybe some do but that's a huge, false generalization. I prefer a girl who shows some initiative somewhere early on in the relationship. If they don't, I assume they're not really into me and I lose interest.
But at a bar or in real life is a little different. You can strike up a conversation with someone without it being the first "move". That's why I always makes me a little sad when someone says "guys never approach me." It makes me think that they are sitting there waiting for someone to talk to them. You're at a bar, talk to people. I very rarely spot someone from across the bar and then just go start hitting on them. I usually shoot the **** with someone while I'm waiting to get a beer or something. I don't automatically think everyone that talks to me wants my hog, but if I like them enough I'll ask them out. That's what I consider to be the first move.
Pretty sure my first move was telling you I had a platonic MFP crush on you, no?
I joke.. I joke! (I promise I am not stalking you. Much)
Again.. how hilarious am I this Monday morning?
Anyway... I don't intentionally make or not make the first move. I will absolutely talk to anyone at a bar, or the grocery store..even back in the day online I've made comments first. I usually lead with humour before intentional flirting..but my girlfriends would say I flirt with everyone..even them. I will suggest coffee or hanging out even..but stop at a formal date or dinner. I could and would ask under the guise of just being friends..but haven't done that yet. I did LOVE being asked out for dinner and having intentions stated very clearly with my last boyfriend...it was nice to feel wined and dined for once..and to feel totally girly.0 -
Income really isnt something that matters to me.... As long as they have a job and can support themselves I'm ok with thatIncome doesn't matter to me, as long as he's able to pay his own bills and doesn't depend on someone else to do so.
What is more attractive, a guy who is a trust fund kid with millions in the bank, no debt and doesn't work or a guy who makes likes $40,000 a year, limited net worth and can support himself with a job, but is one job loss away from significant financial issues?0 -
Income? Ideally make more than me. Trust me.. it isn't too hard.
I'd prefer to be with someone more professional and ambitious than myself..and that often also comes with more income.
I don't need to be taken care of.. I would always like to work..but I wouldn't hate having a little more financial breathing room either.0 -
Income really isnt something that matters to me.... As long as they have a job and can support themselves I'm ok with thatIncome doesn't matter to me, as long as he's able to pay his own bills and doesn't depend on someone else to do so.
What is more attractive, a guy who is a trust fund kid with millions in the bank, no debt and doesn't work or a guy who makes likes $40,000 a year, limited net worth and can support himself with a job, but is one job loss away from significant financial issues?
It would depend on what he is like...money doesn't matter to me if he has it or doesn't but it doesn't hurt.....There are lots of other factors0 -
Income really isnt something that matters to me.... As long as they have a job and can support themselves I'm ok with thatIncome doesn't matter to me, as long as he's able to pay his own bills and doesn't depend on someone else to do so.
What is more attractive, a guy who is a trust fund kid with millions in the bank, no debt and doesn't work or a guy who makes likes $40,000 a year, limited net worth and can support himself with a job, but is one job loss away from significant financial issues?
The guy who has a personality I adore and who will fully love and appreciate me back.0 -
For instance, if you're at a bar and start a conversation with someone you find attractive, do you consider that the first move? Or is it more when someone actually asks the other person for their number?
If you're online is it the person that sends the first email? Or is it the person that asks for the first date?
First move is making it very clear you'd like to go out with the person. So, yes, asking for a number, or asking for a date in email/text.
I dont think idle chat is the same as a move...........as I find the chat really easy, but actually to ask someone on a date and make my intentions clear? Not so easy........ :noway:0 -
Too many variables on the income. Do you love what you do? Are you good at it? Are you happy with your job, or the lifestyle that your job enables for you? If that's the case I'd prefer the person with the steady job. A trust fund kid that doesn't work lives a frivolous lifestyle that I won't be able to compare to, and unless we were married I wouldn't want someone paying my bills because getting back into a job market is a pain in the *kitten*.0
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Income really isnt something that matters to me.... As long as they have a job and can support themselves I'm ok with thatIncome doesn't matter to me, as long as he's able to pay his own bills and doesn't depend on someone else to do so.
What is more attractive, a guy who is a trust fund kid with millions in the bank, no debt and doesn't work or a guy who makes likes $40,000 a year, limited net worth and can support himself with a job, but is one job loss away from significant financial issues?
