GIRLS ONLY, PLEASE! I need some… help.

LiveMore101

I'm recovering from being in the "almost" anorexic weight category. Not fun.
This is a willing choice that I have made because I want to return to my original healthy self. Maybe with more muscle this time though.
But anyways, my lowest statistics and current ones were:

Lowest:
Height- 5"1.5
Weight- 99-100.25 lbs.

Current:
Height- Same (this shortie is remaining near the ground, thank you very much).
Weight- 104.5-105.

I've been seeking medical help and counseling to aid with these issues and it has been concluded that I am still underweight by roughly 2 pounds or so. I'm supposed to be in the weight range of 107-115, I guess, though that I don't particularly understand. Some people who are as short as me, sometimes even an inch or two taller, manage to be just fine and considered healthy at my weight or lower.

Anyways, the main issue is that I still don't have my TOM. I haven't had it since the end of January and I'm freaking out. Having kids and a family, though a bit further in the future, are very important to me and I don't want to end up on birth control pills. I'm afraid to gain too much fat all at once so that's why it's taken me 7 months or so to gain 5 pounds. Slow but steady… Except in this case, I might not win the race.

Again, I'm freaking out and I'm nervous and… This is the main motivation that has been keeping me going. I don't want to ruin it.

I could really use some advice though. ANY would be amazing and I would be extremely grateful!

shai74

I'm not sure what I can offer in relation to gaining weight. I'm sure if you're in eating disorder territory you know what foods to eat. You know you don't need to eat large portions, but nutrient dense foods. I guess it's not much different for you than for those of us who are overweight. I don't actually think I'm overly big. But I accept that I am, and that it's bad for my health and my future. You don't feel like you're overly skinny, you're trying to justify it against "others". But maybe you need to accept that you are, and that in order to be healthy and have a family you need to gain some weight. The concept is the same for all of us. I need to eat less, you need to eat more.

Graelwyn75

I find it pathetic and ridiculous that anyone would flag this post for abuse. Absurd. She is posting an honest question.

JoRocka

The best advice you can get is trust your doctor and therapist- see a diet/nutritionist as well. Trust the medical professionals you are paying to help you. They will help get you back to where you need to be.

You're doing the right things- you're on the right track and you need to stay the course and trust. Things should even out- but if you are just getting started relax- it takes a long time for the body to heal. You can do it.

gothchiq

Make certain you are getting some healthy fats in your diet such as olive oil and coconut oil. Eat avocadoes too if that's feasible for you. Adequate good fats may be the key.

nellyett

I don't know if this works in the opposite direction, but the stronger I get, and the heavier I can lift, the less I focus on what my body looks like. Not that I'm not aiming for a shape, size, whatever, but it just isn't my main focus anymore.

It's been quite liberating to shift from what I see in the mirror to the amount of weight I'm adding to the bar....or how hard I can kick a heavy bag, or how much longer and faster I can sprint at intervals, etc. etc.

Building muscle takes time, and proper fuel, and patience.....but it is oh so worth it!!

AliceDark

Graelwyn75 wrote: »

I find it pathetic and ridiculous that anyone would flag this post for abuse. Absurd. She is posting an honest question.

I had the same thought.

Evelyn, it seemed like you were doing well for awhile, but you've been struggling a little bit more recently? Did something change? You don't need to answer that or talk about anything if you don't want to in a public forum, but it kind of seems like something else might be happening.

Please try not to compare your healthy weight with anyone else's. Most women don't lift weights, so you're automatically going to be different from what other people may consider "normal." The effect of lifting weights and trying to gain muscle is that you will be heavier than other women of similar height and stats. That's an incredibly GOOD thing, not something to be sad about.

Are the doctors telling you that you need to be gaining faster? If so, listen and do exactly what they tell you. If not, just keep your head down and continue with what you've been doing. Slow and steady has been working for you up until now, so keep on with it.

throoper

I would a few calorie dense, good-fat foods into your diet. Avocado, nuts, olive oil, etc. Good luck getting healthier!

LiveMore101

Graelwyn75 wrote: »

I find it pathetic and ridiculous that anyone would flag this post for abuse. Absurd. She is posting an honest question.

Thank you for sticking up for me like that!

Secondly….

I have been struggling a bit more. I'm not entirely sure why. There's nothing overly personal or private about it… I'm not even positive on what's going on. Now that things are increasing, both in weight and calories, I guess there's just a stronger battle. Whether for recovering people or people who are bulking, it will be a struggle and there will be a bigger battle… For me, it's definitely tough though. I'm an all or nothing person, but at the moment, I'm more scared of the ALL then the NOTHING. Even though the ALL will get me to where I need to be to become healthier again.

I have talked to my counselor about this and she said even if I do have to end up going on pills, it won't affect any babies of mine in the future. If this lasted for many years, then there might be something wrong, but in time, she believes I shall recover it and everything will go smoothly. I just don't like the thought of having to go on these pills. Maybe that's my main struggle. I know I need to gain back and I want to, but I'm struggling with how fast… I don't want to go on these pills, but if I don't gain back a significant amount with 3 or so months, I WILL have to go on them.
So then there's that.

I don't know. Maybe it's just constantly going through the motions. Each and every day to keep eating and trying harder. But even though it might start becoming automatic, the continual thoughts of good and bad are automatic as well and it becomes wearing.

