Dinner date- who pays?
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My kind of woman:
Intelligent, successful, well paying job. I don't want to have to take care of her; I want her to be able to take care of herself. If a woman wants a provider then that isn't going to be me. If you need a provider it probably means that you don't have the financial means to achieve the lifestyle that you're wanting in life and I'm not going to sacrifice everything I've worked for to give it to you. I don't care about being the breadwinner. I want us to be equals. I'm not going to expect her to do my laundry, do my dishes or anything else. I've been doing that for 32 years and don't need any help. Besides, since we're both successful we can just pay someone to do all of those things. If you want a nice pair of shoes then you should have a career to support that. I'd rather be with someone who has the ability to travel to nice places on a whim, not someone who expects me to cover all their expenses because society tells us it's the right thing to do or you were brought up that way. Be your own woman, I'll be my own man. Together we can take those successes and enjoy all the things that life has to offer.
I want to do things for a woman because I want to, not because it is expected. The same holds true on her end. Expectation over time breeds resentment. Ask yourself this ladies, what if the roles were reversed? What if a guy expected you to pay for everything? Would you like it? Paying to have their company and their presence and to make them feel special? Or would you rather to do it because you wanted to; because you care about that person and because you know they're going to appreciate rather than see the bill come and they look at it and slide it to you without a care in the world. I'm not on a pedestal, nor should you be.
The ironic thing these days, and yes I'll say it, is that some women feel entitled to be taken care of. Why don't people realize that the provider scenario is bred out of the woman being the caretaker of the house hold. Women didn't work. They stayed at home being the mother. Cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. It's what equaled the two. Now most women don't want that and I can appreciate that. But then these women still want the provider but they don't want to do anything else. Hell, most women these days can't even cook a pop tart. If I have children, we'll be equals. I work from home; I'll spend time with them and share the effort involved in raising them. I don't expect these things out of her because we're equals.
This made me giddy because you are my type of guy! :flowerforyou:0 -
I don't expect any man to treat me like I'm his girlfriend just because he asked me out. But since when is being a gentleman reserved only for your girlfriend? If you don't treat me like I'm important to you before we get to the relationship stage, we'll never get there.
That is kind of the point I am trying to make though.
Him treating her as important is her conception of what he should do without allowing for him to find his own ways and exhibit them.
Case in point that I mentioned yesterday (and either got missed or ignored) how does one say that paying shouldn`t matter to him but then in the next breath say but if he doesn`t he isn`t getting another chance.
That person has assigned an action or monetary value to her company and then has the gall to say he should be ashamed or is not a gentleman/decent person for doing the same.
I'm not dictating HOW he should treat me as important, nor am I assigning a monetary value to my company. I don't care if the date doesn't cost a dime.
Paying for someone's meal when you ask them out is the courteous thing to do, whether someone is important to you or not, in my opinion. To not pay, when YOU extended the invitation, is rude. I don't invite my SISTER out for lunch without paying for her. I sure as hell would not ask a man to dinner without paying for his meal. It's not about man vs. woman. It's about who initiated it. I said in my very first post on this thread that if a woman asks a man to dinner, she should pay, and that once they've been out a few times, even if he's always the one who initiates, she needs to show her appreciation in some way, either by making him dinner, giving him a gift, or asking HIM out and letting him be the one who gets treated for the evening. I have done ALL of these things.0 -
My kind of woman:
Intelligent, successful, well paying job. I don't want to have to take care of her; I want her to be able to take care of herself. If a woman wants a provider then that isn't going to be me. If you need a provider it probably means that you don't have the financial means to achieve the lifestyle that you're wanting in life and I'm not going to sacrifice everything I've worked for to give it to you. I don't care about being the breadwinner. I want us to be equals. I'm not going to expect her to do my laundry, do my dishes or anything else. I've been doing that for 32 years and don't need any help. Besides, since we're both successful we can just pay someone to do all of those things. If you want a nice pair of shoes then you should have a career to support that. I'd rather be with someone who has the ability to travel to nice places on a whim, not someone who expects me to cover all their expenses because society tells us it's the right thing to do or you were brought up that way. Be your own woman, I'll be my own man. Together we can take those successes and enjoy all the things that life has to offer.
I want to do things for a woman because I want to, not because it is expected. The same holds true on her end. Expectation over time breeds resentment. Ask yourself this ladies, what if the roles were reversed? What if a guy expected you to pay for everything? Would you like it? Paying to have their company and their presence and to make them feel special? Or would you rather to do it because you wanted to; because you care about that person and because you know they're going to appreciate rather than see the bill come and they look at it and slide it to you without a care in the world. I'm not on a pedestal, nor should you be.
