Married and heavy flirting good or bad

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  • Lovely0770
    Lovely0770 Posts: 876 Member
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    MeeseeksAndDestroy wrote: »
    Lovely0770 wrote: »
    RoxieDawn wrote: »
    Lovely0770 wrote: »
    RoxieDawn wrote: »
    Lovely0770 wrote: »
    RoxieDawn wrote: »
    IBTL.

    Excuse me for not knowing what that stands for. lol I don't really do internet lingo very well. What does it meannnnn????? I need to know!

    I am in before the lock! Another thread like this one was recently shut down.. actually it went up in flames! lol


    Well see, now I'm on a mission to be controversial lol

    I will keep an eye out and see how long it takes to land you in MFP jail... have fun! lol


    I've heard of that place before. I'm pretty sarcastic, in the sense where I might say I'll do something but in this case, do I really have the energy? No, I don't lol but there's like several strikes before getting 86'd right? Like three strikes you're out? Just trying to learn the limitations here, for educational purposes of course :D

    Not for everyone

    So treatment here isn't equal for all? Makes total sense

  • explodingmango
    explodingmango Posts: 171 Member
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    Are both your partner and the people you're flirting with aware of and okay with this? Then by all means go ahead. If you're doing this behind their backs, though, that's a douche move. Plain and simple.
  • rae1721
    rae1721 Posts: 332 Member
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    I think it's human nature to flirt with someone who you connect with but it's your own personal choice on how far you take it. Fun, random, flirty comments are ok in my book but once the pics start swapping then mmmmm no bueno.
  • optionsguy88
    optionsguy88 Posts: 325 Member
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    This discussion has gone on a lot longer than I thought it would. Good times. Made my lunch break enjoyable for sure
  • Lovely0770
    Lovely0770 Posts: 876 Member
    edited September 2017
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    rae1721 wrote: »
    I think it's human nature to flirt with someone who you connect with but it's your own personal choice on how far you take it. Fun, random, flirty comments are ok in my book but once the pics start swapping then mmmmm no bueno.

    Had one of those. He was addicted and STILL is to online flirtations that always evolved (in his case not generally) into web caming and sending nudes. Then asked why I wasn't intimate. Lol well hmm I wonder why. So I can say from experience, even small flirting can lead to cheating regardless if it ever became physical.

    However, complimenting another woman on how beautiful she is doesn't really fly as heavy flirting but as you said once the swapping of photos start, you crossed the line. Unless, your spouse and you agree it's ok. In my case, my then husband knew where I stood on those boundaries and did it anyways.
  • GlassAngyl
    GlassAngyl Posts: 478 Member
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    Disrespectful. It's one thing to compliment another person or admire their beauty in a non-sexual fashion... another to show lustful attraction while engaged with another. If the relationship is over in the flirters mind, they should be adult enough to end it before cheating.
  • Wayne_Atchley
    Wayne_Atchley Posts: 12 Member
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    How is this even a question?
  • rae1721
    rae1721 Posts: 332 Member
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    Lovely0770 wrote: »
    rae1721 wrote: »
    I think it's human nature to flirt with someone who you connect with but it's your own personal choice on how far you take it. Fun, random, flirty comments are ok in my book but once the pics start swapping then mmmmm no bueno.

    Had one of those. He was addicted and STILL is to online flirtations that always evolved (in his case not generally) into web caming and sending nudes. Then asked why I wasn't intimate. Lol well hmm I wonder why. So I can say from experience, even small flirting can lead to cheating regardless if it ever became physical.

    However, complimenting another woman on how beautiful she is doesn't really fly as heavy flirting but as you said once the swapping of photos start, you crossed the line. Unless, your spouse and you agree it's ok. In my case, my then husband knew where I stood on those boundaries and did it anyways.


