Runners that need some nutritional accountability

@Avidkeo I hope the counseling helps you sort out your feelings and that a trial separation, if it comes to that, will give you the time you need to decide if you can make it work or not. Hugs. We are here for you. I hope you get to feeling better soon too!

@shanaber So sorry to hear about Hilde. It's not uncommon to feel a sense of relief when someone you have been a caregiver for passes. That doesn't mean that you didn't care about the person. It's hard. I'm glad she had everything detailed out, so you know who to call, etc. Yes, you will need the death certificate before you can do most things required. I hope it isn't months in coming. That's crazy. I hope you can enjoy your time away to N CA for you anniversary. San Francisco is a fun place to visit.

@shanaber I’m so sorry about Hilde. She was so lucky to have you in her life.

My grandmother passed on the Fourth of July. We were headed to her house as a family to celebrate and she was sitting on the sofa with the TV on - had to get the firemen out to break into the house and they were so kind. It kind of casts a pall over the holiday, doesn’t it? We still raise a glass to her over dessert, which is traditionally watermelon in our family.

So sorry to hear of the passings this weekend. It is definitely a mixed bag of emotions.

@shanaber It took me maybe 2 weeks to get mom's ashes and a death certificate back and that was in Dec. I don't think it will take that long. There is a lot to learn when someone dies and mortuaries (if they are good) are usually so helpful. Glad you got an attorney, make sure they specialize in trusts...it will make things so much easier. The first step is to get your executor certificate naming you the executor (the attorney should be able to file for this for you) and then you will need to open a trust bank account and apply for a tax ID number. From there, it is a matter of figuring out what the trust wants.

@Avidkeo I am so sorry you are experiencing this. It is a very hard time to go through and requires so much soul searching and self honesty. It seems like you have an idea of what is going on and I agree a councilor can help. Head down and keep pushing...one day it will be a memory.

We had a surprise 4 day weekend and I was glad. I got my second covid vaccine on Thursday afternoon and felt good all afternoon and thought I would dodge the ick. Unfortunately I woke up in the early hours of the morning with a violent headache. All day friday I had a low fever and generally felt like *kitten*. I took a tylenol and felt almost fine. I went to the bank to finally sort out Mom's IRA and was told politely I should read my mail and I hadn't sent in a form yet...le sigh. But I noticed a thrift store in the same shopping center and got some good stuff. The tylenol wore off and I went home and was lazy the rest of the day.

Saturday the vet called after black cats biopsy, he does have intestinal cancer. She seemed very matter of fact about it and said we will get him on oral chemo and go from there. She did not seemed overly concerned or worried about his age or progression. Black cat was doing great until yesterday, he has lost another .25lbs, he is now 10.25lbs (for a large cat) and wasn't interested in food. DH gave him nausea meds and he will get some fluids today. Hopefully it is a phase. I spent the afternoon at the Ranch pulling a really old horse trailer out of the dirt and weeds and pressure washing it.

Sunday was a "business day". I worked on my reselling business and it is going well.

Monday I was back at the ranch and finished pressure washing and cleaning out the horse trailers. I also sprayed some coyote bush, that stuff is nasty and very invasive. The mustard is dying so I think I missed the ball on that one and I will have twice as much next year...

Today I need to figure out how to sell the trailers and get some paperwork done. I am also at work today so I need to get caught up on things. There really isn't much to this job...so it can be hard to find motivation.

I have not run in 10 days. I need to get back into it if I am going to do that 25K in Sep. Forgot to weigh in today as well.

Forward momentum!

I should clarify that my grandmother died decades ago, sorry that wasn’t obvious!

RunsOnEspresso

@shanaber I'm so sorry about Hilde. Death is never easy.

Death certificates always seem to take a few weeks. My dad's took longer because a full autopsy was requested to determine specific cause (there really wasn't anything). My uncle's was faster because we knew and didn't need the full autopsy.

Insurance can take 6 months to pay out after they get the death certificate. It's seriously a PITA like all insurance. They just don't want to pay. My uncle died in December and we got the life insurance in May if I remember correctly.