Depends on how both treat me, but I'd rather have the guy that works. Income doesn't matter to me unless I have to share finances with the person. What matters to me is how they balance their money, in and out.0 -
What is more attractive, a guy who is a trust fund kid with millions in the bank, no debt and doesn't work or a guy who makes likes $40,000 a year, limited net worth and can support himself with a job, but is one job loss away from significant financial issues?
The one who treats me better. The one who respects others. The one who knows the value of a dollar and a hard day's work. (that's me, there are some women that would be happy with all the money)
Yes, it's nice to have money. I've known different kinds of trust fund men...
1. The playboy. He spends his money, has little interest in those around him and is out to party.
2. The philanthropist. While he may not have a "job", he volunteers a lot of his time. Whether for charities such as Habitat for Humanity, the Peace Corps or what have you. He is concious of others around him and does not spend money on frivolous items. Yes, he may appreciate the finer things, but he doesn't buy 5 cars just because he can.0 -
"... that is until he asks me to join him on his private jet for a surprise weekend in a 5 stars hotel in the Canari Islands."0
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What is more attractive, a guy who is a trust fund kid with millions in the bank, no debt and doesn't work or a guy who makes likes $40,000 a year, limited net worth and can support himself with a job, but is one job loss away from significant financial issues?
I want someone in between. Income has become my number one dealbreaker. As a mass generalization, there are other qualities typically tied to income -- i.e. ambition and work ethic (and yes, before someone jumps all over me, I realize there are people who have these qualities but don't make a lot of money) -- which I need for compatibility. I've worked really hard at my education and career, am somewhat of a workaholic, and as a result now make a lot of money. I've tried dating guys who make $40,000 or thereabouts (and everywhere in between), and it never works out. Obviously I don't share my income immediately, but over time it becomes obvious if I spend $2,000 on a purse or whatever that I'm not doing too badly. Also my job often requires that I work late or on weekends, sometimes without much notice. Men in "clock puncher" type jobs do not understand this and get upset about it. (Yeah, I have to cancel dates sometimes due to work.) I wouldn't mind dating a guy who was really ambitious and such but didn't make a lot of money, but I've also found that even when men say "Oh, I don't care what the woman makes" and "I like independent women" start singing a different tune when the reality sets in. It bothers most men when the woman they are dating makes substantially more than them. I think most men like to be the provider, and if that gets taken away from them...not happy campers. At least this has been my experience. As a result, I try to date men who are at least within spitting range of my income bracket.
So yeah, I do care about income.0 -
It bothers most men when the woman they are dating makes substantially more than them. I think most men like to be the provider, and if that gets taken away from them...not happy campers. At least this has been my experience. As a result, I try to date men who are at least within spitting range of my income bracket.
So yeah, I do care about income.
I think there are men that wouldn't mind if the woman makes more money. Unfortunately for those men, they probably wouldn't be perceived as attractive to high earning women.0 -
"... that is until he asks me to join him on his private jet for a surprise weekend in a 5 stars hotel in the Canari Islands."
Don't get me wrong, if there was some dude who wanted to treat me to stuff like that I'd totally be on board. But unless a bunch of other things are in line that doesn't mean I would consider him to be a long term partner - and I would tell him as much.0 -
Income really isnt something that matters to me.... As long as they have a job and can support themselves I'm ok with thatIncome doesn't matter to me, as long as he's able to pay his own bills and doesn't depend on someone else to do so.
What is more attractive, a guy who is a trust fund kid with millions in the bank, no debt and doesn't work or a guy who makes likes $40,000 a year, limited net worth and can support himself with a job, but is one job loss away from significant financial issues?
Whichever one is the leftist activist willing to support my rise to power. Of course it would be nice if that one was the trust fund rich guy. But he'd be working against his own interests so he would be a quite unusual person indeed. Of course it can be argued that any American leftist is working against her own interests, too, given that our lifestyle is propped up by the suffering and oppression of the rest of the world.
Regardless, when I seek a life partner, if I ever bother, he will be politically compatible with me or he won't get the time of day. Hell, I don't even think I'd have casual sex with a right-winger. They're just not my species.0 -
What is more attractive, a guy who is a trust fund kid with millions in the bank, no debt and doesn't work or a guy who makes likes $40,000 a year, limited net worth and can support himself with a job, but is one job loss away from significant financial issues?
