Jake45 Member

Thank you all for the kind wishes, the first thing i did this morning was call Barbie "kid" then of course, I tried to seduce her. Anyhow, it's a good day on this side of the grass. Happy Thanksgiving weekend!! :)

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves (union folks) did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of…

THE PERFECT HUSBAND Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cellular phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen. MAN: "Hello" WOMAN: "Hi Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?" MAN: "Yes." WOMAN: "I'm at the shops now and…

My Favorite Animal Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my…

The new Priest Father O'Malley rose from his bed one fine spring morning in his new Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. It was then noticed a *kitten* lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station. The…

5 of 26 The new Priest Inbox x Rick Jean rick98382@gmail.com 10:17 AM (7 hours ago) to undisclosed recipients The new Priest Father O'Malley rose from his bed one fine spring morning in his new Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. It was then…

::bigsmile: walking is great exercise

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How to Tell the Sex of a Fly This is the cleanest E-mail joke I've come across in a long while! A woman walked into the kitchen to find her Husband standing around with a fly swatter "What are you doing?" She asked. "Hunting Flies" He responded. "Oh ! Killing any?" She asked. "Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.…

There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig. Description: B538617BD71046CA946149975A060003@bosstankf93208 "Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears. "Come on, man," the biker…

A virile, middle-aged Italian gentleman named Guido was relaxing at his favorite pub in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde woman. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless. After a…

How Many Dogs Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb? (as answered by dogs) These have been bouncing around the internet for years... we collected some of the silliest (or most accurate) here. Please feel free to send us others we may have missed at, info@freekiblble.com - and we'll add them to the list! Golden Retriever: The…

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, 'Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see? ' 'The Lone Ranger replies, 'I see millions of stars.' 'What that tell you?' asked Tonto. The Lone…

Six retired Italian Floridian fellows were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Guido loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continue playing, but standing up. At the end of the game, Giovanni looks around and asks, "So,…

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The Guy's Dinner A group of 15-year-old guys discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Dairy Queen next to the Oceanview restaurant because they had only $6.00 among them and Jenny Johnson, the cute girl in Social Studies lived on that street. 10 years later, the group of 25-year-old guys…

My wife found out that our dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinarian. The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears. He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell Andrea that, if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to the…

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That's a great question......i wonder about golf

A WOMEN'S PLACE Barbara Walters, of 20/20, did a story on gender roles in Kabul , Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands. She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands. Despite the overthrow of…

Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home. Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?" Margaret looked him over. "Nope." Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked…

Phil, a smart and handsome young man, dressed in the latest fashion, walked into this local pub. He noticed a woman gazing at him without blinking her big eyes. Phil felt flattered so he walked up to the woman and said in his deepest voice, ‘I’ll do anything you wish, beautiful lady, for just £10 but on one condition.’ The…

By the way, all of you keep me laughing, thanks

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.' He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the…

There comes a time when a woman just has to trust her husband For example... A wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the…

And now for those of You who are wondering what to say when the time comes, some hints for the stone. :devil: Old Cemeteries A truly Happy Person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour; and one who can enjoy browsing old cemeteries. Some fascinating things on old tombstones! Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York :…

Marie, that's a great joke thanks.

SENIOR MOTEL MOMENT Last week, she checked into a motel on her 65th birthday and she was a bit lonely. She thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages." She looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony - a very handsome…

Roger, 85,married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old ..Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Roger should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together. After the wedding festivities Jenny…

I just started using a step counter and get to about 5000 a day now.