@shanaber Sorry to hear of Hilde's passing. Perhaps there is some comfort that she went peacefully.
Alex had a cranial autopsy only due to the violent nature but his body was in the mortuary within 3 days and ready for viewing. Death certificate was received about 2-3 weeks and one insurance paid a few weeks after the certificate was received and the other about 2+ months. The funeral home wasn't concerned with payment knowing insurance was being filed. Settling her estate hopefully won't be too much trouble since she left legal documents.
ETA Re: calling friends/family. Can you ask one of her friends to make the calls?

@Avidkeo Don't apologize for needing us. Share all you need to. Focus on thing getting better in your life. When my ex moved out, it was such a relief for me and the kids. Separation here can be done legally too for the sake of responsibilities and child sharing arrangements.

Bear...
is still a little sick-ish. He feels well enough to go outside but still coughing and congested. I'm holding off on the vet. The water meter reader stopped for some reason and Bear went out there with a fluffy tail and "what are you doing in my yard" swagger... LOL! I grabbed him before there was a confrontations. 😂 I didn't see where the person was, sure they would have been amused to be visited by my guard cat. DD said she'd help with a Benadryl later. Beanies poop is better. No diarrhea, so yay no vet for her.

I haven't done my HW. it is due today by 1159pm.

@rheddmobile Those trouble brother are my background

too cute.

@ddmom0811 I wish they'd do something about the fireworks. All the animals are upset about it. Cori growled at the back door towards the neighbors setting off loads. My dogs were hiding before it even started for the third night in a row. I don't know where my outside cat is.

@CMorning99 Hang in there with the vaccine symptoms. I have heard they can get bad. My niece was throwing up. I was fine but had the one dose. Fluids and eat right and watch the BP, rest as you can. You always sound so busy. My day is wake, couch, bathroom, check mail, couch, snack, couch, throw cat toys, couch, amazon/online orders, couch... LOL!

@CMorning99 Sorry you were hit so hard by the second vaccine. Sounds like you are making progress at your mom's and at work, so that's good. Sorry about black cat having cancer.

@swenson19d Glad your cats are doing better.

I had my 6 month follow up with the cardiologist - nurse practitioner today. I told her about having the feeling of a pounding heart (for an hour) while playing tennis yesterday (don't think I talked about it on this thread). She really had no idea, unless it is an irregular heartbeat. Was really confused since, even though I was breathing harder than I normally would, I wasn't what I would call "short of breath" or was showing any other symptoms. Everything looked good today, so she said if it happened again to call and she would order one of those patch heart monitor's to see if they could figure it out. Hopefully, it was a one time thing and it won't happen again.

@swenson19 thank you as always for your support. I am so lucky to have so many around helping me through. Do your homework. And crap that reminds me I have an assignment due on Friday.

@quilteryoyo hope the heart is under control. Keep an eye on it eh and definitely get checked out if it happens again.

@CMorning99 stink about the vaccine hitting you like that. Definitely not fun.

My update in the spoiler.

saw my counsellor this morning. She encouraged a 2 week wait and see approach. Sex is off the table for 2 weeks and we brainstorm ideas about ways we can each make eachother feel wanted. So I think of things I want from DH and vice versa. I booked a session for next Thursday, and another one the following Tuesday. The suggestion was he could go to the session next week, then we come together the following week. Since it's the relationship that needs work. I am open to this and suggested it to DH and he seemed OK with it too.

I commented that this counsellor encouraged me away from separation, because that's what I wanted to do. He was glad of that, then said you realise if you leave me, I'm gone. I'll disappear. I said what about the kids. He said I'm gone, won't have anything to do with them. I said go then. If that's your plan just go. (my dad left us when I was a kid). He said you seem to think we will just share the kids one week on one week off. This has shocked me. I never thought he would abandon the kids.

He is unhappy at the idea of no sex for 2 weeks, to the point he's asked me to sleep downstairs for 2 weeks. I told him that defeats the point. We are trying to find non-sexual intimacy and sleeping separate won't help that. So it's all still up in the air, and now we wait till his counselling session. I was feeling good about things till he dropped those bombshells. I never thought he would just walk away. I always thought he would fight tooth and nail. I now question who he is

Kids had cross country today. I was so impressed by my oldest. She's not athletic at all, and managed to run 1km! My youngest did half a km. So proud

RunsOnEspresso

@Avidkeo wow, that part about the kids is heartbreaking. I hope he doesn't really mean it and was only reacting in anger/pain.

