Good day to everyone! Today is March 28, 2012 and I made a big decision. I have set my ticker back to 0. My binging at night has been off the chain. Last night i woke up at 4 am and ate burritios and not just one, it was a nightmare and the whole time i knew it was going to make me feel horrible this morning and it did. So after i got off the pity pot, i logged in to mfp, set my ticker to 0 and made the decision to consider this day 1 of my new regimen. I bought some fruit and some healthier foods so i am prepared to begin anew. Thank You all for your support and helping me to get back and I am here to support all of you also!!!!!

I'm glad all of you are here! You inspire me and I hope I help you! It's nice to have people who understand!

Lots of thing make me want to binge....I do it from time to time...but not as bad as before soo you know that's progress. When I was little I only liked a few foods...........Mom didn't fix any meals I liked so if there was something in the house I ate it. Macaroni with butter on it. bread and butter.....I think that is when some of my problems started ....depresion plays a big part in it for me to. Did ok today but ate three of the peanunt butter eggs.......

Walking Girl, I hope you are feeling better today. It is very difficult to stay focused when there are so many other things going on in your life. I understand.

Many people w/ eating disorders are perfectionists and/or have a strong need to overachieve. I'm totally guilty of this. I want to be the best at everything I do and when that doesn't come easily I get really frustrated and often will just give up, quit or stop doing whatever that is. I want to be able to conquer BED every day all day, stay focused all the time, and do really well at it. Unfortunately that is so much easier said than done. Continuing to do something that I'm not excelling at is mentally difficult. I never want to admit that I'm not doing good at something that I'm involved in. I have to be great! Hahah, listen to me. "have to". Why? I used to use that type of behavior to get my parent's attention. I figured if I was awesome, my Mom would love me more and then she'd leave my stepdad. I also tried to impress my Dad, I so longed for his approval and wanted him to be proud. He rarely said anything positive about me & my sister. Nothing was ever good enough. So who am I trying to impress now that I'm all grown up? I know my Mom loves me. I know she felt stuck in that relationship, and I know her reasoning for staying in it so long. I don't even talk to my Dad anymore, and haven't for many years. So why do I still have this nagging sense to be 'perfect'? Why can't I be satisfied with mediocre ever? It is too easy to say 'screw it' when you relapse. So next time we relapse and get back on track we should think about how strong we really are.

Behavior_Modification, thanks for your insight. I recognized myself somewhere in there. I finally finished a big proposal today and am feeling a lot less pressure now that I'm finished trying to make it perfect. I know I eat under work stress, but I didn't realize it was about perfection, I just thought eating made me more focused on my work. I think eating may just be my way of hiding the pain of not creating a perfect product. Good stuff to think about.

Nancy, still here trying my best. Our school did Chicago last night....Wow to be so young and flexible. Really such a wonderful performance and they worked so hard. Stayed good.....Bought a bag of Cheetos.....they changed the formula.....I DON"T LIKE THEM............yes my friends good things do happen:laugh:

HI ALL,

IT HAS BEEN AWHILE AND I SEE SOME NEW FOLKS (OR MAYBE JUST NEW AVI'S?) AS WELL AS THOSE I'VE KNOWN FROM THE OLD TOPIC. I WISH I COULD SAY I'D BEN BEHAVING MYSELF; BUT, AS MANY KNOW, OUT OF SITE OFTEN MEANS OUT OF CONTROL.

IT HAS BEEN HIT OR MISS BUT I'M MANAGING OK THESE DAYS. I'VE INCORPORATED SOME FOODS INTO MY DAY'S PLAN IN A QUANTITY SUFFICIENT ENOUGH TO AVOID A BINGE. I ONLY BUY A PORTION AT A TIME SO NO EXTRAS IN THE HOUSE.

I REALLY NEED TO GET BACK HERE SEVERAL TIMES A WEEK AND POST AN UPDATE LIKE I DID ON THE OLD TOPIC. STAYING FOCUSED IS HARD THESE DAYS. ITS MY ALL OR NOTHING THING. EITHER ALL CONSUMING OR OUT OF MIND. STILL, I'M WORKING ON IT.

I'V GOT TO READ BACK THROUGH THESE THREADS AND DO MUCH CATCHING UP!

no binge this weekend. busy most of it and just tired. Had a funky feeling I needed rest. layed in bed almost an entire day. I think sometimes my job is so stressful that my brain just wants to shut down. Anyway got up sunday and felt tons better. Son came down for a visit. They were worried.....totally blessed to be cared for. Just fixed him coffee. back to work it is a short one we get Friday off. Richie.

Welcome back MSW - nice to see you. :flowerforyou:

Mabug - good luck w/ trying different things. I wish I had more time to spend in the kitchen right now. And congrats about feeling much more in control.

I am still struggling. Every day is a new attempt at a good day though. I'm far from giving up. I'm trying new strategies, and reading new books. I'm working on focusing on my emotions and trying to name them instead of ignoring them. It turns out I'm a really emotional person, but that is no surprise. What was surprising is how many I could name that I was feeling yesterday. I got out a sparkle gel pen and a journal I'd received as a gift last b-day and wrote. This is a recovery strategy I have been resisting for too long now. Because I hate writing. I'd rather type I think. Nah, I'm just full of excuses. I know I need to keep doing this. I need to name what I'm feeling and why. It will help me "get rid of it". When I don't figure out what the feeling is I just keep dwelling on the same emotion and never let it go. But if I name it then the next time I'm feeling it, I can be like "Oh, right, such and such is bothering me..." instead of just a blank empty feeling that seems like it will never go away.

In addition to writing down emotions/feelings and stuff like that, I'm also trying to really focus on positive things to write as well. Seems like all of yesterday's emotions were on the negative side. Seems like most days are like that. Instead of being happy that my back is slightly feeling better yesterday and happy I was able to visit w/ my Mom and happy that I got a compliment on a new haircut, I'm just full of hate and anger and frustration and annoyance and guilt. Day after day I habitually focus on the negative aspects of my life and how I should be improving myself. I want to be good enough right now and with pinpointing daily positives I hope I can convince myself of that.