Guilt!!

Katalyst77
Katalyst77 Posts: 79
in Motivation and Support
Remember that wheat thins commercial with Sandy Duncan from the 80s? watch it here if not... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-cR87NQtIA

I can remember watching that commercial as a little kid and wondering why on earth somebody would feel guilty about eating a cracker?! I thought grown-ups were so strange...

Fast forward 25 years or so...
I have been on MFP for a few weeks now and have been doing pretty well. I weigh 294 and I really felt a burning need to make some serious changes in diet and activity level. I want it to be something sustainable where I dont feel like I am depriving myself (because then I will eat to spite myself) and even if it takes me two years to get to my goal weight...so what! At least I will be doing whats best for my body... However, yesterday I had a slip up that involved getting no exercise and too many cheetos. I went to bed last night feeling like crap. i didnt even want to face my food journal so I logged using the quick calorie feature... The crappy feeling was partly from the junk food and not getting any exercise but mostly from the guilt. I finally get what Sandy Duncan meant. (Although I cant eat wheat thins without feeling guilty...) As I lay there trying to sleep I started to get this horrible feeling... it was a combination of fear and dread and overwhelming doubt. What if I can't do this? What if I will always hover around 300lbs? I have been feeling this momentum building that has been pushing me along these last few weeks...What if I lose that momentum? My dad is diabetic...what if I end up with diabetes? I cant afford diabetes--with my health OR my wallet!
Uggg! It was awful! I used to eat junk food mindlessly. I always knew better, but I wouldnt let myself think about it too much. Ignorance is bliss until you wake up and you weigh 326 lbs!
This morning I woke up and felt better. I still enjoyed a big saturday breakfast with my family and then I headed to the lake for a good swim. The more I swam the better I felt and I realised that maybe that fear that I felt last night wasnt such a bad thing...even though it felt terrible! That fear and guilt prove that I am changing (physically and mentally) and growing (mentally NOT physically). I am more mindful about what I am doing with and to my body...so I hope that fear and guilt stick around well beyond my goal weight so that I never slip back into that mindlessness again!

Replies

  • patkterry
    patkterry Posts: 50
    Keep active. I understand what your going through-because I am going through it as well. Ive been using MFP for about 6 months, down 50 lbs, I have totally changed my food intake- what im eating and how im eating it.. I still eat the same foods- Chinese, Mexican, American, Italian, Thai.. it just looks different.. actually without all the fat- it is delicious!!!! I try to get my calories from food and not my drink source- so I drink diet,water and no calorie tea. my alcohol consumption looks different too- with club soda, lime.

    I go to gym 3,4 times a week and really work it. over an hour each time. Cardio, machines etc and swimming sometimes both in 1 day.

    I hope that I can continue this path- I haven't bought a whole new wardrobe yet, just a few shirts. but I know it will be coming soon, Im nervous that I will back track and start eating bad food again. Sometimes I have a weak moment- and I eat.. and it never satisfies. I get kinda mad at myself when I do it, but it is totally a process.
    I believe that I am stronger each day that I calculate my calories, work out and enjoy life more, really.
  • raeleek
    raeleek Posts: 414 Member
    I started this account over a year ago but only really started trying to make changes a little less than two months ago.

    I've always been heavy. I was on the swim team in high school so that helped me thin down but I'm tall and have a larger frame and so I always felt heavy even though I was almost 90lbs less than now.

    I've spent so much of my life pounding weight loss and fitness things into my head that are simply not true. Obviously if they were I wouldn't be overweight. I have had to work really hard to silence my "all or none" mentality. I've quit trying so many times because of it. I can't tell you what snapped this time but something in my head just started to accept that this isn't a race to a certain weight. This is about me getting healthy and living the best I can. I can't tell you how hard it has been for me to say those words and really believe them. I also have had to teach myself that everyday does not have to be exactly perfect. Everyday is different. Life still marches on and regularly presents challenges. There are days when I don't workout as much as I think I should. There are days when I don't eat the best I can. There are days I just am burnt out and get angry that I even let myself get to this point. There are days I work my *kitten* off and feel so good and then strip down for a shower and see what's in the mirror and wonder will I ever be different. But, like I said, for some reason this time is different. This time there is a little voice in the back of my head that keeps me going. Every good choice is a step closer to good health and a healthy weight.

    I don't really know what it's like to feel thin but I'm getting in better shape everyday. I don't know that I'll ever been thin but I'm not giving up on being healthy. We are all worth it. We just need to believe that and we just have to keep making those good choices. We can do this! You can do this!
  • eviegreen
    eviegreen Posts: 123 Member
    I do think it's important to forgive yourself if you have a day slip. It's so easy to feel guilty after those days, they can propel you into self-doubt and that can sabotage your progress. If you have one day where you find yourself eating mindlessly, hop back on the wagon the next day. Guilt can be detrimental to weight loss. You're reteaching yourself to view food in a different way, and old habits don't go away quickly. Work on it, and you'll be just fine. :)

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