The New Water Cooler
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I am super proud of Caleb for saying the words that he isn't feeling right. Also for being brave and saying ok to try talking to someone. I had been researching online sights prior to this and signed up for this teen counseling sight hoping their therapists will resonant since they are working mainly with teenagers. I got his first session/conversation for next week. I doubt I could have got something locally faster. But, it will remain to be seen if this will be helpful - and it feels so far away. Too far away. But, I am still extra sad and anxious. I HATE that my baby has to go through this. I would obviously say that for anything they go through. But I still believe this is 'harder' due to a lot of people not understanding that this is real pain and issues. And many still don't give it credence. People will bring you casseroles if you break your leg, but having an emotional crisis is mostly silent and so many still subscribe to the, "well, you'll get over it - suck it up - just be happy - so many others have it so much worse". Sigh. My heart, my baby. This morning was amazing though. I stayed home today, playing a 'oh poor me' card for work that I'm in too much pain. (I'm not in pain, just uncomfortable and kind of upset). But having this extra time this morning after he got back from working out and before he left for school. Sitting in my bed just talking. He was giving me more conversation than we have had in months. I hope just admitting that he has been struggling and knowing that it was ok to say it and that we are working towards the next steps will be a measure of comfort and relief. Anyway, I broached the subject if he was worried about his Europe trip (since best buddy was going (still going I don't know) and if that was weighing on him not knowing if the person he was looking forward to taking the trip was going or not. Fortunately he said there are still others going and he will be enjoying the trip even if A can't/doesn't go.
My biopsy was a mole/spot on my arm that I pointed out at my yearly exam. Doc agreed it should be removed due to color and size, and he had done that about 10 days ago. Giving me the speech that 98 percent of the time the pathology comes back fine, but it's still good to do. Got a call from the office two days ago that the pathology came back concerning because there was cancer cells in the margins and that they would need to take more area to send another sample back and hopefully then get a report showing that the margins are clear. So yesterday I went back and they took out like a 3-cm chunk of my arm and sent that out. It will be two weeks before I hear. So, yeah. That's a big ole stressball addition on top of my heart being in overtime pain for C kid.
I sure could have used a big piece of cake! I am just feeling 'extra'. Extra anxious, extra emotional.
Hope you have an ok time with your sis. I bet sleeping on the couch will be a bit tough.0 -
p.s. here's my gnarly arm - in this house of boys I am the first one with stitches - and gnarly ones too. Of course I would happily give up chunks of my body to keep them whole.0
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That is a big chunk! Lots of stitches too. I hope they can remove any of the cancer cells and it won't be a concern after that. Scary!
I'm glad you stayed home and had time to chat with C. It's hard to get those moments so grab them when you can. You have a lot going on right now. When does C leave for Europe?
I was at my sister's Wednesday eve and yesterday until 4:45pm. I did not sleep well on the couch but luckily she actually slept through the night in her bed. She had PT and OT visits on Thursday. Her calves are in a lot of pain with tightness and knots. The PT and OT didn't know what they could be. The hospital wasn't too concerned while she was there. I'm like "is it blood clots"? She had an ultra sound today and she has a clot in one leg which will require meds for 3 months. What is wrong with these medical people? She saw her primary today. That lady never looked beyond to do a urine and blood test when Lynn was there before the wedding. She was negligent in my opinion. The doctor had the gall to tell her that if she had waited two more days to go to the ER, she would have died. At least she referred her for the leg ultra sound and they found the clot. It makes me so frustrated!!!! My sister is also at fault for ignoring her own body and how it was doing. She told my cousin she didn't speak up about how she felt before the GA trip because she didn't want to distract everyone from the wedding. She shouldn't even have gone to GA and should have gone to the ER two weeks ago since her doctor is useless. She is so stubborn and learned nothing from my brother's cancer journey.
Russ and I bought two galvanized 6 ft tubs today to serve as part of our raised veggie garden in the spring. We also have a round tub that will be for herbs. We will use 5 gallon pails from Menards or Home Depot for the tomato plants, then fence it all in to keep deer out.
It's cold out so I'm doubting I will plant more bulbs. Hopefully we will get wild flower seed down if we get a semi warm day soon.0 -
What bad situation with your sister and her medical care (or lack of). It's such a crapshoot. For the most we believe the medical in Columbus is not great. For anything major (and as long as we have a choice) we go to Omaha. Of course, you still never know. I"ll never forget 17 years ago, when my mom had a gall bladder problem and they decided they needed to remove it. I was pregnant with Caleb. I remember they were very not concerned with the surgery they needed to do for her. An 'easy' laproscopic procedure. Easy recovery. Her surgery took hours and hours and hours. When the surgeon finally came out, he was pale and sweaty. Her recovery was super slow. My mom is bigger, and she was in a bed that had one of the handles above and at first she would use it to help pull herself up. Well, it comes out of the ceiling on the first couple of days and over a week no one could get it fixed even though every day it would get mentioned. Feh. That was a shiz show. And that was Omaha. You just never know.
