Woman should make the first move?
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And here I am, 22, supposed to be in my prime dating years, and I've gotten maybe 4 emails from guys in the course of a year, haven't been on a date in about a year.
It goes to show you that some of this "older women don't get approached, younger women in are in their prime, only X kind of people get approached" crap we here is bullsh!t.
It is likely that you are not giving off the vibe that men look for, both online and in real life. You can make adjustments. The best pro sports teams make adjustments to their game plans all the time.0 -
I make the first move, and have gotten good results. Sometimes we end up just friends, and sometimes I'm the one to say "ah, nevermind..." and sometimes I got the relationship. I am not morbidly obese, ugly or a crack *kitten*. If you are none of those things, then I guess you shouldn't have to worry about someone thinking of you that way.0
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Heeheee this thread is actually making me laugh... and feel great about myself...BECAUSE… unlike certain guys who haven’t had a proper date in ages (unless you count that older lady who was inviting Mike over to help her move in, lol) when I was active on Match for about 3-4 months I went on over 20+ first dates.
There WAS one total dud but most of the guys were extremely desirable (CFOs, owned their own successful construction/oil/ranch companies, top military ranks, gorgeous bodybuilder, etc)…not to mention BB (but I just had to mention him, lol).
And I never approached a single one of them first.
I see you are channeling the spirit of James Frey. Very nice!
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Heeheee this thread is actually making me laugh... and feel great about myself...BECAUSE… unlike certain guys who haven’t had a proper date in ages (unless you count that older lady who was inviting Mike over to help her move in, lol) when I was active on Match for about 3-4 months I went on over 20+ first dates.
There WAS one total dud but most of the guys were extremely desirable (CFOs, owned their own successful construction/oil/ranch companies, top military ranks, gorgeous bodybuilder, etc)…not to mention BB (but I just had to mention him, lol).
And I never approached a single one of them first.
Nice personal low blow Janie.
I'm sure where you live (middle of nowhere, Louisiana) is completely jammed packed with CFO's who online date, right? Like a lot of your past posts, I'm going to have to call BS on this one.0 -
There are many different ways to answer this. Whoever invented the rule that men are "supposed" to ask the woman out has probably been dead for a very long time.
Women want men to pursue them, well I want women to pursue me too so I can either wait around forever or take some initiative. You can't just sit there and wait for someone to ask you out.
I don't really pursue women anymore. In my experience if they don't show interest initially they probably never will. It's not that I'm scared of being rejected, I'm just tired of wasting my time. If a girl is too nice about it, she'll agree to go out with you even though she doesn't really want to and then she'll find a reason to cancel instead of just saying no.
So you expect men to ask you out just because they look at you like they're interested? I'll check out any chick with boobs and a pulse, that doesn't mean I want to ask them out. I need a little bit more to go by. There either has to be some sort of connection or she would have to make it pretty obvious that she is interested.
Great answer @roadie2000, couldn't have said it better myself.0 -
Nice personal low blow Janie.
I'm sure where you live (middle of nowhere, Louisiana) is completely jammed packed with CFO's who online date, right?
To Mike and DM: I really don’t care what you guys think, but I’m responding for the sake of others in the group: a better response would have been to show me (with links) where you guys have posted about being in a relationship, or even a proper date, with someone (ANYONE, let alone someone “top tier”) since I apparently missed it (which is easily possible since I’ve been gone a lot). Instead, you dismiss what I wrote because…hmmm…IDK…maybe…because the truth hurts..?
For anyone else who is curious, though, Shreveport is pretty lame when it comes to available men in my income tier, but I met guys from TX (Dallas is close), AR, MS, GA, and guys further south in LA. I didn’t say these men were ALL CFOs but there were two CFOs and several in the categories I listed. I’m sure many of the ladies remember the pics of the bodybuilder once we got past the third date. ALL of them (except that one guy who was 50+ lbs heavier than his picture and got on me about my shoulders) were nice guys who made decent money. If you had the time (and interest) you could go back through this forum and see that I asked questions about most of these dates. You guys typically said “stop being mad at them for wanting sex” and I finally concluded that these were great guys, just not great for me.
Anyone remember when I wrote about how I managed juggling so many different guys by keeping word files with all our interactions? I got a little flaming for being creeper, but someone (I honestly forget who and don’t have the time to google it) joked that I should write a book about it. I think I actually might when I get home from this trip!!! I just need to figure out how to do that w/o getting sued, lol! After all, that one girl did a blog and video about 50 dates in 50 states, and her approach invalidated the data "Hey, I've got a goal to get 50 dates in 50 states, would you be my date tonight?" Mine was for real, no publicity stunt intended, and I think a lot of women would get a chuckle out of my experience.0 -
Ok that's it. I'm tired of the who should approach who first and why issue. It happens I like long haired men. Next good looking one I see, I'm walking up, grabbing him by the hair, and dragging him off to my lair.
The only thing I can't decide is do I need an old-fashioned tree branch club as an accessory or will a huge purse full of bricks suffice?0 -
Ok that's it. I'm tired of the who should approach who first and why issue. It happens I like long haired men. Next good looking one I see, I'm walking up, grabbing him by the hair, and dragging him off to my lair.
