Dating life Post Surgery
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chubby_checkers wrote: »Nope, I think it's normal.
The Google Voice number is a really smart idea! No sense in giving all the weirdos your real number.
That's why I did google voice. Even though most of these sites have built in speech programs, so many of the guys insist on exchanging numbers. I got tired of refusing and weeding out otherwise nice guys, so yeah. Google Voice.
Trying to navigate this weird world, lol!
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Nichole- Google Voice is a great idea. Dating just to date seems a little weird, imho. I think it possibly gets the other person's hopes up, and is kind of a waste of time/money. I do admit, that I have gone on dates where I wasn't 100% sure of the person beforehand, only to see if there was something I was missing out on through text.1
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@anbrdr I wouldn't go on multiple dates leading someone on, but yeah. A first date? I figure why not? Is that weird? lol, I am weird. I am so awkward when meeting people, I figure the more I meet the better I may be. *sigh*
I did join meetup.com, there's a singles' group and they are meeting at a bar this weekend to see a band play. I figure I'll go there too. A way to get out that's zero pressure...
I really want to get out. Most of my friends are either married, single parents, or not interested in going out. I need ways to find more single friends that want to go out. Hence MeetUp.1 -
I have never been one to "practice date", for some of the reasons anbrdr pointed out. Also, some people get crazy when you tell them online that you don't feel you are a good match, I would be a little fearful of having to let down someone I have actually met and gone out with if I was just dating them to pass the time.1
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Oh Meetup is such a great site. I'm on a few of them, none of the singles ones yet. I'm really liking this board gaming group. There's a hiking one I'm excited for, now that the weather isn't deadly.
I don't think first dating is weird, unless you generally have 0 interest in the person. This exercise plan I'm on has me doing something every day, which helps with the monotony as well.1 -
Dating sucks! I keep deleting the apps... then ultimately download them again. I'm currently in a deleted apps period. *Sigh4
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Ok. Now, I need advice from people that understand! LOL! OMG. I feel like such a head case sometimes. A little more about me. I'm INCREBILY over-analytical. I think things TO DEATH at times. It causes these little things in me to NEED to know what's going on, so I can calm the FLIP down.
So. On, 9/16 I started chatting with a guy. On 9/18, I gave him my number (before Google Voice, so my actual number), and we shifted to texting. *sigh* If I wanted to do that, I'd stay in the damn app. On 9/20, I finally got him to call and we had a GREAT conversation. Then, back to text all week. On 9/24, we met and went for a six mile walk. It was GREAT. Very natural, comfortable, and I *felt* something. Since then it's been pretty quiet. A hello text here and there.
The contact from before we met to after we met has significantly declined. I try, and he doesn't respond much. I know his life is busy, and it can be a number of things..but...*sigh*
Do I let it go and follow his lead? (That's what all my married friends are saying) Or do I take the step to say, "Hey! Had a great time on Saturday, would really love to get together again!" and see what he says?
WHY IS DATING IN YOUR 40S SO HARD?0 -
I'm a married guy, and old, so no actual recent modern dating experience, but I would put it out there. If you are assuming he is breaking it off or wanting to keep it casual, and you are protected from being hurt by a confirmation; get that confirmation.
I see this as an extension of the 'data-driven' thing we talked about in another thread. If you need the data, get the data. Just make sure you protect yourself emotionally.
Good luck!
Rob1 -
Yep, don't hang on to someone who isn't prioritizing you. Move on to the next. You left the ball in his court, and if he picks back up, then cool.
The biggest frustrations of dating are flaking and ghosting. Flaking is when someone cancels a date last minute, or just does not show up. Ghosting is when the conversation just disappears. Both are so easy to do now, because of how anonymous/tech driven we are. I went on (what I thought was) an awesome first date Monday night. We spent the majority of the weekend texting, and seemed to have a lot in common. The date was good, ended with a hug and a kiss. I've sent 2 texts to her with no response, and will send no more. Not receiving closure is a pet peeve of mine. I would rather hear "I just didn't feel the attraction" or "you are too boring" than to be left in the dark. But, the logical side of me knows that dating is an extracurricular option and that it's nothing that needs to be taken seriously.5 -
Flaking. That one's new. I'm all too familiar with ghosting.
Yeah, this guy promised he'd never ghost, which is why this limited communication is so frustrating. I'd rather have him ghost or tell me to bugger off than have the back and forth.
So yeah, I'm definitely talking to other people, which isn't usually me...but whatever.1 -
NicoleL874 wrote: »Ok. Now, I need advice from people that understand! LOL! OMG. I feel like such a head case sometimes. A little more about me. I'm INCREBILY over-analytical. I think things TO DEATH at times. It causes these little things in me to NEED to know what's going on, so I can calm the FLIP down.
So. On, 9/16 I started chatting with a guy. On 9/18, I gave him my number (before Google Voice, so my actual number), and we shifted to texting. *sigh* If I wanted to do that, I'd stay in the damn app. On 9/20, I finally got him to call and we had a GREAT conversation. Then, back to text all week. On 9/24, we met and went for a six mile walk. It was GREAT. Very natural, comfortable, and I *felt* something. Since then it's been pretty quiet. A hello text here and there.
