TotalDetermination's journal
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You're welcome @totaldetermination
Here's to another beginning and moving forward! You can do this!0 -
the day started off well, with small meals and lots of water.
(my exercise is limited and until i find a way to burn calories this weight loss will be mostly through diet.)
I guess i didn't eat enough, though because at dinner time i started off with cookies and then ate loads of other things. i basically ate till i was full with no concern for calories. i would say that i fell of the wagon but i don't think i had even gotten on it. I certainly hadn't put my seat-belt on.
earlier this evening i was thinking about tomorrow and laughing to myself (in a kind of self destructive way) that i might as well just start the day off over eating. I was kind of joking but kind of serious at the same time. I really was (am?) considering it.
Of course thats not what i want.
So ive got to build up my determination again for tomorrow, and maybe plan a bit better, too.
At least i am touching base here in order to remember my goal.
I will start off my day with another post to reconnect with that goal and the determination to achieve it.0 -
I am trying to focus my mind again.
Because of my schedule today I am not sure how to make this work. I am going out straight after work and there aren't any good eating opportunities to take along or buy on the way.
Lots of bad choices, but not really any good ones.
So not only do I need motivation, but also a realistic plan; and I'm not sure that I have either at the moment.
Part of me is tempted to wait until Sunday when I can go grocery shopping, and then start again on Monday. But then I worry that I'll lose the bit of momentum that I have. These last couple of days are a huge step forward from where I was a week ago - at least now I'm trying. But practically I'm not making this very easy for myself.
So I think the best thing I can do for now is exercise portion control even if its with calorie dense foods (which would still mean that my calories are over, but at least I'm thinking about what I eat).and also keep posting here to help me keep my momentum.0 -
I don't eat in the mornings, but when I did protein for breakfast always helped with the cravings later in the day. Omelettes with veggies and cheese for the most part. If you find the right 'what' to eat hopefully the 'how much' to eat will sort itself out.0
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I'm really pleased with how well I did today. By 'well' I mean that I just didn't do badly.
For practical reasons it wasn't possible to measure calories, and even if I did I haven't set myself any targets yet. But all of my meals were normal sized portions. I said no to the pie that was offered, and even managed to walk past an open chocolate pack several times without taking any of it.
I probably only ate at maintenance, but I am pleased because even that took effort.
I will do the same thing tomorrow.1 -
@tcunbeliever thanks for the suggestion - I will definitely try to include proteins at each meal. Starting eating later in the day (or even some form of intermittent fasting) has always tempted me because it would give me less time in the day to eat. But I've never been able to make it work. As you said, its about finding the right 'what' (and i guess the right 'when'). Sadly my 'how much' never became easy, though. I feel satisfied when I am stuffed full. and I could quite happily eat to that point several times a day. I used to eat loads of fibre rich foods (mostly vegetables - i love vegetables) so that I could eat massive portions and still be within calories. But deep down I just want to eat, and eat, and eat.0
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Pretty sure I ate at about maintenance today.
Impossible to know for sure because im not measuring calories in or out.
but ive gone away for the weekend and have spent the entire day with people including all activities and meals.I just made sure that I moved as much as them and ate the same or less than them. Since they all maintain healthy weights without too much conscious effort, I guess that should be ok.
This time last week I would have been sneaking off to buy secret snacks and eating them in addition to all the meals with them. so its definitely progress.
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Sunday was pretty much like Saturday, and I was feeling quite pleased with myself.
till i got home and any thought of controlling calories went out the window.
Monday continued with complete disregard for what I was eating.
Making breakfast this morning (Tuesday) started out much the same. but then the phone rang and then i was late and so all i had time to grab was something with reasonable calories.
Just got to find my rhythm.0 -
Yesterday (Tuesday) was ok. I'm feeling ok for today.
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today (wednesday) was also ok.
I weighed myself this morning and I lost a couple of ounces since last time. given the inaccuracies of a single measurement this means very little. but i guess its better than if it had gone up.
I'm kind of mentally adding up calories which i know isn't so accurate, but is the best i can do for now. I am aiming for 1200-1400 calories because i guess that my calculations are under so it probably puts me at something around 1500 calories.
so things i need to do
1. find a way to measure calories more accurately.
2. weigh myself daily to get a better idea of whether i am gaining or losing.
3. wear my fitbit to get an idea of calories burned. i am not currently doing any exercise.
