Senior Golden Sneakers
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It is only Tuesday? I am ready to go home to my comfy place but I have one more day. Daisy wakes me at 7:00 AM to go out and eat breakfast and you know I am not a morning person.
She goes back to sleep but then I am already up and having coffee.
I will try to explain why I am so upset but at this point I don't know what I am going to do.
Babe changed his Power of Attorney from an attorney we had to protect me, to his son.
He said he didn't like the attorney and it would make it too difficult if he had to run there to write checks which isn't how it works. He also was on a secret joint checking account with me but demanded I close the account and give him half because his name cannot be on anything with me. I explained all he had to do was sign off on the account and it would be in my name alone but he wouldn't listen to reason. He swears he will give me back the money he took within a few months but it had to be done this way. He also swears nothing will change but how can he guarantee that if he becomes incapacitated? Divorce is out of the question because when we went to the attorney the first time talking about divorce, the lawyer didn't have our prenup because it was too many years from when it was written. We really didn't want a divorce so I agreed to a postnup saying I only wanted his social security and pension when he dies and a monthly amount with the separation. Of course now I am scared if Babe becomes incapacitated what will his son do? I feel very betrayed and really need to think about my next move.
I am also wondering if they are trying to get rid of all of Babe's assets so that if he did have to have home care and/or a nursing home he wouldn't show any money that the state could take. That is just my opinion but my mind is racing these days. I know I will survive, I always do and I do have a program that I work if I work it.
Sorry about all the information but as my friends who have been with me through this whole ordeal I felt it was okay to share this with you.
Sandy
One Day at a Time
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Hello friends. I have been zooming around the last several days but nothing you'd find very interesting I am sure. I am going to a book club social event this evening. I will have an opportunity to meet some of the people in the library's book club and I can finally decide if I want to join in.
Sandy, not my place to interfere but my friend, PROTECT yourself. People are monsters when it comes to assets and possessions. Babe may not be capable of standing up to his son at all at this point. Get as much as you can immediately before it disappears. My story is nothing like yours but my soon-to-be ex husband agreed to pay me for half the value of one of our cars (which I had paid off). I believed him so signed over the car to him and got a loan in my own name for a car--one that cost way too much but I thought I would have a big lump to put against it relatively quickly. That day never came and financial issues between us just got worse and worse. If money is involved and I turn it over to someone as a 'loan', in my mind it is a gift. If any ever comes back it would be a bonus. Once assets are gone, they are gone.
Very tough situation my friend. I wish you had your own attorney and financial advisor. This could be rocky.
Hugs.
Lin0 -
Listen to LIN Sandy. I trusted my "best friend", couldn't believe the change in him, and ended up in shock and not fighting for my rights in a French speaking province. He remarked later it was my own fault for not fighting. It was all so sudden for me, but you are in your own country with family around you. Get what is rightfully yours. Valuable lesson for me though, you never really know anyone's hidden depths. Long term loyalty goes out the window when someone else is advising and influencing the person you thought you knew.
Anne.
PS. We didn't have prenups in Britain at the time we married.0 -
Sandy Lin and Anne raise good points. If it were just Babe you were dealing with you would be on safer grounds. I understand your horrible situation. Do the best you can to look out for yourself.
Big hugs.
Jeri0 -
Jerry and i going to the dog shelter tomorrow to see what they have.
Marie1 -
Lin .................... how do you cook beans without salt? I cook a pot of black beans without salt and they were terrible.0
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Oh dear, SANDY, looks like you are going to have to learn to be strong about protecting your assets since Babe cannot be counted on any longer! Obviously, his kids are looking to get their hands on everything they can, while disposing of their father and his wife! I'm wondering, can Babe change his Power of Attorney without your OK? Or close that bank account without your signature? I assume the monthly income was part of the agreement also? All written and signed? So, if he breaks the agreement, you have the right to "go for it", babe, every bit and as much as you can, and without feeling guilty because otherwise it ends up with a drunken son and his daughter, who have always been anxious to get you out of Daddy's life. Yes, very loving offspring, wouldn't you say? Get in touch with that lawyer who was taking care of your interests, and if he cannot take care of you any longer, ask him point blank how to protect yourself! Babe is no longer the man you married, and I hope you face that he is no longer being truthful with you, and you MUST protect yourself! And if I have gone too far, slap me with a wet noodle, sweet friend, but this is what I would advise my own kids! At the time of your separation, I recall his kids' nastiness and I was shocked that he forgot his allegiance should have been to you, and not to 2 scheming con artists! Tae steps right away, love, and don't wait another day! WE ARE HERE FOR YOU!