    I'm sorry you went through that ..((hugs))
  • Lovely0770
    Lovely0770 Posts: 876 Member
    edited September 2017
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    ^^^ thank you but in all honesty, it really helped me see a lot of things I was ignoring from the start. To include ignoring myself. Eating my feelings because I felt I needed to stay for our child. A good friend asked me one simple question that changed the course of my entire life and I'll be forever grateful to her for it. "Do you want one toxic home or two happy homes for your child"? I chose to walk away from that marriage and in doing so, I found I no longer had feelings to eat away and finally reached my goal of losing 72 pounds. I'm in the best shape of my life and funny enough he is with a girl he, you guessed it was flirting with and being inappropriate with online while we were married but denied it and saying they were just friends, which was the final straw and HIS friends have flocked to me to let me know she looks just like me. I got the last laugh. A bit creepy though that he would look and find someone that resembles me. I don't get it but whatever. Lol maybe it was his way of justifying it. As long as he was flirting with someone that didn't have what I already had, he felt it was ok? Who knows. But I sure as hell made it clear it was not ok by filing for divorce.
  • LeGaCyGiAnT91
    LeGaCyGiAnT91 Posts: 405 Member
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    Lovely0770 wrote: »
    ^^^ thank you but in all honesty, it really helped me see a lot of things I was ignoring from the start. To include ignoring myself. Eating my feelings because I felt I needed to stay for our child. A good friend asked me one simple question that changed the course of my entire life and I'll be forever grateful to her for it. "Do you want one toxic home or two happy homes for your child"? I chose to walk away from that marriage and in doing so, I found I no longer had feelings to eat away and finally reached my goal of losing 72 pounds. I'm in the best shape of my life and funny enough he is with a girl he, you guessed it was flirting with and being inappropriate with online while we were married but denied it and saying they were just friends, which was the final straw and HIS friends have flocked to me to let me know she looks just like me. I got the last laugh. A bit creepy though that he would look and find someone that resembles me. I don't get it but whatever. Lol

    I would say you done good. Bravo. You're a fighter friend.
  • GlassAngyl
    GlassAngyl Posts: 478 Member
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    Lovely0770 wrote: »
    ^^^ thank you but in all honesty, it really helped me see a lot of things I was ignoring from the start. To include ignoring myself. Eating my feelings because I felt I needed to stay for our child. A good friend asked me one simple question that changed the course of my entire life and I'll be forever grateful to her for it. "Do you want one toxic home or two happy homes for your child"? I chose to walk away from that marriage and in doing so, I found I no longer had feelings to eat away and finally reached my goal of losing 72 pounds. I'm in the best shape of my life and funny enough he is with a girl he m, you guessed it was flirting with and being inappropriate with online while we were married which was the final straw and HIS friends say look just like me. I got the last laugh. A bit creepy though that he would look and find someone that resembles me. I don't get it but whatever. Lol

    Yeah, it's difficult to leave after having children with someone. I thought I HAD to stay with my children's dad despite his cheating and drugs. You know.. for them. I stress to my daughter now "No sex till marriage!" And "if you are a dumba$$ and make a dumba$$ mistake, I'll yell, I'll lecture, but I'll love you and support you no matter what. Don't feel obligated to stay with a loser and don't murder the baby.. we will figure it out together.." And she rolls her eyes and says, "First, eww mom! I'm 15! And DUH! Why would I punish myself or my baby if I have one?"
  • olar1
    olar1 Posts: 8 Member
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    If you'd feel uncomfortable doing it in front of your spouse, that's the line I draw. I have friends (a married couple), and the husband and I "banter"--tease one another. Sometimes the teasing about things related to attraction like "right, because you're so hawt..." Nothing I say or he says is something we wouldn't say in front of his wife, who is also my friend. And much of the time its the three of us hanging out, and him and me giving each other sh-t about stuff in a way that might be a flirt if we were both single and interested, but in the context is totally not a flirt. If it would hurt your spouse to see it, its too much, imho. But its true some people just have to pick up a burning log and see if it will lead to a trip to the doctor, even after you tell them that picking up a burning log will lead to a trip to the doctor...
  • rae1721
    rae1721 Posts: 332 Member
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    Lovely0770 wrote: »
    ^^^ thank you but in all honesty, it really helped me see a lot of things I was ignoring from the start. To include ignoring myself. Eating my feelings because I felt I needed to stay for our child. A good friend asked me one simple question that changed the course of my entire life and I'll be forever grateful to her for it. "Do you want one toxic home or two happy homes for your child"? I chose to walk away from that marriage and in doing so, I found I no longer had feelings to eat away and finally reached my goal of losing 72 pounds. I'm in the best shape of my life and funny enough he is with a girl he, you guessed it was flirting with and being inappropriate with online while we were married but denied it and saying they were just friends, which was the final straw and HIS friends have flocked to me to let me know she looks just like me. I got the last laugh. A bit creepy though that he would look and find someone that resembles me. I don't get it but whatever. Lol maybe it was his way of justifying it. As long as he was flirting with someone that didn't have what I already had, he felt it was ok? Who knows. But I sure as hell made it clear it was not ok by filing for divorce.


