Not yet @shanaber . We have found one place that is just a little over his budget, but something I can manage to cover if I have to. They are going to go do their evaluation tomorrow, so hopefully that will work. I have calls in to another place that is a bit cheaper, but they haven't called back. I hope your doctor's appointment goes well today and that trip sounds amazing!

Thanks @shanaber . I'm glad your doctor is trying to find out the issues and not just brushing you off, which I have heard happens often. I'm lucky to have a doctor that listens to me. Anemia will definitely cause you to have a lack of energy. I hope you can get that taken care of and feel better. I also hope you are able to get your surgery done as scheduled.

The assisted living facility said he can move there, but there may be an issue with the cost. He currently gets his meds for free from the VA. If he goes there, we have to switch and have him get them from a pharmacy they use that will package them up for daily dosage. I'm currently looking into the price for that. It may make the move prohibitive.

Good to hear from you @swenson19d . Hugs regarding Alex's death day and birthday. I know those are both really hard days for you, and the family. Sounds like everything else is working out. I hope Mochi continues to do her best and has lots of cuddles left. I hope Kevin's surgery isn't too hard on him, and you, and I hope you can get your weight back to what you want it to be. Good luck with your presentations. Those high schoolers at Maurice's can be very helpful.

I have lost a few pounds. I'm back to being between 149 and 151 for about a month. I'm hoping to get back to 140, so still have a ways to go, but at least I'm heading in the right direction. I had to change the batteries in my scale yesterday. For the last two days it was randomly turning itself on and then showing an error. That seems like an odd way to let me know the battery is low, but it worked. LOL

Still trying to figure out what to do about my cousin, Gary. I am having a really hard time finding somewhere that he can afford to private pay. I may have to leave him where he is and get him back on Medicaid. I spoke with an elder lawyer last week who agrees that Medicaid is all messed up. I will have to get the Qualified Income Trust and put money in it the first month, in order to get him on Medicaid, but once he is on, I can take the money out of the trust to help pay for his room and never have to put anymore in it, as aid and attendance only counts for enrollment and not once he gets enrolled. That leaves the issue of spending his extra money. She says that I can get a caregiver agreement and get paid for what I do for him, including $25 and hour and mileage for driving to see him and shopping, etc. And, $100 an hour for talking to the nurses and "managing" his care. The only issue with that is having to keep a detailed account of what I do and the cost, in case they decide to audit me. I'd really rather not have to deal with that, but it is looking more and more like I am going to have to.

I hope everyone else is doing well. Wondering how @CMorning99 and @Avidkeo are doing. I see @shanaber on the other feed. Am I missing someone? I feel like I am.

Oh wow. Great big hugs to you @shanaber ! I'm so glad you got all the tests done and they found the problem. Please keep us informed if you feel like it. I know this is a scary time for you. Finding it like you did, as early as you did, should be a helpful for a positive outcome. I'll be praying for you.

@quilteryoyo - it is scary and I am terrified. I have learned to stay off google, especially at night. If I go there I don't sleep. I did find a great site with lots of good info (pancan.org) and patient and family support.
@swenson19d - I love Ted Lasso! Last week I binge watched all the episodes from the latest season so I can just imagine that frustrated response 😁

We are looking forward to seeing the surgeon on Tuesday and get some questions answered. I got the cytology report and of course started researching what it all meant. Bad bad thing to do. DD's only comment was that I wait for the doctor to explain. She didn't want to discuss at all. DD has also taken on the task of letting the rest of the family know. No easy task for sure. My crazy brother and cousin I am sure will be sending me all kinds of 'alternative' medicine solutions like crystals and supplements. She didn't want me to have to deal them.
DH has been wonderful but I know he is terrified too and he doesn't talk much other than to say that no matter what, we will get through it together.
I have to say Hobbes definitely knows something is wrong and has for a while. He rarely leaves my side and follows me all over the house. I did some vacuuming the other day and everywhere I went he was right there even though he is not a big fan of the vacuum. If I sit on the couch or lay down he immediately wants to be on top ar right next to me.

