Jake45 Member

SMART A**: Two young businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store in the shopping mall. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves and display racks set up. One said to the other, "I'll bet that any minute now some old guy is going to walk by, put his face to the window,…

A Wyoming Highway Patrol officer was patrolling late at night off the main highway. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing. He carefully approaches the car to get a closer look. Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He immediately notices a young woman in the…

> A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up & saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. > > He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. > > Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or…

I believe most of those below are located in the"State of Mind." Where I've been- I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone. I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there. I have, however, been in Sane. They don't…

Drinking and driving this holiday season I would like to share an experience with you about drinking and driving. As you know over the years some of us have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from holiday parties. Well, I have done something about it: a couple of nights ago I was out for dinner and ended up…

An age old question A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and says "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question."

Great jokes. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't…

Sandy, thanks for starting the new thread Maddie, that's a great bumper sticker:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

In honor of the last day of October I thought there should be a history lesson that had nothing to do with Halloween. The Biblical Origin of The Internet You might have thought that you knew how the Internet started, but here's the TRUE story (hmmm!) .... In ancient Israel , it came to pass that a trader by the name of…

Yeah, yeah I know it's been a long time, I've been busy and the jokes are either not good or just too dirty to post here. So in lieu being banned or insulting anyone I have restrained myself and not sent anything. Here, however is one for Halloween! A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween Party. He doesn't…

Sandy,:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: you have the best stories :bigsmile:

Man what does one say about all the good will this place has? thanks for bday greetings, you guys made my day. Love you.:wink:

:bigsmile: good moning....ther's lots of work to do in October and still time to play golf :bigsmile:

And for all of you who thought I died of old age or just was sent out to pasture by Barbiecat, this one is for you. Especially Sandy. Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her…

And for all of you who thought I died of old age or just was sent out to pasture by Barbiecat this one is for you. Especially Sandy. Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her…

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Sandy, I appreciate your sharing this important warning with me.:bigsmile: so will this be a new weight loss plan :laugh:

Hi all, just wanted to say hello. We're busy getting ready for the move and enjoying summer -Finally! Here's a little something to gnaw on, not all men think like this just the lucky ones. Retirement … One day a man decided to retire. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that…

To start the month off on the right ear, oops I mean foot. This is for you Sandy. Family Tree of Vincent Van Gogh: vincent-van-gogh.jpg His dizzy auntVerti Gogh The brother who ate prunesGotta Gogh The brother who worked at a convenience storeStop N Gogh The grandfather from YugoslaviaU Gogh His magician uncleWhere-diddy…

To start the month off on the right ear, oops I mean foot. This is for you Sandy. Family Tree of Vincent Van Gogh: vincent-van-gogh.jpg His dizzy auntVerti Gogh The brother who ate prunesGotta Gogh The brother who worked at a convenience storeStop N Gogh The grandfather from YugoslaviaU Gogh His magician uncleWhere-diddy…

:bigsmile: yes, Marie, Barbie is making sure I don't overdo anything on the moving......i have a bunch of young strong friends who will move all the furniture. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Sandy, that's a very, very, very funny story :laugh:

Sandy, I just saw the joke, thanks it's nice to know someone understands. I wear a black arm band when I four putt.

Ah the jokes the jokes!!!! Both good you guys are making me blush, I'm just a shy Jewish kid with a strong Buddhist leaning and I am very naive also. But -But!! Here's another one. An Italian man, Luigi Galardi is hit by a car on a city street. Help arrives quickly and he is transported to the nearest hospital. In the…

Thanks you guys, Barbie and I really appreciate your kind words. Haifa was one of a kind and he and I were buddies. In years past when I was a smoker we'd sit on the front porch together while I had a good cigar. These past few years he was on my lap a lot if I was doing something on the computer. The thing that was most…

Well, there is no way better to start of the week than with a joke, we'll get some walking in today also, Barbie already has, I slept til 7:00 so I'm the late guy. Oh yeah time for the joke. Sandy this is for you since you and I were both born in Illinois, I'm from Waukegan. Mrs. Murphy and Mrs. Cohen had been longtime…

Hi all and now for the joke f the week!! (drum roll):laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but notice how beautiful Brian's roommate Jennifer was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of the platonic relationship between Brian and…

]

Sandy :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :blushing: :blushing: :blushing:

Jane and Arlene Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking. Arlene: What in the hell is that? Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet. Arlene: Where did you get…