Very glad for Friday. My arm/stitches are really swollen tonight. I should try to ice it again. It just doesn't feel good to have anything on it.
Trying to get my grocery list together so I'm ready to the turkey dinner cooking. Not that I have turkey to cook. Doing a salad - I'm making the broccoli/cauliflower salad and the strawberry pretzel salad. Or I'm trying the strawberry pretzel. I tried it years ago and made pretzel soup.
Gave Caleb an early Cmas gift. He has apparently developed an interest in vinyl and had ordered a few albums I saw come in the house. So I'm like, "you collecting vinyl?" Yeah - I guess I need a player. I found one on a Walmart Black Friday sale. He seemed pretty excited when I gave it to him. It seems like a cool little machine - blue tooth capable so his headphones should work with it too.
Wish I had ANY ideas or suggestions for Zach. I have asked several times (not just for myself) and get crickets back.
Happy Friyay!0 -
Russ and I enjoy watching the Holiday Baking Championship, both adults and kids. It is cold out today and blowing snow right now. We caught up on the first 3 adult baking championship shows. The 4th airs tomorrow night. They have a few really talented bakers on this season.
What a great gift for C! I had noticed vinyl was coming back. I wish I had kept mine but got rid of all of them when we purged for the move. Hmm, gift for Z? What does he like to do? Does he want nicer clothes for socializing at college? An experience like tickets to an event?...
Do you and Bernie exchange gifts? We don't. If we each want something we typically buy it within reason.
I'm hoping to get my car back from the body shop tomorrow. I need to make lists for the few Christmas items I will buy for the boys and their families, girlfriend. Next weekend 4 of the villages in our county are having artisan craft fairs and tree lighting to start the Christmas season. I'm going to try to buy little things locally for the kids. I am sending Miles and Halen each a toy for their present.
Russ is ready for cooking Thanksgiving dinner.
I hope my sister is able to handle coming for dinner.
Happy Thanksgiving in case you don't get a chance to check in this week!0 -
Today Caleb will have his first 'session' with the online therapist I located. We'll see how it goes. I hope he finds it helpful.
Proud mom of C and the octet that sang the national anthem for the class b football championship game. I posted it on Facebook of course. Strange serendipity that the teams playing were (1) Bennington which is where I graduated from and (2) Aurora where I have a cousin who lives there and her son was playing. That's some Kevin Bacon stuff there.
How is sister feeling?
I am feeling really put out with Bernie. After my own 'personal' panic with the bigger excision and feeling just really kind of upset about it - particularly last week when it was happening - and all my emotions about Caleb too - Bernie didn't even once ask if he could do anything for me. Get me dinner. Nothing. Feh. Just FU-EH.
Hope you are having a good week and that you and yours have a Happy Thanksgiving as well.0 -
How did C's first session go? I'm sure they get acquainted first but I hope he liked the person. That matters.
The Octet sounded wonderful! So talented.
Did Bernie have a good role model from his Dad, Uncle, Grandpa, etc. growing up? When you describe his lack of doing for you around the house or for you, I wonder about that. If they don't see their elders show love in different ways, they don't know how to either. It seems like he is stuck and doesn't know how to be vulnerable to participate in the relationship.
Any more news on your biopsy and when do you get more taken out?
My sister stayed home yesterday because she was in a lot of pain and very fatigued. Her daughter, husband and toddler were sick so they didn't come to dinner either. There were 5 of us at the table and it was a nice meal and conversation. Russ out did himself on the food, all was good. My sister, Russ and I shared the clean up. The weather became progressively more snowy as the day went on and by the time we ate at 2:45 it was blowing and snowing with accumulation. I was glad we didn't have to drive anywhere. All left by 5pm to get home.
I had my Moderna booster on tuesday. On Wednesday I had a sore arm and was fatigued. After dinner yesterday, I was achy and very tired. Part of the fatigue was the food I ate but I think the achiness was from the shot. I feel better today and slept well last night. I went to bed at 9pm!
How was Thanksgiving? You posted a nice picture of family. Was that your parents or Bernie's? I'm guessing yours because I thought the other kids were your sister's children?
Today my only agenda is to smash my pumpkins and put them out for the deer if the hunters haven't killed my 5 furry friends that wander through here during the night. Tomorrow a friend and I are going to the different artisan markets. I hope I find some good buys for stocking stuffers and small gifts.
I hope you have today off and enjoy a long weekend.0 -
I think the session went ok - he said she was pretty chill. That's all I got out of him about it.