LIN, I had no idea your marriage was not dissolved! Why oh why are we women so vulnerable and so believing? It amazed me that you accomplish so much with that hanging over your head!
MARIE, use as many spices and herbs as you like, and you might add a touch of either lemon juice or apple cider vinegar to the beans to give them a bit of zip! Without salt, nothing tastes the same, but we gradually get used to salt-free! At lease I hope we do. Sometimes I think I still am not used to it despite never using any. One drop fills me with extra pounds of water!
It's very late and I need sleep,...goodnight, precious friends! Buzz
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BUZZ, you are a very wise woman. ❤️ Wish I'd known you in my past. Trust betrayed is the very worst.
MARIE, just want you to know dear, that I wouldn't give up my little Jilly for anything, she has brought great joy into my life, BUT, and it's a big BUT, be prepared for a lot of hard work if you are considering adopting a wee dog, a lot of taking for walks, and a lot of potty training and accidents if you should adopt a puppy or untrained older dog.
If you are seriously thinking of getting a dog, be very careful not to trip over a small black dog or the toys and balls scattered all over the floor. Quite a hazard for us older folk.
Jill is extremely active. Believe me I'm ready for bed and she is still ready to go, go, go! She is also the most intelligent dog I have ever owned, apparently intelligence and high energy level go together.
Just letting you know that Jill and I have got used to each other and I love her dearly, but at 81, I have back up to take care of her if I no longer can. I can't bear the thought of her going into an animal shelter after she's got used to a home and doting owner. Good luck to you and Jerry whatever you decide.❤️
By the way, I use Spike instead of salt if anyone's interested.
Anne.0 -
We had some snow yesterday morning but there was none in Seattle when we went there for Jake's cardiology appointment. The snow is still on the ground here but nothing new this morning...it's several degrees below freezing.
Because Sasha didn't want to walk in the snow yesterday morning, Jake decided that we should take her out and buy her a coat to wear when she walks.
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Barbie- Sasha looks so cute in her new coat. I am sure you are still feeling the pain from your recent loss and my heart goes out to you.
Sandy - I would listen to all the advice you have been given. Protect yourself seems to be the way you should be thinking and fight for what should be yours. I am by no means an expert on this, but it seems you are getting sound advice. I am so sorry you are going through this again.
We are leaving soon to see Isaac which I am so looking forward. I hear snow is in the forecast so I will be bringing my boots along. I will be back on Friday so until then have a good week.
Shirley0 -
Barbie - Sasha's rocking the winter fashion!
Shirley - Safe travels.
I will be working in the (home) office today. It will be interesting to see how much I can get done because I also need to work in some time for the laundry, kitchen, holiday decorating and a few other things. If nothing else, I've learned that I can do as much as I can do and the rest will still be there tomorrow.
Marcella
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Happy Tuesday! I am going home later and that makes me happy. I love Daisy but there is no place like home!! I will probably take your advice and call the attorney who was our POA and see if he will give me some free advice.
Marcella, a women's work is never done. lol
Shirley, I know you are excited to see Isaac and I don't blame you.
Barbie, Sasha looks adorable in her new coat. Daisy loves the cold and will sleep in the snow if we let her. I cancelled the dog walker today because it is just too cold. (for the walker)
Anne, you are so right on your trust betrayed is the worst!! First Cheryl, now Babe. I am glad I have the sneakers, they will never betray me.
Buzz, you can change your POA anytime you like. As far as the bank account I went with him to the bank to do as he begged, why? I don't know. I hate confrontation and I am usually the one who gives in to other peoples demands. Happened in my first marriage and now this.
I will somehow work this out, I just need time to think.
Marie, can't help you with the beans, not a big fan. Remember how much work the kittens were so think carefully about a puppy, unless you are thinking of an older dog who is already trained.
Daisy's chicken is done boiling, time to shred it for her meals. Have a great day!!
Sandy
One Day at a Time1 -
BARBIE and JAKE, thank goodness for adorable Sasha (love her new coat) and I hope it helps dull the pain of your loss.
