How do you cope when that ugly greenish-eyed monster called Comparison sneaks its way into your bra

distinctlybeautiful

I know there's no point comparing myself to others. I know it's a great way to feel inadequate. I'm pretty good at avoiding it, but I'm human and find myself doing it sometimes. I'd love to hear some coping strategies if anyone's willing to share. Thanks!

distinctlybeautiful

That's brain, not bra.

usmcmp

Have to focus on your personal progress.

-If it's that you are jealous of someone's lifts, remind yourself how far you've come and that you have no idea how long they've been lifting.
-If it's body fat percentage, make sure you are tracking through photographs the changes.
-If it's building muscle, pictures once again are going to help you see that you are improving.

You don't know what someone else's history looks like. You have no idea if they have been doing it for years, if they hired private trainers/chefs, if they have better flexibility in schedule, if they have better genetics, or a host of other factors that play into how much "better" they are than you. Learn to take pride in how far you have come and what odds you have overcome along the way.

singingflutelady

I just remind myself that "comparison is the thief of joy"

Kamikazeflutterby

The typo may skew this thread.

SueSueDio

I read an article a couple of days ago that said you don't need to be better than anyone else, just better than you were yesterday.

It can be tough when we feel someone else might have got where they are with little effort, but it's like @usmcmp said - we don't know their history. All we can do is focus on our own progress.

Kamikazeflutterby wrote: »

The typo may skew this thread.

Well, it's certainly why I came to take a look at it! I wondered what on earth it was all about.

Ashtoretet

Thought this was going to be a thread where we flat-chested gals commiserate.

Sued0nim

distinctlybeautiful wrote: »

That's brain, not bra.

Heheheh

Sued0nim

distinctlybeautiful wrote: »

I know there's no point comparing myself to others. I know it's a great way to feel inadequate. I'm pretty good at avoiding it, but I'm human and find myself doing it sometimes. I'd love to hear some coping strategies if anyone's willing to share. Thanks!

I compare myself with me before

And I'm cocky and confident in what I've achieved and I credit being fit and strong with that

There will always be people more attractive than you, more successful but they won't be more content and they will have people more attractive and successful than them ...why choose envy ?

Also good lingerie ...good lingerie always makes me walk taller

middlehaitch

Like @rabbitjb said.
I was hoping that it was going to be for flat chested women (why didn't Freddie Mercury do a song about us?).
I am a hiccup above pancake size and can't imagine having more.

As to the real topic - I love me, yes there are taller, slimmer, stronger, fitter, more beautiful and younger women than me. But only I can be the mix of everything that makes the unique and wonderful me. I wouldn't want to be anyone else.
Be the woman you love.

High stilettos work well too.

Cheers, h.

samchez0

Ashtoretet wrote: »

Thought this was going to be a thread where we flat-chested gals commiserate.

Haha! I can commiserate with you about that! Anything I gained is disappearing with weight loss.

lisalsd1

People you envy...envy someone else. The people that you view as "perfect" have flaws that they also focus unnecessary attention toward. Spend sometime on the MFP forums, you will see that women you would think were beautiful hate their thighs or arms or whatever.

TheBeachgod

A lot of it depends on your method of comparison. Being envious of someone else for whatever reason and then resenting them and/or yourself is mind poison but it can be positive if you see them as a stimulus to better yourself. I see ripped guys on the beach all the time and instead of comparing myself (which would be futile and sadly humorous) I think "Oh yeah, I need to step it up a little more if I think this gut is going to go away".

I must add this thread had the best first two posts I've seen in a while. I laughed myself silly when I saw the second "correction" post.

katkiv22

I try to remind myself that they worked for what they have, and I can do the same thing. I don't know how long someone has been training or working to get where they are.

This doesn't necessarily work for everything though, I won't make myself taller by working out or eating better. And bra envy I might be able to change, but cosmetic surgery does not appeal to me

lorib642

this may not be what you are looking for but there is something called cbt (cognitive behavioral therapy). There are all kinds of books. It helps you go from negative thinking to more realistic, balanced thinking.

I have fallen into that trap, too; comparing myself to others. I can't remember what I did to help. Maybe focus on things about yourself you like.

Blackdawn_70631

I'm on the other side with this one because I'm fit and lean-ish and eat whatever I want and have people tell me they can't do that.
I have to work for mine. I start off my day with a protein shake after 7 AM, then my job has me walking 10,000+ steps and lifting a couple hundred pounds a day to a couple tone. By the end of the day my exercise calories can be 500-800 calories without exercising. Fat burn calories are 1,500 calories per day. Meanwhile I'm consuming healthy carbs and eating protein. Then my shut off time for eating is 7 PM.
My workout days are three times a week doing weights, core and cardio.
So it's not like we're all invincible with these rock hard, amazing immune systems. If I don't stick to the exact plan of not eating past 7 PM, then eating after 7 AM, healthy carbs, lean protein, protein shakes, heavy lifting and cardio\10,000 steps. It won't work.
Nobody's perfect. Just don't beat yourself up about it. Lots of people I know won't punish themselves with the job I do, and working 6 days a week.