We had our dinner Wednesday night. I had a few adult beverages and was more than a little buzzed. I was feeling pretty good until we got home and the boys 'helped' get my bowls out of the car and dropped one one the driveway. One of my favorite pyrex bowls from when we got married is gone now. Sigh. I can't believe. All three of them cannot treat any of my stuff carefully. I looked online today and of course now it's a vintage piece and super expensive. It was the cranberry color (which I still love) and the big one. Meh. I said hopefully they would want to help me put up Christmas for the first time in three years and all said sure, but they have all been sleeping or tucked in their own rooms. I cleaned and cleaned this morning and my arm is still throbbing. I crawled up a small ladder to clean the soffits above my cabinets for the first time years and boy am I going to pay for it. And now I don't feel like putting up Christmas anymore.
Caleb started feeling sick again today. So I don't know what he picked up this time. Of course he didn't skip the gym. I told him he better not be too sick for school. He said I won't know if I'll feel worse by Monday - I'm like, then you should have rested more and skipped the gym. And when I asked if he was working on his essays he is thinking about it. Grr.
Sigh - so Bernie and his family and their modeling. It all sucks. His family sucks and they modeled sucky behavior. While I knew it going in, I did believe after almost 30 years of modeling kind behaviors and him observing them (even though my family can and does drive me nuts they are there when it matters) and still he can't even offer to pick me up a sandwich. He claimed he didn't know I had even had anything done. I called b.s. I had sent him a text stating that 'it must not be great news since I have to go in tomorrow for a deeper excision'.
No new news on my second biopsy. My appointment isn't until December 1st.
Did the snow you got stick around? The weather here is actually quite nice. I'll take it.
Take care!0 -
oh and yes the picture is from 'my' side. My folks and niece and nephew from my sister and brother-in-law. There aren't any gatherings anymore from the other side. His mother died about 10 years ago and his dad about 11 years ago. They had been divorced and remarried several times but I had to remove myself from the situations because they were too hard on my mental health. They basically all actively hated me (except Bernie's first stepmom who passed away about 20 years ago) and did whatever they could to undermine me and our relationship. It can all basically be summed up with his mom and how she handed the best man a fistful of cash the night after the wedding rehearsal and told him to Bernie so drunk he wouldn't be able to get married. Or how she called me during the planning and told me how everyone agrees I am a horrible person (because we were having a small wedding and couldn't afford to invite all the 'steps'), how his sister and mom created a wall of silence so no one would speak to me at his little brothers wedding and made sure I was seated alone. I have thousands of examples. They blame me for Bernie quitting football (in college) and changing his major from teaching and it ruining his life. I mean it's not like he doesn't make twice as much as a teacher - but of course they're gone now and still only ever saw what they what. I did change him. He did have to slow down the partying to graduate and it was not a lifestyle I partook of. So yes - I ruined his life - with them. And his dad was a little better when Pat (first stepmom) was alive but after she died he went through two or three more wives and then died suddenly and because he had dorked up his will Bernie has been able to be cut out of his rights to the Paden business that should have been his legacy from his Grandpa Bernie. And his uncles and Grandma Lee (also a step - but legally in charge) were happy to cut him out.0
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Wowser!!!! Bernie comes from some severe dysfunction. It would be hard for someone to grow up in that and see the dysfunction and not live it without counseling and self-awareness. All families have their dysfunction at different levels (mine sure does) but WOW! Does Bernie blame you for being cut out of the business or not having a relationship with his family? That would be harsh but not unusual to push blame on the spouse. Or is he just basically an unaware male? Russ is a kind, good guy but he doesn't read social cues and needs me to be very literal if I want him to do something. I have to ask plainly if I need something done or want him to help me. He is not intuitive enough to see the big picture and just jump in and get it done.
I visited my ill sister yesterday for a couple of hours. She has asked for more white meat turkey left over twice. We don't have much left after one sandwich for Russ and I. I want to make two soups with the rest. She must have been told by my other sister that we had a lot. Not true after guests took leftovers home. I didn't watch how much they took but just let them help themselves.
My sister looked better but had a session from the PT before I got there and the OT was there when I arrived. I'm glad I didn't work with the elderly population. I prefer the little ones and the young parents. The OT has a lot of patience with her and doesn't put up with her nonsense. She has a reason why something won't work for everything he suggests. He helps her through it and WA LAH! it works. Her body is weak and getting in and out of bed or a chair is an effort. She was weak before she was sick since she is so inactive but now much weaker.
We still have snow on the ground and it feels cold (teens and 20's). Charlie and I went out and smashed pumpkins for the deer yesterday and put them in different locations on the acreage. They were frozen so smashing with a small mallet was a work out. I hope they found them if they are still living. Deer hunting season with guns ends on Monday. There may be another season of some type of hunting after that.
I hope the counselor helps C. It's too bad he didn't get a male but maybe a woman is more intuitive to a teen?
Well I need to shower and get ready to shop with my friend. I spread the little stocking stuffers/gifts I've bought so far for the littles and the boys and their partners. I have nothing for the boys and only stuff for the girls. So much easier to pick things out for women.
