Why am I so turned off by an educated woman?
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Gee.. way to make things all awkward guys. LOL
The thread started on how I'm not turned on by a women w/ a PhD in Psychology.. and all of a sudden I'm a very abusive man w/ a bunch of groupies. Of course, I know that I'm not an abusive guy, so I can laugh it off and not take offense to it. Plus, there comes a time when you need to put on your grown-up pants and be the bigger person, that means letting it slide instead of arguing a point to the ground. I guess my new nickname is Mr. Right or Mr. Abusive from here on out..
There are so many wrong things that some posters wrote on here. I'm not going to go one by one and point them out. Considering one person said most of them, it would be viewed as picking on them. So I'm going to keep my mouth shut.0 -
I should like to add...if anyone here would like me to step down as moderator and volunteer his/herself in my place, I am absolutely willing if that is the wishes of the collective.
Could I, perhaps should I moderate the sexist and/or male dominated tone right out of the group? I could.
However I really don't need a tiresome and conflict-fraught job. Real life is tough enough. I will gladly step down if that is the expectation. It would be quite boring as only a group of women though.
Perhaps we should all take a little hiatus from the inflamatory topics for a bit...or just for fun...even argue the other "side".
(I do not believe in sides. That might be my problem)
Just going to throw in my .02
Please don't step down. There should be no sides and that does drive me absolutely nuts about this group sometimes (and why I just ignores some of these posts once they go down a road). I think Poncho had the right idea, though....sometimes you just have to ignore the post for a little while and let it work itself out. Unless people get really ugly with each other and you need to step in. But, I would be sad if you stepped down. I think you're the right person for the job.
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Gee.. way to make things all awkward guys. LOL
The thread started on how I'm not turned on by a women w/ a PhD in Psychology.. and all of a sudden I'm a very abusive man w/ a bunch of groupies. Of course, I know that I'm not an abusive guy, so I can laugh it off and not take offense to it. Plus, there comes a time when you need to put on your grown-up pants and be the bigger person, that means letting it slide instead of arguing a point to the ground. I guess my new nickname is Mr. Right or Mr. Abusive from here on out..
There are so many wrong things that some posters wrote on here. I'm not going to go one by one and point them out. Considering one person said most of them, it would be viewed as picking on them. So I'm going to keep my mouth shut.
There are some festering things that I think needed to be addressed,I would rather not anyone pick at sores despite their feelings (and understand you are not blameless Mike,trying to stir a pot,which you have confessed to,is not acceptable) so all can maybe take a few deep breaths.0 -
you all need to hash your difficulties out thunderdome style.. :laugh:0
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you all need to hash your difficulties out thunderdome style.. :laugh:
I was going to suggest a padded jousting match, like they use to have in that show American Gladiators.0 -
To be clear...if I disagree with anyone in a thread..or even say let's all be nice...that is me..not the mod job.
If I have issue I will always address it privately and be clear whether it is a complaint or my own personal opinion. I still get an opinion I think!?
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carl, i'm guessing he's talking about me :-) as he keeps mentioning the mr right/ abuse thing.
i have no need to hash it out and i don't really care if he chooses to pick on me or not :-) believe me when i say there is nothing mike can do, say, think, scream, type, that can affect me or hurt me in anyway.
as for the rest of this thread. i have nothing to say.Gee.. way to make things all awkward guys. LOL
The thread started on how I'm not turned on by a women w/ a PhD in Psychology.. and all of a sudden I'm a very abusive man w/ a bunch of groupies. Of course, I know that I'm not an abusive guy, so I can laugh it off and not take offense to it. Plus, there comes a time when you need to put on your grown-up pants and be the bigger person, that means letting it slide instead of arguing a point to the ground. I guess my new nickname is Mr. Right or Mr. Abusive from here on out..
There are so many wrong things that some posters wrote on here. I'm not going to go one by one and point them out. Considering one person said most of them, it would be viewed as picking on them. So I'm going to keep my mouth shut.
