I can't seem to win. I lose motivation so fast.

thistimeillloseit

I don't know how to do this. I know that I need to eat better, and work out more. I need to drink less, and sleep more. I need to stop smoking. I know these things. The most I can do is a few days, or a week, then I get depressed, skip the gym, eat a bag of chips (a whole bag, that just happened). Then get upset at how gross I look.

I'm 5'8. 29 years old. 221lbs. Single. And I feel like an unattractive bag of garbage.

I have a really good job, and great friends. My condo has a solid gym in it. And I live in a great city. But I feel disgusting. I need help. I can't stop my bad habits. I'm so frustrated and dissappointed and straight up disgusted with my fat, gross, pathetic self.

thistimeillloseit

On the plus side... I do have a substantial amount of muscle mass, from when I was lifting regularly, and I know that 20m HITT a day + weights + diet is all it takes. But I stuff my face when I'm sad, with pizza + chips + popcorn + whatever I have. I feel stuck. And I feel like a loser.

usmcmp

Start building healthy habits. They last longer than motivation.

Orphia

You're on MFP. Just keep counting your calories.

I ate whatever I felt like within my calorie limit and lost 80lbs.

You don't have to be some sort of Crunchy Granola Kale Queen to lose weight.

Rebecca0224

Focus on one change at a time instead of doing it all at once. If you eat a bag of chips it's ok just remember you can start over and have a deficit tomorrow one day doesn't ruin anything.

Seffell

I'm sorry to hear that you feel like that. I know what you're talking about. I stopped smoking last year after about 20 years of 2 packs a day. I hated myself for not being able to stop. I always thought that I'm just different. I'm not like those people with strong willpower that can just stop smoking like that. I'm weak and unworthy.
What I did to stop was I concentrated to go through one day at a time. I never said "I'm not going to smoke ever again". Instead I said "I'm not going to smoke today". This is not a cliché. This is exactly how it was and what I concentrated on. Each morning I told myself "I don't know if I'm going to smoke tomorrow and I don't care. But I'm not going to smoke today." And the days started to go one by one. Last month it was a year.

While I was quitting I also tried to lose weight (by counting calories but not in MFP). I was advised at the time to concentrate on the smoking because this is what my life depends on, unlike dieting (I wad barely overweight). So this is what I did. I did gain around 10lbs but 6 months into the quit I felt confident enough to start dieting again.

So I started using MFP. I used my experience from quiting smoking and decided to take it one day at a time. The added bonus was that unlike with smoking you can afford to have a day over without any consequences. If I had a day where I got over my calories I just logged it and the next day I continued just as usual. Focusing on the day at hand. Not on yesterday. Not on tomorrow. On today.

I'm back to normal healthy weight now. I still have several kilograms to lose but that is all. It took me 8 months to lose 20lbs. That's a long time for a mere 20lbs. If I was focusing on the end date I would've never made it.

So my advice is to start with the smoking. Firstly because it puts your life in jeopardy. And second because it will give you the necessary confidence that you are not a complete loser and you can go forward with the diet easily after that.

Good luck

courtneyfabulous

Can't you find healthier snacks and foods to eat? You should probably purge your house of trigger foods and junk foods- just get them out!

Then go to the grocery store and get healthy foods to restock your fridge & cupboard- stuff that you like but won't want to eat a whole bag of like with your chips.

Start logging EVERYTHING YOU EAT in myfitnesspal...

Start with that and see how it goes.

Kinda sounds like you have depression and/or food addiction so you may want to talk to a therapist too.

divcara

What helped me the most was finding a group fitness class that I loved. The community aspect and positive support of like-minded people and coaches who got to know me was really motivating and encouraging. It helped get me out of bed and into a gym and get coached through where I didn't have to think. The more I did in the gym and the more muscle I built, the more I started feeling better. And stopped using food as kind of a self-medication when I was stressed, grumpy, miserable, or unmotivated. And the more my body started to perform for me all that I was asking of it, the more motivated I became to fuel it, treat it well, get good nutrition, stay active, rest, get good sleep, etc. I had a really hard time staying motivated on my own.

