Woman should make the first move?
Replies
-
This thread is awesomely funny. Top tier, I'd say.
Look, I'm overweight, nearly 35 and totally not on the awesome list financially or career wise. Yet I get at least flirted with or hit on a lot. I smile, make jokes, maintain eye contact and am friendly/approachable. Have (in my opinion) done the best I can with what nature gave me and am on way to developing better body and self esteem...yay me! But that is only one way to do it. Not the "best" way and not even necessarily the easiest way for everyone. We are all different.
But at the end of the day.. let's cut all the rules, judgments and the tier bullsh*t. We are all worthy of being loved. Right now. Exactly as we are.
Now go and read "The Gifts of Imperfection" - Brene Brown. You're welcome.0 -
But at the end of the day.. let's cut all the rules, judgments and the tier bullsh*t. We are all worthy of being loved. Right now. Exactly as we are.
Thank you. :drinker:0 -
Thank you Jen, finally someone that gets it. You can't sit in the corner surrounded by 20 friends and expect to be approached. You have to be accessible.LOL oh goodness..... Ok boy and girls here it goes....
I get appraoched and make myself approachable (I.E. walk up and stand next to the guy at a bar and order a drink ) Make a little eye cantact , nod ,smile and say hi.. .Thats it YOU HAVE MAGICALLY APPRAOCHED SOMEONE.....
I do all that and I don't consider myself top tier but I am not bottom tier either and never get hit on or asked out. I am actually more approachable, more smily, more out going that friends I have that I would consider to be similar in looks and they get hit on and asked out all the time. Really two of them stood in a corner at the NYE party and talked to eachother while I mingled and talked to people and they had guys hitting on them. Maybe I am too much of a social butterfly.
I'm the same way...with my friends I usually don't think they're much more attractive then me, but they all get hit on and I'm just chilling like this is awkward. Not sure why. I don't put out "f-off" vibes as far as I know.
Christine observe what they are doing diffenrently from you.... Are you dressed extremely different(I'm not saying dress like a skank but don't dress like their aunt either) Also body language ,body language, body language, your post makes you sound like you were uncomfortable and I bet that comes through in your body language. Pull those shoulders back, Sit up strainght and tilt your head a little ,,,, IT all helps0 -
Thank you Jen, finally someone that gets it. You can't sit in the corner surrounded by 20 friends and expect to be approached. You have to be accessible.LOL oh goodness..... Ok boy and girls here it goes....
I get appraoched and make myself approachable (I.E. walk up and stand next to the guy at a bar and order a drink ) Make a little eye cantact , nod ,smile and say hi.. .Thats it YOU HAVE MAGICALLY APPRAOCHED SOMEONE.....
I do all that and I don't consider myself top tier but I am not bottom tier either and never get hit on or asked out. I am actually more approachable, more smily, more out going that friends I have that I would consider to be similar in looks and they get hit on and asked out all the time. Really two of them stood in a corner at the NYE party and talked to eachother while I mingled and talked to people and they had guys hitting on them. Maybe I am too much of a social butterfly.
I'm the same way...with my friends I usually don't think they're much more attractive then me, but they all get hit on and I'm just chilling like this is awkward. Not sure why. I don't put out "f-off" vibes as far as I know.
It might be the State. I've never had much luck in MN, and most of my past gf were transplants from other states. MN nice my *kitten*!!0 -
Thank you Jen, finally someone that gets it. You can't sit in the corner surrounded by 20 friends and expect to be approached. You have to be accessible.LOL oh goodness..... Ok boy and girls here it goes....
I get appraoched and make myself approachable (I.E. walk up and stand next to the guy at a bar and order a drink ) Make a little eye cantact , nod ,smile and say hi.. .Thats it YOU HAVE MAGICALLY APPRAOCHED SOMEONE.....
I do all that and I don't consider myself top tier but I am not bottom tier either and never get hit on or asked out. I am actually more approachable, more smily, more out going that friends I have that I would consider to be similar in looks and they get hit on and asked out all the time. Really two of them stood in a corner at the NYE party and talked to eachother while I mingled and talked to people and they had guys hitting on them. Maybe I am too much of a social butterfly.