Enjoy your weekend. We will get our Christmas decor out in the next couple of days and start putting up the tree and make things more festive.0 -
Maybe you can just cook up some chicken for your sister since it is so close to turkey? That way she can have some white meat.
Did I mention that Caleb is fighting something viral again? Yep. For the last few days he is feeling a bit unwell. It's surprising since it wasn't that long ago that he was pretty sick with something similar. And no, since nobody has demanded it, we haven't tested him. I mean yes, it could be COVID but is likely to be a 'plain' ol' upper respiratory infection. Still miserable, but hopefully not something that will make other people die.
I don't think B blames me for the crapola of his family. I just think he is unaware of how his actions make me feel. I don't think I was the type of person who said, "I'll change him" but I did think I could model enough positive behaviors that he would want to treat me like I treat him and our kids. But, it's not likely at this point to be different. I mean, I've had him longer that 'they' did and it's still obviously not enough. He's not 'bad' - he's...stuck I guess. Unaware is a great personality trait/word you used. Ah well. And I have asked, threatened, begged many times for counseling. He always states he has no problems.
I talked to Caleb about his next appointment and Caleb said he didn't need anymore. I'm like - what??? You talked about all these big, heavy, hard things that were weighing on you and made the great big step to ask about getting someone to talk to you. And one time is it? I think you should do some more. It can take a few times to get a handle on things. He's like, no. She gave me some resources and some tips. I'm good. What the what. I can't force him. But I don't know what the what. He still doesn't seem - great with oh I don't know working on scholarships, his motivation, etc. But - I don't know what else to say.
I guess, it's just me that's going to have to find some counseling again. Because I just can't handle what is going on around here.
I mean I am even peeved at sister. At dinner I asked, 'where's Socks?" (the cat) - and it gets dead quiet and then someone goes, 'she's gone.' So I look like a blithering, blind food because I bumbled into asking about the dead pet. That no one said was dead. I mean I know she must not have wanted to talk about - but anyone one of them could have just texted a note to say Socks was gone. And I wouldn't have brought it up. Whatever.
At least it's still Saturday. My favorite day.0 -
I wonder if online counselors are just get in and get out? Or she perceived him to be handling the issues but needed support he could access on his own? I can feel your worry and I'm right there with you. If C was my son I would be worried that one session wasn't enough. He sounds like he feels good about the resources. I guess you have to keep observing and see if he needs to check back in with her at some point.
The "crud" is going around my family too. It's not COVID but those who have had it felt awful and looked awful too. So far Russ and I have avoided it. We mask in stores or crowded public events.
I'm sorry about your sister's cat. Weird that others knew but didn't say anything to you. A family member's pet passing or running away is usually talked about one way or another. How old was Socks?
The day out with my friend Laurie going to the artisan/craft markets was fun. We went to three and had lunch at a tavern mid day. The weather was snowy and blowing and still is today. I'm glad I have my snow tires but I still drove like an elderly person. The roads weren't sanded or salted well and are very curvy and hilly here. I was able to get more small items for stockings/gift boxes. I still have to shop in our town and fill in with a few more items. I ordered Miles Christmas present and had it sent to FL. They will wrap and put under their tree. I still have to order Halen's this week. They received her birthday present yesterday and said they would wrap for her big day on the 14th (1 years old!).
I'm sorry you go through so much frustration with Bernie. Marriage and relationships are not easy no matter who makes it look like it is. I just think women and men are so different from how they think to what they prioritize and it is not always easy or possible to meet in the middle or fill each other's emotional banks. I think your idea to talk to someone so you have tools to keep your stress down is a good idea. You can't make Bernie come to the table so just take care of yourself.
Today I am making my turkey stock so I can make the soups this week. Russ went to the city to get something to work on a work bench he is building in his wood shop. I ordered some pretty solar lights to string on trees and bushes. They are a warm white and will look pretty with the snow at night this winter.
Enjoy your Sunday and take of yourself.0 -
I made turkey wild rice soup yesterday and creamy turkey noodle soup today. They were both good. I was able to freeze two quarts of the wild rice soup but we ate the noodle soup for lunch and I'm taking some to my sister tomorrow when I pick her up for the doctor appointment.
Today I went to the Polish Center in a village called Cedar in our county. They have this beautiful hand painted pottery that is made in Poland. It is microwave, oven and dishwasher proof and each piece is painted slightly different. The more detailed the painted design and the bigger the piece, the more expensive it is. Since I picked Karah's name for Secret Santa and our limit is $75, I picked out a beautiful dish in blues that can be used to bake meal sides and be put on the table for a nice table presentation. No one else will have this specific dish. I also bought a small bowl for Hannah that she can put on an end table or use for dips, nuts, chips etc. if she puts out snacks. I need to do some shopping in our town later this week and figure out something for David and Jeff.
