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Ok, Ok...really, this is the last one...and it's not even a "bar" joke. A buzzard is trying to board a plane carrying a dead raccoon. The lady at the gate says, "Do you need to check that?" and the buzzard says, "No thanks, it's carrion."
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Last one (I have a bunch more but I'll stop with this one). A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, we don't serve your type here! You're too boring!" The mushroom says, "Hey! I'm a fungi!"
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A piece of string walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, we don't serve string here!" so the string walks out. He ties himself into a knot and messes up his hair, then walks back into the same bar. The bartender says, "Aren't you that string I just threw outta here?" and the string says, "No, I'm a frayed knot."
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A priest, a rabbi, a blond and a midget walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Is this some kind of joke?!"
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A man walks into a bar and hears a voice say, "Hey, you look great!" He asks the bartender who said it and the bartender says, "Oh, that's the peanuts, they're complimentary."
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A flat third walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, we don't serve minors here!"
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Ok, here are some quick "into a bar" jokes...A grasshopper walks into a bar, the bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you." The grasshopper says, "You have a drink named Steve?"
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Two cannibals are eating a clown, the first one turns to the second and says, "Does this taste funny to you?"
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If that happened to me, I'd never lose any weight. I mean, you can't just exercise for 30 seconds then fall asleep and expect to get any results.
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I'm with you, brother! I started back in March and I was 350 lbs. I've lost 45 pounds and I'm trying to work through a plateau right now. The friendship on this site helps a great deal. I'll send you a friend request and you can add me if you want.
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Hey! I know how you feel about your son's comments. My 8 year old daughter used to pat me on the stomach and say that I had a "Santa Belly". When she saw a picture of me from years ago, (when I wasn't so fat), she said, "I don't like that picture of daddy. He doesn't have his fat ole belly in it." Needless to say, I'm…
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Hello from the deep south, (Alabama) and welcome to this site. I certainly know how you feel about good ole southern cooking! I'm trying to lose 110 pounds, (I've lost 39 so far). Feel free to "friend" me if you want and we'll get through this!! Good luck!
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Hello and welcome! I joined this site back in March and I really love it here. There are a lot of wonderful people who'll become your friends and everyone is in the same boat! For once I wasn't ashamed of my weight and my struggles. Everyone here understood my struggles and that helped me more than anything. There was no…
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Howdy from North Alabama! I know Ocala, FL very well. My sister is in the Air Force and used to be stationed in FL, (several different places) and we used to stop over in Ocala on the way down. I really like that town...very pretty as I remember. Anyway, welcome to MFP! Send me a friend request if you would like. -Mike
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Man! That was fast!! Yeah, he is a busdriver! Good job!
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Wow! Okay, there is an old AC/DC song called "Whole Lotta Rosie" and one of the lines is: "Ain't no fairy story Ain't no skin-and-bones But you give all you got, weighin' in at nineteen stone". Now I know how much that is in pounds, (266). Thanks!
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War Eagle and Roll Tide from a divided household. My wife and son are Bama fans, (he graduated from there in '08) and my daughter and I are Auburn fans, (I graduated from there...uh...more than a couple of years ago). Great to hear from you!
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Hey! I'm in Alabama in the U.S. and I want to welcome you to this site. I know EXACTLY how you feel and this site is GREAT! You'll find all sorts of support and love, along with the tools that WILL work for you. I joined this site back in March and I've lost 27 pounds so far. I have 83 more to go. Please feel free to add…
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Welcome to the site! You'll find lots of help and encouragement here! Feel free to friend me if you'd like...I'm mikedigesu.
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Welcome and good luck! Also, thanks to your husband for serving! You can add me as a friend if you want. The people on here are truly great...this is a wonderful site and it really works!
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First of all, hello and welcome! I know how you feel about all this. When I first came to this page, I had tried so many different ways to lose weight and I ALWAYS failed. I don't know what it is about this site, but it's fun and addicting. It really works, also! If you stick to what it says, IT WILL WORK! I have lost 21…
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Okay, if we did the first pet name and street thing, I'd be Hoppy Jones Valley. Sounds more western to me..."Look out sheriff! It's Hoppy Jones!"
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Hey Una78! My wife and I just started about a month ago and we are really getting a lot out of this site. I really hope you do too. Feel free to send me (mikedigesu) a friend request and keep each other going!! Good luck!!
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Man! Have I been down that same road! I'm easily the heaviest I have ever been in my entire life by at least 50 pounds! I'm going to lose it, though and you can too! This is my third week on this site and I've lost 6 pounds so far, (I weigh again tomorrow). This works! You just gotta keep at it, keep within your calorie…
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I'm proud that you've made some progress already! I'm brand new to this site, but I think it just might help us! I'll send you a friend request so you can add me if you want! Good luck!!
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Forgive my ignorance, but what is the 30 day shred? I'm new here and I don't know anyone. I'm just getting started and I want to add exercise to my plan. Thanks for the info!