@shanaber You are definitely in my prayers and I hope that the surgeon has good news for you tomorrow. I'm glad that your DD is helping with letting the rest of the family know. That can be so stressful. And you have such a sweet hubby. His comment made me tear up. My only suggestion is that if you have to have some sort of radiation, ask about proton therapy. It does much less damage to surrounding tissue than traditional radiation. I don't know if it is used for pancreatic issues or not, but it can't hurt to ask. I was wondering if Hobbes could tell something was up or not. I figured he would as close as the two of you are and with all of the agility classes. Dogs are amazing. Hugs!

@honunui so good to see you and thank you for the loving thoughts! Hope you are doing well!
Thanks @quilteryoyo - I will ask about the proton radiation. I know they do something called directed radiation which may be similar.
@swneson19d - hope it goes well with the new hip doctor!

We met with the surgeon this afternoon. We were both so nervous and anxious! I was sure my BP would be off the charts but it was actually better than normal when I visit the doctor’s office. The surgeon spent over an hour with us. We like her so much and both felt relieved that she is on our team. She explained things so well, went through all the scans and images, explaining what she was seeing as she went. She was surprised by some of what she saw in the images compared to the analysis but explained what she thought was going on and was honest that she couldn't really see where the tumor was exactly and that she needed additional scans.
She drew out what she thought the surgery would be but I have to have some additional tests before she will make the decision if surgery will be advisable. She also wants the oncologist to weigh in on whether I should have chemo first before surgery or just after. It is a ‘big’ surgery, 6-8 hours with a 7-10 day hospital stay (yikes) and 3+ months to complete recovery. We see the oncologist on Thursday and the remaining tests will be scheduled this week as well, then we see her again next Tuesday. She is adding me to her surgery schedule (2-3 weeks out) with the option to cancel or reschedule as needed based on all the other contingencies.
Didn't get all the answers not surprisingly but feeling much less stressed than the last week and I know my DH is feeling better too.

@shanaber Thanks for taking the time to keep us informed. I'm so glad you have such a good surgeon on your team and that she was able to give you some answers and help you be less nervous about it all. I know it is a lot to take in and your head is probably spinning. Glad your DH is going with you so you can both hear what is said and ask questions. I hope the appointments go well and you can get things scheduled. I will continue to pray and send positive thoughts.

@swenson19d Glad you are making progress on your hip too. I hope you are able to keep the dogs from running into you after you get the rod out. Can you do some training with them beforehand?

I was glad to see you too @HonuNui ! I hope you are doing well.

@swenson19d - I can't even imagine having the rod taken out. Do you think, all things being equal, it would alleviate some of the pain and discomfort? With the puppies it is tough to keep them from bumping into you when they are running and playing. I have gotten slammed more than a few times when Hobbes was younger and when we had Beaux. Sometimes you just can't jump out of the way fast enough. How would it all fit in with the OSU program?
@quilteryoyo - what happened with your cousin? Is he going to stay put and try to get back onto Medicaid?

My update - Lots of tests... blood work, CT scan with contrasts and more blood work. The only results I have seen so far is the initial blood work looking for cancer markers which I had. The CT today was an unremarkable experience other than that the IV contrast stuff made me nauseous. I need to get used to it though because it will be a regular thing.
We also saw the oncologist yesterday and didn't get many answers yet. They need the CT results which will determine if I have surgery then chemo or if I will need chemo first. Surgery then would be postponed by 2-3 months. We liked the oncologist, he was very straightforward and didn't pull any punches or try to sugar coat anything. I asked the oncologist about returning to running and working out and he said I could do it now as long as I listened to my body and only do as much as my body would tolerate. I also have to eat enough. I am down a few more pounds - under 140 now.
I also got a call today from a patient support coordinator. She will pull everything together for me and help answer any questions we might have about anything related to my care. I have to say everyone has been really understanding, supportive and just nice.