@Avidkeo I agree with @RunsOnEspresso I’d think it’s a manipulation/guilt tactic spoken of anger. My ex had nothing to do with the kids while married, but talk of divorce and I was an absent mother and he did everything. He planned on moving my kids 4 states away so his mother could raise them. He had the nerve to tell me that “one day he’d have a family of his own and I needed to be okay with that”. You have a family you idiot. Men are infuriating. Asking you to sleep downstairs sounds like he wants you to beg and give in to his demands. I’m frustrated for you.

ETA congratulations to the kiddos!

It was especially heartbreaking since I'm pretty open about my dad leaving us when I was r and never being part of our lives. Heck we had that conversation with the girls last night because my grandad sent some video of me when I was 5 so they asked again about my dad.

PART of me thinks it's him saying if you take away love, I'll take it away. Or a scare tactic. But it didn't work, because I'm not going to be responsible for his choices. He leaves, and disappears, that's on him. And not me.

@Avidkeo Congratulations to your girls. I hope they like it and stick with it. So sorry about the marriage issues. I, too, hope DH was just angry and spoke without thinking. I can't imagine just abandoning my kids (if I had any). I hope he goes to his counseling session and it helps. You're right. If he leaves, it is on him, not you. You can't control someone else's actions, only your own and how you react to them. Hugs.

Avidkeo wrote: »

@swenson19 thank you as always for your support. I am so lucky to have so many around helping me through. Do your homework. And crap that reminds me I have an assignment due on Friday.

@quilteryoyo hope the heart is under control. Keep an eye on it eh and definitely get checked out if it happens again.

@CMorning99 stink about the vaccine hitting you like that. Definitely not fun.

My update in the spoiler.
saw my counsellor this morning. She encouraged a 2 week wait and see approach. Sex is off the table for 2 weeks and we brainstorm ideas about ways we can each make eachother feel wanted. So I think of things I want from DH and vice versa. I booked a session for next Thursday, and another one the following Tuesday. The suggestion was he could go to the session next week, then we come together the following week. Since it's the relationship that needs work. I am open to this and suggested it to DH and he seemed OK with it too.

I commented that this counsellor encouraged me away from separation, because that's what I wanted to do. He was glad of that, then said you realise if you leave me, I'm gone. I'll disappear. I said what about the kids. He said I'm gone, won't have anything to do with them. I said go then. If that's your plan just go. (my dad left us when I was a kid). He said you seem to think we will just share the kids one week on one week off. This has shocked me. I never thought he would abandon the kids.

He is unhappy at the idea of no sex for 2 weeks, to the point he's asked me to sleep downstairs for 2 weeks. I told him that defeats the point. We are trying to find non-sexual intimacy and sleeping separate won't help that. So it's all still up in the air, and now we wait till his counselling session. I was feeling good about things till he dropped those bombshells. I never thought he would just walk away. I always thought he would fight tooth and nail. I now question who he is

Kids had cross country today. I was so impressed by my oldest. She's not athletic at all, and managed to run 1km! My youngest did half a km. So proud

Why on earth would YOU have to be the one to sleep somewhere else if he has trouble controlling himself? Ugh, the thing with the kids is just terrible. I am the child of my father’s second marriage and I didn’t really understand until I was older that he completely abandoned his kids from his first marriage. It’s a thing some men do.

Good morning!

I am so glad yesterday I felt unstoppable. Black cat is not doing well, he is getting fluids every morning and acts hungry but wont eat. I feel like I am being very selfish and letting DH handle his care, I just cant. Stressing about having to go to court to get me named as the sole beneficiary, lawyer said it could backfire and the judge may rule that mom's pen and ink changes are not valid and my cousins can come after the money and I told her if there is anyway I could lose anything (land, bank accounts) that I would walk away from the money from the policy that goes to the trust, it is about $20K. I listed the old horse trailer on craigslist and was flooded with the usual scams "I am an army veteran in need" ones and then so many people want to come see it, it is over whelming. I finally put my foot down and said I require a $500 hold deposit and it has to be off the property in 5 days with payment in full...showings can be scheduled either Saturday or Sunday. I think the other trailer I am going to list on FB and see if that is easier since we have messenger vs email. I got the first bill from the county to have my pre-application meeting (so they can tell me what we need)...$1600...guess I know what the horse trailer is paying for LOL

Good news: I got pre-approved to apply for a well! I FINALLY mailed in the paperwork to start withdrawing on the IRA (sad about the taxes that are going to come with it). I sold a birdcage for $50 (pay for my gas...it is $10 a roundtrip up to the ranch).

