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The chicken and the horse.
On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together. One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help! Off the chicken ran, back to the farm.. Arriving at the farm, he searched and…
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There was a blonde on a plane
Sorry to you blonde's I just couldn't help myself. THE PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO HOUSTON WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN. THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET. SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS AND THAT SHE WILL…
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Car companies- rant
Okay, I work for a Dodge/Chrysler dealership, and the owners of the place own a GM dealership in the next town. Yesterday my boss (who has been a dodge dealer for 67 years, and the garage has been in the family 86 years) was at the doctor (he's 83). I get a call from one of our states big news papers wanting to talk to…
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Frog & golf
The Frog and Golf THIS IS HILARIOUS! DO NOT SAVE - PASS ON A man takes the day off work and Decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he Notices a frog sitting next to The green. He thinks nothing of it and is About to shoot when he Hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron." The man looks around and doesn't See anyone. Again,…
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Probiotics
The following is from mayoclinic.com, I was curious if there is anybody out there that takes supplements with these in them and if they feel they've helped. Question Probiotics: What are they?What exactly are probiotics? What health benefits do they offer? Answer from Michael Picco, M.D. Your body contains billions of…
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Catholic Parrots
A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, 'Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, But they only know how to say one thing.' 'What do they say?' the priest inquired. They say, 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?' That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed, Then he thought for a moment. 'You…
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Smarter than a preschool
A PRE-SCHOOL TEST FOR YOU I already knew I was dumber than the fifth graders, now it's the preschoolers turn?! A PRE-SCHOOL TEST FOR YOU Which way is the bus below traveling Can't make up your mind? Look carefully at the picture again. Still don't know? Pre-schoolers all over the United States were shown this picture asked…
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To all you hunters
Yeah, we let these people vote.:noway:
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The power of drinking joke-clean
A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion. After 21 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him…
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Adopted babies
Okay, we have a hen that always hates for us to take her eggs. She is the only hen we have that will sit on her eggs and not leave. When we go to get the eggs she always pecks at us, and the kids are afraid of her and won't even try to get the eggs. Since we won't let her hatch out her eggs, she decided to adopt. These…
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Hydroxycut Recall
I'm sure there are some people on here that take Hydroxycut. Just letting everyone know that it has been recalled because of health problems it's causing.
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6 Ab myths
Found this on Yahoo.com 1. Myth: To get rock-hard, you have to work your abs every day. Why: Abs need rest and recovery: It's only during rest that your muscles build. "Three to five days a week of consistent, dedicated abdominal training should get you strong, sleek abs," says Kathy Kaehler, trainer and author of Kathy…
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Fabulous fiber
Here is an article from USAweek.com Fabulous fiber There are multiple health benefits of both soluble and insoluble roughage. For years now, we've heard about the benefits of fiber. I remember as a kid watching my mother unpack high-fiber cereal from the grocery bag, wondering why in the world someone would eat it. It…
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Warning check your cupboards
A student at HBHS (high school) had pancakes this week and it almost became fatal. His Mom (registered nurse) made him pancakes, dropped him off at school and headed to play tennis. She never takes her cell phone on the court but did this time and her son called to say he was having trouble breathing. She told him to go to…
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Joke-G rated
On the first day of school , the children brought gifts for their teacher. The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers. The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy. Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box, The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was…
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The pond
> The Pond > An elderly man had owned a large farm for several years. > He had a large pond in the back.. > > It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up > nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple > and peach trees. > > One evening he decided to go down to the pond, as he > hadn't been there for…
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My daughter
Here is a clip of my daughter singing. This isn't the best that she can do and we were taping her with a cheap camera, but I thought I would share. Mind you she is only 12, and this was at a music contest so she was nervous, there is no mic. I know she needs to open her mouth up more and she does in practice, she just…
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leroy
I got this this morning and it is one of my all time favorites. A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids. 'WOW!' the social worker exclaims. 'Are they all yours?'' 'Yep, they are all mine,' the flustered momma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before. She says, 'Sit down Leroy.'…
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The Cruise : )
THE CRUISE! DEAR DIARY. DAY ONE: All packed for the cruise ship - all my sexiest dresses and make-up. Really excited. DEAR DIARY. DAY TWO: Entire day at sea, beautiful and saw whales and dolphins. Met the Captain today - seems a very nice man. DEAR DIARY. DAY THREE: At the pool today. Also some shuffle boarding and hit…
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Dementia Quiz
Dementia Quiz Below are four (4) questions and a Bonus question to test your perception, reasoning and the quickness of your logical processing. They are stated simply so you should try to answer them instantly. To assure the accuracy of the results, you should not take your time , but instead, answer each of them…
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My times up?
My Times UP? A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked 'Is my time up?' God said, 'No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.' Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a…
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Bud the cowboy
A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, 'If I tell you exactly how many…
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Nordakota Cow... (Warning pretty tastelesss)
Nordakota Cow... Ole is a farmer in Minnesota . He is in need of a new milk cow and hears about a nice one for sale over in Nordakota (that would be North Dakota for you non-Scandahoovians out there). He drives to Nordakota, finds the farm and looks at the cow. He reaches under to see if the cow gives milk. When he grabs a…
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Benefits of Cranberries
Okay there was a fruit article on MFP but it didn't list cranberries, so I had to look up some info on them cause I eat them almost daily. They are pretty good for you. from oohoi.com Benefits of Cranberries Cranberries are actually a type of acidic berries that are rich in vitamin C and believed to contain excellent…
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Dear Dog/Cat
To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - pet nose height. Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish,…
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skinny habbit
Found this interesting from betterhealthandliving.com 5 things thin/healthy people do Ever notice how those effortlessly skinny types rarely sweat themselves silly at the gym or deny themselves their favorite foods, like chocolate? Meanwhile, millions of hopeful dieters skip meals, nuke Lean Cuisines for lunch, and sip…
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This Sucks
It is like 80 degrees here and I'm stuck inside at work. It's a record high and I can't get out to play. I would so love to play hookey and go ride my horse. I can't even go home after work and ride bc my son has wrestling and I have to wait till he's done with practice to go home. By then it'll be dark:grumble: What makes…
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The big 4 0
No it's not my birthday, but as of today my ticker reads 40 pounds lost. I just a little excited.:bigsmile:
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All About Salmon
With it now being Lent I know there are quite a few of us eating more fish. Here is an article I found on about.com that I thought was good. I love salmon grill in foil with black bean corn salsa and served over rice. It has so much flavor. All About Salmon Salmon Nutrition, Health Benefits, Cooking, Farmed vs. Wild By…
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Flax Seed: The Low Carb Whole Grain
Flax seed is something that is great for you, but few people incorporate it into their diets. My husband and I will add it to smoothies (can't taste it), yogurt and soups, along with other foods. It helps keep you full and helps your system stay regular. Here is an article about Flax Seed. You can get it at health food…