A couple more details for my original hypothetical, which I did keep intentionally vague. I really enjoy the insight I'm seeing here from the ladies.
1. The trust funder millionaire doesn't work, but does manage money well. He lives below his means. He's figured out a way to financially plan so that he doesn't have to work for the rest of his life. The woman who he is with would be able to live comfortably with him, but she wouldn't be quitting her day job, at least not in the short to medium term.
2. The 2nd guy works in an industry where job security is limited. Most industries function this way in this economy. His skill set is not unique and income growth over time would be limited. The historical precedent suggests that male income stops growing around age 45.
Ages of the two men in the hypothetical are whatever you want them to be. Assume the man is never married, no children.0 -
It bothers most men when the woman they are dating makes substantially more than them. I think most men like to be the provider, and if that gets taken away from them...not happy campers. At least this has been my experience. As a result, I try to date men who are at least within spitting range of my income bracket.
So yeah, I do care about income.
I think there are men that wouldn't mind if the woman makes more money. Unfortunately for those men, they probably wouldn't be perceived as attractive to high earning women.
There are a lot of men that are turned off by this as well, though. I've dated men that make $30k a year less than me that were intimidated by my income. I wasn't bothered by it, because I had expenses they didn't have to worry about (daycare, clothing, food & medical expenses for the kids). The way I saw it, once I paid for my other obligations, we were equal. We enjoyed the same types of lifestyles, vacations, etc. That logic didn't stick for them.0 -
What is more attractive, a guy who is a trust fund kid with millions in the bank, no debt and doesn't work or a guy who makes likes $40,000 a year, limited net worth and can support himself with a job, but is one job loss away from significant financial issues?
A couple more details for my original hypothetical, which I did keep intentionally vague. I really enjoy the insight I'm seeing here from the ladies.
1. The trust funder millionaire doesn't work, but does manage money well. He lives below his means. He's figured out a way to financially plan so that he doesn't have to work for the rest of his life. The woman who he is with would be able to live comfortably with him, but she wouldn't be quitting her day job, at least not in the short to medium term.
2. The 2nd guy works in an industry where job security is limited. Most industries function this way in this economy. His skill set is not unique and income growth over time would be limited. The historical precedent suggests that male income stops growing around age 45.
Ages of the two men in the hypothetical are whatever you want them to be. Assume the man is never married, no children.
What does the first one do with his time?0 -
It bothers most men when the woman they are dating makes substantially more than them. I think most men like to be the provider, and if that gets taken away from them...not happy campers. At least this has been my experience. As a result, I try to date men who are at least within spitting range of my income bracket.
So yeah, I do care about income.
I think there are men that wouldn't mind if the woman makes more money. Unfortunately for those men, they probably wouldn't be perceived as attractive to high earning women.
There are a lot of men that are turned off by this as well, though. I've dated men that make $30k a year less than me that were intimidated by my income. I wasn't bothered by it, because I had expenses they didn't have to worry about (daycare, clothing, food & medical expenses for the kids). The way I saw it, once I paid for my other obligations, we were equal. We enjoyed the same types of lifestyles, vacations, etc. That logic didn't stick for them.
That's good logic. I'd be impressed with that line of thinking.0 -
What is more attractive, a guy who is a trust fund kid with millions in the bank, no debt and doesn't work or a guy who makes likes $40,000 a year, limited net worth and can support himself with a job, but is one job loss away from significant financial issues?
A couple more details for my original hypothetical, which I did keep intentionally vague. I really enjoy the insight I'm seeing here from the ladies.
1. The trust funder millionaire doesn't work, but does manage money well. He lives below his means. He's figured out a way to financially plan so that he doesn't have to work for the rest of his life. The woman who he is with would be able to live comfortably with him, but she wouldn't be quitting her day job, at least not in the short to medium term.
2. The 2nd guy works in an industry where job security is limited. Most industries function this way in this economy. His skill set is not unique and income growth over time would be limited. The historical precedent suggests that male income stops growing around age 45.
Ages of the two men in the hypothetical are whatever you want them to be. Assume the man is never married, no children.
What does the first one do with his time?
The first one essentially spends his time watching his investments and making sure that he preserves wealth. He pursues his hobbies. He may occasionally volunteer his time and make some charitable contributions, but he should not be perceived as a philanthropist type. He would fall between Type #1 and Type #2 you described earlier.0