SummerSkier wrote: »

Just a quick check in. @swenson19d I have had a rod in my right femor since 1997 and I cannot imagine having it removed!

This is my 2nd rod. First one was in 2018 then re-done in 2020 because it de-rotated. The correction was to correct femoral rotation. The 2nd nailing was not near as bad as the first. Probably cuz it wasnt rotating back, and the recover was quicker. So, I'd expect the removal to be tolerable. Appointment this week to discuss removal wit trauma surgeon.

@shanaber the hip surgeon does think that there is a good chance that the rod removal will help with the curent level of pain and the THR can be put off a year or more. Which would be fine by me other than working around school demands.

@quilteryoyo Medicaid is odd, and self-serving. It really is stupid how a programme devised to help is actually a PITA and hinderance to so many. Did your cousin have VA benefits? I can't recall. On a psych rotation we sat in on meetings to place/discharge patients from short-term care to long-term and it was a challenge. They interview the patients and review their behavioural patterns to see if they can or want to accomodate them. I had no idea that they could do that. It seems discriminatory to the right of care. There is a psych hospital in OKC that is ok. I was impressed with them actually. They have all sorts there, days to years to life care. I know OK is away from home, but something of the sort maybe an option. It is Griffin Memorial. I'll probably get to intern there. Just a thought.


The dogs knocked me down twice yesterday and I stepped in a hole in the early AM taking Nina out and fell twisting my leg. I am nervous about the likelihood of a break in rural oklahoma. I think it'd get me a helicopter ride to McKinney or Plano Tx. Geez, then the thought of being alone in the yard with big dogs on me... dragging myself in. ugh. Dh is supposed to finish a fence around the entire yard minus the drive way soon. IF he can get it done ASAP, then I wont have to go out with the dogs to make sure they stay in the yard and don't accost neighbourhood walkers. Nina goes to training in 2 months at 6 months old. Kevin should also be having surgery this summer. I havent phoned the specialist yet. DH thinks he wants to take Mochi to a cat cardiologist. I suppose that is fine. I don't want to complicate her life and would rather put her down when the time comes rather than fighting the inevitable and making her miserable.

Nina is mischievous
but trainable. She stole a whole loaf of cheap white bread of the counter. It was cute. She wrangled it, shook and then ran off with it outside to finish off. I interrupted her in the process of absconding. She thought it was quite a prize. Kev did that kind of stuff but got sneaky about it when you werent around. Nina Georgina Rowena hasn't learnd to be sneaky yet. She is 37.6 pounds at 16 weeks. On track to be on the big side.

Hi everybody

First and foremost @shanaber I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’m grateful that you have a good support system who is helping you navigate through this very stressful and confusing time.

For some reason MFP has decided the Air Force net work is highly suspicious. It would not let me log in at work anymore.

We are mostly settled into our rental home. We mainly shoved everything in the garage and are living pretty minimally at this point. The rental is nice and we are enjoying it.

After doing the move and everything I felt terrible, just drop dead exhausted. I finally mustered up the strength to go to the doctor and complain that I was tired. He called for every blood test under the sun, and I came back as anemic, vitamin D deficient, vitamin B deficient, and dehydrated. He gave me prescription vitamins I’m to take twice a day and a stern lecture on drinking enough water. He thinks I just ran myself into the ground with my stress. About two weeks of taking everything and drinking maybe be a little bit more water Lol, I did feel slightly better. I still get tired pretty easily, and I have significant bruising and bone pain, but it’s getting better.

I just got back from my annual vacation and it was lovely. A good friend of mine drove up with me and then flew out mid week. I spent the rest the time talking with mom’s friends and catching up.

