Serial Starters

tlsb2016 wrote: »

Hugs to Kathryn, Dawn, Mango and anyone else having a crappy time right now.

Thank you so much... at least this is only once a year... getting tags for car is such a hassle...

Thanks everyone - I know that the advice you all gave me is very true, it's just that there's a huge gap between knowing something is true on a factual level, and feeling that it's true on an emotional level. My mother used to tell me that if I was ever seen eating (or even CARRYING) anything less healthy than a salad, it looked "just as bad" as the one poor girl in my school who was raised so misinformed about health that she broke 400 pounds before high school, coming out of the local ice cream shop with a cone in each hand. Yesterday I had a single-serving bag of chips and out of nowhere I remembered that and I wanted to hide in the bathroom for the rest of the day. No one was looking at me and I knew it, but I couldn't stop feeling like everyone within a 10-mile radius had stopped to stare at me and judge me.

It's depressing lately, because my boyfriend has gotten into fashions featuring a lot of sweets prints, and keeps offering to share clothes and accessories with me, but I can't imagine wearing anything with a donut on it because I'm still too fat - I can't shake the fear that all anyone will think is "yeah, we all know you love that stuff - maybe worry about eating less of it instead of advertising it!" But it never really bothered me that much until it all hit at once yesterday.

My first ever 5k is a week from Saturday and as of today (because it's payday) I'm officially registered. They ask for an estimated finish time - I estimated 31-35 minutes (I did the distance in a little over 33 yesterday) but I'm hoping, as I get my body more used to going this distance and figure out my pacing better over the course of the week, I'll be able to get under 30 minutes. Anxiety is going through the roof - again, because of the crap she told me. Also officially registered for the first obstacle course race later this month - and I lucked out; there were still open spots for the first non-competitive wave. That's not as anxiety-inducing because I never expressed my desire to do it to her. I knew better. I liked climbing stuff and crawling on the ground and getting dirty? Well, she liked shaming me out of doing anything that made more work (like laundry) for her, so I guessed I'd better keep that a secret if I didn't want trouble.

...well, that got long. But, in better news, school let out earlier than usual today and I made it to the local farmer's market, so I got a bit of good fruit! Tomorrow is a day of mostly cleaning, homework, making a phone holster bag for the gym and whatnot, and a trip to both of my gyms, and hopefully - if my boyfriend is up to coming with me - hitting the thrift store and looking for damaged clothes that would look right at home in a zombie survival game (since my first obstacle course is also a zombie escape run).

-

Kathryn - I'm really sorry about your brother. Best wishes to you and the whole family - and if there's anything I can provide for Happy Week, just let me know.

Dawn - Good luck with the sales! And if you'd like to PM me, I'd love to see the link.

Indeed TGIF~!

Kathryn - Big hugs to you. I can't find the right words about your brother. It is so very difficult; thank goodness hospice is involved--the best way to deal with the most terrible times.

As for that sister of yours.....calmly and nicely speak up for yourself. She sounds like a steam roller who needs to have a big chock thrown ahead of her front wheel.
Building on Sara's idea--she should be told she's buying her own Aerobed or have her sleep on the couch. Do NOT let your daughter get moved to the couch and give up her room. That would be a bad thing for daughter's head, and you'll foster your sister's stepping all over you. She isn't your boss. She does not get to give you orders......unless you let her do it. No Doormats!

Waves to Tess and Dani and Dawn and Mango and Sara~~

Lana

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Mango- I'm trying to message you... having trouble... if you don't get it, let me know and I'll try, again

Tilliesmommy1 wrote: »

dawn - did you get my email through this website? not sure if that is PM or not, never emailed anyone on this thing......

Just got it... hopefully, you'll get my reply... sorry, busy afternoon...

Evening everyone!

One week to the first race, four weeks to the first obstacle course - anticipation stress is through the roof. About to head out to the gym and train...I am anxiously planning out these final lead-up days...today is an endurance-focused lower-body day featuring a nice long run, tomorrow is climbing and extra upper body work, Monday is rest, Tuesday is whatever we do in stress management + more running...and so on...

Annoyingly, I got a new wireless headset for the gym...and promptly lost it. I'm now using my previous set, which hopefully has enough of a battery charge to last the session...if it doesn't, I'm SOL for a while. The charging port broke on this one, so until I can work out how to repair it, it's either work off what charge I've got or find and use the new set. But, well...this is an example of exactly why I want to repair this set. I get cheap ones from Big Lots specifically because I'm always at risk of breaking them; I prefer to have a backup set when I can afford it...and if I can save $15 by repairing one, well, all the better.

As for at home, I got a lot of cleaning done yesterday and today - I've officially run out of laundry - and I even repaired a favorite pair of boots of mine (marking my first time partially re-soling a pair of shoes, and they look great!), so I feel like I've been pretty productive.

We've got even more stress though. Boyfriend and I almost argued about cleaning yesterday - housekeeping is mostly my job due to his chronic illness; he does what he can when he can, but a lot of the time that's not much (especially since there's a huge psychological component to his illness - the more he mentally feels like what he's doing is work, the more likely his body is to decide that it must be overwork - this seems to be a common feature of digestive system issues), and yesterday was very much one of those days...and, well, I started having one of those moments where, even though I factually knew he wasn't helping much because he couldn't, emotionally I just felt discouraged and hopeless and like I was being taken for granted...we're both lucky that I'm good at identifying when my feelings are not logical and shouldn't be acted on, but unfortunately that doesn't always make them go away. Talking about them calmly helped a lot, though. We're both doing much better today.

He's also getting a bad case of the pre-wedding jitters. We're working on scheduling a tour and booking the venue, and all the anxiety that comes with a big thing like this is starting to set in for him...I'm doing my best to keep things calm at home. We've agreed that touring and booking the venue is the last major stress-inducing step like this that we take before we can take him to get his anxiety meds refilled...which may make things difficult in terms of sticking to our timeline because the clinic's call center is impossible to get through to. I'm just glad we're keeping things relatively casual, because we'd already be way behind schedule if it was going to be the super tight-laced formal kind of thing weddings are traditionally "supposed" to be.

I'm also extra anxious because we still haven't even figured out how to tell my father about the fact that we're engaged...he's the most unsupportive supportive person I've ever known. I love my father, he's a great person, he's always super helpful, he's worked like nobody's business to make sure that despite the massive changes in the economy, I still have as much opportunity to build my own life as he did - he just...doesn't always get the details quite right, and...anything having to do with my gender and relationships is a huge area where he fails. He tries to be supportive, he really does, and I can tell he feels nothing negative about it, but...like I said, he just doesn't get the details quite right and I'm mildly nervous about how he's going to respond. We've invited him over for Thanksgiving and I was considering telling him then...but then I feel like waiting that long would be rude...but we've already waited so long...but he might not even be able to come over for Thanksgiving anyway...argh, what do we do?

I'm impressed with myself for not ending up giving up again and eating my stress. But I keep remembering, hey, if I do that, then I'll make myself too sick to run my races, so...deciding it was time to finally get into this stuff was apparently a pretty good call.

Well, with that update made, I'm going to make one last quick check for my new headset and head on out!

Good morning All~~

I'm having coffee, waiting for the cobwebs to clear~~

Lana