SANDY, darn it all, your good nature is both a blessing and a downfall. Forget how much you dislike confrontation! Your comfortable future may be at stake here, and remember the only one who really will help you is #1! That's you! Get on your own side and stop worrying about what effect your action will have on Babe or his &%^**%$! kids! They were not worried about you! WE ALL LOVE YOU and approve of whatever you do to take good care of yourself! Be aware you could lose practically everything he agreed to if you give his kids time to figure out how to get you out of his picture! So don't waste time calling the lawyer. You NEED protection from the very person you trusted and still worry about! I'm sorry for what's happening, dear, but you must learn to be less "nice"!
I totally agree with all the excellent advise to MARIE regarding the effort of getting a dog now. Unless you can find a much older "rescue" dog, there's so much work involved and you really need as much rest as you can get you are not feeling well.
I'd better go finish breakfast, which I started 3 hours ago; too many interruptions, so my coffee is still waiting! Buzz 1 -
Two very busy days and now time to cook my dinner but will do my best to get back later. Had to comment though on Sasha's new coat..... beautiful and a perfect colour contrast with her own natural one. Take it steady on the snow Barbie.
Just quickly Sandy, in a way you've been here before because it smacks of more intimidation and bullying from Babe's son to get him to push you out of his life. No doubt another drunken rant in his dad's direction but whatever, I have to concur with other comments that there comes a time when being unconfrontational isn't going to cut it; you must take care of your own financial security even if it means a final legal break. There's only so much pain anyone should have to deal with and if Babe can't see what this is doing to you then he doesn't deserve any part of you. Enough said from me except we all love you and are right behind any decision you make.
Hopefully back if not this evening then tomorrow.
Jackie0 -
Wow! A lot of drama going on here lately. When it comes to the disolving of a marriage and financial arrangements for a lifetime, That is scary and sad. John has always advised our kids that any financial arrangements should be written in a contract and signed and notarized. When our son started his business he was kind of sloppy about that. He had a little "come to Jesus" moment with an attorney regarding a client who wanted what he didn't pay for. After that he really tightened up his practices. He unfortunately had a bad marriage as sometimes happens. He used the same practices. Everything was nailed down in a contract. Everyone knew what is expected and agreed upon. No hanging details or deals that were in spoken words alone. It saved a lot of heartbreak. Now, it is strange but that alone made it possible for my son and his ex to stay friendly.
In truth, we women often refuse to use our brains and talents. We want someone else to take care of us. Not necessary, ladies. We can figure out how to do things. I love that every other month I am in charge of our finances. I pay the bills etc. look after our investments. Sandy, you are an intelligent woman. You handle all sorts of details in your life. This can be a real clarifying experience. Get organized, have your demands written out. Be fair and be specific. Don't hang on to old hurts and disappointments. You are starting a new independent life. Have any checks come through the attorney. Makes things go much smoother. 2017 will be your year of independence. Sincerely! You can do this. Do it in a positive spirit.
Patsy0 -
We are all here for you Sandy, but we can't protect you. I think you should follow Buzz's advice and talk to a lawyer. We all want the very best for you and I am sending great big hugs your way.
Buzz, if I ever run into problems I am calling you first. You make the most sensible and down to earth suggestions. I always had lots of respect for you before, but my opinion has gone up a notch. lol
Jeri0 -
Sandy...sorry for My half baked advice! I was speaking from my very limited experience. Jeri, Buzz and others are most likely giving you better words of wisdom than I could. But most important thing is that you have a lot of people who care about you. I tend to want to see an upside to down turning situations. We have had only one Divorce in our family. Our son...and that ended up very amicably. I guess this colored my thoughts a bit. So sorry this is happening to you.
Patsy0 -
Lin .................... how do you cook beans without salt? I cook a pot of black beans without salt and they were terrible.
Marie, I cook everything without salt. It is something you adapt to over time I think. I do use seasonings after cooking things--like Benson's Table Tasty (I think it adds a salty flavor), onion powder, garlic powder, I grind lots of black pepper into/on things. I have an arsenal of choices. It really helps.
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I am munching sweet potato fries from the air fryer. I got. White Muraska (?) potato from Trader Joe's and it is tasty.
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We had some snow yesterday morning but there was none in Seattle when we went there for Jake's cardiology appointment. The snow is still on the ground here but nothing new this morning...it's several degrees below freezing. Because Sasha didn't want to walk in the snow yesterday morning, Jake decided that we should take her out and buy her a coat to wear when she walks.
Beautiful!!! I love the new coat. I hope Sasha is happy with it.
Hugs.
Lin
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