I'm the same way...with my friends I usually don't think they're much more attractive then me, but they all get hit on and I'm just chilling like this is awkward. Not sure why. I don't put out "f-off" vibes as far as I know.
It might be the State. I've never had much luck in MN, and most of my past gf were transplants from other states. MN nice my *kitten*!!
HAHAH I am the opposite. Even my last BF was a long distance thing with a MN guy.0 -
Thank you Jen, finally someone that gets it. You can't sit in the corner surrounded by 20 friends and expect to be approached. You have to be accessible.LOL oh goodness..... Ok boy and girls here it goes....
I get appraoched and make myself approachable (I.E. walk up and stand next to the guy at a bar and order a drink ) Make a little eye cantact , nod ,smile and say hi.. .Thats it YOU HAVE MAGICALLY APPRAOCHED SOMEONE.....
I do all that and I don't consider myself top tier but I am not bottom tier either and never get hit on or asked out. I am actually more approachable, more smily, more out going that friends I have that I would consider to be similar in looks and they get hit on and asked out all the time. Really two of them stood in a corner at the NYE party and talked to eachother while I mingled and talked to people and they had guys hitting on them. Maybe I am too much of a social butterfly.
I'm the same way...with my friends I usually don't think they're much more attractive then me, but they all get hit on and I'm just chilling like this is awkward. Not sure why. I don't put out "f-off" vibes as far as I know.
It might be the State. I've never had much luck in MN, and most of my past gf were transplants from other states. MN nice my *kitten*!!
HAHAH I am the opposite. Even my last BF was a long distance thing with a MN guy.
All I know is that I'm dog food to the MN gals... I go to any other state and I'm Prime Rib! I guess the girl I'm currently seeing is born and bread MN, so maybe there is hope!0 -
Thank you Jen, finally someone that gets it. You can't sit in the corner surrounded by 20 friends and expect to be approached. You have to be accessible.LOL oh goodness..... Ok boy and girls here it goes....
I get appraoched and make myself approachable (I.E. walk up and stand next to the guy at a bar and order a drink ) Make a little eye cantact , nod ,smile and say hi.. .Thats it YOU HAVE MAGICALLY APPRAOCHED SOMEONE.....
I do all that and I don't consider myself top tier but I am not bottom tier either and never get hit on or asked out. I am actually more approachable, more smily, more out going that friends I have that I would consider to be similar in looks and they get hit on and asked out all the time. Really two of them stood in a corner at the NYE party and talked to eachother while I mingled and talked to people and they had guys hitting on them. Maybe I am too much of a social butterfly.
I'm the same way...with my friends I usually don't think they're much more attractive then me, but they all get hit on and I'm just chilling like this is awkward. Not sure why. I don't put out "f-off" vibes as far as I know.
It might be the State. I've never had much luck in MN, and most of my past gf were transplants from other states. MN nice my *kitten*!!
HAHAH I am the opposite. Even my last BF was a long distance thing with a MN guy.
All I know is that I'm dog food to the MN gals... I go to any other state and I'm Prime Rib! I guess the girl I'm currently seeing is born and bread MN, so maybe there is hope!
Always one exception to the rule poncho lol0 -
It might be the State. I've never had much luck in MN, and most of my past gf were transplants from other states. MN nice my *kitten*!!
HAHAH I am the opposite. Even my last BF was a long distance thing with a MN guy.
All I know is that I'm dog food to the MN gals... I go to any other state and I'm Prime Rib! I guess the girl I'm currently seeing is born and bread MN, so maybe there is hope!
Always one exception to the rule poncho lol
See here is the thing. MN guys stick out to me so if you are out of state you will stick out from the other states casts offs but if you are in state then you blend in.0 -
It might be the State. I've never had much luck in MN, and most of my past gf were transplants from other states. MN nice my *kitten*!!
HAHAH I am the opposite. Even my last BF was a long distance thing with a MN guy.