Yesterday's food was sus...all take out. I was too tired to run this morning and just came to work to try and put order to the chaos of trying to sell this trailer.

I forgot to weigh myself again. Maybe I will set an alarm for tomorrow.

Forward momentum

ddmom0811

OMG I'm just so sad with all the news in here! I came in to post a terrible story too. But was so shocked with @shanaber and @avidkeo's news!

@shanaber - that must have been just awful. I think fireworks were so insane because we are now in the roaring 20s and everyone is celebrating since they assume covid is over. Brutus finally better. Next time there are fireworks we have to sedate him or something. I just can't believe it about Hilde!!!
I'm going to Virginia to see my mom! I haven't seen her since the summer of 2019. Had a trip planned in March 2020 and that was canceled.

@avidkeo - as others stated, I just can't believe he won't see the kids. WTAF! He's a good dad now, I assume. He's just going to disappear. Maybe it is a threat. I think the guilt would just kill him if he actually disappeared. And you have to be so careful to not talk bad about him (so they say, though my parents did non-stop about each other).

My news was that someone down the street caught on video a person throwing a kitten (about 3 weeks old) out the window of their car. A person was behind them and saw something thrown and stopped and then saw what it was. Then a house closeby was able to capture it on their Ring! Brown Kia is all we know. But the NextDoor app is going to find this Ahole!!! The kitten is being cared for by a person - a 3rd person who saw the commotion and volunteered. This isn't my neighborhood but just around the corner. How?!?!?

I'm starting to have some hip issues on one side. I think it is the Peloton because I never had it from running. I will be off it for 6 days while away so maybe I will heal. Otherwise, a doctor is in my future for this. It really only hurts when I sleep on that side. But that's my preferred side!

rheddmobile wrote: »

Avidkeo wrote: »

@swenson19 thank you as always for your support. I am so lucky to have so many around helping me through. Do your homework. And crap that reminds me I have an assignment due on Friday.

@quilteryoyo hope the heart is under control. Keep an eye on it eh and definitely get checked out if it happens again.

@CMorning99 stink about the vaccine hitting you like that. Definitely not fun.

My update in the spoiler.
saw my counsellor this morning. She encouraged a 2 week wait and see approach. Sex is off the table for 2 weeks and we brainstorm ideas about ways we can each make eachother feel wanted. So I think of things I want from DH and vice versa. I booked a session for next Thursday, and another one the following Tuesday. The suggestion was he could go to the session next week, then we come together the following week. Since it's the relationship that needs work. I am open to this and suggested it to DH and he seemed OK with it too.

I commented that this counsellor encouraged me away from separation, because that's what I wanted to do. He was glad of that, then said you realise if you leave me, I'm gone. I'll disappear. I said what about the kids. He said I'm gone, won't have anything to do with them. I said go then. If that's your plan just go. (my dad left us when I was a kid). He said you seem to think we will just share the kids one week on one week off. This has shocked me. I never thought he would abandon the kids.

He is unhappy at the idea of no sex for 2 weeks, to the point he's asked me to sleep downstairs for 2 weeks. I told him that defeats the point. We are trying to find non-sexual intimacy and sleeping separate won't help that. So it's all still up in the air, and now we wait till his counselling session. I was feeling good about things till he dropped those bombshells. I never thought he would just walk away. I always thought he would fight tooth and nail. I now question who he is

Kids had cross country today. I was so impressed by my oldest. She's not athletic at all, and managed to run 1km! My youngest did half a km. So proud

Why on earth would YOU have to be the one to sleep somewhere else if he has trouble controlling himself? Ugh, the thing with the kids is just terrible. I am the child of my father’s second marriage and I didn’t really understand until I was older that he completely abandoned his kids from his first marriage. It’s a thing some men do.