4. fit in exercise.
number 1 - not so easy. hard to explain but doesn't work well with my life. but i do think i have to find a way to be more accurate than what i am currently doing.
number 2 is easy - i just have to do it. I know this isn't for everyone but the daily fluctuations don't bother me, and i prefer to have a weekly/fortnightly indication of whether i am gaining or losing.
number 3 is easy - I just have to find it, and use it. im just so unmotivated. im really just doing this weight loss thing because i am so unhappy that i have gained so much. but actually i am not really motivated at all. so i know i should wear my fitbit but the thought of trying to find it is enough for me not to bother.
number 4 - not so easy. again hard to explain why.
so ill start with number 2. daily (or at least more regular) weigh-ins.0 -
Some ideas/suggestions/recommendations:
1. What about using your hand as a guide? Something like this: I will preface this by saying I didn't read the article, just looked at the pictures as that's really what I wanted. haha Using your hands for proper meal portions
2. I weigh daily and I can't recommend TrendWeight (and/or) Weightgrapher enough! (I use both) Trendweight gives a more detailed look at what is going on and can be synced with MFP (and Fitbit) so for me I just log it into MFP and it goes to both FitBit and Trendweight so it saves a few seconds. Weightgrapher is handy as well (and I believe can also be synced with FitBit). You can also manually enter data if you need to. It has a one month prediction feature that I like. They both give a better idea of what is really going on and I find it motivational when it's trending downward (and when all the stats are in the green!) so it may help you as well.
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@WifiresGettingFit - I hadn't thought of using my hand as a guide. i'm going to try it. thanks. It makes me realise that maybe the portions that I've been using this past week have not been as reasonable as I thought.
I've been using trendweight for a few years, now. I enter my data onto the withings website and from there it is automatically uploaded to trendweight, MFP, fitbit and quite a few other sites similar to trendweight. i used to really enjoy seeing the numbers going down in as many different places as possible. now i dread looking at those sites because of where the trend is likely to be going. I guess its a good wakeup call, though.1 -
So I got up after writing the post above to prepare breakfast.
There was some chocolate. I ate 2 squares. there was some cheese. I cut myself off a piece and ate it.
Although its true that I'm not able to accurately measure my food at the moment, I can log it to the best of my abilities. and even that will be helpful and hold me accountable. because at the moment i am adding it up in my head (and when i grabbed the chocolate i remembered that i had grabbed some yesterday which I hadn't included in my mental calculations.)
so that's today's breakfast - 2 squares of chocolate, a cube of cheese and 2 hard boiled eggs.0 -
i just entered it into my mfp food diary.
it felt strange (but good) to be using the diary again. it felt strange to see all my 'usual' foods, many of which i haven't eaten for such a while.
It was quite motivating, too. I have been kind of flapping around trying to get my head in the right place to do this, but i think part of the problem is that I know that I need a calorie deficit to lose weight and yet without any real way of measuring calories in or out, its felt quite overwhelming and i didn't know where to start. i didnt realise it, but i actually didnt know how to do it. or at least how to make it work for me. i was trying to do 'it' without an 'it' in mind that would work.
So now I'm going to go get my fitbit and im going to set my target to 750 calorie deficit per day (or 1400 calories minimum) and im going to log my food to the best of my ability and im going to make those numbers work.
ill see how that goes in terms of my ability to stick with it, and also how much weight i lose and adjust as necessary.0 -
oh, PS - I did try to weigh myself this morning but the scale is not working.0
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im also going to plan my meals to the best of my ability in order to avoid chocolate for breakfast !!0
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and if I dont find my fitbit today then I will buy another one tomorrow. or maybe even today. I dont have the funds to do this but I realise that for me accurate measurements of calories in and calories out are crucial. and i have to at least do the best i can.0
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i found my fitbit, and i am walking on the spot to get my steps in.
I've just got to sync it up so that I get credit for my steps.0 -
I'm glad you found your FitBit, just take it one day or even one minute (if you need to) at a time! You've got this!0
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Fitbit is working and syncing. Its a familiar feeling to have it on and create a greater awareness of my calories burned.
As for today (Thursday) it started off really well - breakfast and lunch were on track. A bit of excitement over my fitbit and a bit of enthusiasm for the steps.
Until dinner where it all went horribly wrong. so bad that i didn't log because i don't even remember what i ate. I would say 1000-2000 calories as an estimate.
I am kind of ok with it because i haven't lost the will to try again tomorrow.
and i am aware that i am just settling in at the moment and its going to take a bit of a while to get this working.
and getting the fitbit on was a win.
on the other hand as I was eating i was saying to myself stop. you don't need this or want this. go write on your thread (I always feel more motivated after writing here). but i continued until i was painfully full. so quite frustrating and disappointed in myself. I guess the plus is that I feel frustrated and disappointed by my actions whereas a couple of weeks ago, I didn't really care.
but yes, @WifiresGettingFit it is one minute at a time at the moment. (and thankyou for your support). Sadly a few minutes is all it takes to overturn a day's effort.
tomorrow's another day.