All I know is that I'm dog food to the MN gals... I go to any other state and I'm Prime Rib! I guess the girl I'm currently seeing is born and bread MN, so maybe there is hope!
Always one exception to the rule poncho lol
See here is the thing. MN guys stick out to me so if you are out of state you will stick out from the other states casts offs but if you are in state then you blend in.
We do tend to have shorts and sandles on anytime we're near a beach... even if it's 40 degrees in Florida, I can see how we stick out.0 -
It might be the State. I've never had much luck in MN, and most of my past gf were transplants from other states. MN nice my *kitten*!!
HAHAH I am the opposite. Even my last BF was a long distance thing with a MN guy.
All I know is that I'm dog food to the MN gals... I go to any other state and I'm Prime Rib! I guess the girl I'm currently seeing is born and bread MN, so maybe there is hope!
Always one exception to the rule poncho lol
See here is the thing. MN guys stick out to me so if you are out of state you will stick out from the other states casts offs but if you are in state then you blend in.
We do tend to have shorts and sandles on anytime we're near a beach... even if it's 40 degrees in Florida, I can see how we stick out.
Hahahahaha love it.
I love Minnesota guys...they don't love me back.0 -
All I know is that I'm dog food to the MN gals...
You just need to find a b*tch that will gobble you up!
I'm in San Diego, everyone is a transplant here!0 -
Actually, 2 girls talking to each other is probably more approachable than 1 girl talking to a lot of different people. It's actually easier for a group of guys to approach a group of girls than for one guy to approach one girl. The lone social butterfly is a wild card, I might assume she's more interested in hanging out with her friends as opposed to meeting guys.
If I'm one off, I prefer a girl alone. If I'm working a room with another guy, approaching a two set is easier, though a two set is by no means that arduous of a task for a guy who is without a wingman.0 -
Last Friday I went out by myself. I sat at the bar ,by myself (was haning withthe female bartenders) I got appraoched by 4 different men orrering me and drink and some conversation. Now none of these men where my type so I made sure I had a full drink right there and politely declined the drink ( I will not take a drink from a guy I'm not interested in flirting with) Also to make sure they looked good to theire friends I kept the banter light and friendly but not overly flirty so the gentlemen could retreat with some grace. Nothing makes a man look worse then crash and burning in front of his friends.
Also make friends with your bartenders, Think of them as an extended group of wingmen/women... Use the resoucres people
This has been my experience as well. Anytime I see a women going to a bar solo, she seems to get swamped by potential suitors. They get swamped so often, that is why some won't go to a bar alone.
Yo tambien.0 -
Yes, they are.Isn't the man supposed to ask the woman out?
I am sorry, in that I am going to betray the biggest secret of all times, my fellow male brothers... It is likely to get me killed, but here goes.
What you have never heard before. At the age of 5, all men receive a book with a leather cover and its title written in Gold letters: "The Man's book".
When you receive this book, your male mentor (who can be your father or any other male adult) looks at you in the eyes solemnly while pronouncing an incantation in an ancient language.
Anyway, in this book, you learn about the Rules. All the rules of manliness are explained in detail, with enough pictures of Emos to scare even the bravest man who would begin to think about deviating from "the Path".
There are even lots of suggestions for the unimaginative man and tons of advice: "compare pen!s size in the toilets : the rules of the game", "watch football with male friends (the annoying boyfriend)", playing video games like a man (in the latest edition), "the proper @ss slap - a guide to practice on random girls", "The theory of Five: the 5 recommended ways to pee", "start a campfire effortlessly", "how to look good with power tools and a tool belt", "my first razor", "Horror movie: behave!", "How to cheat without being noticed (online dating addendum)", "Tears: when are they acceptable" and many more... (all these techniques are described with details, maps and examples of conversations). All men look in this book for guidance in difficult times.
There is even a section where Noble professions are described: fireman, policeman, attorney, truck driver, hunter...