Unfortunately, despite having taken the gray cat to the cardiologist a week before I left and increasing his medication‘s, when DH took him to the vet for his monthly arthritis shot, the vet did chest x-rays. He had amassed significant amount of fluid in his lungs, chest and abdomen. His heart was failing fast. The vet recommended draining his chest cavity, but said he may not tolerate the sedation. She said even with the $1500 drain, the fluid had amassed in seven days and it was likely a losing battle. She also pointed out that his kidney levels were off the charts and the diuretics would likely not work anymore without making him very sick. She recommended him putting him to sleep that very day. I called DH who had gone to get coffee with a friend while waiting for gray cat and told him what was going on. I don’t know how he did it because gray cat was still so active and alert, but he sat there with gray cat while they euthanized him. We are completely heartbroken and in grief. Gray cat was one of those cats with the personality that fills the room and made taking care of us his top priority. Black cat seems to be doing OK, but he still walks around meowing looking for a gray cat. He’s really trying to step up though, and even curled up with me on my lap, some thing which he usually does not do.

DHs coworkers dropped off a huge dinner for us last night, we’re so appreciative of our friends.

But I am now within 60 days of retirement and things are getting very real on that front. I put all my stores on vacation mode for the last month and I’m going to restart them today. I came home early from vacation so I don’t have to go back to work till next week, I don’t know how I feel about sitting at home all day lol.

I’m typing this on my phone so it’s getting a little annoying, I’ll try to login again on a computer and catch up with everybody’s posts

Hi all!
@swenson19d - Nina is so cute and almost as big as Hobbes! Hobbes doesn't typically steal food off the counter anymore but he used to prance around SO very proud of what he had. Now he steals socks and slippers and hides them in his bed, still prancing around with them 😊
I hope the trauma surgeon had good information too help you make your decision.

@SummerSkier - thank you! I am so glad I have my DH. I can't imagine going through all of this alone. I have told him a couple of times how happy I am to have him with me. I know though that it is stressing him out. He was having a rough time when we were waiting to get in to see the surgeon.
I am also trying to be careful with my DD. She wants all the information but I don't want to have huger stressing out either. Although she says it would stress her more not having the information.

@quilteryoyo - I really hope you can get things all set up for you cousin. Government programs (here and abroad) are so onerous just to get any information or directions on what needs to be done.

@CMorning99 - Hello!! My guess would be that the AF changed some security setting that doesn't allow access to sites like MFP. Can you get to FB or Instagram?
I am so very sorry about grey kitty! They steal a place in our hearts and it leaves a huge hole when they pass. I hope your black kitty is managing the loss ok. Maybe he was waiting for an opportunity to have you all to himself?
The apartment sounds great and I am so happy you are getting settled in. Like @quilteryoyo I was also surprised by your retirement only being 60 days away! I was so terrified of that date and it was hard to say goodbye but ultimately once I was rested and over the all the stress it has been a great experience and I love not needing to get up and be somewhere.
I am also somewhat anemic and working on it. I just feel tired a lot but that could be stress too.
I pretty much only drink water and my mouth gets very dry so I am sipping all the time. If you want something carbonated you might try some sparkling water - there are so many good ones now. I like Spindrift that I get at Costco. It has a bit of juice in it for flavoring.

I have been waiting to post here to hopefully have more information like dates. We did see the surgeon on Wednesday and based on the CT results she feels she can do the surgery without needing chemo first (YAY!). They are hoping to schedule me in 2-3 weeks but it depends on the surgical schedulers to find a big enough window for her (surgery needs a 6-8hour window). I haven't heard back yet but maybe on Monday.
Today I had a cardiac stress test but not the kind involving a treadmill.This was all chemical because in the past they haven't been able to get my HR up high enough on the treadmill. I forgot to ask the nurse what my HR got up to and she was gone by the time I could ask. They did tell me I would feel like I was on a hard/fast run with my heart racing, sweating and breathing hard. I felt absolutely nothing. They kept asking if I felt ok and/or if I felt anything at all - I did not 😁 it will be interesting to see what the results are. Also they actually offer you coffee or tea afterwards because the caffeine is the antidote to the chemical that causes your heart to race.
Best news - no more tests for the next week at least.
With the surgeon's approval we are taking off on Sunday for the entire next week to go up to No CA as we had planned previously. I am looking forward to lots of walks (and maybe a little running) with Hobbes and walking on the beach and exploring the tide pools with Frank. She even approved wine tasting! We are not going to talk or even think about all of this cancer stuff, just relax and enjoy being together!