    A happy healthier version of your former self, great job and keep up the happiness and success in your journey.
  • Lovely0770
    Lovely0770 Posts: 876 Member
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    GlassAngyl wrote: »
    Lovely0770 wrote: »
    ^^^ thank you but in all honesty, it really helped me see a lot of things I was ignoring from the start. To include ignoring myself. Eating my feelings because I felt I needed to stay for our child. A good friend asked me one simple question that changed the course of my entire life and I'll be forever grateful to her for it. "Do you want one toxic home or two happy homes for your child"? I chose to walk away from that marriage and in doing so, I found I no longer had feelings to eat away and finally reached my goal of losing 72 pounds. I'm in the best shape of my life and funny enough he is with a girl he m, you guessed it was flirting with and being inappropriate with online while we were married which was the final straw and HIS friends say look just like me. I got the last laugh. A bit creepy though that he would look and find someone that resembles me. I don't get it but whatever. Lol

    Yeah, it's difficult to leave after having children with someone. I thought I HAD to stay with my children's dad despite his cheating and drugs. You know.. for them. I stress to my daughter now "No sex till marriage!" And "if you are a dumba$$ and make a dumba$$ mistake, I'll yell, I'll lecture, but I'll love you and support you no matter what. Don't feel obligated to stay with a loser and don't murder the baby.. we will figure it out together.." And she rolls her eyes and says, "First, eww mom! I'm 15! And DUH! Why would I punish myself or my baby if I have one?"


    Hahah your daughter sounds like a very smart cookie. Good for you though for leaving that mess. It's hard to donwith children involved but I think we use them as excuses of our own fear because now that hind sight is 20/20, I see staying for my daughter was allowing her to get punished for his wrongs as well because I was not happy and no matter how hard it is to admit, that does affect your parenting.
  • Lovely0770
    Lovely0770 Posts: 876 Member
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    LeGaCyGiAnT91 wrote: »
    Lovely0770 wrote: »
    ^^^ thank you but in all honesty, it really helped me see a lot of things I was ignoring from the start. To include ignoring myself. Eating my feelings because I felt I needed to stay for our child. A good friend asked me one simple question that changed the course of my entire life and I'll be forever grateful to her for it. "Do you want one toxic home or two happy homes for your child"? I chose to walk away from that marriage and in doing so, I found I no longer had feelings to eat away and finally reached my goal of losing 72 pounds. I'm in the best shape of my life and funny enough he is with a girl he, you guessed it was flirting with and being inappropriate with online while we were married but denied it and saying they were just friends, which was the final straw and HIS friends have flocked to me to let me know she looks just like me. I got the last laugh. A bit creepy though that he would look and find someone that resembles me. I don't get it but whatever. Lol

    I would say you done good. Bravo. You're a fighter friend.


    Thank you and that I will always do. Fight for what I deserve and want in this life. After all, I have one to live and don't want to waste it on those hell bent on bringing me down from this high I call life.

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