The ironic thing these days, and yes I'll say it, is that some women feel entitled to be taken care of. Why don't people realize that the provider scenario is bred out of the woman being the caretaker of the house hold. Women didn't work. They stayed at home being the mother. Cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. It's what equaled the two. Now most women don't want that and I can appreciate that. But then these women still want the provider but they don't want to do anything else. Hell, most women these days can't even cook a pop tart. If I have children, we'll be equals. I work from home; I'll spend time with them and share the effort involved in raising them. I don't expect these things out of her because we're equals.
Geez.....once again.........you need to clone yourself
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Do any of you think that the area of the country (or being in a different country) or the age range of your dates plays a part in this too?
For example, I'm in my 30s and live in New England. I would never in a million years 'expect' a guy to pay for me on a first date. I always have enough money in my wallet to cover at least my share. Although, I have said before that if I offer to pay my part and he says no, then a simple thank you is enough, I don't want to insult him either.
I think you have a point there! I dont know any woman in my social circle that would expect a guy to pay, be original with the planning AND smell nice all that same time!! :laugh:
j/k
Maybe it's just me, but I'm sensing that the females on this thread have very different perspectives depending on what area of the country they are from (at least in the US). I'm not criticizing, just making an observation here...0 -
Do any of you think that the area of the country (or being in a different country) or the age range of your dates plays a part in this too?
For example, I'm in my 30s and live in New England. I would never in a million years 'expect' a guy to pay for me on a first date. I always have enough money in my wallet to cover at least my share. Although, I have said before that if I offer to pay my part and he says no, then a simple thank you is enough, I don't want to insult him either.
I think you have a point there! I dont know any woman in my social circle that would expect a guy to pay, be original with the planning AND smell nice all that same time!! :laugh:
j/k
Maybe it's just me, but I'm sensing that the females on this thread have very different perspectives depending on what area of the country they are from (at least in the US). I'm not criticizing, just making an observation here...
I'm moving north!!0 -
Do any of you think that the area of the country (or being in a different country) or the age range of your dates plays a part in this too?
For example, I'm in my 30s and live in New England. I would never in a million years 'expect' a guy to pay for me on a first date. I always have enough money in my wallet to cover at least my share. Although, I have said before that if I offer to pay my part and he says no, then a simple thank you is enough, I don't want to insult him either.
I think you have a point there! I dont know any woman in my social circle that would expect a guy to pay, be original with the planning AND smell nice all that same time!! :laugh:
j/k
Maybe it's just me, but I'm sensing that the females on this thread have very different perspectives depending on what area of the country they are from (at least in the US). I'm not criticizing, just making an observation here...
I'm moving north!!
Please do, I've got extra room for you at my house
Plus, I CAN cook!0 -
I don't expect any man to treat me like I'm his girlfriend just because he asked me out. But since when is being a gentleman reserved only for your girlfriend? If you don't treat me like I'm important to you before we get to the relationship stage, we'll never get there.
That is kind of the point I am trying to make though.
Him treating her as important is her conception of what he should do without allowing for him to find his own ways and exhibit them.
Case in point that I mentioned yesterday (and either got missed or ignored) how does one say that paying shouldn`t matter to him but then in the next breath say but if he doesn`t he isn`t getting another chance.
That person has assigned an action or monetary value to her company and then has the gall to say he should be ashamed or is not a gentleman/decent person for doing the same.
I'm not dictating HOW he should treat me as important, nor am I assigning a monetary value to my company. I don't care if the date doesn't cost a dime.
Paying for someone's meal when you ask them out is the courteous thing to do, whether someone is important to you or not, in my opinion. To not pay, when YOU extended the invitation, is rude. I don't invite my SISTER out for lunch without paying for her. I sure as hell would not ask a man to dinner without paying for his meal. It's not about man vs. woman. It's about who initiated it. I said in my very first post on this thread that if a woman asks a man to dinner, she should pay, and that once they've been out a few times, even if he's always the one who initiates, she needs to show her appreciation in some way, either by making him dinner, giving him a gift, or asking HIM out and letting him be the one who gets treated for the evening. I have done ALL of these things.
I agree!0 -
in reality, girls, if we're not willing to pay for a date, why should a man think we'll be any different if the relationship progresses to marriage?