For me personally, a studio environment over a gym helped me so much. Also having that accountability of having to sign up for a class and not wanting to pay a late fee if I cancelled or didn't show up. Seeing friendly faces of coaches and other members who got to know me. It's the first time I ever stuck with a gym. It doesn't matter what it is. It could be a small boutique studio. A national chain. Whatever has a good energy or vibe. Getting myself motivated to go workout in my building's very nice gym just didn't work for me. I'd lose motivation by day 3.

Instead of focusing on how bad you feel right now, try to think of some simple ways you can do things for yourself to make changes. It really CAN be different and this doesn't have to be your life forever. You are not garbage. The more positive things you do for your body, mind, and soul, the better you will feel every day and the more motivated you will get to see results and keep it up.

Helloitsdan

thistimeillloseit wrote: »

I don't know how to do this. I know that I need to eat better, and work out more. I need to drink less, and sleep more. I need to stop smoking. I know these things. The most I can do is a few days, or a week, then I get depressed, skip the gym, eat a bag of chips (a whole bag, that just happened). Then get upset at how gross I look.

I'm 5'8. 29 years old. 221lbs. Single. And I feel like an unattractive bag of garbage.

I have a really good job, and great friends. My condo has a solid gym in it. And I live in a great city. But I feel disgusting. I need help. I can't stop my bad habits. I'm so frustrated and dissappointed and straight up disgusted with my fat, gross, pathetic self.

You've outlined everything that needs to change, and everything that's in place to help you. Maybe hire a coach!
Investing in charge generally causes change.

leanjogreen18

It's all a mind game. Make up your mind and your body will follow.

courtneyfabulous

When you get disgusted enough you'll make a change - but partly you have to believe you can and will change, and for good- that there's no other option.

Unless you'd rather stay as you are... out of control and miserable... the choice is yours.

JeromeBarry1

So, quit being sad. I know, easier said than done. Figure out what makes you sad. Quit that. Your personality and outlook on life won't morph into sunny optimism if you lose weight. You have to work on that where you are right now.

janekana

Perhaps try to find an accountability buddy, someone who will be there for you and will encourage you to continue even if you're feeling down in the dumps. Someone who'll force you to go the gym even when you don't want to or take away that bag of chips you're eating.

Also, take small little steps! Acknowledge that you can't change everything overnight, that it takes time. The same goes if you accidentally mess up one day and eat too much: it's only one day, it won't double your weight overnight just because you were too tired to go to the gym or if you ate that chocolate cake. Don't beat yourself up too much, we're only human after all.

Sometimes if we're depressed, we still need to force ourselves to do things, no matter how hard it takes. Trust me when I say that exercising helps clear your mind. I've gone to the gym sad or disappointed before, but once I hit the treadmill, I was able to forget all of that in a minute.

Whenever you feel down and you don't want to do anything and just give up, remind yourself of that feeling when you look at yourself in the mirror, that gross feeling. Tell yourself, "Do I want to feel gross for the rest of my life?" That usually kicks me up to go, because it'll just be a neverending cycle if I don't force myself to go. It is hard, but it will get easier over time once you start forming a habit. It may take a long time, but this time next year, you will thank yourself that you've done it and you will feel immensely better.

You can add me as a friend on MFP if you want, and we can keep track of each other. You can do this OP, I know you can

genpopadopolous

The was my biggest breakthrough with motivation:

Motivation does not equal excitement.

I don't have to be gung-ho excited about everything. I can have days or even weeks when I'm pretty cranky about the process. But I can't stop. It's like work, it's too important.

