BE Support Group Conversation Thread - 2013

tsikkz

Just sitting here I know I am full but my mind trys to make up every excuse it can to make me eat and I know if I start I won't be able to stop.

I hate feeling so powerless over this voice in my head, I can physically feel my stomach is full, and I just finished eating lunch, but I chose a trigger food (rasin bran) to eat for lunch because it was something easy which was a really bad idea because now I want nothing more than to eat a second bowl

rincoglionita

Anyone here right now? Im having major cravings and I know its not hunger would love someone to talk to..

You hanging in there?

tsikkz

I guess that I thought once I reached my goal weight I wouldn't have this voice but I still do and its kind of discouraging.. I wonder if it will ever go away..

freertobe

Hi tsikkz. I'm here. Stay strong! You have made such *amazing* progress. I just checked out your profile and pictures, and you look absolutely stunning. I love your sense of fashion and your hair! Is it really a shade of purple? So jealous.

Do you have anything planned for the afternoon? Maybe you can make your Oscar picks, if you're looking for a way to distract yourself. Or read silly celebrity gossip. Or online window shop.

Graelwyn75

I guess that I thought once I reached my goal weight I wouldn't have this voice but I still do and its kind of discouraging.. I wonder if it will ever go away..

I think the battle will always be there. I think sometimes that fighting so hard against food, makes the binging issues worse, you might hold out on that second bowl of cereal and end up binging worse later. Sometimes, in fact, often, even people who have never been overweight, eat something extra for pleasure, even if not hungry. It is good to bear that in mind. That said, I have some carrots or an apple or some cheese when the urge to binge hits, but I tend to binge very severely when I binge, on piles of chocolate, cake, doughnuts and the like. Even entire boxes of cereal as well. Sit is best in future, to find something to do that requires full attention, and if you still want that bowl of cereal after half an hour, allow yourself to have it.

tsikkz

Thanks guys, I do feel much better.

I cant explain my binge urges but its not hunger related at all, it doesn't even pretend to be hunger. Its almost a primal urge that comes from a different part of my brain.

Before anyone replied here I ate a bowl of frozen vegetables (carrot peas beans corn) and that didnt really help because like I said its not a hunger thing.. I then busied myself and talked to a friend on here for about an hour.

I think I felt restless because today is my rest day so I went to the gym and burned 340 calories and got a Mc flurry which isn't a binge trigger for me but a treat, and I got some more miles in for my marathon training so it wasn't all bad.

I'm an emotional binge eater and things have been really tough for me lately but I'm glad I at least earned the mcflurry before I ate it. and yes I know its not healthy to "earn" foods that are bad for you but just running really helped me mentally de-stress.

I'm just glad I can now differentiate between that voice and my true hunger. I do wish there was a way to get rid of it completely though.

Edit: thank you so much for the compliments! Its John Freida cherry brown foam hair color which has been my color since it came out like 3 years ago lol It looks reddy purple in light and brown in the dark I love it!

karendee4

I guess that I thought once I reached my goal weight I wouldn't have this voice but I still do and its kind of discouraging.. I wonder if it will ever go away..

So glad you came here for help!!! I am worried that voice will never go away myself. Maybe we can make it quieter after time?

karendee4

Thanks guys, I do feel much better.

I cant explain my binge urges but its not hunger related at all, it doesn't even pretend to be hunger. Its almost a primal urge that comes from a different part of my brain.

Before anyone replied here I ate a bowl of frozen vegetables (carrot peas beans corn) and that didnt really help because like I said its not a hunger thing.. I then busied myself and talked to a friend on here for about an hour.

I think I felt restless because today is my rest day so I went to the gym and burned 340 calories and got a Mc flurry which isn't a binge trigger for me but a treat, and I got some more miles in for my marathon training so it wasn't all bad.

I'm an emotional binge eater and things have been really tough for me lately but I'm glad I at least earned the mcflurry before I ate it. and yes I know its not healthy to "earn" foods that are bad for you but just running really helped me mentally de-stress.

I'm just glad I can now differentiate between that voice and my true hunger. I do wish there was a way to get rid of it completely though.

