Doom, Despair, and Agony on Me! (aka a whine thread)
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TheLastMrBig wrote: »
This is reminder and just another lesson to learn for me .
She is still mad at me so I'm fine with that. Life is humbling and she will have to prove to herself and God that she values her life
I pray to God that she's resparked in life .
The moment where each of us stop and turn things around happens at different places. When I was much younger and just a little overweight I would see much larger people and judge them for not taking control of their lives and I assumed I would never get that big. I was wrong to judge and I was wrong in my assumption. For many, too many, years I have been the largest person in the room and I probably got heavier than anyone I criticized.
I have no idea how far down the destructive health path I am actually capable of going. Perhaps I could go to the very end and die. I don't know. The path doesn't have to involve food or obesity obviously. I have a family member who is going down it with alcohol and cigarettes. I don't judge him either. I could be him just like I could be just like your mother.
I have reversed course now but I know now that it doesn't make me any better than the person who hasn't yet. I went down that path once. I am capable of doing it again.
The reason it is hardest to help family members in these types of situations is that we are too close, too heartbroken, and too angry over the person that is either lost to us or becoming lost to us. Your mother is alive but you are still grieving her because her spiral has made her a different person to you. Your ability to help her is even less because to her you are the kid and she resents you trying to be an authority person in her life.
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OK, so July is done ... and between the gains and losses, I basically stayed the same. JHRC!!! So, I've been kicking the dirt all around my July goals and have tweaked them for August. Hoping for a better month!2
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@cesse47: I'm sure you will have a better month in August. July's just been a hard month for everyone, I think.2
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I lost my first 80 lbs doing no extra exercise....I could barely do regular things in the house....rode In a cart when shopping for groceries....you eat less to lose weight, you do exercise to tone up and get in shape...first you have to control what you eat and the amount of calories...hang in there!2
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I agree with @conniewilkins56 . I lost my first 75-80 pounds doing no exercise. I added exercise just to try and gain some functional fitness for everyday life, not to help with weight loss. The weight loss comes from eating at a calorie deficit. Like Connie said, maybe just focus on logging your food and keeping to a modest deficit. Exercise can come later if that makes it easier for you right now. Good luck!2
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I really find that controlling my portions is an act of love towards myself. I want to be strong and agile and able to handle what life sends my way, and I can't do that if I eat too much.2
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Not sure why but I am so mentally drained today....the shoulder hurting is not helping my mood get any better either....my husband is in so much pain that I feel guilty complaining about my arm!...if anything falls or drops, I hurry to see if John is ok or if he has fallen...I hated being 69 on my birthday last week....I need my windows washed....I have an area rug I need professionally cleaned....the screen room needs hosed and swept....on and on.....our daughter and family live with us but when they try to help, it sometimes makes a worse mess than I started with lol....I would love to get in the car and run away today but my arm hurts too bad....the only good thing is that I have no appetite which is strange for me when I am down...things will be better tomorrow....just a poor me day!5
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Connie
Nothing wrong with having a "poor me day". You know though that tomorrow will bring a new day with new struggles but also with new opportunities. Hope your shoulder feels better-try an anti-inflammatory if you can and some heat.3 -
conniewilkins56 wrote: »Not sure why but I am so mentally drained today....the shoulder hurting is not helping my mood get any better either....my husband is in so much pain that I feel guilty complaining about my arm!...if anything falls or drops, I hurry to see if John is ok or if he has fallen...I hated being 69 on my birthday last week....I need my windows washed....I have an area rug I need professionally cleaned....the screen room needs hosed and swept....on and on.....our daughter and family live with us but when they try to help, it sometimes makes a worse mess than I started with lol....I would love to get in the car and run away today but my arm hurts too bad....the only good thing is that I have no appetite which is strange for me when I am down...things will be better tomorrow....just a poor me day!
Does your husband being in pain alleviate the pain in your arm? Nope. STOP FEELING GUILTY!
Why does everything on the to-do list seem critically important when we do not feel our best? That just piles on. Hopefully today you will have more sunshine.1 -
Boyfriend is having a tough mental health day, kicked off by my mentioning the boys are coming down to help us hang the mirror today. I told him that on Thursday when I arranged it. I told him that on Friday when I nailed down the time of day. I told him that Saturday when we went out to get the hardware and a new stud finder, and I told him yesterday, when I said that I wanted to get the new a/c in and get some boxes unpacked so the boys can get the old a/c and the mini fridge out of the sewing room, when they're here to help us with the mirror.
