Doom, Despair, and Agony on Me! (aka a whine thread)
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bmeadows380 wrote: »its been really windy here in the mid-Atlantic today and its cold - the local high today is 40F - and that's not including the wind chill! Brrrr!
I have noticed lately that I am especially being affected by the cold - I feel like I'm cold all the time anymore. My house does tend to hold the cooler temps during the mornings and into the early afternoon, which is fantastic in the summer but not so great in the wintertime. I'm trying to negotiate with myself because it has to be very frigid before I can fire up the pellet stove or it runs me out of the house. That just leaves the baseboard heaters as my backup, which is a killer on the power bill, so it becomes a juggling game over how low can I set those heaters and stand it. I don't remember having this problem of feeling chilled all the time before, but at the same time, I don't really want to be keeping my baseboards on 70 all winter, either!
I'm stopping at Walmart on my way home this evening; looks like I'll be going over to the underthings section and getting some thermals to wear this winter under my regular clothes, which is just a really, really strange thing to be doing - I've never had to wear thermals in my life! (course I'm only now just getting into the size where I can buy thermals and wear them in my size....)
Layering does help, as does good wool socks.
We have lap blankets to lay over us when we're sitting down at our ease (like on the computer) and we have a couple of very small space heaters. Boyfriend uses one in his office when he is working in there so his fingers don't stiffen up, and we keep one in the bathroom so that when one is unavoidably naked and damp one is at least not cold. I have Raynaud's, and so when I change clothes between day and night, I take it all in there, turn on the heater, and very carefully take my feet from the day's wool socks to the night's wool socks in a warm draft so they don't think they are cold. That warmth is enough to get me under the covers and by the time it fades the bed is warm so I'm okay. (For anything else in there, we take the little bathroom heater so we don't freeze.)
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bmeadows380 wrote: »its been really windy here in the mid-Atlantic today and its cold - the local high today is 40F - and that's not including the wind chill! Brrrr!
I have noticed lately that I am especially being affected by the cold - I feel like I'm cold all the time anymore. My house does tend to hold the cooler temps during the mornings and into the early afternoon, which is fantastic in the summer but not so great in the wintertime. I'm trying to negotiate with myself because it has to be very frigid before I can fire up the pellet stove or it runs me out of the house. That just leaves the baseboard heaters as my backup, which is a killer on the power bill, so it becomes a juggling game over how low can I set those heaters and stand it. I don't remember having this problem of feeling chilled all the time before, but at the same time, I don't really want to be keeping my baseboards on 70 all winter, either!
I'm stopping at Walmart on my way home this evening; looks like I'll be going over to the underthings section and getting some thermals to wear this winter under my regular clothes, which is just a really, really strange thing to be doing - I've never had to wear thermals in my life! (course I'm only now just getting into the size where I can buy thermals and wear them in my size....)
Same!!! Last winter at work was SO chilly. Our office building is perpetually too cool. I had a big sweater/poncho/blanket at my desk, wore thick wool hiking socks, and eventually kept a hot water bottle and heating pad at my desk. Oh and always wore my stocking cap when I wasn't in a meeting. And a scarf. And so much hot tea...my fingers would get too cold to type sometimes! And that was only with about 25 lbs lost. I'm another 30 down this winter...
This year I'll be at home (mandatory remote work has been extended to July), so I figure I can layer up and look as ridiculous as I want.
Some nice long underwear, layers, and if needed, top it all off with heating pad or hot water bottle to hold to warm your core. And some hot tea to warm your hands.
PS this wind really has been killer. I was going to run the other morning, opened my eyes to see the tree outside the bedroom window swaying in 40 mph gusts, and rolled over to go back to sleep. NOPE.1 -
@eliezalot
My office is that way too. We have one guy in the office who is hot all the time - something medical - but he keeps his windows open year round - even in single digit weather. And he is constantly bumping the thermostat down. I have a thick sweater I keep at my desk that I'll wear in July when its 95 degrees outside. My supervisor didn't like that I was keeping my office door closed, and I told him that I did it to keep the heat in my office!1 -
@bmeadows380
Back when I still had a shared office (before the open-office remodel, and WAY before Covid), we were able to control the temp in our office somewhat. Fridays, my officemate worked from home. So every Friday, I closed the office door, cranked the heat all the way up, and made myself a cozy little sauna. It was my favorite part of the week.