Russ brought the tree and boxes of Xmas decorations up to the living room so I can work on that this week too.
I stopped in to visit my friend at her shop for a couple of hours. I bought a pair of earrings for myself. She always tries to give me something free or discounted. Slow season so I told her I wanted to pay full price. She didn't charge me the tax.
It is cold and I'm still not acclimating to the cooler house inside. I bought some fingerless gloves to wear inside so my hands stay warmer.
Hope your Monday went well.0 -
I love the way that dish you bought sounds. What a cool gift idea.
I am feeling way upset about the B. He had to go to Wayne Saturday to help get my folks Christmas tree out of their attic. Anyway he leaves at like 9 in the morning, and at 8 p.m. that night he texts that he is with his brother (lives in Newcastle about 90 minutes from Wayne) and he has obviously been drinking and that he will probably stay there - i.e. too drunk to drive. I just text ok, because it wouldn't matter even if it wasn't ok, because he was already trashed. Then I get a few more drunk texts which I don't respond to. I haven't said a word to him since. I'm sure he thinks it's because he was having a good time. Nope not that. I'm pissed because this is behavior he did almost every weekend back in the beginning. And I am wondering if this is what it will return to because the boys are almost gone. Never once in my life have I been too drunk to make it home. There was stuff that didn't get done because he was gone (and drunk and then hungover). Also his brother and family supposedly don't know our address (even though I mail cards and invites every year) to send cards to my kids or to come to their events. And he still has time to spend with the pukes. When Bernie was in the hospital with his MRSA - they weren't there. Just me and my family. It just makes me so angry.0 -
I am not a stranger to husbands getting drunk. My ex and I had major issues back in the day because of his drinking. I feel for you. It can be a difficult time and so frustrating. I wonder what is bothering B or does he fall back in to that behavior when with his family? I wonder why husbands just don't talk to us honestly so the issues can be dealt with. They hate to admit when they don't have control or are not holding it together. Hopefully drinking won't become an issue at home for B. My ex went from fun and social to mean very quickly. He was verbally abusive to me during his mean drunks and often in front of his friends. I ignored a lot of red flags and married him. It continued in our marriage too. At least I got David and Jeff out of it. I would never have moved to MN, met Russ or had Rory either. Also my amazing job in early intervention and all the great friends I made over the years wouldn't have happened. My life story would have been different.
I'm leaving in a bit to take my sister to the urologist. I doubt they will let me in to the appointment due to COVID issues here. I would like to be a second set of ears. I don't think she asks the right questions or totally understands what they say sometimes.
Well hang in there and I hope work is better for you0 -
Long day! Lynn was in her appointment for over an hour. Her kidneys are functioning fully now so good news. Unfortunately she can't have the stone taken out until she is done taking the blood thinner 3 months from now. We went to lunch and then to 3 furniture stores to shop for a small recliner for her to relax in her living room. My sister has a hard time making decisions so I'm pretty sure she won't choose a chair. She narrowed it to two chairs but never seems to make a decision. Maybe she will surprise me.
I didn't get home until 5pm so my day is over. I'm watching the news and thinking about popcorn for dinner.
Happy Tuesday!0 -
Just got back from finally getting my stitches out and the pathology report. All Clear!! Whew. No more cutting on that spot anyway. A big sigh of relief for today. Just for the moment though, I have to get more serious about getting more spots removed to keep an eye on things. I am definitely at risk for more cancerous spots. But for today, yay.
Covid booster tomorrow. Boo. Fingers crossed it won't make me sick - like the others.
It's supposed to be nearly 70 tomorrow. Wow, crazy stuff.
Hump day0 -
I'm glad you are in the clear with your biopsy. I haven't kept up on my skin damage either and am due to be seen for that. Yesterday we had success and made eye appointments. We are both over due and will be seen before Christmas.
Wow 70 degrees! 40's and gray here. Snow melted last night and all the ice in the driveway is gone. I have some solar lights to hang on the trees and bushes but it is windy. I'll see how the day goes.
I plan to go in to town today and shop a little bit. I need to get these boxes sent to FL and AK by next week.
Tonight Russ and I are going to my old high school for a launch party and movie for their new Athletic Booster Club Fund. They are trying to tap in to alumni like me that played sports to raise money to help with team needs. I am sure I will see some people I knew in the past. My friend Laurie will be there because she coaches girls' high school volleyball and her Dad who was a teacher and coach is the first film memoir they are showing tonight. Russ will probably be bored but he is being kind to accompany me. Maybe dinner out before the event?
