Username: AB0215
Weigh in week: Week 1
Weigh in day: Saturday
Previous Week's Weight: 167.5 lbs
Current Weight: 167.6 lbs

I am going to take this, considering it's that time of the month and on Monday I weighed 172.2, not where I wanted to be, but considering my weekend binge last weekend and the fact that mother nature is not playing nice, I'm going to take that and be happy with it.

I have a confession to make and one I think I just needed to say out loud to myself, and therefore I'm sharing it with you guys.

I think I've been struggling with my weight loss in the last few weeks because I don't have a "why". I always say that to effectively muster up the strength to carry on when it gets hard is to look back and think about why you started. A little background on myself...I'm super competitive, I like to win in literally everything I do. And back when I was thinking it was time to lose weight, 2 years ago, my mom basically told me she didn't think I could do it. I set out to prove her wrong. I did that and now that she's asking for my advice, it no longer has the same effect. (Also I realize that it may seem a little crazy and maybe I'm a terrible person because the only real reason I did this is because I wanted to prove my mother wrong...but there it is, my real reason, deep down, why I started) I have to find a new "why" and that's been hard. I basically did all the things I set out to do, get healthier, no longer shop in the plus size section, be the smallest member of my family....did all of those things, now I'm a bit lost and I've been spending the better part of the last week trying to think about where I go from here and I'm still not sure. But I do know that I do want to keep competing in weightlifting and to do that, I'll be more competitive at a lighter weight, so that should help me carry on. I have set some new goals and a really scary one. I had guessed that with my muscle mass now (mathematically guessed based on my current lean mass) that I'd be withing a body fat percentage that I'd be happy with at about 140-145, and that's scary, I'm within 25 lbs of that, scary to think I'm really that close when you figure I started out at 241 lbs on my 4'10" frame.....It's both exciting and scary....I don't really know for sure if that's where I'll end up, may end up less since I'm 4'10" and my one point of reference is a girl who competes at 141 lbs and she's 5'2" and a total badass lifting more than 200 lbs.... and I'm not quite that strong...yet...so we shall see, but I've set my sights on that "last" 25 lbs and I did the math, if I lose 1.4 lbs a week, I can be there by May...scary to think it's potentially that close...and a bit nerve wracking to say it out loud, because I am goal oriented and I want to make it and I might be upset if I don't...

Anyways, wanted to share my thoughts because I think that saying these things out loud lately has really helped me. I mentioned my struggles to my trainer and he suggested we sit down and go over and set some new goals. When I said I couldn't stop eating, I wanted to eat allll the food, he looked at me and said "It's just food Ashley." He's right, food doesn't control me, I control what I eat and hearing him say that has helped me too...My point, sometimes we all need help and sometimes sharing helps to reaffirm our goals and keep us on track, and this is what I'm doing. I'm gearing up to fight to get rid of the last 25 lbs and getting all of the doubt out of my head, a common problem for me as of late and something I need to get past.

There it is guys, all my cards on the table. I think that being honest with yourself is the first step in getting to your goals, whether it's what you're actually eating or how much you're actually exercising, whether or not you're actually tracking your food and not just telling yourself you are...honestly is how you get there, step 1.