Apparently he forgot. Because it came as an unpleasant surprise and that knocked him off his balance, and now he's stressing about doing it "right". (sigh) And apparently he has the mental bandwidth to either handle this or to apply for work, so we're doing this today and job-hunting tomorrow. So okay. I can handle it. It's just really really annoying because if he's not hearing me, why am I telling him stuff? (I know it's the DID. Still frustrating, though.)6 -
conniewilkins56 wrote: »Not sure why but I am so mentally drained today....the shoulder hurting is not helping my mood get any better either....my husband is in so much pain that I feel guilty complaining about my arm!...if anything falls or drops, I hurry to see if John is ok or if he has fallen...I hated being 69 on my birthday last week....I need my windows washed....I have an area rug I need professionally cleaned....the screen room needs hosed and swept....on and on.....our daughter and family live with us but when they try to help, it sometimes makes a worse mess than I started with lol....I would love to get in the car and run away today but my arm hurts too bad....the only good thing is that I have no appetite which is strange for me when I am down...things will be better tomorrow....just a poor me day!
Does your husband being in pain alleviate the pain in your arm? Nope. STOP FEELING GUILTY!
Why does everything on the to-do list seem critically important when we do not feel our best? That just piles on. Hopefully today you will have more sunshine.
My grandson is such a good kid...when he got up he offered to vacuum and mop so we let him!...then he took a shower chair in the backyard and washed it up with some cleaner and hosed it down...my husband told him he did a great job....johnnathan has Wolf Parkinson White Syndrome but his heart beat is being controlled with meds and he is doing fine...he will be going to high school this year virtually because of his compromised immune system... he is doing dual enrollment and taking college courses and two languages...
Yes, I do feel guilty!....I wish I could do anything to help my husband....8 days until the next procedure to try and help his back...this morning he had nose bleeds because the RA doctor increased his prednisone meds to try and give him some relief...
My husband still has his sarcastic sense of humor so at least we laugh a lot...you get to the point where you either laugh or you cry...we both prefer laughing!3 -
I had a really terrible weekend.
I was set up to dog sit for my friend. He dropped the keys at 8:30am on Friday and I was dropped off at his place at 1pm when I was finished with work. I knew something was up with the dog right away and FaceTimed my friend to let him know. We kept talking and I sat next to the dog and my friend made a vet appointment for the early evening but it was too late to do anything. I sat next to his dog for two hours and told him he was a good boy while he slowly passed and it's something I'm having a really hard time getting over. His sister came and we took the dog to the vet to make sure but I've just kind of been in shock and empty since. Yoga has been feeling good but that's about the only thing that is right now.
I've still been logging and weighing and staying within my calories. I've just not been caring about the nutritional value of what I eat and opting for smaller portions of foods I find comforting. The scale is still going down but it doesn't feel like any kind of accomplishment. I know it's probably just because the volume in my stomach is less than usual.
How have you guys managed this journey paired with unexpected grief?5 -
emmyjaykay wrote: »I had a really terrible weekend.
I was set up to dog sit for my friend. He dropped the keys at 8:30am on Friday and I was dropped off at his place at 1pm when I was finished with work. I knew something was up with the dog right away and FaceTimed my friend to let him know. We kept talking and I sat next to the dog and my friend made a vet appointment for the early evening but it was too late to do anything. I sat next to his dog for two hours and told him he was a good boy while he slowly passed and it's something I'm having a really hard time getting over. His sister came and we took the dog to the vet to make sure but I've just kind of been in shock and empty since. Yoga has been feeling good but that's about the only thing that is right now.
I've still been logging and weighing and staying within my calories. I've just not been caring about the nutritional value of what I eat and opting for smaller portions of foods I find comforting. The scale is still going down but it doesn't feel like any kind of accomplishment. I know it's probably just because the volume in my stomach is less than usual.
How have you guys managed this journey paired with unexpected grief?
@emmyjaykay
I'm sorry; that is rough! All I can offer is my sympathy, I'm afraid
I haven't had to deal with something like that yet, but its coming - my oldest cat is 18 and he's my child, so when he goes, and I know it can be any time just from age, its going to be rough!