The saga of the chair purchase lives on! My sister texted me and said she and my other sister are going back to Traverse City today to look at the chairs again and go to another store. She isn't comfortable with the light ivory leather and wants another color. However, the choices were limited and she didn't like any but the saddle brown and it wasn't available in the price range she is wanting to pay. I found a chair in that color that is leather and what she is looking for on Overstock. I sent her the link and her response was that it was difficult to tell in a picture what the true color was. Not so, but she is so picky and finds a reason not to do things. I can't help her any further for my own sanity. She has been sitting on a decision whether she should buy an area rug for her living room for two months now. I helped her measure her room and we decided on a size. She wants the same rug I have in my den. I sent her the link on Amazon and she never clicked the button. Now she is using her kidney stone as an excuse that she was too sick. This was all before she became ill. My brother couldn't make decisions either. Is it an age thing or onset of dementia?
The wind is roaring so I won't be hanging my lights today. I will see if I can get my flu shot when I pick up my prescription at the pharmacy.
Have a nice day.0 -
We got our flu shots today. The next few weeks are doctor appointments (eye, physical, consult with ortho, mammo...) then I should be done for awhile. After knee surgery I will have more in addition to PT but I'm guessing the surgery will be canceled.
The parents of the boy who did the school shooting near Detroit are less than stellar role models. Russ saw a copy of a letter or twitter message the Mom wrote to Trump condoning his affairs, use of women and his lewd comments about them as long as he governed and made her life better. Now more is coming out about texts to her son saying "I'm not mad at you, you need to learn not to get caught". What kind of parent says that? Wow!
We went to the launch party for the athletic booster fund raiser at my alma mater last night. It was a performing arts center full of gray haired alumni and 30 somethings who have kids in the school currently. They are tapping in to those of us who have bank accounts and appealing to our nostalgia and wanting to give back.
I have to start decorating the tree tomorrow and getting boxes ready to send off to kids.0 -
Did you have a good time at the booster fund raiser? Hopefully you did.
I had my covid booster on Thursday and yesterday was 'buttcheeks' to use a phrase that my Caleb likes to use. Everything hurt. Both arms, my legs, my neck, my head. Yuck. I made it through work, but I crawled in bed as soon as I got home. Today I feel ok physically, just kind of sad thinking about how things are with Bernie. I have been stubborn about sticking it out all these years and I'm not sure I have it in me to keep it up.
Caleb is in Lincoln doing a Christmas program singing with the Nebraska Wesleyan Choir. I am hoping I can find some of it online. But probably not. A lot of choir programs don't get livestreamed because of the copyright issues. Such a bummer for me. Hopefully he has a good time. At least the weather is nice, so I don't have to overly worry about them being on the roads. It will be a later night as he also has a 'gig' for New Worlds but not until like 9 p.m.
I can be like your sister and have a hard time making decisions. I will also make decisions too fast and then end up regretting them. I don't seem to have a happy middle.
Have a good weekend.
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I'm sorry you are struggling with Bernie. Marriage is so hard! It takes two to contribute to making it work and it sounds like you have asked him to help or make an effort at times and he doesn't always get it. Everyone has their limit on when to be "done". Having been there even though I was only 29, I needed to make sure that I had done all I could to get the relationship back on track. I pleaded and begged my ex to work on the marriage. He wasn't interested and I finally realized it took two and it wasn't going to work. How would it go if you told Bernie you both need to commit to getting your marriage on track or discuss options if he won't? It is scary to think about and to take the steps. You will be empty nesters in less than a year. See what happens when it is just the two of you at home most of the time.
Today I am meeting my middle sister at the local funeral home for a viewing. Her neighbor was 88 and died last Sunday. He was my friend's uncle and I knew him growing up. I feel like so many people I know are dying around here this Fall. He is the third person since October I think.
I need to shower and get ready. The snow is falling fast so we will get some accumulation today. Yesterday I put out my hanging solar lights and light strings. It was pretty to look out the windows last night. I need a few more hanging lights and another box of the string lights for a tree on the driveway island.
Enjoy your Sunday.0 -
I saw your snow pictures. Very pretty! Our temps plummeted yesterday, now in the low 20's. It could happen at any time now. I certainly have enjoyed the reprieve.
I suppose I need to get in the gift mode. As usual Zach is a big ???? because he just shrugs his shoulders. I did get Caleb the record player and when I looked at the albums he suggest they were like $50 bucks each! So I may get him one. Yikes. I have something for my dad and could get him a book if I want more. No idea on mom. I gave Michele her big porch sign for her b-day/Cmas gift (because spendy) and I'll probably give her a box of coffee because it feels weird to not have anything. No idea on brother-in-law - maybe a nice whiskey? Nephew Josh, got him a Nutribullet and dish towels, and niece Caitlin, cutting boards and she mentioned like a crock/container for utensils - so I have something to look for. Sigh. I wish I had something in mind for Zach. Hopefully inspiration will strike. I did get Christmas cards ordered. I didn't really do my normal last year since I was feeling pretty bad.
