TotalDetermination's journal

totaldetermination

Hi,
Well the username says it all ! I was really determined to lose the weight and now I'm just as determined to keep it off.

I've lost over 80 pounds from my highest ever weight (60 pounds of which was lost using MFP), and have been in maintenance for over 6 months. I found that regular updates on this thread - http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10013044/a-promise-to-mysel kept me accountable to my goals.

My ticker is currently showing 82 lbs lost.
My maintenance range is 80-90 pounds lost, and I'm currently eating at a slight deficit to get to the bottom of that range. (Christmas was fun but I did gain a few pounds).

My goal is to maintain successfully for the next 12 months, though my ultimate goal is to maintain forever. (of course ).

NicholeEG28

Congrats and I'm sending good vibes to you on the continuation of your journey!

totaldetermination

This week has been good.
My trend weight has gone down by 0.6 lbs
I have met my calorie targets each day.

During the last few months of last year I found(developed) an eating routine that works well for me in terms of fitting my work/life schedule, keeping me satisfied and meeting my calorie targets.
I over indulged for a few weeks over the holidays (I decided to allow myself to do it), but have gotten right back into my routine without too much fuss, so things are going fairly smoothly.

I'm trying an experiment to see if I can manage without logging. I'm still mentally tallying everything that I eat (and using my fitbit to decide how many calories to eat) but I am not using a scale to measure things out, and I'm not actually entering the food into my diary. I tend to eat most of the same foods over and over again so I know their portion size and calorie content pretty well. I will keep an eye on the scale to decide whether or not this is working.

I am also going to try to hit 70,000 steps per week on my fitbit. Not easy ! but something to aim for.

Something good that happened this week was me walking past a table of free donuts at work. One of my weaknesses is when I find myself in a situation that I wasn't expecting. (eg on days that I know in advance that there will be donuts, I prepare myself and either fit them into my calories or decide that I won't have one. But when I am suddenly faced with a donut and haven't mentally prepared myself to not have one, I find it difficult to resist.) So this is quite a good achievement for me.

ncprice1

Congrats on all of your achievements. If you can resist the free donuts, I am sure you can do pretty much anything you set your mind to. Keep up the great work!

mimi2974

Congratulations! I look forward to reading about your keys to maintenance. I'm just starting my weight loss, but maintenance is key once I reach my goal!

jessicakahn606

Congratulations!! And thank you for starting this group! it's always motivational to read some success stories! I'm glad you were able to lose the weight and I am sure you will be able to keep the weight off! Great job skipping out on the doughnuts! That would have been hard for me too!

50extra

I would also like to thank you for starting this group and telling me to come over to it. Its nice to hear a post from someone who has already gone through the ringer to get where they wanted to be.

QueenofHearts023

Hi there! Thank you for starting this group, I'm sure I'll get the motivation I need here. and congratulations on all your achievements!

totaldetermination

This week has been mostly good.

I exceeded 70,000 for my weekly steps and my eating has been mostly good.
My trendweight has gone down 0.5 lbs, my ticker is showing 82lbs lost, and I am still 2 1/2 lbs above where I was at the start of December.

I gave myself permission to eat above maintenance (ie to gain weight) through the December parties. I enjoyed it a lot, and it was a great mental break, but now I'm losing that weight again. I guess that eating at maintenance should be 'normal' and I should be able to enjoy myself without gaining weight but there was so many parties...

Its always the unexpected situations that challenge me. When there is good food available in front of me and I haven't made a mental plan on how to react. It happened a couple of times this week and I did indulge. I showed some restraint, and didn't take huge amounts. But I didn't feel that I had enough control to be able to chose not to eat any. Its that control that I would like to develop. Sometimes I have it, and sometimes I don't. Sometimes I think its getting better but then I'll find myself in a situation with very little control, again. I feel as though I am always having to exercise control (It was not having to worry about this control that I enjoyed so much over December).

The simple fact is that if I eat the foods that I want in the quantities that I want I will gain weight.
I have learned how to meet my nutritional needs and to achieve satiety within my calories, with foods that I enjoy.
But there are many other foods that I love that I can only eat in moderation. If health and weight were not a concern, I could very easily exceed my calories every single day, eating those foods.

I have come to accept that in order to maintain my weight loss, I will have to exercise this control for ever - and it might never come easily to me.

Its an effort to exercise and watch what I eat but one that I am willing to make in order to be healthy.

50extra

Total I love your approach for the party situations. I am not willing to put my life on hold just to lose weight, or to maintain weight when I get to my goal. If I am in a situation where there is amazing food and I want to eat it I am going to, the difference is now I am more aware of what I am putting in my mouth and also how much my body needs.

ncprice1

Hiya!

You are doing great! I hope you realize that and I hope that you remember to occasionally celebrate your successes. Even if it's nothing but a new pair of cool socks - do a little something special to keep yourself from trivializing your accomplishments.

Happy Monday,
NC

LottieStanley

Thank you so much for this group I love reading and replying. Everything I read is positive and that is what I need to stay motivated.

totaldetermination

50extra wrote: »

Total I love your approach for the party situations. I am not willing to put my life on hold just to lose weight, or to maintain weight when I get to my goal. If I am in a situation where there is amazing food and I want to eat it I am going to, the difference is now I am more aware of what I am putting in my mouth and also how much my body needs.