Um... who is expecting that to change after marriage? The whole point of dating is to find a guy you like the way he is, not one that has to change. That goes for the good things too, not just the bad stuff.
He will take me out... and I will dote on him in other ways that are meaningful to *him*
My ex was a jerk at times, but he was from the South and would be caught dead before he would be seen letting his wife pay for our time out. That's probably a cultural thing, not a "right/wrong" thing.
That said, I think that's great so many of you guys and gals who look at marriage as a 50% split... my experience is just way different from what you guys post here:
What I see from my friends (and my own experience) is that the relationship often boils down to the wife/girlfriend working both their job plus taking a greater responsibility for the home (if you post about how I'm wrong, please also tell me how long you've been married for, thanks). I’m realistic enough to expect this, and as a countermeasure, I expect my future mate to honor me in the little ways that mean something to me. Including treating me like a lady, at home AND in public.0 -
What I see from my friends (and my own experience) is that the relationship often boils down to the wife/girlfriend working both their job plus taking a greater responsibility for the home (if you post about how I'm wrong, please also tell me how long you've been married for, thanks). I’m realistic enough to expect this, and as a countermeasure, I expect my future mate to honor me in the little ways that mean something to me. Including treating me like a lady, at home AND in public.in reality, girls, if we're not willing to pay for a date, why should a man think we'll be any different if the relationship progresses to marriage?
3 years married, 5 years total.
I'll pay 200 dollars a month to have someone take care of the house and we split things. Perfect!0 -
The other thing I've noticed is the guys that feel the need to pay for everything are typically not the breadwinners in the relationship.0
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I know several girls who were trained as nurses making decent money who stopped working as soon as they got married.
This makes no sense to me. Nurses make good money. Your typical 25-27 year old nurse is making more money than most recent college graduate men who are about 25-27 with a Bachelor’s in Business. A Bachelor’s in Business is a decent degree, but the market is oversaturated with them, but at least there’s more demand for that degree in theory than the liberal arts degrees.
In most major cities today, childless women in their 20s are outearning men in their 20s. That’s a big part of the reason why there’s the discourse that there is. There’s a legit school of thought that why should men have to pay for many dates when they are being out earned by the other person.I just have a problem with the idea that a guy is going to try to avoid spending any money because of the possibility that it might not work out.
The vast majority of first dates are “one & donesâ€. If you’re a guy and you go on 7 first dates in a month, and 5 of them are “one & donesâ€, you’ve wasted money.
Then again, the title of this thread is “Dinner Dates-Who Pays?â€. A dinner date is not a first date, so at least if you’re on a dinner date, you should be past the point of wondering if this is a “one and doneâ€. I think the first date should either be drinks at a bar on a weeknight or some other recreational activity.
I end up being the payer on most of my dates and intentionally keep the first date inexpensive. A good second date is a dinner at a moderately priced restaurant with good ambiance (yes, these places exist!)
The best date together though is when someone cooks for the other person. Cooking a meal for two at someone’s place of residence is a way better date from a cost (because preparing a meal is usually less expensive than a restaurant plate) and atmosphere perspective.The other thing I've noticed is the guys that feel the need to pay for everything are typically not the breadwinners in the relationship.
I don't understand. Please explain more.0 -
The other thing I've noticed is the guys that feel the need to pay for everything are typically not the breadwinners in the relationship.
I don't understand. Please explain more.
The woman is the breadwinner, the man's ego is hurt, he feels the need to pay for everything to show that he can hold up his weight and be the supporter in the relationship.0 -
The other thing I've noticed is the guys that feel the need to pay for everything are typically not the breadwinners in the relationship.
I must be living in a weird world. The guy friends I'm talking about are all equivalent earners or make more than me (and I make more than most of the guys I go out with). In 3 years only 1 guy has ever asked me to pay my way. It totally blows my mind that in other parts of the country men will expect this. I will keep that in mind, though, since I'm moving next summer.0 -
Btw ladies,if you want a great meal let me be the one to make it...I consider myself an awesome cook. :smokin:0
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The other thing I've noticed is the guys that feel the need to pay for everything are typically not the breadwinners in the relationship.
I don't understand. Please explain more.
The woman is the breadwinner, the man's ego is hurt, he feels the need to pay for everything to show that he can hold up his weight and be the supporter in the relationship.
Makes sense. The woman is more often the breadwinner these days anyway, at least in younger couples. The breadwinner concept as a whole is somewhat questionable too.0 -
I just have a problem with the idea that a guy is going to try to avoid spending any money because of the possibility that it might not work out.