I sent Bernie another email that I couldn't believe the only thing he said to me all weekend was if I had looked at carpet samples. I mean he hasn't said 'boo' or 'how are you' or 'can I pick up dinner' since I started the skin cancer drama and he bailed on being supportive to go drink with his brother. And here we go with his usual, let's just pretend it didn't happen. If he ignores it long enough it will be over and I will have to move on. But it's just another layer to add to the old anger of every.other.time he has done the same thing. Sigh. The cheese stands alone, the cheese stands alone.
At least it's sandwich day!0 -
Are there any experiences Z would enjoy? Tickets to a rock climbing wall, sporting event, symphony, concert, etc? Boys are so hard to give gifts.
We bought Rory a microwave for his apartment. Russ chose his name and ordered him a Carhart hooded jacket. I basically have grandkid presents and stocking stuffers for Jeff, David, Karah and Chantrelle. I may get Hannah a pair of earrings made from local blue stones so she has at least two things to open on Christmas day. I have plenty of stocking stuffers for her but need a few for Rory. Russ and I don't exchange gifts or do stocking stuffers for one another. He dropped the ball on my stocking many years ago so I said I'm done doing his. He went through a weird phase of being an *kitten* when given a gift so I said no more exchanges between us. It has taken the pressure off even though it would be nice to get a gift once in awhile. I'm over it though since we both just buy what we want anyway.
The snow and wind are furious today. The guy finally came and plowed are road and driveway. With all the snow and wind today, you can't tell it happened. Winds are 35 mph and windows have snow and ice on them too. I took Charlie outside and we both almost fell on the icy driveway several times.
I made a quick ham and bean soup today. Pretty good for a quick recipe. Russ made chili last night so dinner tonight is soup or chili leftovers.
Do you feel like doing some online counseling sessions for yourself to help you deal with your anger towards Bernie? It may clear your head and give you a new lens to look through regarding your relationship.
I still need to decorate the tree. What is my delay in doing it? I just don't feel the mood as of now.0 -
I'm not in the mood to decorate either (again). Because I had asked everyone (my everyone, boys) at Thanksgiving if they would help me do it on the next day. They all exclaimed, "YEAH" and then crickets the next day and the next and then I eventually started doing the deep cleaning of the soffit (by myself) made myself sore and now I'm just mad about it. Still mad.
My kindle won't come on today. I use it almost everyday. I read while doing my machine. And of course all of the sudden it dies, when a couple weeks ago I could have gotten one on a Black Friday sale. Feh.
Sounds like snow is coming by Friday. Yippee.0 -
The sun actually came out today. It has been awhile. It is so noticeable when it does because it is so bright outside. The moisture from Lake MI causes a lot of clouds in the winter.
We took Charlie to the groomer today in Traverse City. We left him and did errands while he was getting washed and trimmed. We went to our mobile groomers home because she decided she did not want to pull her dog grooming trailer in and out of driveways and on the country roads during the winter. I can't blame her for that. She is young, good at her job and easy to schedule with so we stayed with her. I'm sure in the spring she will be back to going to homes.
Yesterday I started on the decorations. I got my Christmas village put out on the buffet but just need to add the fake snow. I put out some other decor but need Russ' help with the garland on the tree and putting the topper on. Then I can do the rest of the ornaments. No body has helped me put ornaments on in many years. The kids and Russ lost interest more than a decade ago.
We have more snow coming in the next two days. Then it is suppose to be in the 40's a few days next week and it will all melt.
Feeling lazy...0 -
Oh my C kid. He was sick again today. He let me know that he apparently wet his bed overnight. He seemed fine tonight. I am wondering if it was mostly stress. His large 8 page research essay for dual-credit comp is due tomorrow and I have been on him about it and it has obviously been weighing on him. He says he rested a lot this morning and then worked the afternoon on his essay. He seems to feel better tonight. Sigh. This stuff ain't for sissies. Plus he was in the middle of a three-day calculus test. Three day test. He has missed more school this quarter than he has missed the other three years. I hope it eases now. Comp class is done after this essay is posted. Calc won't get better, but he has definitely had issues dealing with comp and he believes next semester's speech will be better. Plus, he has legitimately been unwell for most of the days of the last six weeks. I am petrified I will have to take him to the doc and find out it's Covid and he'll be out for 10 days. And what the what that will cause.
Anyway, one day at a time.
Dramatic music - here comes our snow...0 -
Poor C! He is having a very stressful year. Did he send off applications to college and has he heard anything back yet? It sounds like he has a hard classes on top of not feeling well and his best friend's emotional issues. That is a lot to handle for someone so young. You are such a supportive Mom so he is lucky to have you watching over him.
Is your bad weather part of that "Bomb Cyclone" the weather people are talking about? High winds with snow? We are suppose to get some of it on Saturday. It has been lightly snowing all day and we have another 2-3 inches on the ground. It is very pretty.