I thought the same thing. I'd have told him what the heck is stopping you from disappearing this very second buddy. It almost has a suicidal undertone. I really thing its a manipulation tactic, he's prob afraid of losing them or having to fight, I hope.

@ddmom0811 So sad about the kitten! sheesh. I am so glad it was caught on camera and the kitten is being cared for. They are resilient little things. I had a vet tell me unlike dogs, cats don't go into shock and die as quickly. I picked up a 7-8 week old that had been hit by a car on a rural road. He lived for a week or so. The vet missed that he had a punctured lung while trying to keep the cost down. Sure this little one will get the best cat care available.
Sorry to hear about the hip. Peloton bike, I assume? Seat height? hope it behaves for you and is a one time quirky pain. If its outside hip, you might consider bursitis.

@shanaber Hope things fall into place and you have a peaceful week.

@ddmom0811 oh poor kitty. I really don't understand that mentality. Hope the hip settles.

@CMorning99 hugs on everything. I hope court goes well. When is that happening?

@swenson19 been following the tracking and have a bad feeling about it. Hopefully it's in NZ customs this time... How is this so hard for USPS? Odd.

No update really. He's putting in an effort. We are just treading water until next Thursday. We went over our lists today. Many things lines up - family holidays, having family outings, watching old movies together etc. I had I wanted to be free from coersion on my list. He disagrees that he coerces me. He can't see that his behaviour is coercive. He put that he wants me to be more flirty and acknowledge his perspective that live =sex. I kinda said we need to have more professional conversations about that because we disagree there and we aren't working through it together. So some positive stuff. Some negative stuff.

My oldest came into my romm this morning and told me daddy had been crying in the kitchen and she didn't know why. That broke my heart. I told her that adults get sad and cry just like she does and she can give daddy a cuddle if she likes. She mentioned it again in front of DH about 20 mins later, so she knows something is wrong. I may chat with her and tell her that mummy and daddy are having a rough time, but we are working together and talking to try get through. I don't believe in hiding from the kids. They know.

I'm kinda counting down 2 weeks. I think that joint counselling session will be enlightening.

Oh and still sick. Almost completely lost my voice last night at work. So am off sick again for a couple of days

Good news, the Xterra near my husband’s folks passed its checkup and we are moving ahead. It had some minor things wrong with it - brakes needed work - dealer replaced the pads and rotors and now all is well - alternator may or may not be weird, they are giving us a cut which would pay to have it replaced if necessary. I’m guessing moving a neon green xterra in a very conservative small town is a tough sell, so they are bending over backwards for us.

I have never bought a car out of state before and get nervous about “adulting.” Looking up all the hoops we have to jump through to get her here.

@CMorning99 Glad things are moving forward and you got a lot done over the weekend. Sorry that Black Cat isn't doing well still.

@ddmom0811 Wow! That is horrible. I hope they find the person/persons who did that to a little cat and they are punished. I just don't understand how you can do that to a living thing. Hope your hip gets better.

@Avidkeo Glad DH is putting in some effort. That's definitely better than nothing. So sad about your daughter seeing her dad cry, but you are right. They know something is going on, so you might as well be honest with them. I hope you get to feeling better!

Great news on the Xterra @rheddmobile . It's about time you had some.

@avidkeo yes it was sent usps… I haven’t looked at it. I hope it isn’t sent back. C’mon there are 100’s laptops and devices on the plane over there. What’s wrong with this one? I hope you and your Dh find a way to get on the same page, I think men get too hung up on sex and that equates with acceptance. Maybe he can take up fishing or something. Mine has men’s Mason meetings and the motorcycle buddies, and recovery groups and church… lol! Just keepin’ him busy!

@avidkeo Such a stressful time not knowing or understanding what the other wants and often them or you not even knowing what is wanted. DH and I spent a year in therapy, it was nice to talk b/c it did help us have some adult conversations. DH often defaults to humor when he is uncomfortable and we get derailed in what we are actually talking about. He still does it but at least we both acknowledge he does and I am ok with telling him to get back on track. But while it was a safe place to talk, IDK if it solved our issues why where there...DH just wanted to move on and act like nothing happened...takes 2 to tango.

