Binged on cookies yesterday, 1500+ calories worth. Feeling like - well, you all know what it feels like the day after... bleh...

Thanks for sharing my friend. I hope you are able to clear your head of the guilt. You are stronger than the disease even though it may not feel like it right now. :flowerforyou:

How many times a day do you think about something you dislike about yourself, or you need to work on or improve about yourself, or something you did wrong (or not completely perfect)? How many times a day do you think to yourself that you’re not good enough and you could or should be ‘better’? How many times a day do you look in the mirror and frown because you’re not seeing what you’d like?

And how many times a day do you think about something you like about yourself, or did well or are proud of or have accomplished? When was the last time you looked in a mirror and smiled at yourself?

If you’re like me, the number to the top set of questions is very high and the bottom set of questions very low. If I am not mistaken, this is a pattern common to all those with EDs. Could you imagine your life if the statistics of these two opposing forces were the complete opposite of what they are now? How liberating that would feel!

What would it be like to look in a mirror and be content with what you see, or at the very least cease to judge the image? What would it be like to only think about things you do well? What would it be like to feel pride every day? How would my life be different if I constantly thought positively about myself? What would it feel like to like myself?

This is something I think about a lot. I want to like myself. I deserve to feel good about myself. And NOW. Not when I get back down to the weight I was last Fall. Not when I get under 200lbs. Not when I have a healthy BMI. Not when I have another man in my life. Not when I own my own home. Not when I _____. Now. As is. Imperfections and all.

Other people get to feel this, why shouldn’t I be able to? Exactly what you’re thinking – I should! We all should.

We have spent far too many years focusing on the negative questions above. We need to work on focusing on the positive ones. Even though it will be difficult. Even though we don’t want to. Even though we don’t feel like it sometimes. In order to feel better about ourselves and improve our self worth, we have to redirect our thought processes about these things. It will take hard work and determination and we will have to continuously remind ourselves to keep doing it even if we’re not feeling the positive effects. Nothing is going to change otherwise. And no one else can do it for us.

No one else can make us feel a certain way about ourselves deep down inside. Of course there are and always will be external factors to take into consideration. But at the end of the day, it is only we, ourselves, which can make determinations about our self worth.

Diane

I'm a full time student and almost done with this semester. I decided to take the summer off and use the time to work on me.
My goal is to find a therapist or something, to help me address this issue. I have never tried to focus directly on it. I've tried counseling before and the ED only comes up in a side note. Ya know? I understand that many think I have to deal with the reasons I turned to binge eating in the first place, but I'm tired of that and want to see what happens when I focus on this problem. I'm sure the other stuff will come up, eventually.

Does anyone have any suggestions as to where I should go or things I should look into?

I'm in Oregon, BTW.

Just joined the group.. binge eating is a pretty big ruler in my life, its brought down my social life, personal life, academic life..thoughts about myself, etc. I'm in College-- so it's been hard to balance it all. So anyway, Feel free to add me

In the current book I’m reading called, “Life Without Ed” - written by Jenni Schaefer with Thom Rutledge, the author uses Ed as an acronym for Eating Disorder.

She writes:

“Although I see Thom for “individual” therapy, there is a whole group of us in his office for each of my sessions. In fact, every place to sit in his office is occupied. Ed is sprawled out on the couch, while Thom and I sit in two cushioned chairs. And in the straight-back wooden chair sits Ms. Perfectionist, with perfect posture.

You see, Ed has many colleagues. Thom refers to one as the Should Monster, who tells me everything I should or should not have done in my life. I frequently hear the Timekeeper, who keeps a close eye on how I spend every minute of my day – making sure that each moment is spent productively. And I hear Ms. Perfectionist compromising to stay in line with the Timekeeper, promising she will make me perfect.”



These paragraphs have Diane written all over them! I’ve known about Ed, Ms. Perfectionist and the Should Monster for quite some time now, but this was the first time I was formerly introduced to the Timekeeper. To know that I am not the only one driven by the Timekeeper is pleasantly comforting.

When I began seeing my behavior therapist again in January this year, my obsession with time was the main behavior trait I wanted to discuss. It really helped to talk about it. It helped to have someone play devil’s advocate and force me to answer why I feel the way I do about time. At first I didn’t have any answers. Another helpful tidbit is to put myself in someone else’s shoes and try to guess how they would be feeling about the same time sensitive situation. For a little over a month I tried different exercises to bring me away from my comfort zone with time, and although uncomfortable, I know it made a difference.

Ever since my mom’s stroke at the end of February I have been forced to have a better relationship with the Timekeeper. Ms. Perfectionist needs me to be the perfect daughter, but the Timekeeper doesn’t understand that spending time with a loved one in need is a valid way to spend time. They still butt heads, but the compromising is getting better.

:flowerforyou: Thanks Diane, I have always seen the binge part but not so much the time keeper.................almost like siblings for me.......fighting for attention. Richie

Last day of the month. I hope everyone had a pleasant and relaxing weekend.

As I mentioned on my newsfeed, I'm feeling very positive about a fresh start beginning today. I have the first of 24 personal training sessions scheduled for this evening and I am determined to log my food openly & honestly for the entire month of May. Mentally & physically, I have got to get back in the zone!

Does anyone else have any goals for May?