This is all an experiment to try to find what works for me. When I was losing weight I was a lot stricter, but to be successful at maintaining I need to be realistic about what I can continue doing indefinitely.

What seems to be working is thinking of things not so much in terms of what I want to do but rather in terms of what I would feel like I was missing out on if I didn't do it.

So, for example, I want to eat a piece of cake. But if I don't eat it, I won't feel like I missed out for not having eaten it.

By contrast, my first year on MFP I was a lot stricter over the christmas season, and as a result, I felt like I was missing out. I know that some people don't feel that way, but I did. So this year I decided to try a different approach. So far I'm glad I did ! It was a great psychological break from having constant awareness of everything I eat and drink (plus I had a lot of fun ), and even now, when I haven't quite lost all the weight I gained back I don't regret it. I plan to do it again next year. My only worry was that I wouldn't be able to get back on track, and that hasn't been a problem at all. But I have to be confident that it won't be a problem next year, too.

Also for me a 250 cal daily deficit (which is what I'm doing to lose the weight I gained) is not really difficult. I want to eat all day long ! The extra 250 cal might give me an extra 5 minutes of being able to eat but for the rest of the day I still have to resist wanting to eat.

totaldetermination

@ncprice1 and @LottieStanley
thanks so much for your kind words. I do try to be positive and also to remember that we should all be proud of the positive steps we are taking to improve our health.

totaldetermination

This week has been good.

I exceeded 70,000 for my weekly steps and my eating has been good.
My trendweight has gone down 1 lbs, my ticker is showing 83lbs lost, and I am still 1 1/2 lbs above where I was at the start of December.

1lb loss is higher than what I am aiming for. It's a trendweight loss but it could still be hormonal variation, so I'm not going to change my plan just yet, though I will have a generous lunch today .

smiphette

Sounds like a good week. Nice work on the steps!

totaldetermination

arghh...

So I decided to allow myself some extra calories because I lost more than expected last week and I am not really trying to lose the weight too quickly.

I stopped in at the supermarket after work to buy dinner. I was hungry (first mistake), had no fixed plan (second mistake) nor even target calories (third mistake). The salted caramel fudge was on sale. and I bought it. 1000 odd calories of caramel fudge. and I ate it. all of it. that was my dinner. I had some of it as I was leaving the supermarket and I thought to myself this is a mistake throw it away and go buy something else. I decided that I would have a bit more in the car but then throw it out when I got home and just make dinner with stuff that I could find at home.

Instead when I got home I ate some, and then some more, and just kept eating it. Until it was finished. I wasn't even enjoying it. I'd had enough but it wasn't really logic that was driving me to eat it.

This is definitely my weakness.
Give me a reasonable plan and I can follow it. But as soon as I don't have a plan, I just want to eat.

I have made the mistake of going to the supermarket hungry and without a plan so many times before. Sometimes because of my work schedule I can't avoid it. But this time I could have. I thought it would be fun - to walk around deciding how to 'spend' my calories.

So I'm a bit frustrated with myself. not too frustrated (to be honest) because I have been through this so many times that I'm used to it. Also I actually kept within my calories, and my macros weren't all that bad. But I really need to figure out how to get better at this. Life doesn't always go according to my plan.

Anyway, I can feel that I'm still 'on track', and I'm pretty confident that tomorrow will go fine. If I lose too much weight again I will have to plan my response a little better. hmmm...there's that 'p' word again. *sigh*.

LottieStanley

You know back when I was younger, I would eat a meal once a day. So I thought I could eat whatever I wanted. Ice cream has always been a weekends, so I would go and get a Blizzard. You can't use that mentality as you get older. It isn't as easy to lose weight. I've been following you, and from reading your posts. I know you will get back on track. I bet you won't crave fudge for s while.

smiphette

I have trouble winging it too. I am glad you are seeing this as the minor hiccup that it is.

totaldetermination

This week has been mostly good.

I exceeded 70,000 for my weekly steps and my eating has been good, apart from Monday's hiccup - which actually seems like a long time ago, now.
My trendweight has gone down 0.5 lbs, my ticker is showing 84lbs lost, and I am still 1 1/2 lbs above where I was at the start of December.

My rate of weight loss increased because I was being more active (to try to get the 70,000 steps), but hadn't changed my eating. This was increasing my deficit by a couple of hundred calories a day. You would think that that is great, because I can just eat more. But since I have a way to eat that is working for me and that I feel is sustainable, I'm reluctant to change it - even by increasing calories.

Since I want this to be a lifestyle change, I decided to approach this by thinking about what I 'miss' rather than what I 'would like'. There are so many foods that you could put in front of me that I would like to eat; but when I don't have them, I don't think about them - so I don't feel that they are missing from my diet. One thing I do miss is wine - a couple of glasses with dinner, so I am using my extra calories on that, as well as a slightly bigger portion size at dinner time. We'll see how that goes !