Edit: thank you so much for the compliments! Its John Freida cherry brown foam hair color which has been my color since it came out like 3 years ago lol It looks reddy purple in light and brown in the dark I love it!

I can relate!!! I don't eat out of hunger when I binge. Something happens on my rest days and I get bored. Yesterday it happned. boredom and emotions and I binged BAD. HANG in there!!

I LOVE John frieda foam hair color! I keep switching my color though.

karendee4

Hi everyone, I'm reposting my introduction here, hoping to find some kindred spirits. I'm a female in my mid-twenties with a binging problem which has become much worse recently. I often feel sad and broken and don't know where to turn. I know this is connected to some recent stressors (looking for a new job while dealing with questions of partner's relocation, IBS health problems which make me very angry / frustrated with my body). These issues often give me a feeling of worthlessness and lack of control over my body. Subsequently, I punish myself with food... eating until my body feels as awful as my mental / emotional state.

Over the past couple of years, there have also been months when I've restricted and overexercised, whittling myself to a low and unsustainable weight, which I'm sure is connected to the binging problems I have now. I'm constantly looking to regain a sense of control over my eating, which I know causes me to panic and binge. I've read a lot of advice on how to address this issue, including Geneen Roth's Women Food and God. I've tried everything from logging my food to intuitive eating to making lists of distractions to motivational quotes to read ... but when I get the urge to binge, I honestly *forget* to consult these tools! My brain enters a daze, with my hands mechanically shoving food in my mouth. It's only minutes after the binge, when I'm coming out of the daze with feelings of intense guilt, self-hatred, physical discomfort, etc. that I think - oh right - I should've read those things / done that first!

At this point, the only thing I *haven't* tried is talking to somebody about it and being 100% honest about the problem that I have. Nobody knows about it, as I tend to binge when my partner is out of the apartment. Again, I don't discuss it with friends since they think I'm just stressing over a non-existent weight problem. Sure, I would love to shed the pounds that I've gained as a result of binging, but my greater goal is just to enjoy a meal with occasional snacks, without freaking out and binging in secret.

I'm sorry for the long post, but I wonder if anyone wants to be MFP friends offering ideas and mutual support. Looking forward to getting better along with everybody else.

Welcome, I am new to this group but find it very helpful.

I tend to over exercise too. I am trying to break that cycle. I can relate. When I was on another Weightloss site I did it more. Since being on MFP and seeing my exercise calories added in I do it less.

I just had enough recently and searched for a therapist. It was hard to find someone on my insurance. I was so frustrated. Today is my first apt with a therapist that used to run a eating disorder clinic. I think you have to be ready to get therapy and have to find the right person.

I sent you a friend request too!

karendee4

I hope everyone does not mind the multiple posts and quotes. I was being lazy making seperate posts.

I had a bad day yesterday but today is a new day!

Today is also a great day.

#1 My 15 year old son was released to normal activity, PE and sports. He broke his collar bone dec 1st. We are so excited!!!!

#2 I have my first apt with a new therapist today. I am so excited. I have plenty to discuss with him. He used to be the head of an eating disorder program. I hope he has some great ideas to help me figure out what is going on. I am even taking a notebook to take down any notes or HW he gives me.

I have decided yesterday was a binge and today is a whole different and new day. I am trying to forget yesterday and move on! At least I don't binge every day like I used to!!! (trying to focus on the positives)

IsMollyReallyHungry

I hope everyone does not mind the multiple posts and quotes. I was being lazy making seperate posts.

I had a bad day yesterday but today is a new day!

Today is also a great day.

#1 My 15 year old son was released to normal activity, PE and sports. He broke his collar bone dec 1st. We are so excited!!!!

#2 I have my first apt with a new therapist today. I am so excited. I have plenty to discuss with him. He used to be the head of an eating disorder program. I hope he has some great ideas to help me figure out what is going on. I am even taking a notebook to take down any notes or HW he gives me.

