explodingmango Member

Well, my day was thrown off before it even started. I'm trying to recover so that "thrown off" doesn't mean "completely ruined." Last night after I got home from climbing, my boyfriend and I got dressed up and went out, just for the hell of it, which was mostly nice. Except I chose the wrong thing to wear and it made me…

Well, today is going to be a rough day. "Fun" fact - if it hadn't been for slow communication and other plans coming up, I would have been in Vegas last night. It's only about a 6-hour drive away from me. The stress is making me physically sick. I'm so tense that feeling my hair on the back of my neck hurts. This on top of…

Morning everyone. Well, today is...a very off day. I'm not going to school today because I'm so tense that I'm dizzy and nauseous and feeling my hair on the back of my neck hurts. Fun fact: we're planning the wedding in Vegas. Fun fact #2: we were planning on touring the likely venue this weekend, but communication was…

Find things to do on the weekends that don't involve excessive amounts of food - and ideally, that do involve a notable amount of exercise. Keep yourself too busy having fun to get caught up in the weekend boredom eating trap. No money? Find local parks to explore (and you can always take a good run around a park), or look…

Lana - Boyfriend has good and bad days with his illness. He usually isn't too sick to join us - just, last night he ended up having an insomnia attack and as a result, when he tried to wake up this morning, his stomach just went "nope, eff you, we're not doing this." That...happens sometimes. He's doing better now that he…

Long-term: I want to be able to consider myself well and truly recovered from my eating disorder by the end of next year. Medium-long term: I want to look good at my wedding (this coming June), and in photos with my boyfriend from the conventions we go to (next one is coming in January). Shorter term: I want to finally…

Liking this challenge. I probably can't adhere to challenge #1 super strictly; my Mondays are busy enough that I kind of have to use them as a rest day from any deliberate workouts (while I keep the step counter on my phone on and I usually walk/run about 3 miles just doing the day-to-day activities of Monday, I don't…

Starting weight: 210.6 lb. Goal for the week: Staying on track with workouts and completing my first 5K on Saturday. Stretch goal: Completing the race under my projected time (31-35 minutes).

Well, less than a week to my first race, and last night I ran the 5K distance in 30 minutes exactly. So I've apparently met that goal, and I feel pretty good about things. End R17: 211.2 9/30: 209.4 10/1: 210.6 - That's a little closer to the low end of what I expected yesterday. Still can't really believe that…

Sunday morning: My father is coming over to do some errands he can't do in his home town today. I've gotta run out and work on cleaning the car after this post because he always gets...kinda judgmental if I let it get too dirty. Sigh. Boyfriend is prooooobably too sick to join us, unfortunately; I was kind of hoping we…

Met my goal of running 3 miles in 30 minutes tonight, a full week before my goal date. I wasn't even trying all that hard - I was working for it, obviously, but nowhere near as hard as I expected to need to.

Evening everyone! One week to the first race, four weeks to the first obstacle course - anticipation stress is through the roof. About to head out to the gym and train...I am anxiously planning out these final lead-up days...today is an endurance-focused lower-body day featuring a nice long run, tomorrow is climbing and…

Glad to be back! Last session went pretty well for me; I'm looking forward to seeing what happens with this one! End R17: 211.2 9/00: 209.4 - ...that...that can't be right, can it? I cleaned off the bottom of my scale, shifted it around, it kept coming back to that number...so either it's right or I need a new scale...but…

I feel this. I have a lot of issues with rewards, not just the ones I mentioned above, and the black/white, good/bad, reward/punishment thing can be a big one (especially with my eating disorder). I've been working with my boyfriend to remind me that punishment should not be part of the equation. Ever. Basically, the way…

That's not a diet, that's a disorder.

Cliff's notes version is the last paragraph...

It started the other way around for me, but it's resulted in a bit of a feedback loop - the more I stay on top of my health, the better things get between us; the better things get, the more I feel encouraged to keep it up. See, my boyfriend and I have been living together on essentially a "marriage lite" basis since the…

Dawn - I'm not getting it - let me try messaging you and see if you can reply to that? Sara - Don't worry, I'll definitely be keeping you posted! Even as anxious as I am, I'm excited - this is, after all, "something I'd never be able to do". Reminds me that even though I've burned out and given up dozens of times, at least…

Are both your partner and the people you're flirting with aware of and okay with this? Then by all means go ahead. If you're doing this behind their backs, though, that's a douche move. Plain and simple.

All right, the moment of truth for this session! 9/20 - 214.2 lb 9/21 - 213.6 9/22 - 211.4 9/23 - 213.2 9/24 - 213.2 9/25 - 213.2 9/26 - no data 9/27 - 211.0 9/28 - 211.8 9/29 - 211.2! Total loss over 10 days: 3 lb! Finally officially signed up for my first two events last night (hooray for payday), which, looking at this,…

Thanks everyone - I know that the advice you all gave me is very true, it's just that there's a huge gap between knowing something is true on a factual level, and feeling that it's true on an emotional level. My mother used to tell me that if I was ever seen eating (or even CARRYING) anything less healthy than a salad, it…

Realized that I'm starting to find healthier foods genuinely more appealing than junkier options. Went to Del Taco because I forgot to pack a lunch today, looked at the menu, immediately gravitated toward...what happened to be one of the lowest-calorie meals on the menu (if not the lowest). Also last night I set two new…

It usually isn't. The flat stomach is just the thigh gap with more staying power - it's only possible (at least healthily) if you're lucky enough to be built a certain way, but treated as an ideal for everyone. Here's the thing. Most women have uteruses. Uteruses are big, powerful muscles - the strongest in the human body,…

Yeah, 1000 calories a day and no weight loss indicates that either you need to see a doctor (and it can happen for medical reasons! I've been there!), or you're overestimating what 1000 calories looks like. If you're actually measuring, accurately, and you know the portion sizes you log and their corresponding calorie…

9/28: Broke two personal records at the gym yesterday! I'm likely be able to finish my first 5k in under 30 minutes at this rate! That's coming up a week from Saturday; I've gotta keep training...but again, it's one of those days where it's more convenient to go to the gym than not to go. I love how that works out. Today…

Hello again everyone! Today has really been a heck of a day. Forgot my meds before going to school, so that was...fun. Forgot my lunch, too; ended up eating at a restaurant near my first class (good news is, that was great). Went to the gym and broke a couple of personal records (longest distance run in one stretch AND…

9/27: Back on track with a new low for the session! Feeling pretty good about that. The bad news is, I forgot to pack my lunch today, but the good news is, there are plenty of healthy places I can grab something around the campuses I go to today. Made a point to bring workout clothes so I can go to the gym after my last…

I have a problem with rewards. It doesn't really feel that motivating when I'm the one who decides whether I've earned the reward or not - it just feels pointless and arbitrary; oh, I'll go to the observatory when I've gotten below a certain milestone? What's stopping me from doing it before then? Nothing. In order to get…

9/26: Intentionally skipped weigh-in this morning. Yesterday I felt my control slipping due to the sickness and decided to stop logging and allow myself a cheat day while I still had the level of control I did - so it would be an actual break day, instead of an outright uncontrolled binge some time later this week. The…

Dani: If you don't want advice feel free to ignore me, but if you do want it - I don't know how your body works, but if it were me, I'd go for the chicken and veggies. Fast food salads tend not to be as healthy as they sound, and mentally, a warm lunch is usually more comforting - I know that when I have salad as a meal,…