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Doom, Despair, and Agony on Me! (aka a whine thread)

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  • conniewilkins56
    conniewilkins56 Posts: 3,391 Member
    eliezalot I'm so sorry for your loss...sending good thoughts your way...

  • NovusDies
    NovusDies Posts: 8,940 Member
    @eliezalot

    The only thing I have found even remotely decent to say in these situations is to take care of yourself. What you and your family is going through is tough regardless of how it unfolds.

  • alligatorob
    alligatorob Posts: 806 Member
    I have avoided this thread, the title turned me off. I do my best to avoid gloom and despair to focus on the positive. I finally opened it and have been reading. There is a lot of wisdom here, for example:
    88olds wrote: »
    But intuitive eating? I think it’s a myth. The dieter’s Shangri-La.
    For most of the people reading this thread this is absolutely true! There are people who can eat intuitively and be fine, we call those people slim. That ain't or wasn't most of us. I think coming to grips with the fact that I would never be that way and would always have to battle my instincts to eat more than I should has been a real key, maybe the most important factor, in my weight loss.

    Anyway I will probably be back, but not with words of doom and despair!

  • eliezalot
    eliezalot Posts: 620 Member
    Thank you all for the kind thoughts. It has been a rough day, lots of ups and downs. The outpouring of support from everyone has been wonderful and overwhelming and exhausting. But I got through another day, and a bonus I stayed within my calories.
  • alligatorob
    alligatorob Posts: 806 Member
    eliezalot wrote: »
    I got through another day, and a bonus I stayed within my calories.
    Good for you! It doesn't get any better than that, its what it is all about. Now keep up the good work, get through today as well!

  • Ccricfo
    Ccricfo Posts: 156 Member
    @eliezalot
    I am sorry to hear about the loss of your grandmother. The connections we have with grandparents parents are very special. Thank you for sharing this...and take care.
  • bmeadows380
    bmeadows380 Posts: 2,981 Member
    Ugh -my arm is sore! I stopped in this morning to get my bloodwork done for my up coming annual checkup and the lab tech was a student and apparently a newer one. She tried my right arm, missed the vein, rooted around a little to try to get Iran’s then had to move to the other arm where thankfully she hit it on the first try. I know it’s tricky and I don’t blame her, but my arm still hurts! :(
  • bmeadows380
    bmeadows380 Posts: 2,981 Member
    Iran’s? That was supposed to be “in” -the things that happen when your “smart” phone tries to think ahead of you.... lol
  • bmeadows380
    bmeadows380 Posts: 2,981 Member
    bobsburgersfan wrote: »
    AlexandraFindsHerself1971 wrote: »
    This is a grumble.

    I get very tired of people who weigh my goal weight and who are only maybe 2 inches shorter than me going OMG I'M THE FATTEST THING EVAR MUST LOSE WEIGHT OMG. Cause given that I'm still at least eighty pounds from goal, and still have a lot of visible fat on me, that really makes me feel awful.
    Hugs. I had a similar experience. Even when you know it's coming from their own issues, it's so hard not to take it personally. (If they are that disgusting at a few pounds overweight, how much more disgusting must I be?!!)

    That's what makes groups like this one feel like a sanctuary over the main forums; here we have plenty of people to talk to who are like us and understand our struggles. There, they may empathize and truly are compassionate in trying to be helpful, but having not walked any length in our shoes, they simply can't understand the challenges we are facing, just like I can't really conceptualize the challenges they are facing.
  • eliezalot
    eliezalot Posts: 620 Member
    bmeadows380 wrote: »
    bobsburgersfan wrote: »
    AlexandraFindsHerself1971 wrote: »
    This is a grumble.

    I get very tired of people who weigh my goal weight and who are only maybe 2 inches shorter than me going OMG I'M THE FATTEST THING EVAR MUST LOSE WEIGHT OMG. Cause given that I'm still at least eighty pounds from goal, and still have a lot of visible fat on me, that really makes me feel awful.
    Hugs. I had a similar experience. Even when you know it's coming from their own issues, it's so hard not to take it personally. (If they are that disgusting at a few pounds overweight, how much more disgusting must I be?!!)

    That's what makes groups like this one feel like a sanctuary over the main forums; here we have plenty of people to talk to who are like us and understand our struggles. There, they may empathize and truly are compassionate in trying to be helpful, but having not walked any length in our shoes, they simply can't understand the challenges we are facing, just like I can't really conceptualize the challenges they are facing.

    Same. Finding this group was such a relief for me! I try to avoid posts in the main forums that sound like they might go that direction, but that isn't always an easy task. In previous weight loss attempts, I'd let posts like that totally derail me. "Well if that is fat, how skinny would I have to be? That's even more impossible, what's the point."

    I've worked hard to be accepting of, and most often happy with, how my body looked at my various sizes. Some of it comes naturally, much I had to fight hard to cultivate. But with every one of those posts, I feel a little bit of that confidence eroding away.