Now, in the dating section, rule 107.3.b clearly states (and the other men will be able to confirm this hopefully!) that:
"æþelingas bieldu ġefrūnon!" - There are a variety of interpretations, but the most common one tells us that "The noble man finds courage to ask!". So yes. It is there. Black on white!
Which makes me think that the men you have met might be part of "The Dissidence", a movement considered as having greatly contributed to the global loss of manliness (supporting the aforementioned Emo movement, and many other unmanly practices such as "Jean Paul Gaultier make up for man"). The simple thought makes me shiver.
Rest assured however that the Manliness Police is tracking those puny dissidents and they are regularly taken to reforming facilities where they are taught things as they should be. Things are going to be in order soon.0 -
Things are going to be in order soon.
Thank Goodness. All this non regulation Peeing and sub par *kitten* slapping is endangering the ozone layer."æþelingas bieldu ġefrūnon!"
hebkjewk rdytw klj;j5amn
(I broke the man code)0 -
Yes, they are.Isn't the man supposed to ask the woman out?
I am sorry, in that I am going to betray the biggest secret of all times, my fellow male brothers... It is likely to get me killed, but here goes.
What you have never heard before. At the age of 5, all men receive a book with a leather cover and its title written in Gold letters: "The Man's book".
Glory. Pure glory.
Rest assured however that the Manliness Police is tracking those puny dissidents and they are regularly taken to reforming facilities where they are taught things as they should be. Things are going to be in order soon.
I want this framed on my wall.0 -
If I'm one off, I prefer a girl alone. If I'm working a room with another guy, approaching a two set is easier, though a two set is by no means that arduous of a task for a guy who is without a wingman.
WTF does all of that mean? Sounds like a lecture in science lab or maybe some advanced financial stats ****.
These last few threads about men being chicken or who should approach whom etc make me weep with loss of faith for the human race. Its not that damn tough for men or women, just get off your *kitten*, walk up to someone and say "Hi my name is Lance Malibu"
Approaching people, exchanging phone numbers, making a date, hitting on a man or woman, all those things are easy...in fact I bet ALL of us on this site would agree, the approach is the easiest part of any relationship.
I think our own brains are getting in the way, when we start talking about a two set or top tier or body language etc etc maybe we make it too complicated and instead of approaching someone we retreat to the world of single peeps or some other place we can socialize without ever being in the same room with another human.
Lets stop making mountains out of molehills...
ETA typos0 -
If I'm one off, I prefer a girl alone. If I'm working a room with another guy, approaching a two set is easier, though a two set is by no means that arduous of a task for a guy who is without a wingman.
WTF does all of that mean? Sounds like a lecture in science lab or maybe some advanced financial stats ****.
These last few threads about men being chicken or who should approach whom etc make me weep with loss of faith for the human race. Its not that damn tough for men or women, just get off your *kitten*, walk up to someone and say "Hi my name is Lance Malibu"
Approaching people, exchanging phone numbers, making a date, hitting on a man or woman, all those things are easy...in fact I bet ALL of us on this site would agree, the approach is the easiest part of any relationship.
I think our own brains are getting in the way, when we start talking about a two set or top tier or body language etc etc maybe we make it too complicated and instead of approaching someone we retreat to the world of single peeps or some other place we can socialize without ever being in the same room with another human.
Lets stop making mountains out of molehills...
ETA typos
I agree 100% Stop worrying, people! I flirt/talk/approach men daily. I kind of have to as my job is to be around men all day. I definitely don't over-think things. If I flirt and I get a positive signal... I go with it.
I was flirting pretty heavy with a guy right before Christmas and I told another friend to watch.. I bet he tries to get my phone number. Probably an hour later he asked me to text him a pic of something on the site. LOL (sly move heheheee) He's been texting me ever since. LOL0 -
Yes, they are.Isn't the man supposed to ask the woman out?
I am sorry, in that I am going to betray the biggest secret of all times, my fellow male brothers... It is likely to get me killed, but here goes.
What you have never heard before. At the age of 5, all men receive a book with a leather cover and its title written in Gold letters: "The Man's book".