There are some festering things that I think needed to be addressed,I would rather not anyone pick at sores despite their feelings (and understand you are not blameless Mike,trying to stir a pot,which you have confessed to,is not acceptable) so all can maybe take a few deep breaths.0 -
There are only a half a dozen guys at best that post here with any regularity compared to twice or three times that female.
Look up thread where Janie (who I absolutely adore and think she knows that) said that the whatever books writings about abusive men could apply to several prominent posters here how many ladies even noticed what a backhanded hit that was?
What I wrote was:"Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" is a very good book... and unfortunately, several of the more prominent posters are described in its pages (angry, controlling abusive men and ALSO the descriptions of women who fall into these relationships).
Nothing backhanded about it. I can't help how the group morphs and changes over time. I myself had left the group after people said I was lying about my workouts and whining about being too heavy. I'm only coming in here now when someone wants me to comment.
The fact that there are fewer male posters than female doesn't change my opinion.
I mentioned both men AND women in that quote. I think some women here have a lack of self confidence that causes them to keep getting involved with losers (whether or not they're controlling or abusive). Similarly, some of the men here display attitudes that are characterized in that book as the type to avoid if you are looking for a stable solid man to love you for the rest of your life. I would hope that's not how they really feel, and expect that most (men AND women) are sensationalizing their posts.
Fundamentally speaking, if we're all still single: there's a reason. For some of us it is circumstances. For others it is life choices counter to society. For others, we just haven't had enough time away from our last relationship to engage in a real one. Others it's where they live. Sometimes... just sometimes... it's how we portray ourselves. And I've met enough MFPers in person to form the opinion that most people IRL are not their MFP persona.
Whatever it is, I think one of the great things about this group is the ability to tell each other, "Hey, you know, you're portraying yourself like this jerk I used to know. I'm sure you're not trying to be a jerk about this issue, but at least now you know that's how you're coming across so you can (if you want to) change how you portray yourself."0 -
you all need to hash your difficulties out thunderdome style.. :laugh:
I was going to suggest a padded jousting match, like they use to have in that show American Gladiators.
even better ... i volunteer to pretend to be larry csonka0 -
http://www.buzzfeed.com/copyranter/a-new-russian-human-barbie-doll <---- there's two of them now. have fun!
ETA: I just read some of what's going on in here and just wanted to say that this is just a joke... Not trying to be offensive or anything.0 -
It's been too long since I've been in this group - Just wanted to point that out
It's funny because when I tell a guy I'm about to get my Bachelors in Psychology, it's like they automatically get turned off and ask "Am I analyzing them?" It seems like no guy like that my major is Psychology. Weird!!0 -
Excuse me? Where did I say belittling people at work is okay? That's never acceptable. Everything posted here about women doesn't always need a comparison of applying the same thing to the opposite gender and trying to expose a double standard. What I said had NOTHING to do with a guy's attitude in the workplace. It was an attempt, like others here are doing, to present Mike with a different perspective on this one woman he discussed in the OP and why he should give her a chance.
This is very true! My sister felt like she lived in my shadow since I was so high achieving throughout school, but now as adults, I see that she has much better social intelligence than me. I talked to her about it a couple years ago - and let her know that I envy the success she has had with all the friendships she has built and maintained through her life, which is something I couldn't do. Scholastic achievement is certainly not the only measure of intelligence!And of course there are many different types of intelligence: social, emotional, etc.
--P
I also agree what someone else said earlier (Castadiva, I think) - the women you might encounter at work that throw their credentials in your face are showing you their professional personna. Most people, whether they are aware of it or not, are a different person at work than at home in their leisure time. Don't judge all educated women you could be romantically involved with based on the professional contacts you have had with women! That assessment is way off kilter!
So if a guy asserted that it is just his professional persona to be belittling so as to keep an organized hierarchy it would also be okay?
All I ask for is consistency.
I have a professional persona myself. I don't belittle people - I try to be very respectful to my co-workers and students. For example, that includes being careful of language that may offend others or that would be inappropriate for the classroom. Outside of work, I will drop the F-bomb freely.
