@Avidkeo Ohhhhh enjoy Elton! That would be a fun show to see!! And I LOVE the quilt! I love owls too.

Good morning!

Friday roll call!

@shanaber We are working on splitting the property into 2, 5 acre parcels. That is what all these surveys and new maps are for. The county is treating me like a developer since I am "creating" a new lot. We haven't even started the county process to build our house. Right now our architect is working on the engineering for the house.

Rheumatology appt was a *kitten* show. After all the back and forth with my records, the Doc said she didn't have anything and wanted to order all new stuff and see me in a month. I only did the bloodwork there since she ordered a full panel and I am curious what my numbers look like. I later got a call from the hospital with "questions about my insurance"...but again they just gave me a number that goes to a recording. These people are clueless. After 5 months of trying, I finally get told that it might kind of sound like rheumatoid but I don't have the classic symptoms so we can give you a drug what is terrible and see what happens. FFFF that!

On a good note, my podiatry referral went right through and I already have an appt in 2 weeks.

The oncologist called back about black cat. She said his kidney values were slowly getting worse but not enough to warrant sudden and extreme weight loss. So we are switching chemo and unfortunately the new one is injectable...so every 3 weeks for ???? we have to drive 1.5 hours for a 4-6hr appt. We will have to alternate on who takes PTO to take him. His new appetite increaser is also an anti-depressant and little dude is wild! He is bouncing off the walls and all about being up in our business. Grey cat thinks he is annoying.

I met the new DDA prosecutor yesterday...I was not impressed. She had read the reports but hadn't looked at any of the photos or anything and so she was really confused by the layout of the ranch (and the changes I have made). It was obv she had not done her homework yet and we are maybe 2 months out...but then she even said that date was just kinda "thrown out there". [Insert screaming]. The Detective did tell me a story about how LS while he was snooping around the ranch when my Mom had run into town, he tried to ride one of our "donkeys". I am not entirely sure what he tried to ride since city folk have a hard time telling a donkey from a mule from a horse (and there were all three up there)...but the Detective said LS admitted it didn't go well for him. He also said that LS had anger issues and that he had been living with his grandparents and he got angry one day and trashed their house so they threw him out. He had been renting a room but was having issues there because I guess he thought once he was an adult he could do whatever he wanted and was mad people still told him no. Adulting is hard.

Eating was ? this week. I really tried to work on eating when I was hungry. But like the book said, after years of dieting, I can't read my hunger cues. IDK if I believe in true intuitive eating, there are always decisions and choices to control what we eat. One critic said it was the "kitchen pass for the privileged white woman to walk around with a donut". I def see both sides.

No exercise this week.

Have a great weekend!

@shanaber Sorry about your IBS. I'm glad you were able to get a video appointment for next week. You do great to get out and do what you can.

@CMorning99 Sorry the rheumatology appoint went so badly. The AF isn't what it used to be. I'm glad Black Cat is doing okay, but that the meds is making him wild. Hugs for the trail. It must be awful with things always up in the air. I hope you have a great weekend too.

@Avidkeo Sorry the concert got cancelled but it looks like you and your friend still had a good time....and bonus to get to spend another day together.

I wondered where you have been @swenson19d . Glad to see you back. Fingers crossed that you will be accepted into graduate school. When will you find out?

I made a couple of batches of Super Hero Muffins yesterday. I have the ingredients for another kind, but ran out of unsalted butter. LOL I'm hoping these will give me a semi-nutritious snack when I'm running short on time.

The weather has me sullen and sulking. I do not like cold (rain, wind). Looks like the next week, we go back to winter. We had a day of Spring on Saturday and one last week. I am struggling today and trying to figure out what other triggers have set me off to want to eat everything. My weight went up again and I am pretty certain it is the sodium levels, but still sets me off. It does not help me at all that I snack on Splenda. I did get to go back to church, but Mom's friends left (church split over the last month). I told her we will be staying right where we are because neither she, nor I want to deal with looking for another church home. I like this church, but I do not take a great deal of time to meet/greet others. My sole focus is on managing the environment to keep my mother safe.

I was not able to keep up with my running partners on Saturday. Knowing I fell, my hip aching, but still put myself down. I know that is wrong, but it is so completely awesome to 'have friends' that I fear they will not run with me.

I really do not know what I am typing/saying. I am reaching out in my own way. There are so many things flashing through my brain.
I just finished a good book and working through another.
Stop Overthinking by Nick Trenton
The Yamas & Niyamas by Deborah Adele (running partner wanted to do this together)

Just a vent, trying to keep food beast in his cage. I appreciate having a spot to drop some of this.

Good morning!


@avidkeo Bummer about the concert, are they rescheduling?

@Shanaber I really don't know what I have. I feel like it is not rheumatism, but just plain old wear and tear. MRIs are a last resort so maybe I can get one on my hands. I did ask for an MRI of my neck, we will see if my PCM agrees. My neck has always been poppy and grindy so maybe it is a pinched nerve. I love a Mediterranean meal plan, I am just too damn lazy LOL.

@swenson19d I don't know how you have the patience for so much school LOL. The thought of writing a paper still sounds terrible after 12 yrs from graduating.

@AlphaHowls Weather is always an excuse for me now LOL. I used to run in the bitter cold in the dark and that just sounds so unkind to myself. Now if the weather is terrible or I am "resting"...I go for a walk, I tend to find I enjoy it more sometimes.