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I am still up 4 lbs from my latest mini binge last week but I am doing ok again....I want to hit that 100 lb loss but I think I am sabotaging myself....I get really close and I feel over confident and BAM!...surely I will hit 250.0 before Thanksgiving...I still haven’t bought myself any clothes since I cleaned my closet....I am down to the bare necessities of 2 pair of shorts and one pair of long pants....I need bras and panties, too...I think I will finally buy some the end of the month and get them snug...my tops are loose but they still look ok...I really need a magic wand that removes fat!1
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@conniewilkins56 it took me 2 weeks to level out after my long weekend break. It will happen just breathe and trust the process.2
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I’m feeling so anxious. I’m down to having 1360 calories per day and most days I eat less. I want to see faster results but I know it takes a long time to lose weight. I’m sick of being fat. I wish I never let myself get this way but I did. The turtle wins the race!3
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I've spent all of my energy since last week just managing my mental health. Depression and anxiety have hit hard core. I think it was really a combination of election stress, work stress, and the shorter days/darker evenings, amplified by some PMS. I took a few sick days from work so I could just try to rest and reset. I can't focus on work because I'm anxious and depressed, so I get behind on work, which makes me even more anxious and depressed. Thursday (also because of my anxiety medication), I ended up sleeping for close to the entire day. Went to bed early Wednesday, slept from 9 until 7. Fell back asleep on the couch at noon, slept til supper time. Got up, ate, fell asleep on the couch by 9 again. Slept the whole night on the couch because I was too tired to go upstairs.
Through all of that, I definitely have not been eating at a deficit, over maintenance many of those days too. I just have constantly felt hungry, and when everything else feels bad, food feels so good. (I mean, it also was good food. We did celebrate on Saturday with a rack of lamb, crispy brussel sprouts, and chantarelle mushrooms). But it was really all of the in between meal snacking (handfuls of chocolate chips) that got me.
I finally feel like I'm coming out of the fog a bit today. I'm still tired, still having a hard time focusing, but it all seems slightly more manageable and less daunting. I have a food plan today that I'm going to try to stick with, mostly involving leftovers. I know I absolutely need to get out in the sun for a bit this afternoon. But seriously all I want to do is sleep again. Literally my reward for getting through my morning meetings is that I get to take a nap, and that is all I can think about. Ugh.
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@eliezalot
Oh honey, I know that boat quite well! Except the sleeping all the time part - I seem to be more of the other; I'd like to sleep, want to sleep, but I spend more time dozing than really deeply sleeping. I'm glad things are changing for you and hope they continue on the up!
I'm taking this afternoon off to try to get some things done outside I should have done on Saturday but that didn't get done because the best friend and I were up to 5 AM Friday night talking, and then, even though I was back up by 9:30 on Saturday morning, I spent the morning trying out journaling apps on my phone and didn't realize how time had gotten away from me until I saw it was 2 pm. I chose to take a long walk instead of doing yard work and thus rain out of daylight. And then the friend and I talked more on Saturday night until 4 AM Sunday morning, and after Sunday dinner, I tried to take a nap instead of walking, though by the time I finally started sleeping good, the stupid alarm went off for evening church services. And then, just to round the weekend off, I got home Sunday evening, called the friend back after a message she left, and we talked until 3 AM this morning!
Thankfully she's back to work today!
Unfortunately, I noticed that while I do pace and walk a lot while talking, the long talks like that late into the night kicked off the snacking urge something terrible. I got into Sunday's dessert on Saturday and ate 2 pieces, and polished off the rest of the dozen biscuits I had made at breakfast that morning. And got a snack bag of chips. And put honey in my tea. And yesterday was just as bad - I caught myself finishing off a bag of croutons, snacking on peanut butter straight from the jar, a slice of bread, pickles, more honey in my tea, and whatever else I could find. I would find myself in the kitchen looking into the fridge or the cupboard more than once.