I went to the chiropractor this morning. This will be my last adjustment until after my knee surgery. She is going on vacation and then getting married early February. I won't be going anywhere after surgery until physical therapy starts so I won't have an adjustment until February I would guess.
I have to choose a clinic and arrange PT appointments for after my surgery. I was interested in a local PT clinic in our town but I don't get good vibes from people when I mention it so I think I will choose another one.
Russ helped me with the garland and tree topper. I have put at least half the ornaments on the tree but decided to continue tomorrow. I did go pick up my plain door wreathes and will put the ribbon and pine cones on them tomorrow and hang on outside doors. Then I need to get the two boxes ready for shipping to David and Jeff. My goal is to take them to the post office on Monday.
Next week I meet with the orthopedic doctor and my primary doctor. I have lots of questions and need some reassurance. I also need to call my insurance company and double check my financial responsibility for this surgery. I'm scared to death of the surgery but hope it is all worth it when I'm healed.
Did you think of a gift for Z?0 -
That's a bummer you didn't get a good feeling about the local place. Hopefully you will find a good fit not too far away. You are doing so amazing on all your preparations for Christmas! I am so jealous.
I'm sorry you are so worried for your surgery. I wish there was a way to ease that. I have to believe it will make you feel so much better and improve your quality of life. Push your thoughts to try to focus on positive feelings and the eventual outcomes - maybe. I know there will still be worry, I am a champion - obviously.
C kid was apparently all set to stay home today because he said his throat hurt so bad and he couldn't sing anyway so he was going to miss his New Worlds gig so he wasn't going to go. A friend was supposed to pick up his paper, then his friend didn't make it to pick up the paper and he knew that had to happen so he forced himself to go. He did make it through the day, though he looked pretty wrecked when he got home. He is resting. I hope he feels better tomorrow.
I picked up an order of bulk chicken breasts - 40lbs for like 2 bucks a pound. They come from a really good local meat place/caterer. I hope they end up being really good. Meat has gotten so expensive and getting boneless, skinless chicken breast for 2/lb would be fantastic.
I'm not sure if we are in the bomb cyclone area, our weather people haven't said it. So probably not.
I'm not trying to start any soap boxing, but I just read this article tonight that I had kind of agreed with (about something else ) until I read some of the comments and there must be this Protestant and Catholic faction of people that are purporting that getting vaccinated is a sin and that you will go to hell if you do it. What the what. They were thousands of these people on this thread. Gosh I hope these aren't real. But even if not, it just causes more problems and keeps this going on. I want to love my faith, but that was disturbing.
What a weird day.0 -
Oh and my Kindle took a *&%$ three days ago. Seriously, it was just fine and then I couldn't get it to start, restart, reboot, nothing, nada. Just a blinking 'amazon'. Days and days of trying to chat, troubleshoot and then being told I have to get a new one. It was less than two years old. And if it would have happened two weeks ago I could have gotten a black Friday deal. I made them bump up the discount a little, but man I am horked. But I love to read too much to not have it. Hopefully it's not stuck on a cargo container.0
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Bummer about your tablet but it is always nice having a new one that works fast. Mine is a couple years old. It is a Samsung Galaxy. I've noticed it has some glitches lately. I have an Amazon Kindle Unlimited account so I can download up to 10 books at a time for 9.99/mos. I find new stuff and old stuff I've not read. It isn't best sellers but they eventually make their way there. I haven't downloaded from the library because anything I want to read is always gone. I should probably check once in awhile to see what is available.
Has C been to his doctor? Do you think he could have mono? It sure is lingering and his immune system is probably having difficulty fighting off stuff.
My tree will be done today and I will work on the boxes to be mailed on Monday. Christmas is coming fast. I hope my boxes arrive on time at this point. If not, oh well...
Our weather is warm and snow is slush. When Russ and Charlie were walking this morning, it started to rain with loud thunder and lightening. Crazy! Sometime today we will get the lower end of the storm and more snow with high winds. Then it will get warm this next week and all will melt. I hope we at least get a white Christmas but want the driving to be good for Rory and Hannah coming from MN on the 22nd.
I need to buy a plant stand for my rapidly growing plants that I keep having to shift around on table tops. I have a Thanksgiving Cactus that needs repotting and two money plants. They are all growing like crazy. I want a stand for my diningroom. One wall is tall windows and a door to the back deck. Perfect morning and early afternoon sun.
There is a lot of crazy stuff out there about the vaccines. I've had 3 shots and am fine. I haven't gotten COVID and have been in settings where it is amazing I haven't gotten it. Russ and I went out for breakfast yesterday and I heard a woman at a neighboring table saying she hadn't gotten the booster because she heard she could get COVID from it. People are believing all sorts of sources or people that aren't experts. We are wearing our masks into stores and restaurants until seated.
It's after 10am. I suppose I should get dressed and start on my gift boxes.0