I hardly said that Mike should be interested in someone like that obnoxious woman he encountered at work. I said he shouldn't judge all women who have degrees as being the same based on encounters like that.
I'm sure there are men who throw their success and degrees around too, but I don't assume ALL educated men do that because I don't assume all men with one thing in common are the same. There's MY consistency in this for you.0 -
Seems to be a disconnect between this:
And this:I myself had left the group after people said I was lying about my workouts and whining about being too heavy. I'm only coming in here now when someone wants me to comment.Whatever it is, I think one of the great things about this group is the ability to tell each other, "Hey, you know, you're portraying yourself like this jerk I used to know. I'm sure you're not trying to be a jerk about this issue, but at least now you know that's how you're coming across so you can (if you want to) change how you portray yourself."
I don't think anyone called you a liar, but some people (myself included) did say that you shouldn't be surprised your Marine colleagues are ribbing you about the 20+ pounds you gained over a short break, as cruel as their behavior may be. And probably the only way to stop that ribbing is to drop the weight.
Sounds like the kind of tough love you appreciate this group can dish out. Or not?
--P0 -
Seems to be a disconnect between this:
And this:I myself had left the group after people said I was lying about my workouts and whining about being too heavy. I'm only coming in here now when someone wants me to comment.Whatever it is, I think one of the great things about this group is the ability to tell each other, "Hey, you know, you're portraying yourself like this jerk I used to know. I'm sure you're not trying to be a jerk about this issue, but at least now you know that's how you're coming across so you can (if you want to) change how you portray yourself."
I don't think anyone called you a liar, but some people (myself included) did say that you shouldn't be surprised your Marine colleagues are ribbing you about the 20+ pounds you gained over a short break, as cruel as their behavior may be. And probably the only way to stop that ribbing is to drop the weight.
Sounds like the kind of tough love you appreciate this group can dish out. Or not?
--P
What? I must have missed this. I sometimes get the vibe that people don't believe my workout numbers. I track everything with my Polar HRM. If they don't believe me, so be it.0 -
This thread reminds me of the Kissinger line about internal politics at academic universities: vicious because the stakes are so small...
I don't think people should be fixated on who the "mods" are here, because it means practically nothing. Threads are rarely locked, moderator interference is relatively low. The idea that Carl, from his position of infinite power, is playing favorites is rather ridiculous on so many levels, not the least of which - again - is the stakes. Very, very low... Besides, if you want to create a Stalin like cabal, you shouldn't select a female Canadian as your partner in crime. You need an Italian. Or, like Stalin, a Russian*.
Or perhaps he's dishing out mod privileges in exchange for sexual favors? Carl, you sly dog! ;-) Of course I'm joking, but it makes as much sense as selecting a like-minded individual for his assistant in his unquenchable thirst for power.
Having said that, Carl doesn't help his case by his posting style, filled with unsupported generalizations, delivered as if brought down from Mt Sinai itself" "I only ask for consistency!" or "The OP is not sincere!" or "It's not a legitimate topic!" or whatever. But these are just his opinions, not the official position of the executive management of this board... ;-)
I think we're best when we're talking about relationships. When the discussion devolves into board management, you know it's time to move on...
--P
*Actually he's Georgian, but I think my point still stands. ;-)0 -
This thread reminds me of the Kissinger line about internal politics at academic universities: vicious because the stakes are so small...
I don't think people should be fixated on who the "mods" are here, because it means practically nothing. Threads are rarely locked, moderator interference is relatively low. The idea that Carl, from his position of infinite power, is playing favorites is rather ridiculous on so many levels, not the least of which - again - is the stakes. Very, very low... Besides, if you want to create a Stalin like cabal, you shouldn't select a female Canadian as your partner in crime. You need an Italian. Or, like Stalin, a Russian*.
Or perhaps he's dishing out mod privileges in exchange for sexual favors? Carl, you sly dog! ;-) Of course I'm joking, but it makes as much sense as selecting a like-minded individual for his assistant in his unquenchable thirst for power.