I do try to incorporate a lot of fats in. I almost hit around 80 or more grams a day. I do it from peanut butter though (I just love that stuff!), so it may not be the healthiest fats I could get in.

AliceDark

The peanut butter is wonderful for you. Don't stress about that! Your protein seems really high, for your stats (especially if you're trying to gain); would you be comfortable taking some of your protein calories and putting them toward carbs? Not a lot, especially if that makes you nervous, but could you swap out your evening snack of yogurt with some ice cream? I figured out during my last bulk that crunchy peanut butter ON ice cream is the most perfect thing in the world

If they want to reevaluate you in 3 months, you can certainly get yourself into that 107-115 pound range by then. Concentrate on getting in the middle of that range for now. The medical stuff and what they may prescribe for you at that point isn't really under your control, so don't worry about it now. I don't think there's anything you can do right now that would affect whether or not you may need medication other than gaining the weight you need to, so that should be your focus. (And even if you do everything perfectly, you may still need medication. It doesn't mean you failed, it's just what your body needs to function optimally. Do what you can and trust your doctor to help you get the rest of the way there).

You said you've put on 5 pounds in 7 months; how was that distributed? Have you been steadily gaining that whole time, or are you gaining more consistently now?

snowflake954

I agree---having a baby in the future should be by your doctor's recommendation. I would recommend trying to calm down--stress will only work against you---and find activities that will take your mind off your problems. Sometimes helping someone else will put everything in perspective. Try volunteering if you have some time, and keep following your doctor's advice. I will be thinking of you and hope your dreams come true. Best.

LiveMore101

I admit, going higher than 180 carbs really freaks me out. I mean, when I was losing weight, I was sometimes over 200, but I still lost rapidly. I'm not sure why I'm unable to do that again.
As far as desserts, especially something like ice cream, I've realized that I still have triggering moments. Sometimes, I feel "deprived" like I did when I was losing weight, and even though I'm eating more now, if I start reintroducing the stuff I banned before, I feel as if I can't stop. It scares me! When I go to Cherry Berry, or a frozen yogurt place for example, they usually don't have nutritional guides a ton, and besides it wouldn't really do much for me. I get everything and anything. That's the one time mainly that I go all out and not care about the nutritional value.
Maybe I should go there more often.

Since I started trying to gain weight (or at least eating more) in April, I gained to about 101.5 by the end of May, early June. I went up to 102-103ish by July or early August and stayed there for a bit.
I did just visit the doctor's, since I've mentioned that in recent posts, and though I had breakfast before then, I weighed in around 105. It seems like it's been coming on more now… Which I'm not entirely sure that's a good thing. More weight gain in a rapid time is more fat than muscle.
I know I need fat and trust me, I want it, but I like to know that I am gaining muscle too. Unfortunately, I feel like fat is overpowering the muscle in my weight gain.

I suppose I probably, in the long run, will have to use medication. My therapist said that if I do, that too won't affect me in the future, it's just to help me regulate. As long as I knew 100% that it wouldn't do anything, I think I'd be more willing and less stressed, but unfortunately, that's not the case and I'm kind of at the point where everything is completely uncertain.

ovi212

How much are you eating? A a fellow recover-er I have been needing 2500+ and to reduce exercise. You need an adequate BF% to have reliable periods.

LiveMore101

I'm eating between 1800-1900 each day. I've slipped up a bit, but that has been my target. I didn't get to the point where I was extremely thin, just four or five pounds underweight. I do only weight lifting 4 times a week, though it's heavier weight lifting. I'm not sure what my BF% is.

AliceDark

LiveMore101 wrote: »

It seems like it's been coming on more now… Which I'm not entirely sure that's a good thing. More weight gain in a rapid time is more fat than muscle.

Yes and no. I don't think you're approaching what would probably be considered "rapid" weight gain for a woman. From what I've read and been told, we can put on about 1/2 pound a week without having to worry about gaining a preponderance of fat. There are a TON of variables that influence how much is fat and how much is muscle, but since you're well under that rate, I wouldn't worry about gaining too much fat.

Also, keep in mind that you're not just gaining either fat or muscle. Depending on how long you were underweight, you're probably gaining bone density and repairing your organs too.

LiveMore101

Hmm.. I never thought of that. I just wish I knew what was going on and what was being gained in my body. Sometimes, I just think it would make things a whole lot better for me. People tell me to just think of the measurements more though, and so far, those haven't really changed much. I've probably been underweight since around mid-March, early April.

Tilandra

Stress will affect your TOM, as does your weight. So worrying about it will only make it worse. Also, I'm not sure if I'm interpreting your original post correctly, but being on birth control pills will not affect your ability to conceive in the future, nor will being underweight now, so long as you get back to a healthy weight before you are trying conceive.

Basically, calm down... I'm here for weight gain as well, mostly because I was so stressed I was losing weight and having panic attacks. Do calming things... yoga, tai chi, take baths in candlelight. Interact with a pet. Take up a soothing hobby, like knitting or crochet (the rhythm is very beneficial). Get a massage if you can afford it. I think once you stop stressing over every little twinge your body makes (and I'm guilty of this) things will start to right themselves.

Feel better!