And since I didn't walk yesterday, I quickly met an exceeded maintenance. So being rather good on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday got wiped out on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.
*sigh*
So here's hoping I get some decent sleep tonight and can fight off the snack urge today. and get myself moving!4 -
In the normal course I do not often have days where I feel like my available calories just evaporated into thin air. My movement is down a little not enough to now be on day 3 of "Where the heck did they go?"
I will mow some of the yard later so that will help today.
I am avoiding physical projects at the moment because my 2 day hike is coming up on Sunday. When I get into something I can get tunnel vision and it can lead to me overdoing it. Besides that most of what I need to do right now is dig stuff up to either move or dispose. None of it is time sensitive and I think I would rather wait for it to cool back down again. It is going to be nearly 80 today here.1 -
Bmeadows, I have a note on my refrigerator that says, “ Whatever you are searching for can not be found in here”.... another one says, “ Sorry, you can not swallow your feelings”....
Inside my kitchen cabinets and pantry I keep sticky notes with foodie quotes on them...I read them when I am preparing meals....I love the one that says, “ You are not hungry, you are a. Bored, b. Sad, c.Stressed, d. Angry, e. All of the above....
Wow Novus!...a 2 day hike....I am so envious of you that you can are able to do this....please tell us about it when you get back...my son had a great time 2 weeks ago on his most recent hike on the Appalachian trail...he had a business trip to Alabama when he got back and when I talked to him he said he had already lost some of the extra pounds he had put on.....
My husband is down 62 lbs which helps with his joint pain and our daughter has finally gotten convinced she needs to lose weight....she is down 32 lbs and her husband surprised her with a very girly pastel pink bike!2 -
conniewilkins56 wrote: »Bmeadows, I have a note on my refrigerator that says, “ Whatever you are searching for can not be found in here”.... another one says, “ Sorry, you can not swallow your feelings”....
Inside my kitchen cabinets and pantry I keep sticky notes with foodie quotes on them...I read them when I am preparing meals....I love the one that says, “ You are not hungry, you are a. Bored, b. Sad, c.Stressed, d. Angry, e. All of the above....
Wow Novus!...a 2 day hike....I am so envious of you that you can are able to do this....please tell us about it when you get back...my son had a great time 2 weeks ago on his most recent hike on the Appalachian trail...he had a business trip to Alabama when he got back and when I talked to him he said he had already lost some of the extra pounds he had put on.....
My husband is down 62 lbs which helps with his joint pain and our daughter has finally gotten convinced she needs to lose weight....she is down 32 lbs and her husband surprised her with a very girly pastel pink bike!
Your weight loss is infectious! I love it.2 -
bmeadows380 wrote: »@eliezalot
Oh honey, I know that boat quite well! Except the sleeping all the time part - I seem to be more of the other; I'd like to sleep, want to sleep, but I spend more time dozing than really deeply sleeping. I'm glad things are changing for you and hope they continue on the up!
I'm taking this afternoon off to try to get some things done outside I should have done on Saturday but that didn't get done because the best friend and I were up to 5 AM Friday night talking, and then, even though I was back up by 9:30 on Saturday morning, I spent the morning trying out journaling apps on my phone and didn't realize how time had gotten away from me until I saw it was 2 pm. I chose to take a long walk instead of doing yard work and thus rain out of daylight. And then the friend and I talked more on Saturday night until 4 AM Sunday morning, and after Sunday dinner, I tried to take a nap instead of walking, though by the time I finally started sleeping good, the stupid alarm went off for evening church services. And then, just to round the weekend off, I got home Sunday evening, called the friend back after a message she left, and we talked until 3 AM this morning!
Thankfully she's back to work today!
