I know she means well....

MrsKoolaid15
MrsKoolaid15 Posts: 30 Member
in Motivation and Support
My grandmother and I are really close. I think because I feel guilty that none of my other family come to visit or spend any time with her. She has always been on me about my weight. Even when I was down to 130 pounds. She would always tell me I didn't want to end up looking like my mom's side of my family. "you need to take some weight off. It's not good for your heart. You'll end up looking like your other grandmother!

By no means is this woman skinny. She has a spare tire and has since I can remember. But I keep my mouth shut about that. Then I hear "poor Leslie (my cousin. Her daughter's daughter) so has been trying to lose weight and it's not working. I feel so bad for her. She just can't do it." even though she knows that I have thyroid issues that are holding me back. I told her yesterday about MFP and how great I'm doing. And the only thing she said to me was "maybe you can get Leslie on it. She just can't lose anything. Poor thing"

How do you deal with someone like that?? When you want to make them proud but at the same time, you know it isn't good enough?

Not sure if this was the best section for this, but it seemed like it. Thanks.

Replies

  • Keiko385
    Keiko385 Posts: 514 Member
    Smile sweetly at her and say I love you too Gramma and ignore the comments.
  • GnaBean
    GnaBean Posts: 112 Member
    It's been my experience that you can't change old people. This is something that's part of her personality. I'd probably just try to avoid the weight issue altogether, and redirect the conversation if she wants to go there. And if she insisted on bringing up my weight, I'd probably say it's nothing she needs to worry about, that I've got a plan.
  • IrishHarpy1
    IrishHarpy1 Posts: 399 Member
    The best way to deal with someone like that? Let their comments be your motivation -- instead of letting them get you down, set out to prove them WRONG. Remember that you are doing this for *you*, not anyone else. It's YOUR health, YOUR life. Be proud of yourself for what you accomplish... celebrate every little goal that you meet, and you'll find that you don't need anyone else's validation.

    Just my $.02. :flowerforyou:
  • Eafears
    Eafears Posts: 135 Member
    One thing I have learned is you can't change anybody else, you can only change the way you react to them. Once you start to see what they are doing that upsets you (and you already know) you find a different way to deal with it that is emotionally balanced for you. You have to have an understanding in yourself that This is so and so and This is how they are. I accept it and I choose not to let it get me down. May sound a little goofy, but it works. (I know, I have a very trying mother!)
  • RhonndaJ
    RhonndaJ Posts: 1,615 Member
    Honestly? I learned to stop worrying about what they thought of me. It's very sad when the people you love can't appreciate who you are and the successes you're having.

    On the up side, at least she accepted that you're capable of teaching her 'golden one' something.
  • MrsKoolaid15
    MrsKoolaid15 Posts: 30 Member

    On the up side, at least she accepted that you're capable of teaching her 'golden one' something.

    Thanks. I kinda thought that too. Made me smile inside when she said it.

    The worst part to me was that this combo was while we were in the hospital while I was getting tests done. She knows I have issues that I am trying to deal with. The same with my fiancé. We are trying to get him some help so he can get tested for MS. He gets really tired easily and has been diagnosed for what could be the beginning stages. But he and I HAVE to get some weight off. But my cousin and her husband are just fat and "poor them".

    I know. I probably sound like a little whiny kid. But I want some recognition damn it!!!!! ::stomps foot::

    Haha. Thanks for listening. Guess I just needed to get it out of my system.
  • Justa_Paperbag
    Justa_Paperbag Posts: 59 Member
    Are you sure we don't have the same grandma? I'm one of the only of the 7 of us grandkids who can stomach being around our grandma. We love her, but she makes comments like your grandma that are hurtful (and often intentionally). I've guilt tripped her, and let her know that her words really hurt my feelings, because I love her so much and value her opinions. That didn't work as well as I'd hoped, but it made me feel better. Lol. I know I don't have many years left with my grandma and I want to enjoy her and for her to enjoy my kids, so I look past my feelings about her and try to see her as often as I can, because she rarely gets the opportunity to see any of her other great-grandchildren (because of how crappy she makes my cousins feel, they avoid bringing their own kids around her). Can't change an old person, that's for sure. (On the flip side, I am fortunate enough to still have two living grandmothers, and my other grandma is the complete opposite - sweetest, most supportive, loving old lady you've ever met.)
  • AJ_Pete
    AJ_Pete Posts: 863 Member
    My grandmother is really judgy and critical. I have learned to tune her out. She is who she is and is super negative with everything I do, but I just have to be happy with myself and ignore her. I've had greater success in my life than anyone else in my family, but I'm chubby (from having a baby... damn things do that to ya) and I'm a failure at life.

    So, whatever... you have three options....
    1) confront her (though it probably won't do any good)
    2) distance yourself
    3) yes the bejesus out of her and ignore it

    Good luck!
  • MissFit0101
    MissFit0101 Posts: 2,382
    Smile sweetly at her and say I love you too Gramma and ignore the comments.


    This.
  • kls13la
    kls13la Posts: 380 Member
    I don't know why people want to treat old people like they are children who don't know any better. I mean, have you gotten dumber as you've gotten older? Less aware of what is appropriate to say to another person? I know I haven't. Your grandmother is intentionally being rude to you.

    My grandmother is just like yours. For years she made comments about my weight. I've always been in a healthy weight range for my height according to the charts, so in my opinion, it was unwarranted. For years I just ignored it. That changed a couple months ago. I finally said to her that she was being rude by saying things like that to me. I said to her, "I haven't seen you since Christmas, and the first thing out of your mouth is how fat I've gotten? Really?". (I live in a different city than her.). I also reminded her that she didn't look so great herself. (Like your grandmother, she's got a spare tire.)

    Some may disagree with my confronting her, but the more I thought about it, the more I couldn't understand why everyone in my family just accepts that grandma is rude. (She is a huge criticizer of everything.). She apologized.
  • MrsKoolaid15
    MrsKoolaid15 Posts: 30 Member
    Thanks guys. Unfortunately, I don't have another grandma I can talk to. The other one is a REAL ***** with a capital C if you catch my drift. And I don't even like to be around her. At least I'm not the only one going through it. Like she can be so sweet but some things about my life, she just hounds me about. (besides the weight, I have two kids out of wedlock. Oh Em gee!!) but she hates when I swear (buy will bring things up that tick me off so I do swear), and she HATES that I call my fiancé my husband. So I do that often. Hahaha. I'll just have to let it slide. It has been a while since she has done it. Yesterday was the first in a while. But now that she knows I'm trying to lose, she's gonna hound me about it every day. Grrr. Why'd I have to open my trap?!? Lol

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