The vast majority of first dates are “one & donesâ€.
Actually, this is why I think both parties should try to avoid spending too much on the first couple dates.
(and since someone's gonna ask... if the man's paying how does the woman spend money on a date, lol: hair, new outfit, childcare, etc)0 -
I just have a problem with the idea that a guy is going to try to avoid spending any money because of the possibility that it might not work out.
The vast majority of first dates are “one & donesâ€.
Actually, this is why I think both parties should try to avoid spending too much on the first couple dates.
(and since someone's gonna ask... if the man's paying how does the woman spend money on a date, lol: hair, new outfit, childcare, etc)
haha, women use dates as an excuse to buy new outfits, hair has nothing to do with dates, i get a haircut regardless of if I'm dating or not. agree on the childcare part.0 -
I know several girls who were trained as nurses making decent money who stopped working as soon as they got married.
This makes no sense to me. Nurses make good money. Your typical 25-27 year old nurse is making more money than most recent college graduate men who are about 25-27 with a Bachelor’s in Business. A Bachelor’s in Business is a decent degree, but the market is oversaturated with them, but at least there’s more demand for that degree in theory than the liberal arts degrees.
In most major cities today, childless women in their 20s are outearning men in their 20s. That’s a big part of the reason why there’s the discourse that there is. There’s a legit school of thought that why should men have to pay for many dates when they are being out earned by the other person.
Exactly my point. In each case, the woman was making more than her husband, and in one case, her husband was in med school!!! Besides the fact that it was a complete waste of money to go to nursing school at all, I believe that expecting the man to be the main breadwinner is an outdated concept.
As a side note, Janie, I haven't been married, so you are the voice of experience here :flowerforyou: I may be idealistic, but a lot of what I feel stems from having been in circles that expect women to sit back and be taken care of. I can't tell you how many times in college people would say dumbass *kitten* like, "Oh, you're a voice major? How do you expect to live on that? Hmm, well, at least you're a girl, so you can get married". It drove me up the wall.
I believe in mutual respect. I feel that if each partner is respecting the other in what they do, then they will work together to promote a healthy, happy relationship. That, for me, includes being able to have the space to take care of myself as well as being supportive of him and vice versa.0 -
The other thing I've noticed is the guys that feel the need to pay for everything are typically not the breadwinners in the relationship.
(and I make more than most of the guys I go out with). In 3 years only 1 guy has ever asked me to pay my way.
That's my point I stated above 0 -
My kind of woman:
Intelligent, successful, well paying job. I don't want to have to take care of her; I want her to be able to take care of herself. If a woman wants a provider then that isn't going to be me. If you need a provider it probably means that you don't have the financial means to achieve the lifestyle that you're wanting in life and I'm not going to sacrifice everything I've worked for to give it to you. I don't care about being the breadwinner. I want us to be equals. I'm not going to expect her to do my laundry, do my dishes or anything else. I've been doing that for 32 years and don't need any help. Besides, since we're both successful we can just pay someone to do all of those things. If you want a nice pair of shoes then you should have a career to support that. I'd rather be with someone who has the ability to travel to nice places on a whim, not someone who expects me to cover all their expenses because society tells us it's the right thing to do or you were brought up that way. Be your own woman, I'll be my own man. Together we can take those successes and enjoy all the things that life has to offer.
I want to do things for a woman because I want to, not because it is expected. The same holds true on her end. Expectation over time breeds resentment. Ask yourself this ladies, what if the roles were reversed? What if a guy expected you to pay for everything? Would you like it? Paying to have their company and their presence and to make them feel special? Or would you rather to do it because you wanted to; because you care about that person and because you know they're going to appreciate rather than see the bill come and they look at it and slide it to you without a care in the world. I'm not on a pedestal, nor should you be.
The ironic thing these days, and yes I'll say it, is that some women feel entitled to be taken care of. Why don't people realize that the provider scenario is bred out of the woman being the caretaker of the house hold. Women didn't work. They stayed at home being the mother. Cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. It's what equaled the two. Now most women don't want that and I can appreciate that. But then these women still want the provider but they don't want to do anything else. Hell, most women these days can't even cook a pop tart. If I have children, we'll be equals. I work from home; I'll spend time with them and share the effort involved in raising them. I don't expect these things out of her because we're equals.
Can I just steal this and put it on my dating profile, it's much more succint and eloquent than I could have ever put it. lol0