Unfortunately, I noticed that while I do pace and walk a lot while talking, the long talks like that late into the night kicked off the snacking urge something terrible. I got into Sunday's dessert on Saturday and ate 2 pieces, and polished off the rest of the dozen biscuits I had made at breakfast that morning. And got a snack bag of chips. And put honey in my tea. And yesterday was just as bad - I caught myself finishing off a bag of croutons, snacking on peanut butter straight from the jar, a slice of bread, pickles, more honey in my tea, and whatever else I could find. I would find myself in the kitchen looking into the fridge or the cupboard more than once.
And since I didn't walk yesterday, I quickly met an exceeded maintenance. So being rather good on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday got wiped out on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.
*sigh*
So here's hoping I get some decent sleep tonight and can fight off the snack urge today. and get myself moving!
Thanks, @bmeadows380. It is a tough spot to be. I'm glad I don't go there as frequently anymore, but ugh. It is so awful and exhausting. Things seem to be looking up this week. Election stress is gone, which means I can focus on managing work stress. PMS is gone, and I've been forcing myself to go outside in the sunshine.
Those late night best friend chats sound amazing and exhausting all at the same time! Like, you'd never trade them, but it sure feels good to get back on a schedule. I'd say it would be a great opportunity to go for a really long walk while you talk, but that seems like less of a good idea at 3 am, lol. Can you make a list of other things to do during your talks? Save some laundry to fold, pick up a craft to keep your hands busy, try doing various exercises (wall sits? stretches? more planned/purposeful walking/pacing?). Though I guess that won't help the next day tired munchies. I'm still trying to figure out a plan to manage the snacking/grazing urges too. Let me know when you figure it out! There is probably a book deal in there somewhere...
@NovusDies - can't wait to hear about your hike! I hope you have ideal weather and an amazing time!
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@eliezalot
Nope, I wouldn't trade the long talks! Though I wore my voice out over the weekend and I was supposed to sing Sunday night at church. I ended up just playing a piano special instead - good thing I had that option!
In addition to pacing the house, I have done chores, too - Saturday night I washed dishes, made stuffing for the turkey breast for Sunday's dinner, and finished off that dessert that I ended up getting into. And I have folded laundry and even mopped the house. But the activity kicks the munchies off too!1 -
Today was another awful day of work, so much so that I barely kept myself from blurting out "I quit" on a phone call with my boss this afternoon. Now it's approaching dinner time and one side of my brain says "you're angry, just skip dinner and dwell on it." Another side says "you're sad, go out and buy whatever calorie laden fast food you want and have a comfort binge." The tiny little sliver of common sense brain says "you have the fixings for a healthy meal in the fridge, so pick yourself up and don't let this situation derail your progress." I have such a hard time dealing with stress without disordered eating 🙁4
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One of my partner's coworkers came into work a couple of days ago unmasked and showing symptoms, after having known COVID exposure a week ago that she didn't tell anyone at work about. I get that you need to go into work and make rent but when there are systems that your job has in place to make getting paid during post-exposure quarantine possible—take it. I'm grateful my partner was off last week and had fewer chances of exposure than the rest of their coworkers but they still had a day of it.
So, they're quarantining in the house. The dog and I are bunking in the guest room and I'm bringing meals upstairs while we both mask up like they're in solitary confinement. The coworker was supposed to get the soonest available 24-hour rapid test but she didn't wind up scheduling one until Thursday so we've still got another couple days of this. (For context, my partner's boss got one scheduled in a few hours from the same testing location the day after this lady called to schedule her test.)
It's just really frustrating. I'm frustrated with this coworker for endangering everyone at work and I'm equally frustrated that service work is set up so that people feel the need to come into work sick in order to make the money they need. I'm frustrated that I can't see my grandma anymore since the weather took a turn so outdoor, distanced visits aren't possible and I'm frustrated that our numbers are so bad when my friends in other countries are starting to enjoy some normalcy again.