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It may take you a while to get where you want to be and that's okay. Real change takes time but you will get there. Just keep working at it! You're welcome for the support, anytime! (Feel free to message me as well if that's something you need/want to do! I am just a message away and I usually check in multiple times a day so don't hesitate to reach out)
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I found that logging helps me even when I know I'm over, and even if it's just a best-guess kind of log because I don't weigh my food and don't always really know how much I'm eating. The very act of stopping and writing it down just makes me think more, and if I log in advance I'm much more likely to be self-aware.
I usually try to give any changes about 3 weeks to settle in. You had a good breakfast and lunch, that's totally progress, particularly while you are still in transition mode. Yesterday was a step in the right direction. Is it perfect, no, there is always going to be room for improvement no matter how good you get there is always better. Steps in the right direction are how you get there, keep up the awesome work!!!0 -
How have things been going? @totaldetermination0
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its been a bad week.
I am going to get things going again from today.
I have a choice: I can over eat, and then this weight gain will continue or I can eat reasonably and it will not. Its actually that simple. and every time I overeat then I am choosing not just to eat but to continue to gain weight.
I was literally just thinking to myself that I want to eat chocolate. lots of chocolate. (Its 9am, and I have already eaten a bar.)
I read a blog on this site about the words
'I allowed myself' - ie taking responsibility for your behavior and the consequences. for example - 'I allowed myself to gain the weight'. It was a helpful post, and one that I could relate to.
But I am going to turn it around slightly.
I give myself permission to succeed at this.
I give myself permission to be in control of my eating.
I allow myself to lose the weight that I have gained.
I can actually feel the slightest tinge of resistance as i say (write) that last line. i don't know why.
I am going to write it again.
I allow myself to lose the weight that I have gained.
[pause]
I allow myself to lose the weight that I have gained.
[pause]
I allow myself to lose the weight that I have gained.
[pause]
I allow myself to lose the weight that I have gained.
its starting to feel more comfortable
that was a strange experience.
It also makes me realise that my approach is a bit like someone going in to a battle. The enemy is not food. but rather is me and my food urges. and i have a mentality of fighting against them. 'its a constant battle'. But maybe it just needs a softer more loving touch. Maybe I just need to give myself permission to love myself and treat myself well.
This is something that I struggle with in other parts of my life, too.
When I lost all the weight it was largely thanks to habits which i managed to establish. but I didn't really address the underlying psychological issues that caused the weight gain.
I know that they are the bigger problem but i know that the longer i keep gaining weight, the more weight there will be to lose. and for that reason I need to do something quickly. Perhaps the answer is a combination of the two.
Gentle but firm. rather than fighting a battle.
I give myself permission to treat myself and my body with love and compassion.
I allow myself to lose the weight that I have gained.
I am determined to make it happen because I want to look after myself and my body.
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Thankyou @WifiresGettingFit and @tcunbeliever0
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Thanks for the nudge @tcunbeliever - I have just logged my breakfast .
If I am not able to log, then its not a good sign, and all the more reason why I should log.0 -
ok, so apart from the early morning chocolate bar, yesterday was good.
A birthday party at work and i walked passed the cake so many times that in the end it was becoming a habit for me to walk past and not take any. now thats a good habit ! all other meals were on plan.
until about 9.30 when the cookies called. i had one and then another and then i stopped.
I am disappointed that I had any but also happy and relieved that I only had 2.
at several hundred calories each that still put me over my daily calories.
even on a 'good' day I'm gaining weight. *sigh*
but at least i am still here, trying. i know that as long as I keep persevering i will get there.0 -
I had cookies yesterday as well! and a bunch of other stuff because I was super hungry for some reason. I don't know if this will help you or not but I'll say it anyway just on the off chance that it might. You aren't going to be perfect all the time because well life and instead of looking at it like "oh I ate over so I'm going to gain weight" well not necessarily. You might not be at a point right now where you can do this but maybe in the future you can start looking at your calories for the week instead of day to day. I've started doing that last month and it's made a world of difference just because I can have a bad day (like yesterday) and it isn't going to be detrimental to my progress because I can "make up" for it during the week (or month if it's necessary) You did good yesterday, bask in that, pat yourself on the back and try to do good again today! It's a process, it really is but you've got this!0
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Saturday was good.
@WifiresGettingFit - thanks for your suggestion. I am really open to hearing other people's thoughts. The truth is that June 2nd was a good day compared to previous days but wasn't good enough to help me lose weight. If even my good days are over, then I have to do even better - i can't escape the maths. it felt like a good day but in truth it wasn't. I am still happy with it because its an improvement on the other days but I just have to get to the point where I am regularly doing even better than that. I do feel that Im getting there. But yes, 2 steps forward and one step backwards at the moment.0 -
@totaldetermination You'll eventually find your balance and get the swing of things, just take it a little at a time. Change doesn't happen overnight and those improvements even if they are small will start to add up! Keep at it!0
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