I have decided yesterday was a binge and today is a whole different and new day. I am trying to forget yesterday and move on! At least I don't binge every day like I used to!!! (trying to focus on the positives)

Good job on positive attitude Karen and I will be thinking of you today and sending you positive vibes for your appointment with the new therpist too!

karendee4

Thanks Mollie!!

helenld1

Stopped myself mid-binge tonight. Really happy that I was able to stop. Baby steps :happy:

Hope everyone is getting through today and good vibes being sent for those who need it. :flowerforyou:

FluffyDogsRule

I'm new and just reading over this thread. You all are doing such amazing jobs!!! Keep it up!! I'm here for any of you when you need me. Friend me if you'd like. I can relate so much to the wondering if these feelings will last forever. Are we ever "cured"?

rincoglionita

Karen, report back on your therapist appointment when you're up for it. I think many of us would love to hear your impressions.

I believe that I will never have a "normal" relationship with food but that I will be able to accept that at some point and that, on balance, I can be in control of food, not the other way around. I have seen progress in myself in the last six weeks or so, progress I would never have expected before, and that is very encouraging. It is a long, hard row to hoe, though, and the process of healing is not linear by any means.

Anyone who wants to send a friend request is welcome to. Support from others with this eating disorder is so helpful, I think.

karendee4

helenld1, good job stopping mid-binge! That is very hard to do!

katemarcus, Welcome! I sent a friend request. I don’t know if we can get cured but we can be recovered? A recovering binge eater maybe?

rincoglionita, So great you saw progress!! I added you too as a friend. I need all the BE supporters I can get.

My therapy appointment was exhausting. Telling the doctor of my weight history and times I lost weight how I feel about food, When I binge etc. It was so much to explain. I told him when I binge I could gain weight and it might take a long time for it to come off. It feels like my body is fighting me. He agreed that it probably is. He is an expert on eating disorders and he said we will discuss set points and body fluctuations. My body seems to want to be heavier. He asked the what the smallest I was as an adult and I realized it was 185 pounds. WOW that was a shocker because my goal weight is 165 now. I also have anxiety and he agreed that the anxiety may be part of the problem. I will see him next week and get started with more therapy. The first visit is kind of like an introduction so he can get to know me. I think this might work out. I plan to go weekly for a little while and maybe every other week eventually.

In the meantime I may think about changing my anxiety medicine and possibly seeing an endocrinologist to see if my hormones are all in check. I also have some medical conditions that could cause those to go out of whack.

IsMollyReallyHungry

Welcome to katemarcus!!

@karendee4, thanks for sharing about your visit to the thearpist. Keep going and it will prove to be beneficial in some way for sure. Think positively about your therphy and keep going no matter how draining it is in the beginning. Therphy is hard work but so worth the effort.

IsMollyReallyHungry

Support from others with this eating disorder is so helpful, I think.

Well I know it is helpful to me. Just knowing I am not alone is support in itself

tsikkz

Ive been trying some tactics that are helping me with my night time eating.

From like 6pm onwards after my workout is when I get the cravings.

I have a 100 calorie "treat" every night but I have it at the same time (8pm) so if I feel like binging I can tell myself to just wait till 8pm for my snack

I also suffer from some night sweat issues so I've been having a bedtime snack before I go to bed at 9pm to keep my blood sugar steady so its nice to have small planned snacks during the times where I normally want to binge.

Also as a runner its amazing the correlation between the binging voice and the giving up voice when I run. They seem to work the same and I never give out on a run yet I give out to the binge voice, now I think they are the same voice mentally I can fight it a lot better.

Sending positive vibes to those who need it

rincoglionita

That sounds like an excellent first session, Karen. It IS exhausting to chronicle such a complicated history--good for you!

I've decided/chosen that I will go over my calorie goal today. I will log everything, and I will choose and eat mindfully, but as this is my parents' last day here and we are going to one of my favorite restaurants tonight, I will be less anxious if I know that I am not constrained to 1650 calories today. As long as I choose with awareness and log it all, I feel good about this decision.

Tsikkz, I think your observation about the "bingeing voice" and the "giving up voice" is really interesting. I'm going to think about that for a while. Thanks for sharing that.