The good news is that as I make progress and start to see real changes it gets easier to stick to and I DO get more excited about the process. I used to hate exercise with a passion and now I feel weird on my rest days and actually look forward to running! I used to tell people I wouldn't even run if being chased. I "hated" running that much. Really, I was just out of shape and bad at it.

Make small changes. Stick to it. Log your food. Take progress pictures. Just get it done.

rsclause

Do what you want but I would break it down into smaller tasks like eliminate junk food. Get rid of the chips, fries or any "bad" stuff. After that don't buy it again, its off limits. The moment that it all sunk in for me was at the McDonalds counter ordering. I would be determined to eat healthy by getting a chicken sandwich or a wrap but it would disintegrate into a well I do like the fries and oh that big Mac looks good.... Then my eye cought the calorie count 450 for the sandwich as meal 1100 ~ 1500. Good God I thought and I heard that voice in my ear from that mornings run when my headphones at mile seven said "1000 calories burned. I thought no wonder I can't get rid of my beer gut. I stopped eating fries that day and also gave up sweet iced tea. I found MFP and counted calories like my life depended on it and hit my deficit on most days. As I saw results come in I thought "I got this!". I lost my entire beer gut, all 53 pounds of it. So start healthy habits one at a time and stay focused creating a healthy lifestyle. Its not easy but very rewarding. I get up most days at 4:30 AM to go run, no alarm clock, I just get up and go. If you asked me if there was any chance I would develop that habit 4 years ago I would have laughed at you but I have done it enough now that it is habit. By the way you mentioned drinking. I didn't give that up but my running allows me to fit it in so you don't have to go cold turkey on everything but be prepared to word hard for it. Good luck!

Need2Exerc1se

Don't try to do it all at once. Make small changes. Any step in the right direction is a good first step. Instead of trying to quit smoking AND start working out AND completely changing on your diet, maybe just choose one think to work on first. Instead of overhauling your diet, just try eating and drinking a little less. Once you make that a habit then decide what your next step will be.

You also might want to mention the depression to your doctor.

CMNVA

Like someone else said above, getting rid of your trigger foods is a first step. I have the same issues you do. I find chips and ice cream and cookies to be comforting. If they are there and I start in on them, I'm done for. And then I find I have the same self-loathing and I want to give up. For me, I actually had to wean myself off that stuff. It is addictive for me. Some people can do fine with it.

Your post indicates that you cannot. If I were you, my first step would be to purge your house of it. The next step is to find some better substitutes. Instead of bags of chips, get a huge bag of SkinnyPop popcorn. Yes, it has calories and it's not nearly as good as chips, but you will grow to enjoy it (never as much though!!). If you have a bad day, allow yourself to "overeat" the SkinnyPop. Yes, it has calories and Yes you can gain weight on it, but it's tons better. I have days where I'm really stressed or really hungry at night. I allow myself to "overeat" good things. I have these HUGE honeycrisp apples that rack up 100 calories each. On a "emotional eating" night, I might eat them with a signficant hunk of high quality parmesan cheese, or some almonds, or Trader Joe's chunky peanut butter. Yes, I go over my calories for the day, but the food is fairly good for me, and it's not the addictive kind that makes you just eat all night. I can almost guarantee that you won't want to eat 3 apples.

So take baby steps. Don't worry about calories today--try to spend time figuring out what your new junk food substitutes are going to be. Do 20 minutes of ANY exercise. Once you can manage that, replace those snacks with something even better, up your exercise to 30 minutes. Get yourself off the junk food first. That's the biggest hurdle, really.

RoxieDawn

Motivation wanes and woes. What it takes is full on commitment. When you are "truly" ready the rest will follow.

So in this thread you have written all that is wrong and even the things that are right.. Find your "ready" point and then the rest falls into place automatically.

eta: also start by stopping the self bashing. calling yourself a loser over and over does become another habit you have to break.