50extra

I am terrified to know how many steps a day I take. 70k seems like a huge milestone. I bet I'm not even at 10% of that a week.

If your December weight was your goal weight than 1.5 pounds up from there is a fine place to be at. You're doing great at this.

totaldetermination

My steps are the only exercise I do, so I have to make them count !
I get about 12K steps a day Monday to Friday just by getting off the bus a couple of stops early on my way to and from work, plus going for a walk in my lunch break. I've pretty much got all the distances calculated to give me the steps I need - its been good because I haven't had to change my day too much to fit it in. On the weekend, I get the remaining steps just in my ordinary day.
One great discovery was the 'management' bathrooms at work. They're quite a long walk away but very plush . Definitely worth the walk there - I'm just waiting for someone to catch me out !

I feel much better in the last couple of weeks since I've been making an effort to get the extra steps in. When I set it at a goal I really didn't think I would be able to do it so I'm quite happy. But what has really surprised me is how much more energy I have. I just feel better - like I have more 'get up and go'. I don't really get up or go anywhere - but even whilst sitting down I just feel more energized. Its hard to explain, but I guess its pretty common.

My maintenance range is 80 - 90 pounds lost, so I'm in my range at the moment but I'm trying to get to the bottom of it.
I like to think of it in terms of how far I've come because its a reminder of where I could end up. I think if you're on top of a very high building its natural to tread a lot more carefully. For me the pounds lost is a reminder of how far I could fall. It actually scares me. I tread very carefully.

smiphette

Congrats on 12k! That is impressive. Good idea on getting off the bus a few stop earlier. I am gonna have to try that.

LottieStanley

Your ideas of getting more steps in are great. With bad knees walking is the best exercise. I do well except for winter, which is now. I bought a Viofit step counter so I'll need to start walking again. Last time I did this I walked every day and lost weight too. Anyways love reading your posts.

totaldetermination

Our winters are not to bad. Its the rain that's a bit of a problem. but even that is not too bad. @LottieStanley Can you walk around the local mall ?

One good thing about getting off the bus early is that I have no choice. Once I've gotten off the bus, I have to keep going. I now just think of the earlier bus stop as 'my stop', which seems to be working.

Kell2912

Wow im in awe of your strength and determination. I aspire to get to where you are and be maintaining and keeping up good exercise. Way to go you

Quzzdragon12

That's a great idea with the getting off the bus early! Now that my knees are starting to feel better I think I'll start parking a little further away to get some extra steps in

totaldetermination

OK, i'm back.

I have to keep this post short because I don't have time. but i just wanted to write something to get myself started (again).

First up - massive congratulations to everyone here. congratulations for keeping at it. I look forward to catching up with your journals over the next couple of days.

Now about me - an injury helped me break the habits I had managed to create. my diet went downhill. and then I just stopped trying. and I gained weight. certainly not everything that I have lost. but alot.

tomorrow im going to weigh myself. its not going to be pretty. but i have to face up to my situation in order to change it. At least I know that I am not at the weight i was before this journey began. and I have learnt so much that I know that I have the tools to lose it.

I am disappointed (and angry with myself) that I let this happen. but if I don't do something about it then it will just get worse and worse and worse.

So, I'm back. and determined. and hopeful. and a little bit scared, too.

but at least i'm backed. and for that i'm proud of myself.

WifiresGettingFit

@totaldetermination Welcome back! It wouldn't be much of a journey if there weren't a few bumps in the road! You've got this! I'm glad to see you back and I look forward to your next entry!

totaldetermination

Thanks @WifiresGettingFit.

Unfortunately its not a very good entry. I've gained 40 pounds in the last 12 months.

I can't tell you how hard it is for me to see that number.

I just wanted to post it as a starting point. I didn't want to get on the scale and after admitting the number to myself I didn't want to admit it to anyone else. As though keeping it to myself could somehow pretend that its not true.

Anyone, thats it. Its out there. When I have a few more moments I'm going to work out the change in bmi and try to find some positive numbers to focus on.

but i just wanted to post it to keep myself moving forward.

*sigh*

totaldetermination

ok, so my ticker is showing 47 pounds lost.
and my bmi is overweight, but not obese.

As disappointing as all that is (and I am feeling a range of emotions - guilt, anger, frustration, embarrassment, surprise). it really could be a lot worse.

psychologically i am so glad my bmi is not higher than overweight.

I'm also glad that i feel so uncomfortable at this size.
I used to be a lot bigger and not care. but now that i've experienced being smaller, I know that it feels better to be lighter, and I know that I truly don't like feeling the way I do right now.

I do my best to accept and love myself as I am. But I also think its ok to be able to see certain things and want to improve them. I don't like all of this extra fat that I am carrying around. I don't like the way it feels, I don't like the way it looks, I don't like the way it affects my life.

I know that it is my choice and that I can change it all.
But I also know that it is a lot of hard work, and that it will not be easy.

But deep down, I don't think that I have a choice. The thought of remaining like this (or worse - getting bigger) is not an option. it really isn't. I cant do that. I just can't.

And so it begins...
no, let me rephrase that. And so I begin....