Having said that, Carl doesn't help his case by his posting style, filled with unsupported generalizations, delivered as if brought down from Mt Sinai itself" "I only ask for consistency!" or "The OP is not sincere!" or "It's not a legitimate topic!" or whatever. But these are just his opinions, not the official position of the executive management of this board... ;-)
I think we're best when we're talking about relationships. When the discussion devolves into board management, you know it's time to move on...
--P
*Actually he's Georgian, but I think my point still stands. ;-)
i officially have an e-crush on you now :blushing: :flowerforyou:0 -
This has gotten way out of hand.
The mods are doing a great job. I recently handled something through SB and I feel it went very well - even if we do disagree some of the time. I feel like if we are having an issue in the thread or with something someone said we shouldn't comment on "the moderators" stance, but rather see it as an individuals stance. Just as we would anyone else.0 -
Seems to be a disconnect between this:
And this:I myself had left the group after people said I was lying about my workouts and whining about being too heavy. I'm only coming in here now when someone wants me to comment.Whatever it is, I think one of the great things about this group is the ability to tell each other, "Hey, you know, you're portraying yourself like this jerk I used to know. I'm sure you're not trying to be a jerk about this issue, but at least now you know that's how you're coming across so you can (if you want to) change how you portray yourself."
The difference is, I meant to write "one of the great things about this group USED TO BE the ability to tell each other..." There's no need for insults and disrespect in expressing a negative or unpopular opinion.0 -
The difference is, I meant to write "one of the great things about this group USED TO BE the ability to tell each other..." There's no need for insults and disrespect in expressing a negative or unpopular opinion.
I stand by my comments in the thread you referenced, and in no way was I insulting. I said that your colleagues' behavior was wrong, but probably the only way to stop their negative comments is to lose the weight. I didn't follow the entire thread, so perhaps I'm missing something someone else wrote? You said you were called a "liar," and if so, that is definitely wrong. But I don't recall that, and tend to think you're now exaggerating. I'd go back and reread the thread, but I'm lazy... :-)
The example you gave above as positive criticism, what this board "used" to do well - saying someone was acting like a "jerk" you once knew - sounds infinitely worse to my ears than anything directed at you in the other thread (again, based on my recollection).
Perhaps the real difference is that on that particular occasion, the constructive criticism was directed back at you? Nobody likes that, myself included. But I do agree with you that it's what this board can do quite well, at times, if people care to listen.
--P0 -
I think we're best when we're talking about relationships. When the discussion devolves into board management, you know it's time to move on...
Makes sense.
Someone earlier in this thread said something that was rather cringe inducing. I resisted the urge to comment because that would have been figuratively pouring gasoline and lighting a match.0 -
I stand by my comments in the thread you referenced, and in no way was I insulting.
oooooooh.... I get it now... you think I'm talking about YOU. Of course! Silly me, I forgot to add you to the list of people my world revolves around. :slaps forehead:
Any of the folks who've been here since Jan would know that I've received quite a bit of constructive criticism (especially regarding the way I express my opinion about how older, less attractive, heavier women are perceived by guys in the dating pool).and I like to think I've learned from that.
What I have a problem with, is disrespectful criticism along with the fact that when some people (such as usedtobehusky) are bullied out of the thread folks feel free to come on this board, laugh about how they ran her out, and no one says anything. Yet someone says to Mike "you act a lot like my abusive ex... maybe that's why you're running off the great girls" and everyone jumps on her.
But hey, it's your group not mine. Do with it what you want.0 -
I think we're best when we're talking about relationships. When the discussion devolves into board management, you know it's time to move on...
Makes sense.
Someone earlier in this thread said something that was rather cringe inducing. I resisted the urge to comment because that would have been figuratively pouring gasoline and lighting a match.
I also cannot believe the (non-professional) psycho babble and insults that have been thrown around in this thread. Accusing people you dont know of being liars, or bitter, or abusers???? Jeez! That's awful!!
Seems like healthy debate has turned into oneupmanship, penmanship and showmanship!!!! :noway:
Where's the love and fun gone peeps?? :flowerforyou:0 -
This thread reminds me of the Kissinger line about internal politics at academic universities: vicious because the stakes are so small...