@CMorning99 Sorry to hear about grey cat. It is so hard to make that decision. We have Hayami Mochi who isn't likey to live long with her heart. I think I'll take her to a cat cardiologist soon. She is the sweetest, my heart feels your pain. Always such a heartache losing a furry family member.

Today is the 3 year anniversary of Alex's death. Still feels like it happened today. Everything "Alex" is fading. His FB tribute posts have disapeared. I started a cathartic log of grief and it disapeared. His favourite spoons, plants from the funeral are dwindling, time is moving forward without me.

I have my board exam scheduled the 17th of July. I am trying to get motivated to review daily. It is boring. Which is good I guess, since it is all familiar.

@shanaber I weighed Nina today. She is 43.4 pounds . She will be 4 months the 9th. I misfigured her age on the previous post... She is larger than expected at this age. According to the AKC the average is 29-40 for a female at 4 months. IDK. She seems trim enough. Tuck is good and I can see her lower ribs. I figured she'd be about 70 max.

How is everyone?

I have a new dog addition. Loki. He is 4 years old. Looks to be a Jack Russell/GSD mix of sorts. He arrived here late yesterday (thursday) from Ohio. His mother tried to eat him when he was born and Alex saved him, fed him and cared for him. He was Alex's Lil Man. Sandy is asserting her alpha status and insighting pack aggression. Nina is not involved, but Kevin is. I had thought to give him to one of Alex's childhood friends with 4 kids. But he'd be alone all day, no fenced yard. Loki is good. Loves the ball and frisbee. Everyone is on e-collar training. Other than that, nothin' new here.

@shanaber hope all is well with you. I think of you often.

@shanaber WOW! love the pics! I'd love to visit N. California as an adult. I last visited when I was 8 to Mt Shasta and the dam. My dad had a cabin in Redding. Treats look good! Way to go Hobbes! Can you teach my bunch to stand down? Prayers/good vibes for the sx.

I thought about a kennel license... maybe a tax write off/rescue LOL! Things were just smoothing out with the addition of Nina. And now. it. is. chaos. I had to tackle Kevin to keep him from eating Loki. Kevin didnt hurt him but dang, it just aint nice. Although hugging Kevin is special. IDK why. He just feel good to love on or hold close. Even if he is naughty.

I have a neighbour who walks her dog twice a day and noticed a kitten across the road from my house. She sent me a FB message and I didnt notice it for 3 hours. The kitten was still there. It was about 7-8 weeks old and feral. Mean lil sucker. I have bites and the back of my hand is swollen. I may need an antibiotic or rabies series! I took the wee turd to the pound. dang animals today.

Nina is my favourite.
Sandy and Maggie are on "the LIST". Kevin is flirting with the list, sucking up with his insistant and invasive "i love you and Im forgivable" super cuddles. I put his boundry collar on him as "punishment" (his words). He thinks he's in deep do-doo now. He acts so mistreated, just sulls up. Drama Queen.

Pain
Has been incredible the last 3-4 days. I had to finish the fence so the dogs could run the whole back yard unattended. Kev and Sandy would stay in the boundaries. Nina would not and then Kev thought "hek ya, an adventure". And I had to chase them back 4-5 times a day. Nina just going farther and farther "can't touch this" bobby brown style... I had to mow (if i wanted it done-riding) and my hands hurt so bad I can't sleep. I have to take 2,000mg of ibuprofen daily just to get the swelling down and pain managable. My bones hurt. I can't imagine this is normal. I have OA. perhaps it is expected. I'll message the rheumy i guess.

Counselling
Last i saw my hcp she suggested I visit with a psychiatrist for a councelling referral. I ignored the phone calls, LOL! I may get around to it later.

Poor Loki. Just trying to find a home man.