When you receive this book, your male mentor (who can be your father or any other male adult) looks at you in the eyes solemnly while pronouncing an incantation in an ancient language.
Anyway, in this book, you learn about the Rules. All the rules of manliness are explained in detail, with enough pictures of Emos to scare even the bravest man who would begin to think about deviating from "the Path".
There are even lots of suggestions for the unimaginative man and tons of advice: "compare pen!s size in the toilets : the rules of the game", "watch football with male friends (the annoying boyfriend)", playing video games like a man (in the latest edition), "the proper @ss slap - a guide to practice on random girls", "The theory of Five: the 5 recommended ways to pee", "start a campfire effortlessly", "how to look good with power tools and a tool belt", "my first razor", "Horror movie: behave!", "How to cheat without being noticed (online dating addendum)", "Tears: when are they acceptable" and many more... (all these techniques are described with details, maps and examples of conversations). All men look in this book for guidance in difficult times.
There is even a section where Noble professions are described: fireman, policeman, attorney, truck driver, hunter...
Now, in the dating section, rule 107.3.b clearly states (and the other men will be able to confirm this hopefully!) that:
"æþelingas bieldu ġefrūnon!" - There are a variety of interpretations, but the most common one tells us that "The noble man finds courage to ask!". So yes. It is there. Black on white!
Which makes me think that the men you have met might be part of "The Dissidence", a movement considered as having greatly contributed to the global loss of manliness (supporting the aforementioned Emo movement, and many other unmanly practices such as "Jean Paul Gaultier make up for man"). The simple thought makes me shiver.
Rest assured however that the Manliness Police is tracking those puny dissidents and they are regularly taken to reforming facilities where they are taught things as they should be. Things are going to be in order soon.
Flim, I think I
you! 0 -
I remember I was lacking courage with girls at OP's age. But yeah, there is no reason not to go for the throat!I agree 100% Stop worrying, people! I flirt/talk/approach men daily. I kind of have to as my job is to be around men all day. I definitely don't over-think things. If I flirt and I get a positive signal... I go with it.0 -
Flim, that was awesome. I need that framed as well, thanks.....
Edited for stupid typo.....0 -
So any woman who makes the first move is automatically an Ogre simple because she made the move to begin with?
I knew at least one woman would try to twist this around and be personally insulted. No. You have your causation running backwards. A woman does not become an ogre because she asked a guy out. She is an ogre and therefore had to ask the guy out because it's the only possible way she is going to get a date.
There are exceptions but I think it's fairly accurate. Most women (probably 70%) who have ever asked me out has been 1) morbidly obese, and/or 2) borderline retarded, and/or 3) looked like a crack *kitten*.
YES. This x 100.
I get this all the time with online dating. Any girl that has ever e-mailed or winked at me first on an online dating site has always fallen into categories 1 and 3. These women would always be entirely too chicken to ever approach me in real life.. but they get "keyboard courage" when they have a internet connection. Needless to say it never worked.
I end up doing the approaching and have always found quality dates (had one last night and another one set up on Saturday). I'm sure other guys might have different opinions, but anytime a girl has ever initiated anything with me, I've been completely disinterested.
Let the guy make the first move unless you're contacting a guy in the same tier as you.0 -
YES. This x 100.
I get this all the time with online dating. Any girl that has ever e-mailed or winked at me first on an online dating site has always fallen into categories 1 and 3. These women would always be entirely too chicken to ever approach me in real life.. but they get "keyboard courage" when they have a internet connection. Needless to say it never worked.
so, if i winked at you online, which of those categories would i fall into?0 -
So any woman who makes the first move is automatically an Ogre simple because she made the move to begin with?
I knew at least one woman would try to twist this around and be personally insulted. No. You have your causation running backwards. A woman does not become an ogre because she asked a guy out. She is an ogre and therefore had to ask the guy out because it's the only possible way she is going to get a date.
There are exceptions but I think it's fairly accurate. Most women (probably 70%) who have ever asked me out has been 1) morbidly obese, and/or 2) borderline retarded, and/or 3) looked like a crack *kitten*.