The contact from before we met to after we met has significantly declined. I try, and he doesn't respond much. I know his life is busy, and it can be a number of things..but...*sigh*
Do I let it go and follow his lead? (That's what all my married friends are saying) Or do I take the step to say, "Hey! Had a great time on Saturday, would really love to get together again!" and see what he says?
WHY IS DATING IN YOUR 40S SO HARD?
IT IS HARD!!! LOL! I broke up with a long-term boyfriend back at the end of June (am STILL waiting for him to move his *kitten* out of my house-hopefully this weekend) so I technically am still not in the dating pool but have done online dating (how I met now ex-bf) and personally, what I would do is ask him point-blank what his deal is? Tell him you had a nice time and would like to see him again, but if he doesn't want to see you again, to at least give you the courtesy to tell you. Call him out on it. What do you have to lose? I tend to over think things myself, so I am the same way...I NEED to know what he's thinking. All you can do is ask and if he responds, there's your answer.
Good luck!! P.M. me if you want to talk further about our dating stories. LOL!2 -
NicoleL874 wrote: »Ok. Now, I need advice from people that understand! LOL! OMG. I feel like such a head case sometimes. A little more about me. I'm INCREBILY over-analytical. I think things TO DEATH at times. It causes these little things in me to NEED to know what's going on, so I can calm the FLIP down.
So. On, 9/16 I started chatting with a guy. On 9/18, I gave him my number (before Google Voice, so my actual number), and we shifted to texting. *sigh* If I wanted to do that, I'd stay in the damn app. On 9/20, I finally got him to call and we had a GREAT conversation. Then, back to text all week. On 9/24, we met and went for a six mile walk. It was GREAT. Very natural, comfortable, and I *felt* something. Since then it's been pretty quiet. A hello text here and there.
The contact from before we met to after we met has significantly declined. I try, and he doesn't respond much. I know his life is busy, and it can be a number of things..but...*sigh*
Do I let it go and follow his lead? (That's what all my married friends are saying) Or do I take the step to say, "Hey! Had a great time on Saturday, would really love to get together again!" and see what he says?
WHY IS DATING IN YOUR 40S SO HARD?
I am the type that would just let it go. I agree with anbrdr that you shouldn't put energy into someone who isn't making you a priority, or important enough to take a few moments to contact. In my experience, if a man is interested, you will know. It seems like you have done your part to show that you are open to communication with him, so you kind of have to wait and see, or not wait and see and move on.
I used to over-analyze and try to figure out what was going on with the other person, but I stopped trying. It takes a lot of energy and you end up spinning your wheels. Their actions will show you who they are and what they want.
Dating in your 40s IS hard, but wow, dating in your 50s is something else lol.0 -
Yeah, I've learned to never count on someone as a sure thing. Keep the options open until after a few dates.1
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WOW. The ghosting and flaking is serious! lol! Last time I wasn't quite as active and met someone by the third guy. This time around...YIKES. All these first dates that seem to go well, the guys say "We really should do this again," I wait for them to go in for the hug...then no more contact. I wait a few days and send a quick message, and get nothing! I almost feel like these sites need feedback forms, lol!
I had one guy that didn't want to meet (I contacted him first), then did, then never set something up, then begged me to meet for a drink, and within 12 hours had made other plans and didn't notify me. I texted to confirm before showing up. THANK GOODNESS. Now, he's actually trying to set something else up.
It's a wild ride!
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That guys isn't worth your time in my opinion...he sounds flaky if you ask me...:)1
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I had a guy similar to that. He'd call, set something up and then when I would try to confirm...crickets. I wouldn't hear anything for several days or weeks and then he'd either email or text wanting to set something up. He claimed he had narcolepsy which is why he would stop responding. lol. I may be blond, but I'm not *that* dumb.2
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It's a total pain in the *kitten*. I'm taking this month off of dating, maybe the rest of the year, unless something happens in the wild. With my work on this half-marathon, and the house purchase right around the corner, funds and time will both be limited.
*Haha, censorship! Oh wow, editing a post loopholes around the "kitten" censorship. good to know1 -
@anbrdr I've just started seeing the *kitten* thing and had me so confused at first. I think it's hilarious. About as hilarious as some of the dating...
My big issue now is patience in communication. Heh. Not everyone has the same style as me, and I need to pull back and learn to wait. I don't do that well. *smile*0 -
You mean like expecting instant responses?0
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Not instant...but after that first date, and they say it went well, and want to see you again...then start texting, and you respond, and it goes back and forth a bit, then just stops...mid-thought...THEN...the next day, he sends a message again, and it happens all over again.
Another guy, I hear nothing from, completely give up thinking about, then get a message 4 or 5 days later. We chat a little, then the same.
These are guys that I thought I had a connection with, I just have to learn to sit back and breathe. I'm no one to them, and life happens. Or, do I ignore the connection and let go? I hate this, lol.0