This really triggered my OCD symptoms so I'm trying to ride out obsessive hand washing by replacing some of those urges with lotioning so I don't get cracked hands but it's not really helping. Fingers crossed that everyone is negative so we don't have another week and a half of this!4 -
Got up this morning and did a few chores around the house...fixed lunch and got ready to go to the pool...haven’t been able to swim since Sunday because of the hurricane in the Gulf...get in the Navigator, turn the key and all it did was click, click....battery dead....my daughter and her husband took it to get a new battery after they jumped it with cables...SO here i am not able to go to the pool....I could attempt to walk but I would never make it back after swimming....there is no way I am doing Richard Simmons dance videos again today...Amanda could take me but she needs her car to go get mine if the battery place calls....I hate cars and I hate depending on anyone else having to do something for me...my husband is having a horrible day with pain today....I would eat something but that sure won’t help me either!...hold on, Connie, hold on!4
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So I don’t know how much I’ve shared here so I’ll start a the beginningish.
My husband, daughter and I moved to Florida 2 years ago. My mother had MS and I was working full time and taking care of her.
She got upset at my husband and wanted me to get a divorce or put him out.
My sister let us move in with her here in FL.
My husband was a chef but got a spine disease. He has been unemployed since 2007. He was the primary caregiver to our premature daughter. She’s 13 now.
Anyhow in August my mom died and I quit my job. I had too much emotional stuff going on and my employer was emotionally abusive.
Well because of COVID there are now more work from home jobs. My husband got hired in September.
I’m very thankful for that BUT he works out of our bedroom since we are still at my sisters house. I end up wandering around the house all day.
I’m now looking for employment and know I’ll get something someday but I’m bored out of my mind.
The only thing I can control is my food so that’s what I’m focusing all my efforts on. Eating in a deficit and learning to work through my food addiction.5 -
This last week or so has been a roller coaster. I have tried to eat the right things and watch the fluid intake (CHF requirements) but I have failed several days. I had a couple of days where I didn't log anything just kept a mental not of what I was taking in. The worst for me was after 6 years of no TOM it showed up. Dr. said could be from the weight loss. All I know is I was not a happy camper. Thankfully it only lasted 3 days. I really need to get back on track cause i have to weigh daily and its been up and down, I have a range i stay in but its still up and down. Its going to be tuff with the holidays upon us but I have to succeed at getting things controlled. I see the AFIB dr Thursday so we will see what they say about the gains/losses.2
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I survived my 2 day hike. Pretty sore today. They also didn't feed me enough food for the calories I burned so I have come back crazy ravenous.
Here is what I have learned through some trial and error. When you have a bit of an energy crisis your body responds this way and will stay in this "FEED ME, SEYMOUR!" mode for a week or more while you also do not feel great and your discipline is weaker. You can potentially eat more calories trying to struggle to be "good" OR you can accept that a slight but managed overfeed for a day or two gets it over faster with less total surplus that you can then just work back off in a normal deficit with normal hunger and normal energy.
I think it is a sucky answer and next time I do something like this I will be more prepared to deal with my calorie needs but that ship has sailed. What has happened has happened. I did ask for more food and they gave it to me but it was still not enough. I only brought 4 protein bars and a handful of starlight mints with me. I was kind of surprised they served pork tenderloin to a bunch of hikers. It is great when you want to save calories but just a terrible option when you have a bunch to fill.4 -
Up 4 freaking pounds this morning and I am so NOT happy....no, I am not retaining water,no, I didn’t binge and no, I am not TOM, ( I am WAY past that stage of my life ).... ok, I have been really pushing myself in the pool, yes, I am dealing with stress right now mostly due to husbands health, and yes, I am in need of a complete reset rest day but 4 pounds?....I could go in the kitchen and eat everything in sight but I am not going to give in to this urge....it isn’t worth the guilt I will have afterwards...I am sulky and pouty and being childish and I don’t care!....( stomping my foot )5
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Stomping those feet will burn some calories! It’s just fluctuations. It will work itself out in the wash! Keep your head up.4
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I don't know why my period couldn't wait to show up til AFTER Thanksgiving. Grr. SO helpful, with everything I'm trying to do!1
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Stomping those feet will burn some calories! It’s just fluctuations. It will work itself out in the wash! Keep your head up.