YES. This x 100.
I get this all the time with online dating. Any girl that has ever e-mailed or winked at me first on an online dating site has always fallen into categories 1 and 3. These women would always be entirely too chicken to ever approach me in real life.. but they get "keyboard courage" when they have a internet connection. Needless to say it never worked.
I end up doing the approaching and have always found quality dates (had one last night and another one set up on Saturday). I'm sure other guys might have different opinions, but anytime a girl has ever initiated anything with me, I've been completely disinterested.
Let the guy make the first move unless you're contacting a guy in the same tier as you.
My experiences have been similar to Brightwell and Mike. Category 1 has been most common with me. The women who have approached me online haven't been remotely close to what I look for. Real life has been the same way.
I would be open to a woman's approach if the woman were what I was looking for.0 -
So any woman who makes the first move is automatically an Ogre simple because she made the move to begin with?
I knew at least one woman would try to twist this around and be personally insulted. No. You have your causation running backwards. A woman does not become an ogre because she asked a guy out. She is an ogre and therefore had to ask the guy out because it's the only possible way she is going to get a date.
There are exceptions but I think it's fairly accurate. Most women (probably 70%) who have ever asked me out has been 1) morbidly obese, and/or 2) borderline retarded, and/or 3) looked like a crack *kitten*.
YES. This x 100.
I get this all the time with online dating. Any girl that has ever e-mailed or winked at me first on an online dating site has always fallen into categories 1 and 3. These women would always be entirely too chicken to ever approach me in real life.. but they get "keyboard courage" when they have a internet connection. Needless to say it never worked.
I end up doing the approaching and have always found quality dates (had one last night and another one set up on Saturday). I'm sure other guys might have different opinions, but anytime a girl has ever initiated anything with me, I've been completely disinterested.
Let the guy make the first move unless you're contacting a guy in the same tier as you.
I hate to play devil's advocate here Mike, but what tier do you feel you are in?0 -
I hate to play devil's advocate here Mike, but what tier do you feel you are in?
Fair question..I'm mid tier.
Most women would give me a 7/10. I expect to date a women who's at least a 7/10 as well.
I don't think this is terribly complex.0 -
My experiences have been similar to Brightwell and Mike. Category 1 has been most common with me. The women who have approached me online haven't been remotely close to what I look for. Real life has been the same way.
I would be open to a woman's approach if the woman were what I was looking for.
But that NEVER happens (at least not to me). It's almost easier to just have men approach women. It just seems more natural too.0 -
We are constantly talking about "tiers" around here but no one wants to (except Mike, because I called him out of it) wants to really say where they think they fall. Since I don't go around asking people how attractive they think I am, I have no clue what others think and I feel that it would depend on what a guy is attracted too to determine my "tier". If you are a leg man, I'm a 9. If you like shorter, petite women, I'm a 2.0
-
If you are a leg man, I'm a 9. If you like shorter, petite women, I'm a 2.
Doesn't work like that at all. Unless they are a complete fetishist, most guys would give you a similar rating.0 -
i like how he completely ignored my question, LOL!!
i wouldn't approach mike online or in person, because i am simply not attracted to him at all.
rating/ scales is purely subjective. what *I* find attractive and interesting is not what someone else is going to find attractive and interesting. using famous people and models as your " control" group is inaccurate too, because they have a TEAM of people working for them, for the pure sake of LOOKING GOOD!
a girlfriend of mine, is "top tier" in my opinion. she is my height, size 4, C cup boobies ( she bought them after college), really pretty face ( looks years younger than her 40yrs), long straight brown hair. MOST guys want her. the guy she is totally gaga for, is not "all that". he's not that attractive, IN MY OPINION, and he's really heavy ( big ole' beer belly!) especially compared to her. but, that's who she wants!!! she and i have such different tastes when it comes to guys.
that's why i think it's so lame to say things like "top tier" and rating people. maybe guys all see women the exact same way and therefore they can rate across the board, but i doubt it's the same for women. i could be wrong though. maybe i'm the oddball in all of this ;-)0