JustMissTracy

Kamikazeflutterby wrote: »

The typo may skew this thread.

That is a fabulous dress!!

robertw486

And here I was expecting to have to reinforce from a male point of view that small chested women can be just as attractive!

But as for comparisons... unless you can use them to motivate you and they end up being a negative thing, just avoid them. And really, unless you know people well, you only see the shell regardless. I know people that are outwardly appearing to be happy, fit, content, etc... and their lives suck daily. I find just worrying about me and the people I really care about is much more healthy, as they are known things.

Alatariel75

This gives a while new meaning to the phrase "it really gets on my tits"

cafeaulait7

I'm happy for them. Their successes or failures have nothing to do with my situation, and I like it when folks get things that make them happy and pleasant, so I'm happy for them. If me being unhappy for them worked to get more for me, I might change my mind on that... but it doesn't

ShrinkingScientist

I hate when monsters get in my bra.

ARGriffy

distinctlybeautiful wrote: »

That's brain, not bra.

Hahaha I thought this was a post about small boobies! I was about to weigh in on that topic! Comparing myself to others causes depression in me, I try to only compare myself to my former self - be it a few weeks ago or a few years ago!!

hopeandtheabsurd

For me, it's all about projects and goals. If I am busy working toward something, I either don't even notice things that might otherwise make me jealous, or I am able to be happy for the other person as they are working toward their goals. The projects have to be things that mean something to me, but it could be anything from a fitness goal, to a trip I am saving for, to volunteering, to implementing a method to improve my work flow, to finally attacking a gardening or household project, etc.

I guess that and realistic expectations...it can get to be a real drag trying to always shore up shortcomings. At some point I think it's OK to focus your energy on things you already to do well, to give excellence a shot, instead of trying to keep up with the Joneses on everything.

Lounmoun

distinctlybeautiful wrote: »

I know there's no point comparing myself to others. I know it's a great way to feel inadequate. I'm pretty good at avoiding it, but I'm human and find myself doing it sometimes. I'd love to hear some coping strategies if anyone's willing to share. Thanks!

The only person you can really compare yourself to is yourself. Everyone else has different genetics, different stats, different goals, different activity levels. You need to be the best you can be not have someone else's body.
Remember that a particular body appearance, skill, job, marriage, kids, money, etc does not equal more happy. The thing you like about that other person they may even dislike about themselves. To go with the thread title typo, a small breasted woman may envy a large chested woman without considering the whole picture. That larger chested woman wishes she were a bit smaller. Maybe she'd like to go braless, or buy cuter less supportive bras, better fitting tops or maybe she experiences back pain or unwanted attention/different treatment due to her appearance.
The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, walk a mile in someone else's shoes, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush or count your blessings kind of thing.

distinctlybeautiful

Thanks y'all.

lizwrites1313

Fake it till you make it. I walk nude to and from showers in gym, somehow I feel good. I'm wondering if my gym has skewed mirrors.

tomteboda

I tell it to get out, there's no room in my bra for any monsters.

No, seriously!

No room in my brain either, I'd be miserable. I want to embrace contentment and joy. So that means focusing on what I have as opposed to what I lack, what I have achieved as opposed to what I have failed, and on how I can help others rather than how others help me.

fastfoodietofitcutie

Ha ha, that title made me laugh!

This happens to me frequently and I always go back to a quote I read somewhere that said, "wise men count their blessings, only fools count their problems." For some reason that really stuck with me. There is always someone who would kill to be in your shoes and have what you have.

distinctlybeautiful

Maybe I would be getting a different kinds of answer if I told y'all this:

I tend to feel pretty damn good about myself, but there is a certain person in my life who makes me question all that. It's when I'm with this person that I start to look at other people (and the god forsaken media) and feel badly about myself, like I'm not enough. This is not someone to remove from my life. This is just the result of some things that happened, and I know I'll get past it and feel good around this person again. But in the meantime, it just plain sucks.

I'm sorry I didn't include all that before. I was hoping to be able to leave it out in the interest of discretion.

distinctlybeautiful

Oh, and I'm glad y'all got a laugh out of the title! It said the whole thing when I was creating it, but once I posted it, it cut off the ending.