    I hold no judgement of course, as everyone has their own experiences and struggles. But it saves me so much emotional energy to have people who just understand, and a place where I know I won't stumble across posts like that.

    I feel your pain, and am also so thankful to have found this group!
  • speyerj
    speyerj Posts: 1,369 Member
    I'm with you on all of that. I'm so thrilled to finally fit into a size 10 (from a 24) and then you see others who think size 10 is HUGE! Size 10 has been my dream size since forever. But remember too that shorter people carry weight differently than tall people. 20 pounds on them looks very different than 20 pounds on us tall girls. I don't look much different than I did 20 pounds ago. If I were 5' 1'' it would be a different story.
  • bmeadows380
    bmeadows380 Posts: 2,981 Member
    @speyerj
    A size 10?!!! that's tiny! I'm elated to finally be in a size 18W! And I was thrilled to fit into a 22W when I got into there, as well! lol

    My brother and I were both built to carry our weight well - you'd never guess we weighed what we did, but at the same time, it also took a massive loss to start showing :)

    Though apparently, 20 and 30 lbs are now starting to be more recognizable on me than they were before.
  • AlexandraFindsHerself1971
    AlexandraFindsHerself1971 Posts: 3,106 Member
    edited September 2020
    speyerj wrote: »
    I'm with you on all of that. I'm so thrilled to finally fit into a size 10 (from a 24) and then you see others who think size 10 is HUGE! Size 10 has been my dream size since forever. But remember too that shorter people carry weight differently than tall people. 20 pounds on them looks very different than 20 pounds on us tall girls. I don't look much different than I did 20 pounds ago. If I were 5' 1'' it would be a different story.

    Yeah, my goal weight is 150, but I am a tallish (5'7"), broad-shouldered, and seriously hourglass shaped woman. "Hitch to plow when horse dies" Northern European peasant stock. (grin) Boyfriend thinks 150 is way too low, and thinks 180 is more realistic. I'll see when I get to 180 what I think. I'm not going to the gym to do cardio, I'm going there to shove weights around because I look forward to being a woman best described as a "brick house", and my partners and I all kink for me being a strong, flexible, energetic woman.

    Goal sizes are an 8 or 10 on the bottom and a 12 on the top. I have "huge acres of land" to cope with, and at a certain point I'll either have to just accept that they take a certain size regardless of my waist size, or have a reduction, and I'd rather not have a reduction. I already know that I'll have to have ab surgery to fix the gap put there by three large babies, and as a lot of weight is in my belly, there will probably be some loose skin to be taken in at the same time.

    I didn't exercise today. I was in a full fibro flare today, and I spent the entire day in about a 3-4 level of pain whenever I stood and moved. I just couldn't. even. this morning. I'll definitely give it a good try tomorrow, though. Even if I just go and ride the bike, I'll feel better, I know. It's probably stress; Boyfriend has a second interview for the Very Good Job tomorrow.

    (And that reminds me, I need to press the shirt he's going to wear. Every little bit helps.)



  • bmeadows380
    bmeadows380 Posts: 2,981 Member
    @gwewl321 I'm sorry about the fatigue issues; boy do I know about those! Hopefully you feel better today!

    My whine for today is out of frustration with myself. I'm struggling to stick to a deficit all week this week, going over and nearly up to maintenance just about every day, and its showing on the scale. Its my fault, I know it is, but I'm struggling to get it back in hand. I really, really wanted to hit 220 lbs before taking an extended diet break, but I can't get this urge to snack under control, I'm not going to make it to 220 before I am forced to pull the trigger :(
  • amart4224
    amart4224 Posts: 345 Member
    This week has just been hard. I've been working from home for the past 6 months and I thought I had convinced myself that so long as I was working remotely, I would be able to stick it out at this job. (I took this job in December and realized pretty quickly that it was nothing like what was described in the interview and not at all a good fit for me.) Working from home alleviated some of the stress and it helped that I was home with my dogs all day, able to go for lunchtime walks, etc. But this week I just completely broke down, crying on the couch every day, wondering why I'm wasting my life at this job. Previous job stress was 100% the cause of my weight gain and I really struggled to stay on my diet this week. Add to that some minor depression over being 28 and single, plus a little burnout over keeping up with the housework of a constantly "lived in" house, and I was just very down. Trying to get out of my fast food and cookies habits of this week and turn things around to start fresh for the week to come.
  • speyerj
    speyerj Posts: 1,369 Member
    @amart4224 - if a job isn't a good fit, you usually do know for sure at the 90 day mark. Start looking now, before this job robs you of your self esteem. I stayed a job 11 years that I knew the first day wasn't going to be a good fit. I just didn't believe enough in my own self worth at the time to know that I could do better. And yes, it's a difficult time to be looking for work, but you still have this job, so you can take your time and find one that is a good cultural fit.