I don't think people should be fixated on who the "mods" are here, because it means practically nothing. Threads are rarely locked, moderator interference is relatively low. The idea that Carl, from his position of infinite power, is playing favorites is rather ridiculous on so many levels, not the least of which - again - is the stakes. Very, very low... Besides, if you want to create a Stalin like cabal, you shouldn't select a female Canadian as your partner in crime. You need an Italian. Or, like Stalin, a Russian*.
Or perhaps he's dishing out mod privileges in exchange for sexual favors? Carl, you sly dog! ;-) Of course I'm joking, but it makes as much sense as selecting a like-minded individual for his assistant in his unquenchable thirst for power.
Having said that, Carl doesn't help his case by his posting style, filled with unsupported generalizations, delivered as if brought down from Mt Sinai itself" "I only ask for consistency!" or "The OP is not sincere!" or "It's not a legitimate topic!" or whatever. But these are just his opinions, not the official position of the executive management of this board... ;-)
I think we're best when we're talking about relationships. When the discussion devolves into board management, you know it's time to move on...
--P
*Actually he's Georgian, but I think my point still stands. ;-)
Despite the fact that a lot of this was probably directed at me, I agree with most of what you wrote. However, it is exhausting for some of us to be told we are wrong every single time we post (coming down from Mt Sinai as you joked)...yet everything "wrong" is an ASSUMPTION about what was written, not actually fact from the post as is.
P- While I'm not personally into debating as you seem to be, I do appreciate a variety of opinion (yours rated very highly on here from my perspective :drinker:), so while I do not want to continue this general conversation any longer, I did feel the need to respond directly to you. 0 -
I think we're best when we're talking about relationships. When the discussion devolves into board management, you know it's time to move on...
Makes sense.
Someone earlier in this thread said something that was rather cringe inducing. I resisted the urge to comment because that would have been figuratively pouring gasoline and lighting a match.
I also cannot believe the (non-professional) psycho babble and insults that have been thrown around in this thread. Accusing people you dont know of being liars, or bitter, or abusers???? Jeez! That's awful!!
Seems like healthy debate has turned into oneupmanship, penmanship and showmanship!!!! :noway:
Where's the love and fun gone peeps?? :flowerforyou:
Yes, maybe that PhD in Psychology that Mike referenced in the first post needs to analyze this discussion.0 -
i have no clue what happened with usedtobehusky, so i can't comment on that.
regarding myself and my comments. i own them. i did not one time say that mike is an abuser or reminded me of my ex. i said that he sound just like the Mr RIght in that book. and i only used my ex as examples of a man that believes he is correct no matter what the cost to the other person. that is all.
people can jump on me. that's up to them. and beautiful thing is that i don't have to let any of them affect me. you don't either. all that matters at the end of the day is that YOU know your truth. and YOU speak your truth. and you don't let anyone tell you otherwise. YOU choose how you react to what others around you say. and i choose to not care nor be affected. freedom from caring what others think of you, is a wonderful thing!!!!
i am GLAD that no one else here has dealt with things like i have. i wouldn't wish it on anyone.What I have a problem with, is disrespectful criticism along with the fact that when some people (such as usedtobehusky) are bullied out of the thread folks feel free to come on this board, laugh about how they ran her out, and no one says anything. Yet someone says to Mike "you act a lot like my abusive ex... maybe that's why you're running off the great girls" and everyone jumps on her.0 -
Not sure what this thread has turned into, but some thoughts.
I will be the first to admit that I can be very snippy, and have attacked random members, probably needlessly in the past. I generally make it my effort to apologize, and admit my mistakes when I make them. That being said, I am all about getting into debates / discussions, however it is the internet people. Try to not let it bother you.
Ultimately, the people in this certain board don't affect your reality at all, so try not to stress about it.
Regardless, as far as the "norm of this board being 'Pro Mike'" is kind of a falsehood.