SingingSingleTracker

thistimeillloseit wrote: »

I don't know how to do this. I know that I need to eat better, and work out more. I need to drink less, and sleep more. I need to stop smoking. I know these things. The most I can do is a few days, or a week, then I get depressed, skip the gym, eat a bag of chips (a whole bag, that just happened). Then get upset at how gross I look.

I'm 5'8. 29 years old. 221lbs. Single. And I feel like an unattractive bag of garbage.

I have a really good job, and great friends. My condo has a solid gym in it. And I live in a great city. But I feel disgusting. I need help. I can't stop my bad habits. I'm so frustrated and dissappointed and straight up disgusted with my fat, gross, pathetic self.

You only get one body in life.

Treat it well...

PandoraGreen721

courtneyfabulous wrote: »

When you get disgusted enough you'll make a change - but partly you have to believe you can and will change, and for good- that there's no other option.

This was it for me. It took a year almost but I lost 60 lbs and have worked on recomp since then. I didn't want to feel/look that way anymore, so I did small goals and kept making new ones each time I reached them...

For me it's all about continuing with what I've worked so hard for, and never becoming "too comfortable" and reverting back. I set goals in terms of new PR's or improving my nutrition to keep it going.

K3rB3ar89

Orphia wrote: »

You're on MFP. Just keep counting your calories.

I ate whatever I felt like within my calorie limit and lost 80lbs.

You don't have to be some sort of Crunchy Granola Kale Queen to lose weight.

Hahahaha this made me laugh:p

StaciMarie1974

Perhaps make a list of goals, and choose 1-2 to work on. Maybe trying to be perfect/doing everything at once is part of the problem?

thistimeillloseit wrote: »

I don't know how to do this. I know that I need to eat better, and work out more. I need to drink less, and sleep more. I need to stop smoking. I know these things. The most I can do is a few days, or a week, then I get depressed, skip the gym, eat a bag of chips (a whole bag, that just happened). Then get upset at how gross I look.

I'm 5'8. 29 years old. 221lbs. Single. And I feel like an unattractive bag of garbage.

I have a really good job, and great friends. My condo has a solid gym in it. And I live in a great city. But I feel disgusting. I need help. I can't stop my bad habits. I'm so frustrated and dissappointed and straight up disgusted with my fat, gross, pathetic self.

azulvioleta6

Perhaps you need to see a professional. Talking to your GP/PCP about your depression would be a good place to start.

I agree that habit is more reliable than motivation, but if you are so depressed that you cannot even stay on track for a week, you are always going to be stuck in the same place.

kshama2001

thistimeillloseit wrote: »

On the plus side... I do have a substantial amount of muscle mass, from when I was lifting regularly, and I know that 20m HITT a day + weights + diet is all it takes. But I stuff my face when I'm sad, with pizza + chips + popcorn + whatever I have. I feel stuck. And I feel like a loser.

I used to be an emotional eater but now I manage stress with a regular exercise program, and extra exercise on high stress days.

Also, those foods are all much higher in carbs than protein, which for me triggers me to eat and eat and eat. What macros do you hit normally? Maybe try upping the protein (and exercise) regularly.

ds41980

Speaking for myself, change came when I just got to the limit of being consistently hurt and angered by others. I realized the one who was letting me down the most was me. I got out of an abusive relationship and the day he left I vowed that I would never again be taken advantage of because of the lack of confidence and lack of caring and lack of love for myself. Part of this journey is how weight is affecting me. Part of it is spiritual, I go to overeaters anonymous meetings and church regularly now. I am single too but I would rather be single right now and get myself to a better place than to have someone in my life sucking out what little energy I have. I can honestly tell myself that I deserve the best mate for me. I wrote a list of all the qualities I desire in a spouse, one of those traits was fitness. I have made it my mission to become fit to attract fit, amongst other things. You can do this, and my first suggestion is to stop yourself every time you find yourself calling yourself names or putting yourself down. Would you constantly put someone else down? Please be nice to yourself you are good and special. Care for yourself the way you want someone to care for you. It's a good starting place.