    So go give yourself a pep talk in the mirror, update your Linked in Profile, update your resume, get on InDeed, and reach out to your professional contacts to let them know you are on the market. If there is a company you know you want to work for, reach out to them and tell them they should hire you and explain why. Be bold. You have nothing to lose.
  • amart4224
    amart4224 Posts: 345 Member
    Thanks for the advice and shared experiences @speyerj and @bmeadows380 it really helps to know that others have been through this too. I'm seriously considering a major career change, since I've been in the software configuration field for 4 years at 4 different companies in 4 different industries and each job has been... somewhat toxic? At one, my coworker and I were bullied and belittled by our supervisor, at another I was sexually harassed by a married coworker twice my age, at another I had a boss who only showed up to hire people or fire people and after every firing he would call the remaining employees together and tell us what a terrible job we were doing and how he expected so much more from us.

    I guess what I'm wondering in the back of my mind is: Is every place like this, or have I just had extremely bad luck in my work life so far? Or is it somehow my fault - that these are normal things that happen at work and I'm just not handling them correctly? It's confusing and frustrating and I never thought it would be this hard to find a place that I "fit." 😕
  • amart4224
    amart4224 Posts: 345 Member
    And @bmeadows380 I feel you so much on the dating sites. I've tried just about all of them and I also didn't have any better results on the paid ones vs free. In the last year and a half I've been on one date and, while I know I'm "still so young!" it feels like everyone else is getting married off and I'm being left behind.
  • speyerj
    speyerj Posts: 1,369 Member
    @amart4224 - no, none of those things are normal. And none of those things are your fault.
    especially bullying and sexual harassment. But you might use your past experience to help you see those red flags in advance.

    As you start going on interviews, make sure you are doing your due diligence during the interview process. If you are offered a job where the peer interview was not part of the hiring process, ask if you can have one before you accept. Ask your peers during that interview, "What is the best part about working here?" "What have been some of your frustrations and how have you worked to resolve them"? How do you like to communicate and collaborate with each other?" "How do you support each other when someone on the team runs into a problem they can't solve on their own?" "What qualities are most important to thrive in this environment?" Ask the hiring manager those same questions in your interview with them, but also ask them, "How will I know I am being successful at this job?" "How do you support and motivate your team to enhance their performance?" "How do you cultivate innovation and collaboration on the team?"

    Remember, you are the prize, not the job offer. Just as you need to prove that you will be an asset to the company, they need to prove that they are worthy of your intellectual investment.
  • Ccricfo
    Ccricfo Posts: 156 Member
    amart4224 wrote: »
    And @bmeadows380 I feel you so much on the dating sites. I've tried just about all of them and I also didn't have any better results on the paid ones vs free. In the last year and a half I've been on one date and, while I know I'm "still so young!" it feels like everyone else is getting married off and I'm being left behind.

    @amart4224
    I wanted to share with you how I met my second wife (my first wife died 16 years ago). I was trying multiple dating sites with no luck....I went on a site called Single-Net and within a few days was talking with the lady who is now my wife....the crazy thing about it was that her subscription was going to end just a few days later and she wasn't going to renew it... So the odds of us meeting at all were very low. You just don't know what's going to happen....but I wish the best for you!
  • dcshima
    dcshima Posts: 529 Member
    @amart4224 check out glassdoor.com along with above suggestions from @speyerj
    There is drama where there are people. Finding the right company culture is key for me. Read the reviews on glassdoor about the company from employees.

    Do you enjoy what you do?
    If so would suggest keeping trying, but remember you are also interviewing the company / manager as well. Be mindful of red flags along the way.

    Dating...is tough. I met my SO on POF.com 10 years ago, had to weed through a lot. There are good people out there, just need to find them. I did learn a lot about myself along the way as well. I'm not easiest person to get along with and I do have my quirks. Hold fast on your short list of deal breakers & see if you can work through the rest. Relationships take work every day, it doesn't end once you in one.



  • AlexandraFindsHerself1971
    AlexandraFindsHerself1971 Posts: 3,106 Member
    We're having job issues. Because they mentioned doing a hair follicle test for drugs. Unfortunately herbal remedies for PTSD are not legal in this state, and I am annoyed that they will lose a good IT worker over this, and that we'll have to start the search all over again. (Besides, I thought the holy trinity of IT was black coffee, herb, and coding) I'm not mad at him. It was medicinal, and allowing him to sleep at night and not keep getting triggered. It was and is necessary. I'm very annoyed at the system.

    As to dating, met my first husband in high school through a friend. Met my current partners on a now-defunct website for people with our special tastes, and yeah, there's a lot of frogs for every prince. It helped that I knew what I wanted and was in demand, but that just meant I had a lot of real dreck to sort through in hopes that somewhere in the pile of poo was a pony.
  • Ccricfo
    Ccricfo Posts: 156 Member
    @_inHisGrace Hang in there....you have already made such an effort. I know how hard it is to lose a parent, especially when they have been so supportive throughout your life. My dad was my biggest cheerleader -- no matter what I was doing, he found good in it and was proud of me. It was 16 years ago when he passed, just 6 weeks before my wife died. Think of each of them every day but it is a warm memory now and not the painful, piercing sensation that it used to be. Take care...

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