The only thing I can't decide is do I need an old-fashioned tree branch club as an accessory or will a huge purse full of bricks suffice?
Purse full of bricks, geez. Tree branch club is soooo paleolithic.0 -
Ok that's it. I'm tired of the who should approach who first and why issue. It happens I like long haired men. Next good looking one I see, I'm walking up, grabbing him by the hair, and dragging him off to my lair.
The only thing I can't decide is do I need an old-fashioned tree branch club as an accessory or will a huge purse full of bricks suffice?
Purse full of bricks, geez. Tree branch club is soooo paleolithic.
Oh good. It's less likely to draw attention from law enforcement, too. I hate when the cops hassle me about my flirtation style!0 -
Ok that's it. I'm tired of the who should approach who first and why issue. It happens I like long haired men. Next good looking one I see, I'm walking up, grabbing him by the hair, and dragging him off to my lair.
The only thing I can't decide is do I need an old-fashioned tree branch club as an accessory or will a huge purse full of bricks suffice?
Purse full of bricks, geez. Tree branch club is soooo paleolithic.
Oh good. It's less likely to draw attention from law enforcement, too. I hate when the cops hassle me about my flirtation style!
And they're the barbarians that are still using clubs! I mean, honestly. It doesn't take much to be fashionably aware.0 -
Everyone in this thread except me is super mad.0
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I have read that men need to feel like the aggressor...I think there is some truth to it so Id rather wait for a man to approach
This. This is the type of man I prefer anyway, which is another reason I hate having to ask the guy out. HAVE SOME GUTS (for lack of a better word). If you're THAT shy, it probably won't work out anyway.
Can anyone else see the irony in this?
Anyone?
I just wanted to say that I, too, saw the irony in that.
--P0 -
This thread has been very entertaining. But I want to ask everyone what their definition of "the first move" is.
For instance, if you're at a bar and start a conversation with someone you find attractive, do you consider that the first move? Or is it more when someone actually asks the other person for their number?
If you're online is it the person that sends the first email? Or is it the person that asks for the first date?
In my experience I'm usually the one to send the first email and the one to set up the first date. Like others have said, most of the women that emailed me first just weren't my "type". But to avoid any generalizations, there were also a few that were very attractive that emailed me first. Whoever said guys like to be the aggressor is a bit mistaken, maybe some do but that's a huge, false generalization. I prefer a girl who shows some initiative somewhere early on in the relationship. If they don't, I assume they're not really into me and I lose interest.
But at a bar or in real life is a little different. You can strike up a conversation with someone without it being the first "move". That's why I always makes me a little sad when someone says "guys never approach me." It makes me think that they are sitting there waiting for someone to talk to them. You're at a bar, talk to people. I very rarely spot someone from across the bar and then just go start hitting on them. I usually shoot the **** with someone while I'm waiting to get a beer or something. I don't automatically think everyone that talks to me wants my hog, but if I like them enough I'll ask them out. That's what I consider to be the first move.0 -
I have been approached and I have done the approaching. I don't see it as "having" to do anything. But if I see what I want, I go get it. If more people - male or female- had that mentality, life would be so much more simple.
Exactly! I have done both as well. If you want something or someone, go after it.0 -
i approached at guy first on saturday night. i was at a church dance, about to leave to head to the gym for some late night cardio. i walked past him and another guy, they smiled said something and out the door i went. this particular guy i have noticed at several dances and he's on a FB group page always posting hikes he's going on. we've written back and forth on that page but never met face to face.
so, half way to my car i turned around, went back inside, walked up to the two of them politely interrupted their convo and ended up talking to him for over an hour.
it wasn't a move, but i am more than willing to approach someone like that. i am willing to let it be known the interest is there on MY behalf......0 -
For anyone else who is curious, though, Shreveport is pretty lame when it comes to available men in my income tier, but I met guys from TX (Dallas is close), AR, MS, GA, and guys further south in LA. I didn’t say these men were ALL CFOs but there were two CFOs and several in the categories I listed.
First Kits, I did notice the irony in that statement.
Janie, welcome back and to you and all the other folks on here (man and woman) is it important to date someone of the same or like income bracket? And how do you know what their income bracket is? I mean if I approach a woman in the grocery store and we hit if off, I dont know what her income bracket is until we have spent some time together. Obviously I can make an assumption with a lot of different jobs that she is not in the same income bracket.
For me, and Janie I think this is something youve posted about before and maybe needs its own thread, but arent we just limiting the playing field by adding income bracket?
So is income bracket a deal breaker or just a nice to have? I know how much I make, and I live in a mid size town (250K) and I dont know there are that many folks who are in that same bracket.
Thoughts?0 -
I dont think about income bracket because when you meet someone, you have no idea of other variables that will affect their income. If a guy is in a high income bracket, however, is supporting his ex wife and four kids....his high income is out the window. On the other side, if guy is in a middle income and has no mortgage, no debt, no car payment and he has custody of kids and gets child support...his income is going to go alot further (yes, was in the latter situation). So, all variables would have to be considered, and you don't always know that until you get to know the person much better ............0
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Income really isnt something that matters to me.... As long as they have a job and can support themselves I'm ok with that0
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@ Will - I've never given it thought and I dont really care as long as he's good at other things, like loving me and thumb wrestling....lol
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