Also the court thing will not happen for 4-6 months...ugh. Hopefully it is a 1 stop shop hearing...and not like the criminal case...we are still 2 months out from a pre-lim hearing..Mom has been gone 7 months already.

@swenson19d USPS is having a hard time. Very few of my packages are getting anywhere on time. It may be stuck in customs too. I usually use a freight forwarding company who does it all...costs more but saves headaches.

Another busy day. Yesterday was bit a slower but I managed to create new accounts at my bank for Mom's money...I need to start using it and stop using mine. She was so protective of her money that I feel bad about using it and it doesn't feel like it is mine...even though it is mine. It is little things like this that remind me that I am not fully ok.

I broke down and drove out to the ranch yesterday, a business man wanted to see the trailer and I was hoping he was a serious buyer...an adult. He offered me $1K, I am asking $1600...the trailer does need a lot of work. I have another person coming to look at it on Saturday and if he doesn't buy it, I might just let it go and be done and move on to the next one.

A cool thing did happen, on Tuesday I was really stuck on the going to court thing and I begged mom to show me a sign she was a round...and maybe tell me what I should do. When I was driving up the driveway yesterday there was a huge hawk, probably 2 ft tall, sitting on the fence post 10ft from me and it just watched me drive up and then he flew off...and then about 100ft further up the drive there was another one who did the same thing...sat there, watched me drive by and then took off. Mom loved the Hawks and she would always sit and watch them and comment on how beautiful they are. I now seem to have a nesting pair on the ranch. I would love to think they are my angels.

I did skip my run yesterday. IF is going well, been pretty hungry in the mornings lately but I think I am dehydrated. I did weigh myself so I have a start...my rolling avg weight app says I have lost .5lbs in the last month LOL. Probably need some more data points.

Just got a couple more emails about the trailer...I really want to take an evening for myself...it costs me $10 in gas round trip to go up to the ranch...it adds up.

Better get to making decisions.

Thanks again.

Have come to my mums for the weekend. It's nice being away and just relaxing. Kids are home with DH. Voice keeps ranging from lounge singer husky, to pubescent boy whose voice is breaking. And I have an annoying cough. Yay for masks.

@CMorning99 Cool about the hawks showing up just when you needed them. Glad you're getting some things done re your mom's estate.

@Avidkeo Glad you were able to get away for the weekend. Hope you get to feeling better.

My internet is having some major issues again. Thought they were fixed last night, but that lasted only 30 minutes. Probably won't be on much until it gets fixed. I'm using my Verizon Jet Pack at the moment and I don't have unlimited data, so have to limit a little bit. I hope Century Link and I can get this going sometime today. Was on the phone and chatting with them for 2 hours last night.

I had a mandatory training day at daycare yesterday. I had already eaten breakfast, but they had sausage biscuits, so I ate one. Then, they had BBQ sandwich, baked beans, and chips for the free lunch. I had that too. My weight was up 1.5 pounds today! Yikes. I know it's water, but still....

Got the internet fixed in about 20 minutes today. They had to reset it and then I had to set it back up on my end too. Wish they had figured that out last night.

Got my long run in this morning. It was hot and humid and I sweated so much that my clothes were almost dripping, but I got it done and it really wasn't horrible. Of course, stopping to talk to mom twice and a neighbor once helped. Now, I sit here with a net calorie input of 17. Guess I can eat whatever I want at the picnic mom and I were invited to in a little over an hour and not worry about it.

RunsOnEspresso

I've been struggling this week. Tried to run Friday after 2 rest days but didn't have the energy. Stomach was upset. Felt better in the afternoon and evening so thought I'd be good today.

Nope. Woke up tired with upset stomach again. Took a nap this afternoon. Still feel tired but stomach is feeling better.

I hope you are feeling better today @RunsOnEspresso .

I am trying to get the thing with the IRS straightened up today. Tried two different IRS number and pressing different options, but always got the same recording that they were unable to answer due to high call volume on the topic I requested. I was fed up, so called my congress woman's local offices. She is going to file an inquiry on my behalf, but I will need to fill out the form and it could take to the end of the year to get my money. It's CRAZY. If they would just answer the dang phone.