I've been having him boarded when I go on vacations; I'd hate for something to happen to him while having someone else watching the cats.
@conniewilkins56
my dad doesn't have RA, but he broke his back in 2012 and his health just fell apart after that - in the last 8 years, he's had to have a pace maker put in, both hips replaced within 6 months of each other, and has been dealing with chest pain and severe migraines that no one can find an answer for. The last few months seems to have lessened up somewhat for him but I think that's because he's been doing a ton of reading (which is really strange to see my dad reading hours at a time; he never did that before!) which in turn is getting him to rest some and quit straining to do more than he's able. BUt its never easy to watch when those headaches hit and see him laying on the bed groaning and having nothing that can kick the pain. And this weekend, he came down with kidney stones.....
But pain is pain and there isn't comparing them!
Your grandson sounds awesome, though! Great kid!1 -
its a blah day for me - I'm actually having coffee in the afternoon which I only allow very rarely when I just can't stay awake at all. I got my walk in this morning before the rain set in, at least, but I've been tired ever since. TOM is almost over and I'm trying to eat more calories and trying for more sleep but so far, I'm still just feeling wore out.
I'm skipping jiu-jitsu tonight - all that yard work in the weeds has me with spotty poison ivy, I have a blister on a toe, and I guess I strained my wrists yesterday trying to put the cover back on my new mattress and I just don't feel up to it. And breaking in that new mattress will take a couple of nights - it was nice not having the "trough" in the middle but it's still hard, even with the 4" foam topper I have on top. I also switched out my clocks - the new one I bought is blue in display and has a dimmer, but doesn't dim enough and it was bothering me, so I finally just got the one out of the spare bedroom with its red digital display - I'm used to the red and it doesn't often bother me like that blue was doing.
I'm not planning on doing anything else today, so I'm trying to carefully budget my calories. I need to cut out the fabric to cover the cushions for my camper, so I'm going to aim to do that and see if I can get them made today; the rain keeps me inside, anyway!
I wore my Easter dress to church this last Sunday - the pink one with the black polka dots? - but its getting a little too big. If I pinned the front it helped, but I probably won't get much more wear out of it. And that was only the 2nd time I had worn it!
I commented about it to my mom who didn't think it looked too bad. AT some point she asked me how much more I was planning to lose and when I told her at least 50 pounds, her comment was "that will make you skin and bones!" And yet 50 lbs still won't have me out of the overweight range......
But that's my mom. When my dad's brother-in-law was diagnosed as borderline diabetes or diabetes itself, my aunt put him on a strict diet and he lost a lot of weight. My mom's comment? He'd lost too much and looked sickly. And I know that if I manage to get down to Onederland, that will be her comments behind my back as well. But oh well - its not going to stop me from trying!2 -
emmyjaykay wrote: »I had a really terrible weekend.
I was set up to dog sit for my friend. He dropped the keys at 8:30am on Friday and I was dropped off at his place at 1pm when I was finished with work. I knew something was up with the dog right away and FaceTimed my friend to let him know. We kept talking and I sat next to the dog and my friend made a vet appointment for the early evening but it was too late to do anything. I sat next to his dog for two hours and told him he was a good boy while he slowly passed and it's something I'm having a really hard time getting over. His sister came and we took the dog to the vet to make sure but I've just kind of been in shock and empty since. Yoga has been feeling good but that's about the only thing that is right now.
I've still been logging and weighing and staying within my calories. I've just not been caring about the nutritional value of what I eat and opting for smaller portions of foods I find comforting. The scale is still going down but it doesn't feel like any kind of accomplishment. I know it's probably just because the volume in my stomach is less than usual.
How have you guys managed this journey paired with unexpected grief?
That situation had to be really tough.
For me it was a struggle to get enough calories to stay fueled enough to help my family. I am an emotional non-eater you might say. I had some frozen pizza which was calorie dense so that was my calorie supplement each day for 5 or 6 days. I didn't enjoy any of it I just forced it down.
Nutrition can take a back seat as long as it does not stay back there too long. We are well adapted to survive periods of time on minimal nutrition so don't give it a second thought.
By the next week I was eating more normally again but my grip was loosening. The whole situation created some diet fatigue in me. Eventually we went away for a long weekend. I took a break that was not restricted to maintenance. The whole thing cost me about a half a pound regain but it was worth it. I came back feeling in charge again and ready to tackle more.
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