@quilteryoyo I love superhero muffins! I have both Shalane's cook books, I just need to get over being so lazy LOL

The weekend went well! I didn't have to go up to the ranch since I went up during the week so we had Saturday all to ourselves! We did some house cleaning and caught up on some paperwork. I gave the grey and black cat baths and they are sooo floofy! Grey cat has so much matting though, I need to get after that little by little. I also got some reselling done. Sunday was a usual thrifting day and I worked in my office a bit. I was tired though and went to bed early.

I weighed myself and it seems I have not really gained weight in 6 months. Holding steady. Just holding too high LOL. I packed a gym bag today and plan on doing a good walk after work. Since it seems I have reached equilibrium on eating, I don't want to change that...so that leaves exercise. Now to either come to terms my body has a happy weight that I don't like, or try to not eat back exercise if I get hungrier.

Best get to the week!

@Avidkeo - saw reports of lots of flooding and issues in New Zealand. Hope you all are safe!

Keeping head up, isolated, no contacts over last few days due to ice storm.
Had a moment when a phrase I know hit me hard:

If nothing changes, nothing changes.

OUCH!
It applies to me to and not just a phrase for me to repeat. Stripping my food down and will make a daily effort to reduce sugar and increase protein. Not telling myself I cannot have sugar or desserts, just need to reduce to see difference and work on fueling patterns.

I am a big proponent of 'everything in moderation' and I also don't cut things out of my diet. As a kid my mom used to have me on terrible diets (think grapefruit and cottage cheese) with so many things I wasn't allowed to have. I would literally save my allowance and stop at our small local grocery store to buy and then hoard candy bars or cookies because they were 'off limits'. I didn't even like them much but it was the idea that they were forbidden that made them so attractive. Now I can have a cookie or a small piece of chocolate and I am good.

@AlphaHowls - when the weather is so bad can you talk on the phone with your friends just to have some contact or even do a Zoom or FaceTime call? Would that help with the feelings of isolation? I know during the worst of the pandemic we did that with a group of our friends and it was a lifesaver. These friends live all over the country so we rarely get to see most of them anyways but having that hour or so of conversation and laughter really helped all of us. Now we have continued to have a call once a month just to stay in touch.

I had my video doctor appointment yesterday. She wasn't very happy with me for not contacting her sooner about the IBS issues. Sent me for bloodwork, urinalysis, etc. and I am scheduled to see the gastroenterologist on Friday (they had a cancellation so they could get me in quickly). I am hoping to at least get some ideas on how to mitigate the issues so they don't get so bad. This has been the worst flare I have had. In the past they have pretty much resolved on their own after a few days so I kept waiting expecting it would get better in a day or so.
TMI under the split...

Good morning and TGIF!

@shanaber So frustrating when things aren't right but there are 1,000 reasons why.

@alphahowls Sometimes don't you wish they made food like they do animals LOL. Just got to the doc...I got XYZ issue...let me prescribe you this tailored kibble to you...just eat that and be fine LOL

The week went well. I got a lot of work done at work. I am getting really sick of all the half-thought out changes the AF is pushing. Change is hard enough but when they are rolling out 50% solutions to just "get it out there" and they will refine later is really getting old! They have had to roll back our HR (evaluations) program AND our training program back. Then they bring it back 20 days later and claim it is a "fully redesigned" system...bruh, it takes longer than a month to do that. I heard the Army is having similar issues...must be a DoD thing then. It is gonna come down to "if in doubt, waiver out".

I asked my PA for a neck MRI. All my blood work from Rheum came back clear - she even tested for just general markers for any autoimmune. She didn't do the full panel like she said, which I was really interested in (Iron, B, D, etc). My PA thinks it is general arthritis in my hands...maybe I should have asked for a hand MRI instead? But my neck is also always stiff and grindy so it won't hurt. At least there is a trend in my records and maybe the VA will do an MRI. Got my final hearing test done, they have lost my records from 1999-2012...lame. But they say my hearing is fine even with my tinnitus. I also realized that my med records are due to the VA in March...I had written down May (which is actually the last month to submit them). Doh! After my Podiatry appt next week, I am going to request them, it is 30 day wait to get them so hopefully my MRI results will trickle in by then.

No update on the Ranch or house. DH and I have been looking at houses to rent. We found a couple but we are going to have to pay. A 3 bed townhouse in a nice gated area is about $3,700 a month. A house is about $3,200 a month.

I have been doing my intuitive eating journal and workbook. I am meh so far...I definitely have some weird food things from years of diets but IDK if I am as bad as these books. The first few journal entries were about diets I had been on, how they made me feel, my relationship with food while on them, why they failed etc. I already know all that...maybe writing it down helps? The work book had quizzes on what type of eater you are. There was one area that talked about how you feel/talk to yourself when you fail a diet. I am not a nice person LOL. Then it asked "what would you say to a friend who was struggling on a diet?"...Well do they want an honest answer or a nice answer LOL. Then it asked "what if you said those nice things to yourself?"...huh? Does not compute. I am pretty hard on myself and generally just avoid talking to myself when I can. Next week's chapters are about things I am going to change to get away from a "diet mentality"...IDK, I have been on a "see food" diet for 2 years now. We will see how it goes.

Have a great weekend.