I joined this board originally because I read a post where Mike had responded, and was completely belittled by some male member at the time. This male member (don't know his name, don't care) did nothing to refute his argument, and simply launched personal attack after personal attack.
I joined because I was actually going to rebuttal his argument, because I thought it was ridiculous that the group of women in this board would applaud that type of behavior. However the post was deleted and here I was.
So if this board's opinion is now "pro mike", this is new because to me it seemed like for a while me and Mike were the tiny minority on many topics of this board.
My .020 -
I stand by my comments in the thread you referenced, and in no way was I insulting.
oooooooh.... I get it now... you think I'm talking about YOU. Of course! Silly me, I forgot to add you to the list of people my world revolves around. :slaps forehead:
Any of the folks who've been here since Jan would know that I've received quite a bit of constructive criticism (especially regarding the way I express my opinion about how older, less attractive, heavier women are perceived by guys in the dating pool).and I like to think I've learned from that.
What I have a problem with, is disrespectful criticism along with the fact that when some people (such as usedtobehusky) are bullied out of the thread folks feel free to come on this board, laugh about how they ran her out, and no one says anything. Yet someone says to Mike "you act a lot like my abusive ex... maybe that's why you're running off the great girls" and everyone jumps on her.
But hey, it's your group not mine. Do with it what you want.
I have pretty thick skin, but the whole "abusive man" comment, made a handful of people (not just one), is definitely cringe-worthy. I"m over it and willing to put it completely behind me. Can't we all just get alooooong.
But, imagine if a guy on here said to a women "you remind me of *kitten* from this book, ______. Because the women in it said she enjoyed dating a bunch of different men, wore mini skirts and flirting with a bunch of men whenever she goes out."
And then to add insult to injury, the guy called it "constructive criticism". How do you think that would make her feel?
Edited to make a better example.0 -
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I have pretty thick skin, but the whole "abusive man" comment, made a handful of people (not just one), is definitely cringe-worthy. I"m over it and willing to put it completely behind me. Can't we all just get alooooong.
But, imagine if a guy on here said to a women "you remind me of *kitten* from this book, ______. Because the women in it said she enjoyed dating a bunch of different men, wore mini skirts and flirting with a bunch of men whenever she goes out."
And then to add insult to injury, the guy called it "constructive criticism". How do you think that would make her feel?
Edited to make a better example.
Mike, I actually agree with you here and while I added plenty of points to this thread, calling you abusive was not one of them. I did say it can be an interesting lesson to know how you (the general you) are perceived, but I'm not comfortable with that accusation either. Just an FYI.
edited for quoting issues.0 -
But, imagine if a guy on here said to a women "you remind me of xxxxx from this book, ______. Because the women in it said she enjoyed dating a bunch of different men, wore mini skirts and flirting with a bunch of men whenever she goes out."
And then to add insult to injury, the guy called it "constructive criticism". How do you think that would make her feel
Actually, this scenario did happen to me, and I didn't get upset about it because the people who said it weren't rude or condescending about it. I appreciated the feedback. I think that was before a lot of our current regular posters joined the group.
Basically I was told that when I tell dates I believe in casual dating, most guys look at me as some sort of streetwalker because they automatically assume that I'm sleeping with all of the guys I date. Those of you who actually read my posts know that's not my style, and i expressed my shock and disbelief that anyone would think such a thing. Several guys confirmed the original view and so I stopped telling guys that I believed in casual dating. And guess what? I got more repeat dates. THIS is the kind of thing I used to love about this group. Learning from each other.
The people who wrote that to me did NOT do it in a condescending or rude manner. They simply pointed out that when they hear a woman say she "casually dates," in their mind it reminds them of the skanks they know who also "casually dated." I realize that our group spans several continents and cultures, but in typical American culture if you want a committed relationship, it's better if you don't start off being thought of as promiscuous. So I, personally, did not get offended or run to the mods crying "he called me a skank."
I get it most people don't want to be called out when they're wrong. But since we're in a group for singles, I would hope we'd be willing to at least consider whether another person's opinion of the vibe we give off is affecting our dating life.0