This. One thing I have learned about fluctuations is that you will never decode them all. It could be a higher sodium meal that snuck past your radar, a change in medication dosage, mild inflammation, stress, super mild or asymptomatic illness (this was happening long before covid hit, especially to me), and anything with the skin like rashes, burns, cuts, abrasions, bruises, etc. The list goes on and on.
I will be up today when I weigh. I know because I was thirsty last night. When things are normal I seldom have anything to drink after dinner and I usually do not drink that much at dinner. I did a new volunteer job yesterday and I worked pretty hard. The fact I will be up sucks since I stayed in an uptick for the last 6 weeks. I am still itchy and I really do not want a 4th rounds of steroids. It might be the 5th round if you count the shot as one. The poison ivy is much improved but there are still some spots.
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You must have rolled around in that poison ivy!....I hope you get complete relief very soon....
My weight was back down 2 1/2 lbs this morning SMH....
I tend to panic lol0 -
Blah. This whole week has been not great weight wise. Surgery last Friday so I ate at Maintenence last weekend to help with the healing. There was a pot luck at work on Monday and of course I ate but not a lot. Still more calories than normal. The whole week was like that. A little snack here. A few bites there. On Monday I noticed that my weight was creeping up. I know there is no way I was eating that much so I chalked it up to healing. Wednesday rolls around and TOM appears. While this doesn’t seem like a big deal it’s the first one in 23 years. Like wtf?? It explains the increase in weight (5 freaking lbs over the last week). How does anybody deal with this every single month?? And the snacking cravings are ridiculous!
That’s my rant. Fingers crossed that this goes away and everything goes back to how it’s supposed to be. That’s what I keep telling myself anyway!5 -
I feel really bloated and wrong in my clothes. I know that this is a temporary thing and I'm probably losing weight soon (I don't have to suck in to zip my jeans, and that's a new development.) But it's still annoying and messes with me and my autism. I want things to be okay again.3
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Blah. This whole week has been not great weight wise. Surgery last Friday so I ate at Maintenence last weekend to help with the healing. There was a pot luck at work on Monday and of course I ate but not a lot. Still more calories than normal. The whole week was like that. A little snack here. A few bites there. On Monday I noticed that my weight was creeping up. I know there is no way I was eating that much so I chalked it up to healing. Wednesday rolls around and TOM appears. While this doesn’t seem like a big deal it’s the first one in 23 years. Like wtf?? It explains the increase in weight (5 freaking lbs over the last week). How does anybody deal with this every single month?? And the snacking cravings are ridiculous!
That’s my rant. Fingers crossed that this goes away and everything goes back to how it’s supposed to be. That’s what I keep telling myself anyway!
I have no experience with TOM but healing kicked my hunger into overdrive. So for you it may be a double whammy.2 -
AlexandraFindsHerself1971 wrote: »I feel really bloated and wrong in my clothes. I know that this is a temporary thing and I'm probably losing weight soon (I don't have to suck in to zip my jeans, and that's a new development.) But it's still annoying and messes with me and my autism. I want things to be okay again.
If misery loves company you have some. I am super bloated at the moment and yesterday at church was the first time in some time I felt uncomfortable in clothes that usually feel slightly baggy.
I seem to be piling on the reasons to be bloated and I am travelling this week to add to them. Man I am dreading when all of this has to come back off. It is going to wreck my electrolytes if I am not careful. That will be next week's problem though.
My right knee has been bothering me for days. It is making a new sound and I can almost feel a more bone on bone sensation. I am worried this is the beginning of the end of keeping my original equipment. I know knee replacement is on my road map I just was hoping to put it off a little longer. I get Xrayed again after the first of the year and I am willing to bet this is happening next year. From what I have heard, and this may be outdated info now, but for double knee replacement I will be at a recovery facility for 2 weeks. Likely it will happen while there is pretty strict CV19 protocols in place so it will do it all without visitors. Fun.4 -
I think I'm going to see if I can handle refraining from chips for a day or two and see if that helps me drop some of the water. I'm normally very careful about denying myself because that sends me to some very unhelpful places psychologically, but that's the main place I get a lot of sodium these days, so it's worth an experiment. We'll see if I can handle it today, just as a start.1
